Chapter 23 – A Very Annoying Discovery
After playing around a bit with the girls, Dante looked at them lying down and went outside to get some air. He then covered them with the blanket and left the room. Arriving in the kitchen, he grabbed some cookies, opened the door, and sat in the chair on the house porch, looking at the moon while thinking:
"I can go to the moon, right? I'm sure I can. But what am I gonna do up there? And does a dragon even need to breathe? I don't think so. After all, if the analogy had such a big flaw, Zeref would have killed him a long time ago. But I just thought of something… since this is a world merged with God knows how many worlds, that means…"
He looked at Mars and thought:
"That movie John Carter… I know that movie takes place way before I was born, but who knows—maybe in this crazy world it happens right now? From what I remember, time on Mars and Earth flows very differently. I need to go take a look. After all, if there's a hot alien princess, I have to see it."
Dante, leaning back in the chair, continued:
"And there are also many incredible movies that take place on Earth, like Journey to the Center of the Earth or Journey 2: The Mysterious Island. If those places exist in this world, I really want to see them."
Dante then heard a noise. He looked at the door and saw Roxane in a nightgown coming out. He smiled and said:
— Looks like I'm not the only one who can't sleep.
Roxane sat beside him and said:
— Well… after almost being eaten by piranhas, I really can't sleep properly.
Dante smiled:
— You have a point.
Roxane looked at Dante and said:
— I have a question I'm not sure I should ask… — she said nervously, unsure if she should continue.
Looking at her, Dante smiled:
— You can ask. I promise I won't get mad at the question, even if it's weird.
Roxane took a deep breath and said:
— You know… when you saved me, I wasn't completely unconscious. I didn't faint. So I saw you turn your hand into a claw. What was that?
Dante, hearing this, looked at her seriously. Roxane, seeing his serious look, became nervous. Then Dante smiled and said:
— So you weren't unconscious… meaning you were taking advantage of the situation earlier just to kiss me?
Dante laughed. Hearing that, Roxane said:
— Well… I don't know what to say.
Seeing her embarrassed, Dante dropped the joke and said, looking at her:
— Are you really sure you want to know? You know… once a normal person learns about these things, they can't look at the world the same way again.
Roxane asked, curious:
— What do you mean?
Dante saw that she was cold. He took off his jacket and put it on her. Roxane held the jacket as Dante continued:
— Let me give you an example. If you don't know ghosts exist, then when you hear a noise at night in your house or outside, even if no one is out there, since you're just a normal person who doesn't know, you'll think it's a raccoon, some cat, or just the wind. But when you know… then the whole story changes. Every noise, every strange movement at night becomes scary.
Dante looked at her and asked:
— So, do you still want to know?
Roxane stayed silent after hearing Dante. Then she looked at him and said:
— Yes, I do. I'm really scared of finding out, but if I know the truth, I'll know who I need to be careful with, where I shouldn't go, and that way I can stop my kids and my family from going to such places. Different from running away now just to stay comfortable and not know anything. If something happens to my kids and it has something to do with supernatural beings, I'll never forgive myself knowing I could've done something.
Dante, hearing that, smiled and said:
— You really are a good mother. Lenny is lucky that a woman like you is the mother of his children.
Dante then said:
— Well, if you want to know, I'll tell you. First: do you have any idea about myths, like Greek, Norse, and others?
Roxane said:
— Yes, I know the basics.
Dante said:
— Then here's the news: vampires, werewolves, ghosts, and several other beings that only exist in fairy tales or horror stories are real. The only thing I'm still unsure about is whether gods exist in this world.
Roxane stayed silent listening. Looking at her, Dante sighed and thought: I held back… he didn't even tell her that maybe the cannibals from Wrong Turn, or some lunatic with a mask killing people at a lake, or another modern cannibal psycho with a chainsaw… the list is huge. Dante thought it wasn't possible and was only a suspicion if they existed in this world, but after the appearance of the giant piranha, he is certain these bastards exist here.
Roxane said after calming down:
— Thank you for telling me. I know I'm already asking too much, but what should I do?
Dante looked at her and decided to pass on the wisdom of a veteran horror-movie watcher:
— Well, I'm going to give you some rules to follow that—unless you're very unlucky and run into a giant monster—you can avoid a lot of danger.
Roxane said:
— Okay.
Dante was about to speak when she said:
— Wait.
She then took her phone from her pocket and said:
— You can continue.
Looking at her, Dante said:
— Rule number 1: never, I repeat, NEVER be curious. Many people died because of this rule. They hear a noise in a dark alley in the middle of the night and go check what's happening. Never do that. If you saw something strange or heard something strange, never go check what it is. And even if it's the voice of a child or your kids calling you, never go check. Grab your phone, text your kid to see where they are, or leave the place and call the police. But never go in there. Got it?
Roxane wrote everything down.
Dante continued:
— Rule two: never be adventurous or brave. If you see two roads and one of them looks deserted and weird, and there's some sign saying it's faster that way, don't ever take it. Never ever take shortcuts through places where almost no one goes. And another thing: never go to caves or lakeside cabins that don't get a large number of tourists.
Roxane looked at Dante seriously while continuing to write.
Dante said:
— Rule three: be smart. If you're going to move to a city, research everything about that city. Meaning: see if there's any strange story that happens there but no one talks about. Search for everything you can about the place before even thinking of living there. Oh, I almost forgot: the same applies to houses. Never buy or rent without knowing everything about that house.
Dante said:
— Rule four: never accept as a gift or buy strange objects. If you run into someone selling an expensive doll from the twentieth century or some important artifact, don't accept it, don't buy it.
Dante sighed and said:
— And finally, rule five… I really hope you never have to follow this one.
Roxane asked, curious:
— Why?
Dante said, looking at her:
— Rule five: if for some reason something goes wrong and you end up in a situation with some monster after you, then never, under any circumstances, separate. Splitting up is asking to die faster. And if by some miracle you manage to knock down the thing that was trying to kill you, don't hesitate for even a second: hit it with any weapon you have. If you hurt it and it bleeds, then it's simple: you keep hitting it until it can't move anymore. Then shoot it in the head ten, twenty, thirty times if needed. Then grab gasoline and pour it on it. Then set it on fire. And if you can, after it turns to ash, gather the ashes, put them in a jar, tie it with iron chains, and then throw it in the middle of the ocean. I advise you to do that.
Roxane looked at Dante not understanding why so much.
— One shot isn't enough?
Dante, seeing her confused face, knew immediately what she was thinking and said:
— If you were dealing with normal people. But in the situation where rule five applies, you'll be dealing with anything but normal people. You'll be dealing with supernatural beings. And as a supernatural being myself, let me give you a tip: there's one that even without a head can regenerate and grow a new one like it's nothing. That's the reason for rule five.
Roxane said:
— I'm really grateful. I don't even know how to thank you.
She then climbed onto Dante's lap with her sexy nightgown and said, looking at him:
— You saved me, saved my daughter, and now you're helping me so much. This is how I want to show my gratitude to you.
She then leaned in to kiss Dante, but he put his hand up to stop her. Roxane didn't understand why he did that and asked:
— Why don't you want to have sex with me? Do you think I'm unattractive? Too old?
Dante sighed and said:
— No, that's not it. You see, I'm holding myself back from attacking you right now. But I can't do this. I'm a pervert, Roxane. You're beautiful. I have a thing for older women. I wouldn't have any problem making you my woman.
Roxane said:
— Then why?
Dante said:
— I wouldn't have any problem if you were single. But you're not. I may be a pervert, but I'm not a scumbag. I won't ruin the image a kid has of his mother. I don't want to be the reason for your separation.
Dante then laughed and said:
— But if one day Lenny messes up and you two break up, I don't mind taking care of you.
Hearing that, Roxane smiled and said:
— Well, if that day comes, know that I'll come straight to you. So don't run away then.
Dante smiled and said:
— Never.
They then smiled.
At that moment, a roar echoed. Dante looked in the direction and saw a Minotaur. The Minotaur stopped, smelled the air, then looked at Dante and said with a deep voice:
— Thief! Return the lightning bolt!
Dante, looking at the Minotaur and hearing what it said, already knew where this thing came from. He then looked at Roxane in his arms and said:
— You know that part where I said I didn't know if gods exist?
Roxane, still staring at the Minotaur in shock, finally regained her composure and looked at Dante.
Dante smiled and said:
— Now I already know they exist. And of course it had to be those problematic guys.
Dante looked at the Minotaur and thought:
Seriously? The world of Percy Jackson? Well, it could be worse… it could be those evil gods you can't even say the name of. But I'm not the child of any god and neither is my father. Unless my mother is the daughter of a god and I'm the grandson of one… does that also make me a demigod? No, if I remember correctly, the name of someone like me, born from a human and the child of a demigod, is a legacy, right? And in the story they seem pretty mediocre. Well, that's their problem. Their life is sad but I can't do anything. Thankfully I'm just a reincarnator with cheats and have power to go up against powerful gods like Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon. I don't need to rely on those miserable divine powers weakened who knows how many times just to eat, because otherwise I'd starve. Seriously, poor legacies—some demigods' powers are already not that great, then when it reaches them the power is divided in installments… then it gets complicated.
Dante then looked at the Minotaur while saying:
— Well, I'll think about that later. I have to talk with my mother after this. I just hope my grandmother isn't Aphrodite. I really hope not.
He then looked at the Minotaur and said:
— Now listen, you stupid cow, you came at the perfect moment. I was needing a punching bag to vent my anger for refusing a beautiful woman because of my barely decent morals.