I got home that night and just sat in the car.
The engine was still running. The house lights were on. Someone inside was probably waiting for me to come in, eat dinner, and smile like everything was okay.
I didn't move.
I stared at the steering wheel like it might tell me how my life ended up here.
When was the last time anything in my life felt normal?
I can't remember the last time I laughed for real. The real kind that warms your heart.
I miss him.
I miss Ash so much it makes me feel broken. Like I built my whole balance on one person and now I'm wobbling.
I want to hug him.
I want to bury my face in his shoulder and smell him.
I want to kiss him, and tell him how much I love him.
But I can't.
I finally shut the engine off and went inside. The staff asked if I wanted dinner. I shook my head, walked straight to my room, and locked the door.
All I could see was Ash at that stupid dinner.
I dragged a hand down my face.
