"When I got to know this, I went insane. In anger, I burned my entire chamber in rage and guilt. I didn't realised that my stupid act can hurt others. My father came to save me from fire that was covering the entire chamber and slowly spreading outside the chamber. Because of lack of energy and not eating anything, I fainted. The next day, when I woke up; I was filled with guilt, heartbreak, anger. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to die."
Neisha immediately cupped his cheek with one hand and made him look at her. She shook her head, signalling him to not say such things.
He held her hand and looked in her eyes. She rested her head on his shoulder, feeling like crying.
He patted her head and continued "Bayar and Jwalana both tried to suppress the matter and after a month, everything turned to normal as if nothing happened. Bayar forgot that they had a princess and Jwalana never got to know that they had a princess too who would have became their Queen. I tried to find the reason why Irya killed herself but didn't got to know anything. Rajwardhan closed all the door that can give me information about Irya's past. I just wanted to know if she used to like someone before marrying me and may be that's why she didn't wanted to marry me but Rajwardhan didn't gave me any chance."
"I was tired but didn't wanted to stop searching for her past. But then I realised, may be I am ignoring my kingdom for my personal life. I lost my love and if I continued ignoring my kingdom, I will lose it too. For my love, I can't let my people suffer. But I made up my mind to not fall for anyone. I didn't wanted to get married again. I started working for my kingdom and tried to avoid the thought that were haunting me all the time. Rajwardhan and his kingdom took me as their enemy. Even though Bayar's people didn't know what happened, they started hating us because their king provoked them against Jwalana."
"I accepted that it was my fault to not protect Irya but I can't let my people suffer from it. Soon I got crowned and started ruling Jwalana. Even if I was showing that I am a strong king, I was weak from inside. Every night, I was having nightmares. Irya crying infront of me and cutting her wrist right infront of my eyes. I was restless all the time. And one day, I went to Ranyav kingdom for coronation. There I met Neisha."
He looked at her and smiled. She wiped her tears and sat straight, looking at him she smiled.
"Her brother was getting crowned that day. There were so many people but I was feeling lonely. The day I saw Irya for the first time, that day was appearing infront of my eyes. The decoration, the celebration, the people, everything was same. I was missing her. I was blaming myself for sending marriage proposal that killed her."
"I was standing at a corner, not wanting to talk to anyone when your grandmother approached me. She came to me and asked whether I am sad or disturbed. Of course, it was clearly seen on my face but I said no. She held my hand and started a conversation, slowly, I started feeling as if my mind and heart is calming down. I felt as if I don't have any problem in my life. I felt as if I wasn't depressed ever. She was the only one with whom I talked freely after such a long time. For the first time that day, I felt like living. I felt I am alive. I was thankful to her for making me feel like that."
"After coming back from Ranyav, I tried to continue my life without feeling guilt and depression but I failed. I started having the nightmares again and went into depression. But after few days, I got invitation from Ranyav for a small political meeting. Their new king wanted to meet me and build alliance with Jwalana. I wanted Neisha's help to overcome my depression and escape from my nightmares, so I accepted the invitation and went to Ranyav."
He looked at his wife and smiled.
"The day I reached Ranyav, I found her already waiting for me with her brother at the gate of their palace. I felt like she has started to have feelings for me but little did I know she was already in love with me. I asked her to help me and tried to give her hints that I can never marry her. But as I spent time with her and got to know that she is the only cure for me, I started liking her. But because I had already made up my mind to not fall for anyone and get married again, I tried to avoid her."
"When I came back, after few days; again I started having nightmares. My health started deteriorating and my parents were worried for me. I had told them about Neisha before, so they asked her and her brother to come to Jwalana to help me. I tried to protest but they didn't listened to me. I didn't wanted to use Neisha just because she love me."
"Neisha and Her brother came to Jwalana and stayed with us for a week. She helped me overcome my dipression and I started falling for her. But my broken heart wasn't ready to love anyone after Irya. When Neisha was leaving from Jwalana, my parents asked me to marry her and forget what happened in past. I wanted to refuse but when my father showed me the loss I have caused to my kingdom and family because of my depression, I realised that they are right."
"I had feeling for Neisha but I didn't wanted to use her. I didn't wanted to hurt her. She didn't know about my past and I didn't wanted her to feel like someone's substitute after knowing it. So I told her everything. I was expecting her to hate me, saying that I was unable to protect my wife and a selfish person who forced Irya to marry me without thinking about her feelings and later ignored my kingdom for my personal reasons because I was unable to control my feelings and emotions."