Not even a day had passed since Ami's visit to our house before Luisa rolled out a fresh list of demands and all kinds of conditions for me. Not that I was completely against it. In the end, they were all aimed at making us spend more time together. But I couldn't help but feel tired.
Meeting her from school every day, trudging under the scorching sun as if I were heading to Canaan. Even Papa's shoulders weren't much of a rescue anymore.
Summer vacation would start tomorrow, so today was the last time I had to go meet her. But that wasn't the point. Somewhere deep down, whenever I looked at the calendar, a hope flickered within me that all these upcoming days would belong to just the two of us. There were no plans or assumptions about what we would actually do—I just wanted it.
Probably for that reason, I would occasionally start to shake, as if someone had plucked a tense string that was my emotions.
After taking a few dozen steps around the room, as if mimicking the hand of a clock, I finally ran out of steam and collapsed onto the bed, burying my face in the pillow. At that moment, the world around me turned completely dark. For a brief second, I wished it would just stay that way until Luisa arrived.
I closed my eyes. My sole purpose was to wait for the right time. And the next time I opened them, something wonderful would be right in front of me. Well, I meant the pillow, obviously.
Lately, I hadn't been finding anything good about the darkness. Although I liked black just as much as any other color, right now I didn't want it.
I wondered what color Luisa liked? It was such a simple question, but as it turned out, I didn't know the answer. There were so many things I didn't know about her. And each time, there seemed to be more and more.
Instead of moving forward, I was just drifting aimlessly with the flow. Like a smooth stone worn down by the current of the river it rested in—time was rushing past me.
But now I was firmly determined to change everything. Starting small, of course. For example, finding out her favorite color. And then...
Just by compiling this whole list of questions in my head, I realized that my body was swaying slightly from left to right. Well, or maybe only the lower half of it.
An image of Luisa involuntarily surfaced in my mind. She hadn't changed all that much from the moment we first met. But if you took Euriel, for instance, he had seen her as a total child. I wondered what she was like back then? She probably didn't even remember it herself. It would be nice if I had a photo of her from those days.
Photos... Did they even exist here? I hadn't really thought about it before, but I had never seen my parents' photo albums yet.
I lifted my head and glanced over my shoulder at the shelf where a few books stood. It seemed only they were capable of capturing a moment. But no matter how much effort you put in, the image would turn out inaccurate. How detailed would a description of a person have to be for everyone who read it to see the exact same image you did? That was probably just impossible.
In any case, that was something to think about a bit later. Because my neck was starting to get stiff, I buried my face right back into the pillow.
The singing of birds played in the background, as if I had been transported somewhere into the middle of a forest. I turned my head toward the neighboring pillow, where a few strands of Luisa's hair had remained since yesterday. Not that I was purposely looking for them, of course. I just noticed them. But in truth, that ephemeral emerald light shining in the sun's rays only reminded me of nature even more.
Most likely, somewhere out there, on the other side of the town walls, there was a forest. A field. A meadow. Perhaps even mountains. I hope that when we become more independent, we'll be able to see them. But for now, I was content with this much.
I reached out to a strand of hair and carefully picked it up with my fingers. I had heard somewhere that there was a tree that didn't change its color in both summer and winter. Of course, I knew what it was called.
Luisirium.
...Right. Let's stop there.
I felt something gently pass through my hair, as if the wind were playing between the strands. My imagination immediately drifted off into the distance, carrying me now to a cliff above the sea, now into an open spring field. I wanted to square my shoulders and shout out loud. To let everything that had accumulated inside pour out. Only to make room for something new. I suppose that was what they called a vicious circle.
Wait, hold on.
I sharply turned my head to the other side, where I noticed the hand that was combing through my hair. Slender and elegant. And the blue t-shirt tightly hugging her waist quickly made me realize who it was.
"Mama? How did you get in here?"
"I've been here for a while. Did you sleep well?"
"Huh?"
What did she mean? What was she talking about? When could I have possibly fallen asleep? Could she just be teasing me?
Mama had managed to appear behind my back unnoticed more than once, as if there were clouds under her feet instead of a solid floor. And the fact that her face was completely calm didn't help me figure out whether she was joking or not.
"Is it already time to go?"
"Mm-hmm. But it wouldn't hurt for you to wash your face again."
She poked her finger into my cheek, and I felt something like a crust prick my skin. I tried to wipe it away with the back of my hand, but Mama's cheerful chuckle made it clear to me that it hadn't gotten any better.
I could have just left it as it was. For the immediate future, it would save me from unnecessary movements. But the moment Luisa saw me like this, the problem would instantly bite me in the backside.
Hmm...
"Mama, maybe you could..."
"Aren't you ashamed to use your mama's magic so shamelessly?"
Mama pouted her lips as if she were truly offended by it. Actually, I might have believed her if she hadn't used it before to wash my hands or face. But how did she even understand what I was trying to ask her for?
In any case, I was forced to go wash up on my own. Aside from having to climb onto a stool to reach the washbasin, there was nothing critical about it.
The cool water, contrasting with the air around me, brought both my mind and body into an equally calm state. In a way, it felt like meditating under a waterfall. Though if I ever actually brought myself to try something like that, I would most likely be washed right down into the basin it formed.
Afterward, I headed downstairs, where my parents were already waiting for me in the kitchen. Every time we had to go meet Luisa—which meant every day lately—we had the exact same thing for lunch. And today was no exception.
The chicken mince meatballs, covered in a sort of breading, formed a veritable Mount Roraima. At least that's how it should have been, if Father hadn't shoved several of them behind his cheeks before my arrival.
"If you keep going like that, no one is going to save you when you choke."
With his antics, Father earned a disapproving sigh from Mama as she watched him wearily.
"Is fine. I won'sh choke. Ho-ho-ho."
A certain satisfaction could be heard in the man's voice as he declared this. Or maybe he just sounded that way because of the massive amount of food in his mouth.
Paying no attention to Father's latest stunt, I climbed onto a chair and sat down at the table. Mama had made sure I wouldn't have to battle Papa for food, and several meatballs were already sitting on my plate.
Pouring a bit of tomato sauce onto the meatballs, I shifted my attention to the empty spot next to Father. Of course, it wasn't Luisa who was supposed to be sitting there. It was a little strange that Euriel was nowhere to be seen. Maybe that was why Papa was stuffing his mouth like that—afraid his rival might materialize out of thin air at any moment? I wouldn't be surprised, honestly.
Since today was the last day of school, I hadn't doubted for a single second that he was supposed to come. I don't know if Luisa herself considered this event important, but to my parents, the end of her first school year seemed like something significant. As if she were a soldier returning from the front line—the academic front line.
Well, in a sense, that wasn't too far from the truth. Over this period, far more had actually happened than in all the three years before Luisa appeared in my life.
"Yori, don't daydream. Otherwise, your meatballs will get completely soggy."
Obeying Mama's comment, I moved my gaze to my plate and discovered that my food already looked more like bean porridge.
"Oh..."
In a panic, I reached for a meatball, rescuing it as fast as I possibly could. Unfortunately, I was too late. By the time I managed to lift it, most of the breading had already sloughed off, sticking to the plate.
"Heh-heh."
Papa laughed smugly with his mouth full, causing a bit of breading to fly out onto the table. This was definitely not the most tactful behavior for a person his age.
I even held out my fork with the meatball on it, causing a few drops of sauce to splash in his direction.
"I am absolutely not going to turn out like you when I grow up."
Even though I said that, my previous action wasn't all that different from his. But we'll skip over that.
"You couldn't even if you wanted to. Ho-ho-ho."
Now his laughter carried a hint of pride. Was he actually serious right now?
Anyway, who cared what he meant by that. I turned back to my plate and discovered that having one meatball on a fork didn't fundamentally change anything. A whole mountain of food still lay before me. It gave the impression that my parents had simply grown tired of carrying me on their shoulders and had decided to roll me along like a ball instead.
Noticing my confusion, Father perked up again and began swaying, playing along to his own imaginary rhythm with his index fingers.
"Eat it all up. Oi-o. Don't leave a thing. Oi-o. The plate should shine like glass. Yo."
It sounded almost like he was trying to record some kind of hip-hop album or something. Actually, I could easily picture Papa in a snapback and a chain around his neck. There was something to that.
And then, I didn't quite understand what happened—Mama merely snapped her fingers in the air—and Papa tumbled backward off his chair with a loud crash. The moment she turned in my direction, I hastily brought my fork to my mouth to bite off a piece of meatball. I chewed so fast that I couldn't taste anything at all. I was literally swallowing whatever pieces I managed to gulp down.
"Don't stuff yourself if you aren't hungry. The food isn't going anywhere." She took the fork away from me, setting it down on the table, and then ran her thumb across my lips. "Oh, and you just washed your face, too."
.
Before I could even finish off half of my food, it turned out that there was much less time left than it had seemed.
The sun had long taken its place high above the earth, and with that, any remnants of twilight scattered as if they had never existed. I knew that birds started singing while it was still night, but how did they know when they could allow themselves to pour it out at full power?
At present, we were already almost approaching the school. It felt like the last time we had all gathered here together was when Luisa was going for her first day. Although months had passed, I clearly remembered that day as if it were yesterday.
The crimson petals of the yasciris lined the entire path to the school gates like a carpet, as if rolling out a red carpet for celebrities. The scent of the flowers, with a note of coumarin, subtly and unobtrusively entered my nostrils, filling my lungs with a sort of special coolness. And the tunnel created by the branches seemed to lead into another universe.
On this very day—just like in the ones gone by—the picture looked less poetic. The yasciris petals had long lost their bright colors, looking more like ordinary trees. But that didn't make their shadow any less saving. On the contrary, right now I needed it more than ever.
Strange. This wasn't the first time I was to wait for Luisa at the gates. But today something was wrong. It was hard for me to stand still. I found that I had unconsciously started pacing back and forth, like a sentry on duty.
What was this? Was I afraid of something? No, I don't think so.
"Nervous?"
"M?"
Naturally, I already knew whom that voice belonged to. Each time, Euriel's appearance out of nowhere was becoming more and more ordinary to me. I probably wouldn't even be surprised if at some point his head peeked out of my bag.
"You certainly didn't rush."
"But I'm not late, am I? Besides..."
Euriel nodded to the side, and only then did I notice that there were too many adults here. Their voices circled around me, as if creating a solid wall. Perhaps that was why I hadn't been paying attention to them—they all merged into one indistinguishable sound.
"No wonder I was thinking who everyone gathered around."
"Well, not just him."
I didn't need to turn around to understand whom Euriel was talking about. That scent, pushing aside all others and filling the nostrils, was impossible to mistake for anything else.
"It seems I'm managing to run into you on the street more and more often. Maybe I'll even manage to find you all by yourself," the woman stated cheerfully, laughing lightheartedly.
What was she talking about?
Not clear. Nevertheless, it was hard for me to imagine that it was something positive.
"Hello."
There were enough people next to me, but for some reason, everyone turned to me first. I was a real celebrity, wasn't I?
A joke, of course. Obviously, I was the only one Euriel could catch off guard. As for Roana... Her motives remained just as foggy to me.
"Oh, how restrained. Haven't we become friends already?"
"Friends? Since when?"
That wasn't quite what I wanted to answer her. On the other hand, no matter how carefully I picked my words, the result remained the same. I could spend hours thinking through my move, which she would beat in a single moment. It really was impossible to deal with her. A part of me definitely felt that.
Despite my not-so-friendly response, the expression on Roana's face didn't change at all. On the contrary, her smile only grew wider, as if she had calculated any possible outcome in advance, and I, of course, had already walked into her trap.
This was yet another confirmation of just how complicated a person this woman was.
"Since our very first meeting. That's what I think."
After her assertion, I realized she had left me no steps for retreat. I don't understand what the benefit was for her to be friends with a child like me? Though, likely, it wasn't the type of friendship that existed between the woman and my parents.
And yet.
She literally made the decision on her own, and now she had come just to notify me of it. I definitely didn't like that.
"Why don't you drop by our place for some tea when... Oh my, how rude."
I don't know what exactly the woman didn't manage to finish saying, but there was something threatening about it. As if her words were biting my ears. I don't know how the conversation would have continued if Mama hadn't stepped in.
"Stop teasing my daughter." Mama pulled the woman's cheeks to the sides, as if her face were made of dough.
"Now, now, stop."
When Roana placed her palms over Mama's, a picture came to my mind... Anyway.
Actually, I wanted to find out what Father and Euriel were doing. But before I could turn away, a hand rested on my shoulder. Light, as if it didn't actually exist.
The sensation of her touch was inexplicably pleasant. And the scent that came from her so closely seemed to no longer scrape inside my nose. But what really caught my attention was the expression on Roana's face. It looked like she was trying her hardest to smile while Mama continued to pull at her cheeks.
Much as I didn't want to, I couldn't hold back a smile. Various mean comparisons flashed through my head, which I never dared to voice. Right now I was even curious to know what made her—despite the awkwardness of the situation—stop me.
"S-see ya."
Huh?.. What?..
It seemed Mama was also caught off guard by the woman's words, because she let go of her cheeks, looking at her in surprise.
"Oh, how sweet of you."
As Roana touched her cheeks, rubbing them in circular motions as if trying to restore them to their previous state, I noticed red marks flaring up on her skin.
There was something strikingly beautiful about the way those reddish circles spread across her snow-white skin, looking somewhat like a ningyo. There had always been something otherworldly about her, making me doubt at times that she was even human. But right now, I couldn't take my eyes off her.
So, what exactly was she trying to tell me?
I hitched my eyebrows, as if asking her, "What?", to which the woman simply smiled her practiced smile again. I don't know what exactly had influenced my perception, but now I felt no rejection while looking at her.
"See ya," the woman repeated, and then turned to Mama. "You too, brat."
"Heh-heh."
Both her chuckle and the pose she struck looked far too childish for my mama. Had she caught that from Father?
Roana's voice sounded rather dubious in response to Mama's giggle. And although she muttered something back, her voice was too far away for me to make it out.
Did she really leave? Hmm...
Ben would probably feel awkward if he saw us all together. Despite his boasting, he was surprisingly distant from Ami in that regard. Speaking of her. I wonder if her parents came? And... did she come herself?
No, why do I even care?
Finally turning back to the spot where Papa and Euriel were supposed to be, I discovered they weren't there. Now it made more sense why Papa hadn't felt the need to intervene in our conversation with the woman. Of course, what happened between us could hardly be called a full conversation, but it was definitely something like it.
But where were they? What if, while I was distracted, Luisa had already come out a long time ago and I just didn't notice?
An emotion I was ready to describe as anxiety flooded over me as my eyes darted across the backs of people I didn't know. I had thought about Luisa for various reasons throughout the day, but never once about what she was doing—there, on the other side of the clock.
The noise around us was getting louder, and I was no longer sure whether the bell had rung or not. The adults blocked the exit from the school grounds like a wall, as if there were some kind of clearance sale ahead. Were the children just coming out, or were they already out? Even if I jumped, I would hardly be able to see anything.
I lowered my hands to my knees and squatted down, burying my face between them. It felt like I had already encountered a similar sensation before.
If we assume that new experiences made us stronger, then the fact that I was unable to handle a situation like this meant I was much weaker than I thought I was.
As if my body and mind had separated from each other at some point—I let my hand drop.
There, looking into the darkness formed by my legs, it felt like I gradually managed to pull myself together, bit by bit. The sounds were fading away, and only the faint rustle of gravel somewhere nearby reminded me of what was happening around.
"Hop. Now you're tall too."
Before I could even process it, the world instantly appeared higher to me. I was tilted backward as if I had hit a storm, and immediately grabbed onto Mama's head.
"Mam?.."
"Forgot about me already? How mean of you."
"No. I didn't..."
Much as I was ashamed to admit it, at some point I really had forgotten that Mama had been right next to me the whole time. But it was already too late to fix it.
"Let's step away. Quint and Euriel can handle it."
While I sat on Mama's shoulders, she turned away from the crowd and slowly headed off somewhere. Not that I had the right to choose the direction, of course, but it didn't feel entirely right to wander too far.
At the same time, it was a bit uncomfortable to make my own adjustments when I wasn't participating myself. Leaving the noise of the crowd behind, I rested my chin on Mama's crown and let her carry me away.
I caught myself slowly closing my eyes as Mama walked along the stone path. There was something very soothing about her movements. Or rather, lulling. Despite the fact that it was still quite hot outside, right now it felt as if the temperature up here was lower than on the ground.
I heard somewhere that people often encountered a similar phenomenon on a mountain peak. But it seemed you didn't necessarily have to climb to the top of the world to find coolness and peace.
The road we were walking on was familiar to me. Narrow streets that opened onto a wide thoroughfare, and then what felt like an endless fence, on the other side of which lay the temple.
Why did we decide to come right here? Could it be that I would visit Luisa's place for the first time? Come to think of it, why had I never gone to her place before this? Maybe because she was at our house more often?.. Sounds reasonable.
"Are we going to the temple?"
"Exactly. You'll help Luisa, won't you?"
With what? — I wanted to ask. Was Luisa planning to become a nun or something? Still, no matter what kind of help was required of me—provided it was within my power, of course—the answer was obvious.
"Of course. Leave it to me."
Was that really me answering her? But if it wasn't me, then who? Well, who cares.
"Oh my, how proudly you sound."
Even if I hadn't heard Mama laugh, I could feel it with every cell of my body. Much as I liked the sensation, there was also something about it that was starting to make my lower back ache.
It also reminded me that droplets of sweat were trickling down my skin, making my t-shirt stick unpleasantly to my back. Even my forehead felt damp.
As for Mama—nowhere on her body could I detect even a single drop of sweat. Perhaps only her shoulders and neck were warmer than the rest. Even her hair was completely dry and soft.
I wondered if this was some kind of adult trait, or if I was just too hot for this world? Well, yeah, sure.
Still resting my chin on her crown, I realized once again how simultaneously artificial and distant from anything a human could create Mama's hair felt.
A few moments later, the entrance to the temple grounds came into view. Massive, black gates that were much higher than the fence itself. It wasn't entirely clear to me what they were for.
I remember that I had already been here before. But when exactly that was and what I saw that day had vanished from my memory. Probably, from my point of view, the surrounding scenery was so boring that I hadn't deemed it worthy of attention.
Of course, knowing now that Luisa was here every day, I quickly changed my mind. Even though she wasn't next to me right now, just the realization of it made everything around play with new colors.
Somewhere off to the side, applause rang out. I wanted to look at the source of the sound, but we passed by faster than I could manage.
Anyway, knowing about the ongoing event wouldn't change anything, so I quickly let it go.
It turned out we weren't going to the temple specifically. It had been left behind a long time ago. On the other hand, it would be strange if Luisa lived in a building like that.
On the way, presumably to her house, we passed by an elderly man in a robe, as well as a younger woman in very similar attire. There were also parishioners here. Their clothes were more casual. Needless to say, I wouldn't have even paid attention to them if they hadn't been nodding and turning their heads, as if some wild little animal were perched on Mama's shoulders.
Mama herself didn't seem to mind. It seemed she liked standing out in that sort of way, as she greeted everyone with a wide smile.
There was nothing surprising about this. Luisa was bright and therefore attracted attention. Mama's appearance, on the other hand, was more restrained. But that was exactly where her appeal lay. Even if I hadn't been on her head, for some reason I was sure that the glances of those around us wouldn't have changed.
When we passed through another gate—as if the territory were divided into several parts—the majestic buildings gave way to long, narrow ones, somewhat resembling a dormitory. Then a few small houses came into view. The feeling I experienced being here was rather strange: as if another separate town existed inside the town.
I felt a little ashamed that Luisa had to travel such a path every day. If I were in her place, our meetings would have ended very quickly. Probably after just a few such treks, I wouldn't have had the strength left to even go down the stairs. Looking at the situation from this angle, I was once again convinced of just how strong Luisa actually was.
I wonder what made her move forward, despite everything? Could it be me?.. No, of course not.
The moment this crazy thought surfaced in my head, my neck instantly began to burn. It must be the sun's doing. I hope my skin doesn't get sunburned.
"Here we are. It's your first time here, isn't it?" Mama asked, setting me down on the ground.
"Looks like it," I replied, shifting from foot to foot to get the blood flowing through my stiff muscles.
The building we found ourselves in front of didn't look like any of the ones we had passed. Of course, it couldn't be called a castle or a cottage, but there was something about it that completely mismatched the surroundings. It was sort of... modern, I guess.
Though I wasn't sure what exactly made it modern, I could say one thing for certain: the house definitely suited Euriel. Like a child trying to make their own house stand out in a drawing of an identical town. Then again, both Euriel and Luisa were exactly like that.
"What am I supposed to help her with?"
In truth, I should have asked what I could even help with at all, but I decided to narrow down the list of possible answers. As presumptuous as that might sound.
"You agreed without even asking? How reckless."
There was a certain calmness in her voice, as if she weren't surprised by my foolhardiness at all.
"Well, um..."
"You'll find out from Luisa."
With those words, Mama turned away, making it clear that the matter was closed. How like her.
What could Luisa possibly need that Mama couldn't tell me about it?
I discovered that my toes had started lifting up and down on their own. Because of Mama's vague answer, the waiting didn't become any easier in the slightest. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with the remaining time before her arrival. Even though people chose a boring life of staying in one place, unexpected things still happened to them from time to time.
Soon I was brought back to reality. I saw the shadow of Mama's hand waving from side to side. The moment I followed her gaze, my legs almost gave out. There in the distance, slightly distorted by the sunlight, a person was waving back. It was Luisa. And Papa with Euriel, of course.
I wonder why just one look at her made my heart beat so fast?
As I tried to lift my hand to greet her, I realized something. Something very important. I had forgotten that this would be my first time visiting Luisa's home. Nevertheless, while that was certainly a big deal, it didn't seem to be the source of these feelings. No, something else was stuck in my throat.
Be that as it may, it was already too late to worry about such things. However, why were they moving from a different direction than us?
"Mam?"
"There's a short path here," she stated, resting her hands on her hips.
I hitched my shoulders, as if asking her, "Why did we take the long one then?"
"Weren't you curious to see?" She shrugged and turned away.
It was hard to deny: her words actually made sense. Even before stepping outside, I had been faced with the fact that I knew practically nothing about Luisa. And worst of all, everything new I managed to find out—I didn't find out from her directly. At what point had I become so passively consumptive?
I think I finally understood what that feeling stuck in my throat was—it was guilt. Just like with the sun, I was simply using its warmth without giving anything in return.
There was still a large distance between me and Luisa, but even so, the moment our eyes met, my stomach tightened. The smile I tried to force onto my face could hardly be called a happy one.
Restless with anxiety, I waited for her to walk up to me, forgetting to even blink. Only when there were just a few steps left between us did I realize that, once again, I was just waiting.
It would be irresponsible on my part to say that I would try to fix the situation and make up for lost time over the summer vacation. But...
"Yo."
"Hi."
In contrast to Luisa's light greeting, the way I nodded my head felt extremely heavy.
My already stiff shoulders tensed up even more.
She looked puzzled by my behavior as she scanned me from head to toe. I must admit, that didn't make things any easier.
"Where are the flowers then?"
"Hm? What?.."
"What do you mean 'what'? Don't tell me you don't know what flowers are."
"No, well, I know, but..."
What was I supposed to answer her? Was I really supposed to bring them to her? Is that how people usually congratulate someone on finishing school? Why didn't anyone tell me? No. Why didn't I figure it out myself?
In the end, arriving at the only decision I was capable of at that moment, I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around her.
"Oh..."
A surprised breath escaped her chest. I noticed her hands lift, as if for a split second she wanted to hug me back. But instead, she suddenly laughed.
"I was just kidding."
As the sound of her laughter rang out, I felt every single cell of my face more and more acutely. It felt as if it had been splashed with boiling water. Even my fingers began to tremble.
Considering how hot it was outside, it was honestly a wonder that I could still keep heating up.
I lowered my head and tried to pull away. But before I could take a step back, her arms locked behind my back, pressing me even closer.
"Who said I'm refusing? Payment accepted. Heh-heh."
Idiot, I wanted to snap back, but the moment her chin rested on top of my head, the words refused to come out.
Well, whatever. Since she accepted it, that was enough.
"Girls, maybe you should finally come inside?"
All these thoughts and emotions completely wiped from my mind the fact that we were actually far from alone out here. Instead of the heat I had already grown used to, I felt a cold drop of sweat trickle down my spine.
When I finally turned toward the sound, the front door was already open. Neither Papa nor Mama was anywhere to be seen. Only Euriel was sitting on the porch with a mug in his hand, watching us intently.
"Oh. Um, right."
I tried to pull away again, but it was as if I were permanently glued to Luisa. Her arms didn't unlock. On the contrary, I felt her fingers dig a little deeper into my back.
"Where to? The house isn't running away."
"But you can overheat. And you still need to pack your things."
Things? No, wait. It was too early to panic. I had misinterpreted that kind of statement more than once before.
I lifted my head to look Luisa in the face.
"You're going to live at our place, right?"
"Well..."
This time, I wasn't the one looking away. That was not at all what I wanted to see. Her eyes were darting around, as if following the example of her voice. Naturally, I couldn't help but grow anxious. So, I immediately shifted my gaze to Euriel.
No.
I brought my gaze right back to Luisa, staring at her as if silently demanding an answer.
"We're leaving... to see my grandparents. Until almost the end of summer vacation."
Even if lightning had struck me, I probably wouldn't have been so shattered. Now I couldn't manage to look at her straight either.
My hands dropped. In every sense of the word. This alone was apparently enough for Luisa to have to put on her strong front again. Because immediately after, she let go of my back, grabbing my hand instead.
"Could you have waited?"
"I could have. But Yori would have found out anyway once you started packing."
Frankly, I didn't see what was happening around us. Just as I couldn't tell if I was hearing their conversation correctly. My eyes were fixed on my feet as Luisa pulled me along into the house.
I knew this was wrong. I should have seen her off with a smile. Made it look like everything was fine. But I just didn't have enough time.
Come to think of it, being a person close to Luisa was the most remarkable trait about me. So what would be left of me after she left? Would I just dissolve like a slug in the sun?
In the end, we very quickly ended up in Luisa's room. The moment I had been replaying in my mind didn't match reality at all. It seemed dreams were meant to be chased, but never reached.
I didn't notice how much ground we had covered or what we had passed through to get here. Just like the bedroom itself, everything looked blurred, merging into one hazy smudge.
Everything. Except Luisa. I could still see her. I could hear her quiet breathing, as if she were still hugging me. As if my mind were purposely playing a preview of what I was about to be deprived of.
Where did this fear of separation from her come from?
I obviously already knew. I just couldn't find the name for it. Although it was a new sensation, it felt far too familiar.
With just one glance, it was clear that Luisa seemed to share my feelings. At least partially. Her teeth kept pressing into and then releasing her lower lip.
"Well, strip."
Come again?
Standing opposite her, I stared at Luisa, unable to even blink.
"Come on, come on."
She grabbed the hem of my t-shirt, making me nearly jump away from her.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"What do you mean? We're co-owners, remember? I'm taking your t-shirt with me."
I tried my hardest to act nonchalant. And yet, my hands instinctively flew to my chest, covering it. Not that I had anything to hide.
"What's with that suspicious look?"
"Are you trying to make me go outside naked?"
Luisa craned her neck and looked at me intently.
"Would you want to?"
My eyes met hers, and I immediately wanted to run away.
So much for "pretending to be nonchalant." And yet, it felt like a decent attempt. I think.
"Just a joke. I'll give you mine."
I didn't know if that was the best way out, but considering Luisa would take my t-shirt one way or another, this was better than nothing.
Luisa was terrifying, of course.
Although there was a lot I wanted to ask her, I decided to stick to what was right in front of me.
"And which one would that be?"
"The pink one," she replied matter-of-factly, disappearing into the closet.
"I had no doubt."
The way Luisa cheerfully swayed her hips, as if wagging a tail, completely mismatched the state I was in. I caught myself craning my neck, hoping until the very last moment that she was looking for something entirely different from what she had said. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see.
There was so much I wanted to ask her. For instance, what connected her to that district on the outskirts? How did Ami know so much about Luisa?
I needed to know. I needed clarity. No matter what the answer turned out to be.
Yet, I felt uneasy. What if I started prying, and everything just came to an end?
We had only just begun to build a solid bond. We were like two islands separated by a sea. And every piece of information, even the most insignificant, was supposed to be a grain of sand that would one day form a bridge between us. But the slightest changes in the current or gusts of wind could easily destroy it right now.
Therefore, I chose the safest path for the moment.
"So, you have grandparents?"
Come to think of it, this question didn't make much sense. Of course she had them. Although I didn't have children of my own, I distinctly remembered my birth. And neither cabbage, nor bamboo, nor a stork, or anything else was anywhere nearby. Why did they leave her alone then? Why didn't they take her in?
What if they wanted to take her away now? I didn't want to know the answer to that question.
"I do, of course. I think," her muffled voice drifted to me from the closet.
"What do you mean?"
Showing only her head from the closet, Luisa froze for a moment. Then a finger touched her lips as she looked up. Judging by this picture, I got the impression that she was changing in there rather than looking for clothes.
"Well, they're Euriel's parents. In a way, they're my grandparents, and in a way, they're not."
With those words, Luisa returned to her searching, as if trying to dig up the entrance to Narnia. It seemed "digging" was the right word. Because suddenly clothes started flying out, landing now on the floor, now on the chair.
By the way, there was something pink among all this flying wardrobe too. Did she really not notice?
But back to the other question. So, they weren't her parents' parents? Whether this was ultimately a good thing or not, I didn't know. One thing I could say for certain: Luisa's new family was getting bigger with each passing day. Even if it meant we would have to spend the summer vacation apart, for some reason, I was glad.
Not for myself, of course.
Without her, my summer vacation would be partial. Whether that was the correct use of the word, I didn't know. And what was the point of a vacation for me anyway, when I sat at home all year round.
"Oh! Here it is."
This statement alone was enough for me to feel the blood rushing through my veins, bringing excitement and tension along with it. And yet, I hadn't even managed to see what exactly she had found.
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her pull the item out of the closet deliberately slowly, as if I had ended up in some horror movie, and a monster was about to appear instead of a t-shirt.
"It's white."
"Disappointed?"
A vague laugh escaped her lips as she swung the t-shirt around like some kind of bullfighter.
"No. Not at all."
"And now, strip."
And there it was again. Why did she deem it necessary to phrase her request in exactly that manner? Today Luisa was acting about 40 percent stranger than usual.
Or was that really the case? It felt to me like we had already gone through something similar.
"Just tell me to take off my t-shirt."
"Too long."
So that was what it was about?
"Reasonable."
I decided to just agree with her. Why not.
Luisa laughed again, while looking away, as if embarrassed. Although it wasn't anything supernatural, it was very rare to see her like that when I was changing. Usually, she was nonchalant. What had changed?
All my muscles tensed up as I stood before her, clutching the hem of my t-shirt.
No, whatever Luisa might have imagined, I had no real reason. We were both girls. It was hard to count how many times we had to change next to each other or take a bath. Yes, exactly.
And yet, I turned away.
With one movement, I pulled the hem of my t-shirt up, stripping it off myself. There was no wind in the room—and there couldn't be—but something barely perceptible touched my skin the moment my top disappeared.
Now all that was left was to swap t-shirts and the deed would be done. If I wasn't mistaken, football players often did that after a match ended. Well, it looked like we had played a good game.
"Oooh."
This short reaction from Luisa instantly made me flinch. All the tension that had previously been scattered across my body suddenly gathered somewhere right under the crown of my head.
Wishing to dispel any potential misunderstanding that had formed in my mind, I resolutely turned my head. Just as I thought. Leaving my t-shirt to lie on the bed, Luisa herself was sitting in front of the closet, inspecting her clothes.
What an idiot I am, I quietly complained to myself and threw the t-shirt onto the bed, then put on Luisa's.
As expected, her t-shirt turned out to be too big for me. It practically covered my shorts, making it look as though I were wearing a dress. What struck me most of all, considering what a clothes horse Luisa was, I had by no means expected a simple white t-shirt. No ruffles, no lace, no prints—nothing.
And although it was comforting, I couldn't shake the thought that I looked as if I had tangled myself in a parachute. Was there really such a big difference between us? Then again, remembering the sweater, it was something like that.
"Oh, you've already changed? Quite cute," Luisa stated carelessly, leaning in my direction. "And where is your t-shirt?"
I gestured with my eyes toward the bed, prompting Luisa to turn her head. When she saw the mess she had created herself, her eyes widened and she scratched her cheek.
"You'll help me, won't you?"
"Maybe."
In retrospect, that was exactly what I came here for. It would be more accurate to say that I was here because of Luisa in the first place. But neither of these reasons canceled each other out, right?
But I had by no means expected Luisa to pack her things in such a manner. I wonder, every time she stayed at our place for the weekend, was Euriel the one who had to clean all this up?
I felt like I was ready for this, but sitting next to Luisa and sorting things—some into the closet, some into the bag—I realized it was quite a tedious task. It would have been much easier to just fling them inside, but something told me it was wiser to fold them. And so, rocking back and forth as I tried to fold her clothes into something resembling an envelope, I discovered my abdominal muscles. Naturally, they had always been around somewhere, but it was the first time I managed to actually feel them.
On the other side of the window, the familiar caramel color quickly began to fade, giving way to pure darkness. No matter how beautiful the resulting purplish-red color was, I felt that now was not the time to enjoy it.
I wasn't sure if we were being naive or stupid, expecting to pack everything in a single day. Perhaps a bit of both. Like a warrior who never gives up, even if they're backed into a corner.
Well, less melodramatic, obviously.
I wonder, what if I...
I decided to not even suggest the terrible thought that came to my mind, just in case she took it seriously.
Ultimately, there was no point in worrying about things you couldn't control. So I continued folding the t-shirt.
It turned out crooked.
Just a few moments later, we were sighing deeply, lying on the bed. The things Luisa would have to take with her were packed. As for the chaos she had left behind while looking for them... Well, a certain part of it was definitely folded.
The last day with Luisa.
No, that sounded too tragic. But there was definitely something to that description. The walk to her house, the news of her departure, the packing in her room—all of it felt unreal. As if all of this were happening to a failed version of me. But, unfortunately, this was reality.
"Listen..."
"M?"
"Would you... do you want to come with me?"
This sudden proposal struck me, sending goosebumps down my skin all the way to the tips of my fingers. How had she managed to find the question I had been too afraid to ask even in my own thoughts?
I remained frozen in that one position, which prompted Luisa herself to turn toward me.
"Your eyes are sparkling."
Was that true? Yes, probably. While my body felt weary, only my mind still retained the strength to keep functioning.
After that, she began rolling in my direction until she was right above me. Once again, I was convinced of just how massive the difference was between our power plants.
"So? Do you want to?"
Of course... I wanted to. I wanted to, but... no matter how much I wanted it, I couldn't say it.
How kind she was. Incredibly kind. And that was precisely why I had to take responsibility and refuse her.
Somewhere out there beyond the horizon, which I might not get another chance to see, a new family was waiting for her. And I wasn't a part of it. I had still failed to find the answer to what we ultimately were to each other.
I had spent many sleepless nights thinking about Luisa. It felt as though this was the first real chance I had been given to fully figure out who we were to one another.
And yet, I couldn't lie to her.
"I do, but... not now."
"Not now?"
So many different reasons were swirling in my mind that if I tried to combine them, it would break any interpreter's head. So what was I supposed to answer? This is your first meeting with your relatives and I don't want to get in the way? Family comes first?
All of it was simultaneously right and wrong. Everything that I both wanted and didn't want to say. In other words, it really was far too complicated.
My tongue drew circles inside my mouth as I tried to find a safe option. And yet, I found one.
"Mama and Papa will surely be upset by my sudden desire to leave. I'm just... not ready."
"I'm sure your parents won't mind."
Although her face was just a few centimeters from mine, I couldn't tell what she looked like right now. I felt her hair touching my cheek and neck, but I couldn't find the strength in myself to blow it away. Let alone look her in the eyes.
"I'm afraid you simply won't be able to handle the high maintenance of my daughter."
And right after Mama's comment, Mama's laughter followed. Why did that make it sound like I were some kind of vintage car?
No, wait. Was that really what worried me the most?
"Why are you here?"
"Dinnertime. We're staying the night here today, so..."
"I-I can handle it."
Luisa didn't wait for the end of the sentence and immediately stated her intentions firmly. Well, almost.
"Oh, really?"
"I... yes."
"In deed? Can you make her take a bath? Carry her on your shoulders if she gets tired? And at the right moment, give her a good kick in the backside if she refuses to get up?.."
Mama just kept listing my various negative traits, causing my ears to turn so red that they stopped hearing. I could swear she spoke much faster than usual when she was listing them.
But... seriously? It sounded as if I weren't a human being, but some kind of exotic pet.
"I... well..."
Light sharply hit my eyes, which meant Luisa had crawled away from me. Frankly, I even felt sorry for her. But if even half of what Mama was telling Luisa was true, I didn't want to cause that much trouble myself either.
At the very least, now I had an opportunity to fix some of my negative traits.
"Next summer, alright? For now, let your new grandparents get to know you." Mama lowered her hand onto Luisa's head, patting it.
Whether this was a promise that we had at least one more year, I didn't know. Nevertheless, I had nothing to add, and all that was left for me to do was nod.
"You'll wait for me, right?"
"Of course."
There was no room for deceit or evasion. I really would wait. Constantly think about it. Perhaps even, if I were allowed, I would wait right here in her room just to see her a tiny bit sooner.
No, right now that made no sense at all.
Hearing my answer, Luisa smiled. I think it was the first time I had ever seen those dimples on her face. And in that same instant, I felt a wave of warmth hit me around my eyes.
It hardly deserved such a dramatic reaction, yet I simply couldn't help myself.
And yet... I suppose for the majority of the time, that was all I would be doing.
Waiting.
There, beyond the calendar.