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The silence stretched.
Levi stayed sitting at the edge of the crater, legs dangling over like he was chilling by a pond instead of next to a doom hammer from Chinese mythology. Across from him, Guildmaster Genga stood rigid, arms shaking with what looked like five thousand years of accumulated stress.
Fifteen seconds passed.
Twenty.
Finally, Levi raised a finger.
"So," he said calmly. "How does me taking the hammer help you exactly?"
The dwarf's face did something impressive. It twitched, turned red, then darker, and finally erupted like a volcano that had been holding it in for way too long.
"You don't know," Genga started, voice rising, "how much trouble that FUCKING thing has caused us!"
Levi blinked once. "Ah."
Oh boy. Here we go. Trauma dump incoming.
"That hammer," Genga jabbed a finger at it like he was accusing it of war crimes, "has been ruining this guild for FIVE. THOUSAND. YEARS."
Levi tilted his head, expression still calm. "That seems excessive."
Five thousand years? My guy, that's not a curse. That's a committed relationship with terrible communication.
"EXCESSIVE?" Genga's voice cracked. "The first Guildmaster, old Gondo Ironspine, found that cursed lump of metal in some collapsed ruin. Thought it was a divine gift. A blessing from the gods!"
"He built this place around it, didn't he?"
Of course he did. Because that's what you do when you find a suspicious hammer in a cursed vault. You build your entire business model on it. Classic entrepreneur move.
"HE BUILT AN ENTIRE GUILDHALL!" Genga roared. "Called it the Sacred Foundation of Flame. Had a whole ceremony. Banners. Dwarven mead. Made his wife cry with how proud he was. You know what happened two weeks later?"
Levi raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess. It sank."
"SANK?" Genga's voice went up an octave. "BOY, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW."
He stomped forward, waving his arms like he was conducting an orchestra of chaos. "Do you know where that hammer is located right now?"
Levi looked around, glanced at the walls, then down at the crater beneath him. "Uh. Seventh floor underground?"
Genga's scream could've knocked over a building.
"NO. IT'S ON THE FUCKING FIRST FLOOR!"
Levi froze. "What."
Wait. What?
The dwarf jabbed his finger at the stone beneath them, veins bulging through the soot on his face.
"This here? This whole vault, this entire seventh floor underground dungeon you're sitting in?"
He paused for dramatic effect.
"USED TO BE THE FIRST FLOOR!"
Levi stared.
Oh. Oh no. That's so much worse than I thought.
"You're telling me the building didn't grow up. It sank down."
"YES!" Genga spun in a circle, arms flailing like he was trying to summon patience from the universe. "Every time we rebuild, the hammer just says 'nope, not low enough' and drags the whole place down like it's playing Jenga with reality!"
Levi processed that slowly.
So this isn't a building. This is a sinking ship made of stone. And these people have been living on the Titanic for five millennia. That's commitment.
"So this is basically a cursed elevator going straight to hell."
Genga pointed at him with the desperation of someone finally being understood. "EXACTLY! And every time we try to fix it, the hammer reacts! We hired twelve Grandmaster stone shapers once. And a priest. You know what happened?"
Levi raised a brow. "Earthquake?"
Please don't say they died. Please don't say—
"The priest exploded!" Genga barked, voice cracking with genuine horror. "Turned into red mist and a pile of teeth! We had to put up a 'Do Not Attempt Rituals' sign!"
There it is. Of course he exploded. Why wouldn't he explode? That's just how my life works now.
"That's unfortunate," Levi said evenly.
"We've tried EVERYTHING!" Genga continued, pacing like a caged animal. "Relocation spells? Denied. Sell the building? Buyers vanish. Seal the hammer? The runes melt. We even held a cleansing ritual last year and the floor sank another meter mid-chant!"
Reya finally spoke, voice tight. "Why didn't you tell me this, Guildmaster?"
Genga froze.
Then cleared his throat loudly. "Because you'd quit."
Reya narrowed her eyes. "You're absolutely right."
So she's been working here with zero context. That's actually kind of funny. Also deeply unethical. But mostly funny.
"I needed someone who wouldn't run," Genga muttered. "And you're good at your job."
"I manage the front desk."
"Exactly! Valuable!"
Levi rubbed his temples slowly, keeping his expression neutral. "So to recap: the hammer is sentient, cursed, possibly divine, definitely an asshole, and has completely destroyed your property value for five millennia."
"Correct!" Genga said, way too cheerfully for someone describing a nightmare.
"And you never once considered just abandoning the building?"
Genga looked personally offended. "We're dwarves! We don't abandon stone! We just build around the problem and cry into our ale!"
That tracks, actually. Very on-brand.
He straightened, eyes suddenly bright with hope.
"But now! Now we have you!"
Levi slowly turned his head toward Reya.
She gave a polite, helpless shrug.
Yeah. That's the energy. We're all just vibing through the apocalypse.
Genga stepped forward and grabbed Levi's hands with both of his soot-covered palms. His eyes shimmered with genuine desperation.
"Please," he whispered. "Take it away. I'll even pay you."
Levi took a slow breath and let it out through his nose.
Wait. He's gonna PAY me? To take a legendary weapon? That's the best deal I've heard all week.
He stood from the crater's edge with measured grace, brushing imaginary dust from his sleeves like he was about to deliver a sermon.
"Very well," Levi said, voice dropping into something rich and calm. "I will take your burden."
Behind him, Reya inhaled sharply and bowed her head. Genga made a strangled sound of joy and started digging through his belt pouch, muttering about ceremonial payment.
Levi ignored them and walked toward the center of the crater with the confidence of someone who'd rehearsed this in the mirror.
They should be selling tickets to this. I look so cool right now. This is peak main character energy.
The hammer sat there, dull and innocent-looking, like it hadn't spent five thousand years committing architectural terrorism.
Levi stepped up to it. Gave it a once-over. Dull silver-gray head. Intricate carvings like sleeping dragons. No glow. No dramatic power hum.
Alright, you smug little god nail. Time to make me look good.
He reached out with both hands, fingers wrapping firmly around the handle.
It felt solid. Warm. Perfectly balanced.
Oh hell yeah. This is it. Legendary weapon moment. About to look so badass.
He pulled.
The hammer didn't budge.
Not even a little.
Levi's eye twitched.
Okay. Maybe I didn't pull hard enough.
He pulled harder.
Still nothing.
What the—
A vein appeared on his temple. His fingers tightened. His jaw locked. His feet braced against the stone.
From across the room, Genga leaned forward. Reya had frozen mid-bow.
Levi hauled with everything he had, muscles straining, face carefully neutral.
The hammer remained completely, utterly, insultingly immobile.
Silence crashed over the room.
Levi straightened slowly, arms dropping to his sides. His face stayed perfectly blank.
You have GOT to be kidding me. I just gave a whole speech. I looked so cool. And now I can't even lift the thing. This is the worst plot twist in history.
"System?" he said quietly, barely moving his lips.
No response.
His eyelid twitched.
"SYSTEM!" he snapped internally, keeping his face composed. "Get over here RIGHT NOW."
There was a pause. Just long enough to be deliberately antagonistic. Then the familiar chime.
SYSTEM:
Hello, Host. How may I assist you with this incredibly straightforward situation?
You KNEW I couldn't lift it.
SYSTEM:
Obviously.
Then WHY didn't you TELL me?
SYSTEM:
Because watching you embarrass yourself was way funnier. 10/10, no notes. Would recommend.
I'm going to find your server and pour coffee on it.
SYSTEM:
With what upper body strength? You can't even lift a hammer, bestie.
Don't call me bestie.
SYSTEM:
Would you prefer 'champ'? 'Sport'? 'Guy Who Just Failed In Front Of An Audience'?
Levi's jaw tightened but his expression stayed serene.
I hate you with every fiber of my being.
SYSTEM:
Noted. Added to the list. We're at like, 847 entries now. New record.
Levi's voice came out quiet, steady. Almost conversational. "System. You said this weapon matches me."
SYSTEM:
Yes. It does.
"Then why," Levi said through gritted teeth, his face still perfectly composed, "can't I lift it?"
SYSTEM:
Ah. Because you lack the ability to lift it.
Levi stared at the embedded hammer.
Then back at the air.
"Are you fucking kidding me—"