My save point updated and I appeared at Birma's house, just as Otto was preparing the carriage to return to the mansion: that is, a few hours before my last death.
"Shit. You could have sent me back a little further, Satella."
From this point on, I couldn't fix Rem's situation or the revolver, which certainly would have been a great help in this fight. What options did I have? If the Doppelganger was that strong, there was no point in bringing reinforcements; nor in running, because he would follow me wherever I went and it would just be more of the same.
Staying here wasn't an option. If I left Elsa and Meili alone, they would undoubtedly tire of waiting for me and end up killing everyone in the mansion. That left me with only one tactic.
Persistence. When you have infinite attempts, like in video games, difficult enemies are like bosses you have to study and learn to defeat. Besides, in the previous loop, I couldn't properly confront the Doppelganger. If I used my unleashed authority, I'd have a chance.
"Come on, there's no way I can't beat a cheap fucking knockoff."
Nah, he's the upgrade.
So, I repeated the entire journey to the mansion exactly. Upon arrival, I went straight to the dining room.
This time, I made sure to avoid Elsa's backstabbing during the negotiations.
"Do you want proof of my abilities? Then stay here and enjoy the show."
I hurried out of the building and waited for the Doppelganger in the garden. In a matter of seconds, the space in front of me tore open, revealing the swordsman.
Even before his body had finished emerging from the crack, I was ready to fight. The miasma was so intense that my mind became chaotic: a chorus of furious and terrifying voices shrieked in my head, urging me to destroy everything.
Somehow I kept those impulses under control. I couldn't repeat what I did at the Sanctuary.
If anyone had to be destroyed, it was the enemy in front of me.
"Let's see if you're so strong now."
I extended my hand and focused all the energy of the Authority of Sloth around the Doppelganger. With a gesture, I directed all that energy toward him to crush him without mercy.
The pressure was so great that the air ruptured, generating a shockwave that rumbled like thunder. The resulting impact shattered the mansion's windows and destroyed all the vegetation in the garden. It was a concentrated attack, unleashing all the power I could muster, at the cost of my health.
But then...
"How is this possible!?"
It was illogical. No one should survive that attack, except for the most powerful characters or those with some kind of immunity.
Yet, I was seeing it.
The swordsman remained standing, completely unharmed despite the destruction surrounding him. It seemed my attack had ignored him and only damaged what was immediately around him.
"Damned monster..."
Suddenly, he came toward me. His movements weren't slow, but they also lacked the overwhelming speed he'd displayed when he killed Elsa and Frederica. Even so, I had to react incredibly fast to block him with my authority. Then something else unthinkable happened.
The Doppelganger's sword passed through my barrier as if it weren't there. To put it more simply: it didn't break through my defense like Garfiel did, it completely ignored it.
"AAAARRRGH!"
My arm was torn from my body and fell to the ground. Not content with that, the swordsman swung his sword a second time, and I was powerless to stop him, losing my other arm in the process.
"This son of a bitch is undermining my authority or something..."
Besides the immense pain of being dismembered, I had a strange feeling at my door, as if something were interfering with the use of my sloth factor. That would explain the anomaly just now.
When I realized that, I began to despair. Without my authority, without the revolver, and now without my arms, the odds of winning in this scenario were zero. My strategy failed.
Two more cuts left me without legs. Now I was just a useless torso. The swordsman placed his foot on my chest, and I remembered Lye Batenkaitos's death. He had been just as powerless as I was now.
"I swear I'm going to..."
His sword cut off my head before I could finish speaking.
Another loop to the trash.
"FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!"
Even the reset didn't take away the savage rage I felt. I wanted to kill that Doppelganger; I had to, or I'd never sleep peacefully again.
I returned to the mansion and this time used every weapon at my disposal. I tried to surprise the swordsman with the crossbow, but it didn't work: he always dodged the shots. Then I tried close combat with my daggers, but I was quickly disarmed.
I had the idea to use magic and stop him with El Shamak long enough for Elsa and Frederica to finish him off... Unfortunately, that's how I discovered that his sword was powered by Yin magic.
I was beheaded, dismembered, stabbed, and countless other things. The worst part was that when my body weakened and an opening appeared, the swordsman didn't take advantage of it, but waited until I recovered to resume the fight.
It was humiliating to lose against someone who was bored of beating you and expected you to put up more of a fight.
"You're a dirty cock-sucker, you know that?"
I was on the ground again, kneeling on one knee. My daggers had flown from my hands, and the Doppelganger waited patiently for me to get up and pick them up.
"Fuck you." I spat at the ground. "I don't feel like playing your game. If you're going to kill me anyway, just do it now."
As if my lack of spirit bothered him, the swordsman cut off my fingers, taking his time to make me suffer. However, I didn't utter a single cry of pain. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction, if my doppelganger could even feel anything.
Fortunately or unfortunately, my slow execution was interrupted by the unexpected appearance of Petra.
"STOP! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"
She shielded me with her body and bared her teeth at the swordsman, as fierce and menacing as a twelve-year-old girl could be. I would have felt gratitude if I had retained any feeling at that moment.
"It's okay, Petra... there's nothing to be done... Thank you for protecting me." I said with the most genuine smile I could muster.
"NO! HOW CAN YOU BE OKAY?! YOU'RE DYING!"
Petra was hysterical and hugged me very tightly, as if she wanted to contain my soul inside my body to keep me alive.
"I don't want you to die, Leandro!"
It was so painful to see her suffer so much because of me. If I were stronger, this wouldn't have happened.
"I'm sorry, but you have to trust me." I whispered as she clung to me, crying uncontrollably. "Everything will be alright."
My senses began to fade. Darkness gradually enveloped me. Before I left, I heard one last reproach from Petra.
"Liar...!"
Yes, all the women say I lie to them. Wow, that would have made me laugh at another time.
***
I tried it many times, too many times. No matter how or where I did it, the result was always the same.
The problem wasn't the difference in skills, because while he was much better than me, that would cease to matter the moment I learned every one of his moves.
His advantage lay in the physical difference. My body in this timeline had very little time to start using magic: that's why my brain struggled with the excess of magical power; that's why I didn't have the speed or strength to compete with him.
I needed to find a way to compensate for that physical difference, but there was a problem.
"Ugh." I collapsed into a chair and rested my head on the table. "I can't take it anymore."
Too many failures, too many relentless deaths. Part of me believed I wouldn't be able to win, that continuing to try would be pointless. In reality, they were just excuses to stop trying. My whole life was based on that.
After forcing myself to act for the good of others time and time again, I had finally reached my limit.
"What did they do to make me sacrifice so much for their sake? With all I'm suffering, I deserve more than they could ever give me."
Well, a harem would make up for it... Nah, who am I kidding? Just getting laid would make it all worthwhile. Damn, I'm way too fickle to be the protagonist of a dramatic story.
Back to my misery: I felt empty, lonely, and lacking any motivation to go on. At this rate, I might just stay in the Sanctuary doing nothing and let everything go to hell.
"I can't waste a loop like that, but I also know I'm going to die again against that guy... What's the point of going and getting myself killed again?"
However, Petra and Frederica would definitely die if I didn't show up at the mansion. Furthermore, there was no guarantee that the swordsman wouldn't attack me while I was at the Sanctuary. Considering it was an alternate version of me, he probably knew how to get here.
In short, there was no other way out. I would have to keep fighting and dying.
"How fun life is in this fantasy world."
Tappei, I admire you a lot, but do me a favor and shove a wire stick up your ass, you fucking sadistic piece of shit.
Suddenly the front door opened. I guessed Otto had gotten tired of waiting for me and was coming to ask what was taking me so long.
But it wasn't Otto.
"What are you doing here?" I murmured.
Rem closed the door gently and approached, standing beside me.
"I've been watching you this whole time. Something's got you worried, isn't it?"
"Yes." I didn't try to hide it.
"Do you want to talk about it? I'm sure it will help you find a solution."
I forced a giggle.
"I don't think so. I've thought this through a thousand times."
"It's strange that you say that. You always solve everything."
I sighed. She was too naive, or I was too deceitful.
"I'm afraid that this time it won't be like that."
Rem was silent for a moment and then said something that made my blood boil.
"You're a hero." She declared it with a beautiful smile and eyes full of admiration. "You shouldn't think that way. For your own good and the good of others, you have to win."
"... What?"
I stood up abruptly. She looked at me, surprised by my reaction.
"I said you are-"
"I know what you said! But you're fucking wrong if you think that! Do you think saving everyone's ass is my responsibility!?"
"Leandro...?"
Rem had to back away when I yelled in his face.
"I am not omnipotent! I cannot do everything, know everything, or be everywhere! I am a human being! I make a lot of mistakes and lose more battles than I win!"
She placed her hand on my chest, trying to calm me down.
"Why do you say those things? You're always one step ahead of everyone. You're strong, intelligent, and kind. Just being around you fills me with happiness."
Her flattering words only fueled my anger.
"Stop idealizing me! I'm nothing like that! I'm a fraud, a loser! Get it through your thick skull!"
"That's not true. The Leandro I know is many things, but never a loser."
"The one you know... Yes, you're right."
My patience had run out. I could no longer bear the frustration of not being able to meet Rem's expectations, the others' expectations, or even my own. It was time to accept the truth.
"Since you're so sure you know me well, I'd better tell you everything you don't know about me."
I would tell Rem everything, regardless of the consequences. Why should I care, if I was going to die anyway?
"Let's start from the beginning. I wasn't born in this world. Actually, I come from a place beyond the great waterfall."
"Huh?"
"Besides, the whole story I told you is a lie. I was never persecuted by the witch's cult, and I'm not a tragic survivor. My relatives are alive, my friends are alive..."
Rem's face gradually transformed, going from simple affectionate concern to the horror of someone suffering a great disappointment.
"My life consisted of going from home to work and from work to home. In my free time, I spent my time fantasizing about adventures that would never come true. Oh, and I also masturbated a lot."
I was finally letting go, showing my pathetic true self. It felt so good, like a weight I'd been carrying for so long had been lifted.
"And if you're wondering how I know so much about this world, the answer is very simple." I paused for a moment of suspense. "Because everything that happens here is written in a series of books in my world."
"Stop... I can't..."
"Do you understand now? You shouldn't speak as if you know the truth if you don't know the whole truth. But wait, I haven't told you the best part yet."
I pointed to myself with an eloquent gesture.
"In those books, there was another protagonist... Someone much better than me, by the way. When I came to this world, I discovered that I had somehow replaced him. So, I decided to take his place. You know what that means? That I'm a damn imposter."
Rem couldn't look me in the eyes. Her whole body was trembling and her breathing was ragged.
"Now, I dare you to look me in the eye and say again that I'm a hero. Of course you won't. You must hate me, despise me. Only then can I surrender without remorse."
Gradually, Rem raised her head and looked at me. Her eyes were filled with tears, and her mouth moved as if she wanted to say something but didn't have the strength to do so.
"That's it. Give me your best shot. Finish me off."
Smiling, I waited for it to erupt. It would hurt, but it would be a necessary pain. When it was all over, I would feel better.
The last thing I expected was for Rem to jump on me and wrap a hug around my back.
"I love you!"
My mind stopped working for a moment.
"What did you say?"
"I said I love you!"
She repeated that statement in a tearful voice. My heart trembled and I felt a lump in my throat.
"Why!?"
"Because I don't care about your past, who you are, or where you come from! That doesn't change what you've done here! Since I met you, my life has meaning again! You saved me!"
"It was a whim! I didn't do it out of any damn empathy! Can't you understand that?!"
Rem remained silent for several seconds, but her grip did not loosen one bit.
"No, now I understand. You're right about something."
This time he did look me in the eyes.
"You're no hero." She said, though she was smiling for some reason. "You're selfish, a liar, and a pervert. You have so many flaws. I should never have put you on a pedestal."
"Exactly..."
"Because you are as vulnerable as anyone... like me."
She had an expression of accomplishment.
"Yes." I nodded. "I'm no better than you, or anyone else."
Rem started crying again, but now her expression seemed to be one of happiness.
"Leandro... This is what you wanted to explain to me, right? Nobody's perfect, everyone makes mistakes, everyone has shortcomings, just like me."
"That's how it is."
"Well, in that case..."
Rem put her arms around my neck and stood on her tiptoes to get down to my level. I didn't need to guess her intention, because I was thinking the same thing.
She whispered one last thing before her lips were silenced by mine.
"Let's learn to be better... together."