The world felt unreal. Soft around the edges. Like a dream trying not to wake up.
Joon-Won was just standing there, eyes wide, voice still echoing in Tae's head.
'I'm already halfway there.'
Tae's heart was hammering. He felt it in his mouth, his throat, his fingertips. He couldn't move at first. Couldn't even think. His breath came short, shallow.
He wanted to scream. Wanted to sob. Wanted to believe.
But all that came out was a whisper.
"…You think you're in love with me?"
Joon didn't move. Just nodded once. Barely.
Tae's voice cracked. "You're not just saying that because you feel guilty?"
"No."
"You're not confused?"
"No."
"You're not gonna wake up one morning and go back to her and forget I even—?"
"No, Tae."
Tae took one step forward.
Still trembling.
Still unsure.
"…You're serious."
Joon swallowed hard. "Yeah."
Another step.
"You're in love with me," Tae said, quieter now, as if repeating it made it real.
Joon looked him straight in the eye. "I think I've been in love with you for a while now. I just didn't know it."
Something inside Tae snapped. Broke open. Cracked wide.
And he didn't think.
He moved.
Rushed forward so fast that their chests collided, and then his hands were in Joon's hair, grabbing the collar of his coat, yanking him down.
The kiss wasn't gentle.
It was violent with emotion, with grief, with need. Like he'd die if he didn't feel him right now.
Their teeth clashed. Joon staggered back a step, pulling Tae with him, arms gripping his waist tightly to keep them both from falling.
Tae's hands were trembling, curling in Joon's coat. He kissed him like he was angry. Like he was mourning him in advance. Like he needed to devour every second in case it was the last.
"You asshole," Tae whispered into his mouth, lips swollen, breath shaking. "You stupid, selfish, lying—"
"I know," Joon said quietly, kissing him again.
"I hate you—"
"I know."
"I fucking hate you—"
"I know, baby."
Tae sobbed into the next kiss, rough and breathless.
"Ugh! Fuck!"
His legs were shaking. His entire body was trembling, and still, he didn't stop. Didn't pull away. His lips stayed on Joon's like oxygen, his hands clawing into the hoodie, then the sides of his face, nails dragging through hair like he didn't know where to put the desperation.
"You shouldn't feel this way—" Tae's voice cracked, "You shouldn't love me—"
"I know."
"It's not supposed to be like this—"
"I know."
Tae broke again, kissing him harder, messier, almost falling into him.
Joon caught him with both arms, locking him in, grounding him.
"I can't lose you," Tae whispered, voice soaked in tears. "I can't."
"You're not going to."
Tae was crying openly now, hot tears streaking down his cheeks, falling between their mouths. His breathing was ragged and frantic, every sob muffled into Joon's lips, his throat.
"You fucked everything up," Tae sobbed. "I fucked everything up."
"I know."
Tae gripped the back of his neck like he was drowning. "And I still want you."
Joon didn't say anything.
He just kissed him again slower this time, deeper, like sealing a promise inside the pain.
The early morning light was soft and blue, bleeding through the cracks between buildings. A car passed in the distance. A bus yawned somewhere blocks away. But here in this frozen second, it was just them.
Tae-Hyun crying into the mouth of the man he swore he couldn't love.
Joon-Won holding him like he always had.
Like he always would.
And neither of them let go for a while just sitting in silence in each other's arms.
Tae stayed where he was, clinging to Joon's chest like the world would end if he let go.
His voice was a breath, barely audible through the fabric of Joon's hoodie.
"…She's going to ruin you."
Joon stilled, his arms instinctively tightening around him.
"What?"
Tae didn't lift his head. He just pressed his face deeper into the warmth of Joon's chest, like it could block the thoughts from forming, like it could keep the panic from boiling over.
"Your wife," he whispered. "Ha-eun. She's not gonna let you go. Not without a fight."
Silence.
Tae gripped a fistful of the hoodie at Joon's side, knuckles white. His voice was trembling now, thin and fraying.
"If you try to leave her—really leave—she's not gonna take it quietly. You know that, right?"
Joon didn't respond at first. He didn't move. The wind passed low between the buildings. A distant honk echoed, hollow and far. But here, in the quiet between heartbeats, Joon finally said,
"…I know."
Tae let out a shaky breath. The kind that held back everything else.
"She'll lose it. She'll go for your job, your name, your family. She'll go after your son. She'll tell them all the worst versions of you. She'll take everything. And the worst part is—" He swallowed, his throat catching, "I think she's the kind of person who'd rather burn the house down than let someone else live in it."
Another silence stretched between them.
Tae kept going, his voice raw now. "She'll ruin your life, Joon. And maybe I can't stop her. But the thing that scares me most—" He choked, gripping him harder, "—is that I might've helped her do it."
Joon pulled back slightly, trying to see his face.
But Tae didn't let him.
"Don't," he said quickly, breath hitching. "Don't look at me."
Joon touched his cheek gently anyway, thumbing a tear before it could fall.
"You didn't do anything wrong."
Tae let out a bitter laugh, no humor in it. "I kissed a married man. I kept kissing him. I slept with him. I watched him lie to his wife just to be with me. I fell for him. That's not exactly clean."
"It's not," Joon admitted quietly. "But none of this ever was."
Tae looked up now, finally meeting his eyes.
And he hated how calm Joon looked. How sure.
"You don't get it. She's not going to forgive you for this. She'll drag you down just to spite you. And you're just standing here like you can fix it—like you know how it ends."
"I don't know how it ends," Joon said gently. "But I know I can't keep living a lie."
"And what if you lose everything?"
"Then I'll rebuild."
Tae stared at him. The wind picked up slightly, brushing their coats, rattling some paper across the sidewalk. Joon's hand was still cupping his cheek, warm and grounding.
"You're not scared?" Tae whispered.
"I am."
"Then why are you still here?"
"Because you're still here."
Tae's chest collapsed around that. His knees almost gave. He looked away, blinking hard.
"You always do this," he said hoarsely. "You say things like that and act like it's not dangerous. Like it doesn't change things."
Joon stepped closer. "Maybe I want to change things."
Tae looked back at him, eyes glassy, voice quiet and crumbling. "She won't let you go."
"She doesn't get to decide anymore."
Tae shook his head, hands fisting in Joon's hoodie. "You're not listening to me—"
"I am."
"Then why aren't you more scared?!"
"Because loving you terrifies me more."
That did it.
Tae broke.
He covered his face with both hands and let the sob tear through him. Joon caught him before he could collapse, arms around him tight, hands soothing through his hair, down his back, anchoring him.
"Hey… hey. Breathe. It's okay. I've got you."
Tae buried his face in Joon's shoulder again, breathing in shaky gasps, unable to stop.
"I can't lose you," he sobbed.
"You're not going to."
"She's going to take you away from me."
"No. She's not."
"She'll ruin everything."
"I don't care."
"You'll hate me."
"I could never."
Tae gripped his neck, shaking all over.
Joon kissed his forehead again, then the corner of his eye, then lower until his lips ghosted over Tae's jaw, his cheeks, everywhere his tears had been.
"You shouldn't feel this way," Tae whispered. "You shouldn't love me."
"I know."
"It's wrong."
"I know."
"I'm scared."
"I know, baby. I know."
And then Tae exhaled, just barely, and the words fell out like a secret escaping before he could stop it.
"I love you."
Joon froze.
His breath hitched. His body tensed. Not out of rejection, not shock.. just something deeper. Like the floor shifted beneath them.
Tae didn't notice right away. He was still pressed into him, voice faint now. Barely holding together.
"I love you," he whispered again. "I've been trying not to. I tried so fucking hard not to—"
Joon still didn't speak.
Tae lifted his head finally, just enough to see Joon's face.. open, stunned, still processing.
"No—don't," Tae said quickly, panicked now. "Don't say anything."
"Tae—"
"Don't. Please. Not yet."
And he surged forward again.
His mouth found Joon's in a kiss that was all desperation and panic and hunger. He kissed him like the words were too heavy to hold, like he couldn't risk hearing what might come next. Not yet. Not now.
Joon let him. Kissed him back. Slower, deeper, trying to calm him, soothe him, hold him together.
Tae didn't stop. He kept going, trembling hands in his hair, down his back, up again like he didn't know where to put the storm inside him.
Their foreheads pressed together between breaths.
"I don't want to hear you say it yet," Tae whispered, eyes shut, voice barely holding. "I'm not ready. Just… kiss me, please. Just stay here. Just—don't let go."
"I won't," Joon said, finally finding his voice. "I won't, Tae."
———
He didn't know how long they sat there. Just that the world felt quieter now.
The street still breathed around them, neon signs buzzing, occasional car lights flickering past but it all felt far away, muffled by the way Joon-Won's palm was still resting on his back, moving slowly up and down like he was calming a spooked animal.
Tae didn't look at him. He couldn't.
His eyes were puffy, his face probably red and blotchy. His heart was still beating like it hadn't decided yet whether to collapse or keep going.
They'd sunk to the curb right beside the car, knees drawn up, sitting too close but not touching anymore. Tae was cold, but he wasn't sure if it was the wind or the crash after all that fire.
Joon hadn't spoken since.
Tae had said it. Out loud.
The three words. The ones that'd clawed at his throat for weeks. The ones he'd meant to keep buried.
He'd kissed them out, tried to hide them under a flood of tears and lips and panic, but he knew Joon heard them.
And now they were just… sitting here. In the aftermath. In that awful silence where things settle.
Tae hugged his knees tighter.
Joon finally moved. He shifted beside him and reached out gently, brushing his fingers under Tae's chin, tilting his face toward him. His thumb brushed under his eye soft and slow, wiping away a tear that hadn't even fallen yet.
Tae stared at him, wide-eyed, lips parted.
"Tae…" Joon began.
Tae's eyes shot open.
"No. No, don't."
Joon blinked. "Don't what—?"
Tae slapped his own hands over Joon's mouth. "Don't say anything!"
Joon's eyes widened beneath Tae's palms. His breath puffed against his skin, hot and surprised.
"I swear to god—" Tae was flushed to the roots of his ears now, voice breaking, "if you say something I'll— I'll scream."
Joon raised both brows behind his hands.
"I didn't mean it," Tae mumbled, staring off to the side. "Okay? I was just— it was emotional. People say things."
Joon tried to lower Tae's hands.
Tae screamed again.
"Don't speak!"
Joon chuckled against his palms, a low rumble in his chest before trying again.
Tae leaned closer, covering his mouth tighter with wide eyes.
"I will actually die," he hissed. "Like right here. On this pavement."
Joon's eyes were practically smiling now.
Tae was too flushed to care.
"Stop looking at me like that, oh my god."
Joon's fingers crept up, warm against Tae's wrist, and he tried to speak again — voice muffled behind Tae's stubborn grip.
Tae leaned in more. "I said shut up—"
And then he felt it.
Joon's tongue. Dragging slow and warm against his palm.
Tae yelped and yanked his hands away in shock, stumbling back slightly. "What the fuck—?!"
Joon was grinning now.
Smirking, actually.
And then he said it.
"I love you too."
Tae froze.
Stared at him.
Heart stuttering. Mouth open. Brain blue screened.
"What," Tae said, voice cracking like a teenager.
Joon leaned in slightly. "You heard me."
"No, no I didn't—no you didn't just say that—"
"I did."
Tae made a choked noise and lunged forward, hands flying again to slap over his mouth. "Take it back!"
Joon laughed.. actually laughed, breathless and warm and let Tae half-tackle him, letting his weight fall slightly back onto his palms as Tae tried, with all the dignity of a flustered wreck, to silence him again.
"No, shut up," Tae hissed, his entire face glowing red. "You're not allowed to just say it like that—"
"Like what?"
"Like—like you mean it—!"
"I do mean it."
Tae practically exploded.
"Stop talking!!"
But he was smiling now, even as he cried again, lips trembling, fingers still shaking, body warm from embarrassment and relief all at once.
And Joon was smiling too, even as he let Tae shove him and slap his mouth and shake his shoulders in utter disbelief.
In the middle of the city, on a sidewalk before sunrise, surrounded by the wreckage of fear and honesty, Joon laughed breathlessly into Tae's shaking hands.
"Nope. No. I didn't say it. That wasn't real."
Tae shook his head violently, backing away again. His hands were still slightly damp from crying and gripping and slapping Joon's stupid smug mouth.
Joon just stared at him, maddeningly patient, like a man watching his favorite movie unfold for the fifth time.
"You did," he said softly. "You said you lo—"
"Don't!" Tae nearly shouted, pointing at him like he held a loaded weapon. "Don't finish that sentence or I'll scream. Again. I'll actually scream this time loud enough for the neighbors to call someone—"
Joon took a tiny step forward.
Tae took two back. "No. No. I didn't mean it. This is just hormones. Sleep deprivation. Whatever. It was a slip—"
"Your mouth slipped," Joon repeated, brow arching in mock sincerity.
"Yes."
"And landed on mine."
"It did!"
"And in the middle of it you accidentally cried and said you love me."
"EXACTLY."
Joon grinned, folding his arms. "Say it again."
Tae's face contorted.
And then suddenly he screeched. A genuine, pained, strangled noise as if the sentence had physically hit him.
"JOON—!"
The man cackled.
Tae lunged again, hands flying, but this time Joon was faster. He grabbed his wrists and spun him around, manhandling him like luggage.
"Put me down!"
But Joon had already hoisted him off the ground, one arm looped around his waist, the other steadying him like a duffel bag thrown over his shoulder.
Tae kicked his legs wildly, flailing. "You are NOT serious right now—"
"You love me~" Joon sing-songed as he started jogging down the sidewalk, Tae hanging off him like a sack of disbelief and shame.
"JOON-WON!!" Tae shrieked. "I will pee on you I swear—!!"
"You can't pee and scream at the same time."
"Wanna bet?!"
Joon laughed, loud and boyish. He adjusted his grip and picked up the pace, his footsteps bouncing slightly.
"You said you love me~"
"Shut up!!"
"You cried when you said it too. Like a little romantic loser~"
"OH MY GOD."
"You were like—" Joon deepened his voice in parody, "'Joon… I love you… kiss me or I'll burst—'"
Tae slapped his back repeatedly, fully red in the face. "I hate you."
"I love you too."
Tae let out a dying noise, going limp over his shoulder. "I'm going to ascend. I'm going to leave this mortal realm. There's no saving me now."
"Too late. You've already been claimed."
"By a psychopath—"
"By your psychopath."
Joon finally slowed to a stop near the edge of the block, letting Tae down onto the curb again, this time gently but Tae refused to look at him. His face was on fire. His shirt was probably rumpled. His hair was everywhere. He was 90% emotion, 10% malfunctioning organ systems.
He covered his face with both hands and whimpered.
"I swear to god… if you ever mention this again…"
"Say it again," Joon said.
Tae slapped his chest, a weak, tired little thud.
"I'm going to kill you."
"Say it."
"No."
"I'll carry you another block."
"I will bite you."
Joon laughed again, softer this time and pulled him close, arms wrapping around his smaller frame. Tae stiffened at first, but then let himself sag into it, exhausted and raw. Joon's lips brushed against his hair.
"You don't have to say it again," he murmured. "I already know."
Tae stayed quiet for a long moment, his breath stuttering against Joon's chest.
But then quietly, under his breath:
"…asshole."
Joon smiled.
"Yours."
"Asshole!!" Tae shouted over his shoulder, stomping down the sidewalk.
Joon only laughed from behind him, amused and relentless, the echo of it bouncing down the empty street like it belonged to someone lighter, younger, freer.
"You love me!" Joon called again, smug as ever.
"I hope your knee gives out halfway back!" Tae hissed. "I hope you stub your toe and your eye twitches forever—!"
He nearly slipped on the curb getting back to the car but refused to look embarrassed. He yanked the door open, climbed in like he hated the seat, and slammed it shut before curling into it, red-faced and flustered.
By the time Joon slid in on the driver's side, Tae was a full statue, arms crossed, head turned toward the window, eyes half-lidded but clearly not asleep.
Joon glanced at him. Smiled.
Started the car.
Silence.
A warm, strangely easy silence.
Tae wasn't angry anymore.. just… overwhelmed. Still puffy. Still flushed. Still mentally listing every cuss word he hadn't yet said. But even as his fingers twitched in his lap, there was a soft weight in his chest now, something that had been panic before, but felt closer to a heartbeat now. Heavy, slow, but no longer terrified.
Joon glanced sideways again and said, with a casualness that made Tae jolt,
"We're not going home today."
Tae turned to look at him. "What?"
Joon's lips quirked. "We're going to eat. There's this place I used to go to in college. Real burgers. Greasy as hell. You might like it."
"…Why are you smiling like that," Tae mumbled, eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"Because I just got told 'I love you' by the person who spent the past hour running away from me like a feral alley cat."
"Shut the fuck up, Joon-won."
Another laugh. Tae's eyes darted away.
They drove in silence again. This time warmer.
When they finally reached the small corner diner tucked between two buildings that looked like they hadn't been touched since 2003, Tae raised an eyebrow.
"You… willingly ate here?"
"Every week," Joon said proudly. "Had my first kiss behind that dumpster too."
Tae stared at him. "I'm not eating here."
Joon patted his thigh once. "Won't hurt to give it a shot.. Stay in the car. I'll get it."
He stood, stretched, then grabbed his wallet from the center console but forgot his phone entirely when he shut the door and disappeared inside the glowing yellow interior of the diner.
Tae sat for a few seconds.
Alone.
Heart still too loud in his chest.
He stared at Joon's phone on the dashboard. It blinked once.
A new message.
Ha-eun. For fuck sake. Again.
And just like that, the warmth started to drain.
He reached for it without thinking.
Slid his thumb across the screen and opened the thread.. again.
Ha-eun:
'I miss you more thank you think.. you said it'd be a short break? I'm still waiting. You're not really done with me.. right?'
Tae's throat closed. The light in the car felt too bright suddenly, too invasive. His reflection in the windshield looked small and stupid.
Stupid for saying it.
Stupid for meaning it.
Stupid for falling.
His hand clenched around the phone.
Then almost instinctively, he unlocked his own, found Seo-yeon's name, and pressed call.
"…Tae?" she answered groggily. "It's too early are you okay?"
Tae hesitated, then leaned his forehead against the dashboard. "…I told him."
A pause. Then a soft gasp of realization came on the other end.
"Oh my god."
"He told me first," Tae added quietly. "He didn't say it. Not the words. But it… it's real. He meant it."
Another pause. Longer.
"…How do you feel?" she finally asked.
"Like I'm gonna throw up," he whispered.
"Tae."
"I love him. I said it. I meant it. And I'm scared shitless, Seo."
"Tae…"
"I'm scared he's gonna stay with her. Or worse.. try to leave and ruin his life. You saw what she did that night. When he left the house. You saw her. She's not like you."
Seo stayed quiet.
"She's not gonna let go. She's gonna make him feel like a monster. She's gonna drag him through the mud. Use their son against him. She'll do it. I know she will."
Tae was shaking. "I'm scared she'll hurt me. Or him. I don't even know why I reached for his phone again, I just— I saw her name and I couldn't help it. I keep checking. Like it's proof. Proof that he's still attached. That he's gonna leave me. That this isn't real."
More silence. But not cold.
Then..
"I believe you," Seo said softly. "And I believe him."
Tae's breath caught.
"I believe he's serious. That he'll fight for you if you let him. And I know Ha-eun's not me — but maybe she's not stronger than the two of you either."
Tae's voice cracked. "Seo…"
"And Tae," she continued, gentler now. "If you want… we can talk about divorce. For real. If that's where this is heading. I'll be okay. As long as we stay close. And you stay in our son's life."
"…Are you serious?"
"I love you. That doesn't change. But if you've found someone who sees you—really sees you—and you see him too… then I'll help you figure this out. Step by step."
Tae bit his lip, throat aching.
And then, behind the glass, he saw Joon, two paper bags in hand, messy hair, laughing at something the cashier said as he jogged back toward the car.
He ended the call softly with a quite 'I'll talk to you later he's back.', just as Joon opened the door and slid in beside him.
"Two double cheeseburgers, extra pickles, one strawberry shake, one vanilla—" he paused mid-sentence, looking at Tae's expression.
"…Hey," Joon said more gently. "You okay?"
Tae wiped his eyes. Nodded. Then whispered, barely audible.
"…Yeah. Just hungry."
Joon handed him the burger without asking anything else.
Tae unwrapped it with trembling hands.