Han stood there for a moment, breathing heavily — then suddenly laughed to himself.
"Did I just kick him out again? Why do I feel… relieved?"
He chuckled softly, shaking his head as he walked to his room. Buttoning up a black shirt, pulling on black pants, and throwing on a matching coat, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Sliding on his sunglasses, he smirked.
"Why do I look so damn good?"
When he opened the door, Seungmin was still standing there — shivering, desperate, his eyes red.
"Han, please," Seungmin said, grabbing his arm. "Can you just listen to me once?"
Han lowered his sunglasses slightly, his tone calm but sharp.
"I'd love to — but I have class."
He pushed Seungmin's hand away and walked off, leaving the hallway cold and silent behind him.
All day, Han felt lighter than ever. He smiled, laughed with his classmates, even joined a game of basketball. Everything seemed to go perfectly — or maybe, he was just gaslighting himself.
(That day was the most wonderful day of my life. I was happy. I was free. I felt relieved and at peace.)
But peace built on emptiness never lasts.
The next morning, Seungmin disappeared.
When Han woke up, he was furious.
"I thought he'd chase after me again," he muttered under his breath. "I kicked him out, and now he's ignoring me? Why isn't he chasing me anymore? It's so boring."
He sighed deeply. "Now who do I even take my anger out on? Even Chaewon's not here… great. So at the end of the day, Han — you're all alone."
The day dragged on slowly. At university, he was distracted, restless, barely hearing anything the professors said. When he finally got home that evening, the silence of the apartment hit him harder than usual.
He threw himself onto the couch and closed his eyes, letting out a tired sigh.
Then his phone rang.
He answered quickly. "Hello? Who's this?"
A rough voice replied, "Hey, kid. Your friend's drunk at my bar — making a mess, calling your name nonstop. Can you come get him?"
Han rubbed his forehead. "I'm so sorry, sir. I'll be there in fifteen minutes."
---
When he arrived, Seungmin was sprawled on a couch, half-asleep, mumbling incoherently. Empty bottles surrounded him, and his knuckles were red from gripping the glass too tight.
Han's jaw tightened. He walked over slowly, trying to suppress his irritation.
"I know you're doing this to get attention," he said coldly. "If you really want to drink, just go to your own bar. Why come here and make a scene?"
Seungmin looked up, his eyes watery , red and lost.
"Han… am I being annoying? I'm sorry. I'm really trying to improve myself, but I just don't know how. I hate myself for not being able to become someone Han likes."
Han sighed deeply, his tone softening just slightly.
"You don't have to do anything crazy. I like you as you are. Just depend on me like I depend on you. Maybe then we'll finally have a mutual relationship."
(When we started dating, I already knew his personality. Back then, I didn't want anything from him. Why am I demanding so much nowadays? Maybe I've become self-aware… or maybe I just want to push him away.)
The thought ate at Han quietly.
Seungmin smiled weakly, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear.
"Han, you like it when I'm like this? I can act this way more often if you want."
Han rolled his eyes. "No, please don't. You have no idea how heavy you are — it's hard carrying you."
Seungmin lowered his gaze, voice trembling.
"I'm sorry… that you have to carry me. I'm sorry, Han."
Han exhaled sharply. "What's wrong with you? You keep apologizing these days — you never used to."
Still, he reached down, pulled Seungmin's arm over his shoulder, and helped him up. Step by step, half-dragging, half-carrying him toward the car.