In the aftermath of the battle between Azuma and dragon-kin, the city which Siegfried did not even know the name of, lying on the eastern edge border of the archipelago was destroyed. The inhabitants either hypnotized or butchered and many of the buildings obliterated thanks to the intensity of the fight against Kagutsuchi.
It had been a week or so and Siegfried and a large portion of the army had returned to the west, leaving the rest to secure the ruined city and help the survivors.
On that battlefield. Daiji had died. And Haruto didn't wake up before they almost reached the home of clan Iiyama, learning the truth about his uncle's death only then.
The ordeal was so intense and the emotions that filled the air were so raw that it threatened to send him back into a coma. Fortunately, he came back to when they reached their home city and his mental state has somewhat stabilized as he is resting his broken body.
So far there has been no second breakdown.
Siegfried had also passed out for several days before regaining consciousness. At the moment, he didn't possess enough Magical Energy to retrieve his tools from a rift in space nor even open the door to return home to the mansion. The only thing he can do is alleviate the pain in his body through circulation of energy and rest to regain his strength.
Together with the clan members, they transported the remains of Iiyama Daiji. The deciding factor for returning so soon even with the plethora of wounded was due to the retainers and vassals' wish to give their lord a proper funeral in his home.
Luckily for the other two Great Clans, both Yuu and Jin survived through their grievous wounds. But even though they had survived, their recklessness and disregard of their well-being would give rise to consequences.
When Siegfried had visited them before he left with the Iiyama warriors, they had been in a terrible state. However, compared to the mutilated body of Daiji, they were basically unharmed. Jin had multiple internal damages and Yuu suffered from the many cuts Kagutsuchi had etched into his flesh and bones.
Due to expending more Ki than they could handle, they had been on the brink of death. Their essence of being, their souls, had been wounded. And that wound will lead to a weakened vessel that can never return to what it was before.
Their wish for winning the fight had come at a cost, but both of them had been smiling through the pain. They didn't mind paying if this was all that was asked of them.
Met with that expression, Siegfried had responded with a smile of his own. Not knowing what else to do in the moment.
Can they smile because we won? How would all of those who died have felt if they had the ability to speak their minds? What did Daiji look like when he died?
"I didn't even look at his face back then, did I?"
...
Sitting on the porch of the Iiyama castle estate's west section, Haruto stared into nothingness. More of his body was covered in bandages than before and his clothes rested somberly on his slumped back.
After the initial shock and breakdown, he had managed to not repeat it a second time after he reawakened. The time he was given when his body was forced into sleep gave him ample time to comprehend.
Going back and forth countless times over he had kept his mind working and thoughts spinning. But the one objective truth from this matter was the fact that his uncle was dead. He realized that sooner than he wished. So when he woke up in his futon, he first wanted to dismiss reality as a sudden nightmare.
But the state of his own body was proof enough to convince him otherwise.
Could he had done anything to prevent the outcome? Probably not.
Even with my help, both of us would've died instead of justone.
A depressing thought emerged in his mind.
Right now more than anything, he didn't hate the dragon-kin for the deaths they had caused. For whatever reason he felt pity for them. The fight against that bowman in particular had been quite hollow.
When his sword had clashed with the bowman's scales, conflicting emotions rested within them. Haruto couldn't quite explain it and was confused himself. However, the one thing he had grasped clearly without a doubt was that their heart was not truly in the game.
For whatever reason they could have been stronger if they wished for it. Either that or they didn't know how to fight humans?
His thoughts were not making any sense. He slumped his head into his hands and let the loose black hair fall through them. Hiding, he took a deep breath to clear his buzzing head.
"I'm completely useless..."
"Is that how you feel, it it?"
Surprised by the unexpected voice, Haruto turns to the person who has suddenly appeared behind him. What he sees is Siegfried with his hair tied up and bandages covering him in various places. Such as his right arm that was burned by dragon-flames.
"You can quit it with that hollow smile of yours."
Haruto coldly proclaimed with stern, tired eyes. Bluntly asking Siegfried to stop with the fake pleasantries.
"Is that so?"
The wizard lazily walks over and sits down beside him with a deep exhale. His eyes do not seem to be focusing on anything in particular. Slightly dark bangs hang under his tired eyes that stare into nothingness just like Haruto.
"Do you feel guilty because he died while you weren't there? Even if you are skilled, you're still a novice compared to him."
"...I know, that. Of course I know. But it's still quite aggravating."
Haruto gritted his teeth in irritation, forcing the words to leave his mouth.
Siegfried slowly cast a sidelong glance at the boy who was not yet quite a man. Inexperience was a curse one could only cure with time. And unfortunately for Haruto, it would require more time than what was allowed to remove that curse.
Siegfried himself had used many, many years to build himself up to the point on which he currently stood. He understood that vexing feeling Haruto felt more clearly than anyone else. Though he would likely never mention it to anyone.
"What do you think is worse? Being unable to do anything or having the ability to change the outcome but choosing not to?"
Suddenly, Siegfried asked Haruto that question which made his eyes widen.
"W-what do you mean by that?"
"Exactly what I said. What's worse? Being unable to save your friend or being able to and choosing to refrain from doing so. The answer is clear. Compared to me, you haven't done anything wrong at all."
Could Siegfried have prevented Daiji's death? Haruto wonders. A couple of seconds pass before the air around them grows staler. The anger that had been directed at himself slowly changed direction towards Siegfried.
He clenches his shaking hands almost hard enough to make them bleed. Forgetting the pain present in them. The pain that would never leave.
"Could you have?"
Deciding not to dwell on the words, he chose to force an answer out of Siegfried if necessary. Words cold he asks. His eye reflects a hope for it not to be true but is unsure of the response that will come.
With the same dead look as before, Siegfried looks at the emotion reflected in Haruto's eye.
Compared to the others, Siegfried had gotten off easy. He had had Magical Energy to spare and the wounds on his body could be healed. The burns on his right arm would at least leave a scar, but it would not hinder him as much as the wounds Yuu and Jin had suffered to their "souls".
Mercilessly he says the words Haruto does not want to hear. The words he had feared more than anything.
"I could."
"Wha-! Ahg!"
Haruto springs up but falters midway as blood begins soaking his clothes. The pain flared up and he was forced to remain still. Only able to demonstrate his hostility through words.
"But it's more that while I could have saved him... it would have been meaningless. Even though I did not want him to die, he would have been unable to grow any more. Continuing to stagnate in idleness."
"Something like that! What are you even talking about!? How can you say that my uncle being alive would have been meaningless!? He would not remain idle as you say! He has worked much harder than anyone else to reach where he is!"
Voice filled with confusion, Haruto screams at Siegfried in anger. The heat of his insides growing increasing along with the volume of his voice. Unable to understand he shoves all the blame in his mind solely onto Siegfried.
"Have you seen how battered his body is? Even if he didn't want to remain helpless, with how wounded he was, his life would only bring misery."
"What about me!? Would he be miserable even though I'm still alive!? Was his love for me that shallow?! His concern for the clan!? And you. Aren't you his friend?"
Haruto seems to have misunderstood something about Siegfried and Daiji's relationship, is what Siegfried thinks with a strained expression.
In that state, he couldn't fulfill his promise. It's better to retry than to keep false hope. I get that now that I have gotten time to think...
"Our friendship came with a contract. Our relationship was built upon a promise to work together for a mutual interest. When we first met, I did not have any intention to get so close to him as I have become."
Stunned, Haruto stands motionless as he unwillingly listens to every word that is spoken. Staring in shock at something that is not human. It spoke human words, but the words couldn't possibly have come from something on the same level as humans.
"But if it helps you forward, I can say that Daiji is not truly dead. Depending on how you would define "death"."
"Hah?"
What kind of bullshit was Siegfried spouting?
It's pretty clear that my uncle is dead. Unless everyone has been lying to me, which is impossible. -I cannot understand anything he is saying anymore.
"If you're going to say something stupid like my uncle is still alive in our hearts then I'll strike you down here and now."
Siegfried remains complete and utterly unfazed. Staring at Haruto with that same look that didn't feel like he was looking at him at all. It felt like he was looking at something or someone else in place of Haruto who was standing before him.
"Well!?"
Haruto's shout echoes inside the castle estate. Someone would sooner or later come investigate what was happening. So in the meantime Haruto wanted Siegfried to spill everything he had. He would use empty bluffs or whatever he could in order to get the truth from the wizard's very own lips.
Could this man be a heartless monster in disguise? No way!? Fighting and bleeding side by side with the rest of them wouldn't make sense if he did not care for Daiji at all.
Though Siegfried had said that he did care for Daiji at least, he couldn't understand the part about a contract. With each shout from his mouth berating Siegfried he desperately tried to keep what remained of his sanity from breaking any further.
"What I am referring to is more like having a written record of him."
"A written record?"
"Yes. His personality, thoughts, sensations and all the memories he has created throughout his life. All of it has been recorded down and safely stored away for the future. Such was part of our contract."
It was difficult to understand what Siegfried meant by "recorded". Haruto's hawk-like eye could not find a single lie in his words or behavior. The existence of a "record" ignited a tiny hope inside of him.
Maybe, just maybe.
"Then... Is it possible-"
"No. I'm afraid not. You will most likely not be able to meet him again in your lifetime. Not as he was at least."
Siegfried spoke steadfastly without any room for debate. Brutally snuffing out Haruto's fleeting hope as quickly as it had come into existence.
The words shattered the weak smile that had unnoticedly crept across his face. His expression was thrust into despair again, looking down to his feet. But as his arms and body grew slack, Siegfried dragged him back out of it.
"But I hope this will ease your pain somewhat. You said Daiji loved you and the clan. I won't deny that and I had my own reasons for doing what I did..."
Siegfried exhaled and took another breath.
"You're talented, Haruto. I can clearly see how you've grown in the past month. Give it a couple of years and I am sure you will grow to be a great swordsman. That is, as long as you keep treading down your own path unhindered by lingering regrets. No matter what, I believe that Daiji would be just as proud of you as he has been."
With a hand on Haruto's dejected shoulder, Siegfried spoke words of encouragement to help lift him back up again. The firm grip on his shoulder perfectly conveyed what Siegfried wanted to with his words.
But loss will take time to overcome and move past. Words and feelings from another can help one, however, it's up to the one grieving to decide their road onward. Whether that be to wallow in sorrow or continue to live on, only Haruto had the power to decide for himself.
Hesitantly, Haruto began walking away. Leaving Siegfried behind and headed towards the estate's crematory. The words did help, but he was still unsure of what he would- could do. As he left, Siegfried threw a last word in.
"And also. If you were worried about the noise we made. Don't worry! I set up a field that silenced everything we said to those outside the sphere."
Waving his hand back and forth in front of his face, Haruto could only gaze at him with a conflicted eye. Siegfried had been sad, cold, encouraging, and now cheerful. The wizard's personality which he thought he had understood, completely broke that impression.
The words he spoke were twisted and cruel. Harboring compassion and ruthlessness at the same time. Feeling both lost and nothing at all towards a "friend's" death. Truly, something different from human.
As he saw Haruto leave, Siegfried lowered his arm and fell into thought.
Is this enough? Daiji?
"I just want to leave already."
Muttering something no one else heard, Siegfried followed Haruto to the crematory on the other side of the estate. It was almost time for Daiji's funeral.
...
At the crematory, all of Daiji's vassals and retainers were gathered. They were so many that a large chunk of them had to be forced outside due to lack of available space inside. Many of them were saddened and a good amount were shedding tears.
One by one, the most important members of Daiji's inner circle walked up to his dead body laying on an altar. Siegfried did not pay much attention to the ones around him as he was still preoccupied with his own inner thoughts.
What was he feeling? How did he feel about Daiji? How close had they really been? Because of their contractual relationship, their closeness as friends should not have been great. However, Siegfried didn't understand his own feelings right now.
The only thing he knew was that he was tired. He had been recuperating for the past week and had finally reached the point where he could open a door connecting to the mansion. Even though he had that golden key, he couldn't connect a door to a door in the mansion without sufficient Magical Energy.
He touched the burns on his right arm and barely reacted to the stinging pain it brought him. He slowly exhaled. The mysterious emotions inside him tired him out. Siegfried wanted to go home as soon as possible. Attending the funeral was what he saw as the minimum necessity before saying goodbye.
How long until the ceremony was over?
He glanced up and saw Haruto standing by the altar. After him it was finally Siegfried's turn. After that, the body would be burned to ashes and the bones collected.
Haruto was bending over and saying something to the dead body. What he said, no one could hear. But many could guess what the boy that had been orphaned once more and would be burdened much more going forward would say to their parent figure. Though, all their guesses could very well be wrong.
The only one who knew what Haruto said was Haruto and Haruto alone.
When the he turned around and began walking back to the others, Siegfried raised himself and too began walking to the altar, meeting Haruto at the halfway point.
As they passed, Siegfried could see the remains of tiny tears in the corners of Haruto's eyes in addition to the dried up tears and bags. But there was also something else to it. "Determination" was the word that popped into Siegfried's head.
They both continued in their respective directions and as Haruto sat down, Siegfried reached the altar.
What he saw was mostly the same as he had seen when Daiji had died. A body covered in horrible cuts that could almost no longer be recognized as human. Though the retainers had attempted to close the wounds and hide them with makeup, Siegfried could still see the same battered body as clear as day.
He placed his hands on the altar and leaned over it and the body. Capturing all of its brutalities and ugliness with his own pale blue irises. And quietly. Almost too quiet for he himself to hear it, Siegfried whispered.
"Maybe if we were real friends I would also cry. Or at least feel grief over your passing. But am I even feeling that?"
There was no response to his question.
"Or is the feeling inside me disappointment?"
Complete silence fills the air. Only the occasional sound of men's stifled crying could be heard.
Siegfried exhales deeply.
"I just want to leave already..."
He opens his eyes again after having briefly shut them. Once again, he is met by the sight of Daiji's dead body.
I still haven't looked at his face.
Not once. Not a single time had Siegfried looked at Daiji's face. Not even when he was shouting and screaming at him as he died.
After realizing that simple fact, he is tempted to see it. He wants to see it. But... How would the emotions inside him react if he did? Maybe finding out would clear the fog obscuring him? Or further worsen it?
The mental state of a mage was important after all. If they couldn't clearly visualize and will it, their magic would fail spectacularly. And a healthy mental state was important for that. An unstable state of mind could lead to dangerous consequences for themselves and those around them.
"..."
Finally, he made up his mind and tilted his head so that Daiji's face came into view.
Surprisingly for Siegfried, he isn't shook by the sight of his friend's face at all. His breath leaves his body completely. For what he feels when seeing the dead face of Daiji is not sadness or resentment, but relief.
For on Daiji's dead face was not an expression of regret or any of the like. Instead, a peaceful and fulfilled smile was painted across his face.
Seeing this, all Siegfried could think was: "Good." and "He really trusted me, huh?". The rage and despair he had felt in the moment of Daiji's death were now wiped clean away.
Relief fills his lungs and heart as he can move forward from this without lingering regrets.
While the problems left behind by that "Magician" remain, thanks to Daiji, Siegfried can hold a slightly more positive mentality over the loss.
He gained the qualifications once. I'm sure he can do it in his next life or the one after that. And I'll be there to meet him in as many lifetimes that are required for our goals to be fulfilled.
Siegfried walks back to the procession.
Afterwards, Daiji's body is set aflame and the procession watched him turn to ash in silence.
Haruto has seemingly made up his resolve likewise as Siegfried had in his own way. Many more struggles remained in life, but they would face them as they presented themselves as hinders.
The end of Daiji's relatively long life would serve as fuel for them when coming face to face with those hinders.
...
By the door and the cherry blossom tree, on that hill overlooking the city, Siegfried takes in the landscape one last time before he will leave for the mansion. The time was around four in the afternoon and no one else is there to see him off since he had quietly left the estate without a word.
But that was fine with him. He didn't need anyone to tell him goodbye, for he had already received it from a friend. Even if he was unsure of his own feelings right now, he knew Daiji had been reliable, and without a doubt trustworthy.
Out of his vest-pocket, Siegfried fishes out the golden key. The key which will let him travel to any other door he had previously marked so long as he had sufficient Magical Energy to transport himself there.
He inserted the key in the keyhole, twisted it, and pushed the door open to a familiar interior.
Welcomed by the familiar walls of home, Siegfried makes his way to the dining hall for it is almost dinnertime at the mansion. The room is devoid of people but the table is already set. Four sets of plates, glasses and silverware.
Marianne was most likely the one preparing the food, maybe with help from Annerose if there was nothing else that urgently needed to be done. Hopefully, Alice was busy training Mikael as he had asked her when he left over a month ago.
But he still hasn't caught on to the full scope of the general magic system's many flaws. Realizing and understanding that is a crucial step that one has to figure out for oneself. He must by himself break out of the illusion of an orderly box I created for him in our first lesson.
Siegfried exhaled. And his ears twitched.
Standing in silence inside the dining hall, he heard a faint sound that slowly grew louder. From the hallways, someone's voice was filling the air. It wasn't before the sound got awfully loud that Siegfried realized that it was a scream.
He turned towards the source, and as he did, Mikael came storming into the dining hall, running with all his might and screaming.
"NOOO!! No more! Pleeaasee!!!"
"Nah-ah. You ain't getting away from me little boy. I'm gonna beat your body into proper shape just like Siegfried asked me to!"
"He only said to train me! Not Kill me!!"
"..."
In silent surprise, Siegfried watched as Mikael ran as fast as he could away from Alice who was chasing him with her golden hair fluttering behind her. They ran around the dining table again and again without noticing Siegfried's presence at all.
Those two sure have gotten close. I'm glad that Alice has opened up more to him. When I first brought him here, she acted like a proper maid, even wearing the uniform which she doesn't really like. All fine and proper. Hearing her speak in such a gentle tone scared me almost half to death when I first heard it.
While he was thinking back nostalgically to a couple of months back, Mikael was fleeing for dear life and finally noticed Siegfried and ran straight up to him at full speed.
"Siegfried! Heeeelp!!"
"Ah. How's it going?"
Alice also noticed Siegfried and greeted him casually and temporarily halted the chase. Still running, Mikael quickly hid behind Siegfried's back and peeked out at Alice with terror in his teary crimson eyes.
"Siegfried. Please do something about Alice! She's a demon in disguise!!"
"Haah? Who're you calling a demon!? Don't you dare speak to a lady that way!"
At Mikael's comment, Alice's eyes lit up with fury. Siegfried knew that if he let her get her hands on Mikael, he would be left half-dead. Ironically the more intimate and familiar one got with her, the more troublesome and violent she became.
"Alice! Have you been bullying Mikael again?"
As Alice was ready to again pounce on Mikael, his savior arrived. Marianne, who had come out of the kitchen door after hearing the racket that the two had kicked up. Standing in her maid outfit which she was most proud of, she crossed her arm in anger. A complete contrast to Alice who was wearing a short dark-blue overall dress over her white long-sleeved shirt.
"I'm not bullying the kid. It's part of training."
"Liar!"
"You be quiet!"
"H-hey! S-stop that at once Alice!"
Mikael called Alice out and she snapped back with a sharp voice and raced at him, reigniting their game of chase. Marianne who had spoken with such confidence was taken aback and consequently lost the little authority she had in the dinner hall.
In their wake, Mikael dragged multiple chairs down behind him in an attempt to trip Alice. But all of his traps were swiftly evaded with ease as Alice sped up even more, roaring like a wild beast closing on their dinner.
Marianne fervently tried to stop them, with no avail. Only flailing her arms around in an effort to calm Alice who was not listening at all. It was also clear to Siegfried and Marianne that Alice was greatly holding back her power in order to prolong the torment.
Marianne didn't have the power to stop Alice and Siegfried was too exhausted to do anything about it. He hoped that Alice would hopefully hold back enough with the beating and thought that this would be valuable experience to hone Mikael's healing abilities. Great struggles proved to be wonderful for experiencing growth after all.
What Siegfried saw in the dinner room unlike what the others perceived, was the scene of a family. A strange family that shared no blood connections and where the assigned role of each member were confusing.
Love for one's family, huh...
Siegfried was really thankful that Mikael had opened up his walled off heart some more and vice versa with Marianne and Alice who were acting way more cheerful compared to before. The many years they had spent together, all of them were busy enough with their own struggles and missions. But thanks to Mikael's presence, it seemed like they had become a little more family-like...
"Welcome home."
To break the silence in his heart, a kind voice called out to him.
Behind him he saw Annerose. Her smile filling the air around her with gentle warmth.
"You look a little tired."
"I am."
"Then how about dinner and then some well-earned rest?~"
She tilted her head slightly, asking that question.
In the background, the ruckus had calmed down somewhat at Annerose's arrival. Though Alice was gripping Mikael's teary face, she wasn't actively trying to hurt him. However, Marianne was still in a state of perplexion, looking back and forth nervously. Unsure if the storm had passed or not.
In this calm but tense atmosphere, Siegfried answered Annerose's question without a single shred of hesitation in his expression.
"I would love to."