The gentle caress of her hand on his hair was the same.
Her sweet, comforting jasmine smell was also just like the one in his memory.
"There… there… Don't you worry, I'm here now."
Even her reactions are exactly as the real her would have reacted.
"My poor son has suffered so much… I really should have a word with that teacher of yours!"
Ashen was sure that her face would have scrunched into a cute glare right now, but he did not dare raise his head from her embrace.
'I'm too pathetic.'
Because in the end, all of this was just a figment of his imagination.
From the house, to Akidia, and what she was saying… everything was a dream created by his subconsciousness based on the image he had of her.
"I'm sorry…"
He had told himself that doing such a thing would not only be pointless, but also be a disrespect to his loved ones.
But… he just could not hold himself back.
"I'm sorry."
All this version of his mother would offer was the words he wanted to hear. It would never be genuine.
"Sorry? But why would you be?" The Akidia of his dreams tilted her head in wonder; then, as if she thought of something, she let out an exclamation, "Ah!" as if she understood; her face turned even gentler.
"Don't be. Everyone deserves a chance to rest. So do you."
'So pathetic.'
"I'm just glad that I was the one you chose to see. I knew that my boy still likes his mom the best! Hehe."
The way he was still comforted by empty words from a false version of his mother that only spoke what he wanted to hear was just so…
"Now that I'm here, I wanted to say something super important, ehm, Ashen. You will always be my son, no matter how you change. Even if you become an unrecognizable monster, I will still recognize you and love you."
… pathetic.
And while he was basking in his dreams, his body, outside, was on the verge of letting go.
Being immersed in his dreams would loosen his muscles and nerves.
For all intents and purposes, the body should have been crushed the moment he stopped exerting the full capacity of his physical strength.
But here lies the beauty of habit. He was so used to exerting a 100% of his strength that even when the mind let go, the body still did not.
It was like an instinctive recognition that it would simply die if it relaxed. But even instincts come from the mind first. How could the body move contrary to thoughts?
The answer lay in Somatic Autonomy, the skill that gave the body a mind of its own. It has always faithfully executed its master's commands, but now, for the first time, it has disobeyed and worked to keep its muscles pushing against the rock with all its strength.
Who would have thought that when the mind faltered, it would be the body that drags it forward…?
But even then, Somatic Autonomy's feeble rebellion was bound to be short without intent to support it.
"But, Ashen, don't you have something to do?" That was when Akidia spoke, her face etched with worry, as if she could see the gravity of the situation.
"...Something to do?"
Ashen raised his head slowly to gaze at his mother's face, which was marred with deep worry. Those words did not sound like the comforting words he came to hear.
"Yes, something you have always been doing."
"Something I've been doing…" The empty expression finally receded, giving way to mounting alarm as Ashen finally snapped out of his trance.
"Endure."
"Yes! You have to keep enduring. Or I will not be able to see you again." Akidia looked to be in pain as those words left her mouth.
But every bit of this situation made Ashen allow a bitter chuckle.
'Even when I want to drown in my own delusions, those same delusions are telling me to go back and endure. How ironic.'
But the delusion did not seem to be done just yet. "Also! You have to promise me, son! You will not simply endure, but strive for more!"
That made his thoughts halt for a beat. 'Strive? Why would my subconscious remind me of this?'
"Just like I taught you as a little boy, what comes after enduring is overcoming! So do your best!" She let a breathtaking smile, "Mom will be waiting for you on the other side. I know you can do it."
Ashen stood transfixed as he watched the dream dissolve into motes of light, bringing him back to his real place, standing tall as he held a rock that was now weighted enough to create a small earthquake if it were ever dropped.
Ashen did not try to recreate the dream. His thoughts were preoccupied with his mother's last words.
'Overcome.'
That word rang uselessly against his ears. Edward had also wondered if "that was all?" before, and Ashen's answer had brought him to the point where he created "that".
But it seemed that it was not enough. If the words came from himself, then he surely had more to show.
'So you are not enough.' Ashen's senses touched the minuscule core in his lower belly.
It was brimming with mana.
The idea surprisingly came from his beloved woman, Alice. This was the second time reminiscing about the stories she used to recount for him had come in handy.
It started with him wondering if he could create a separate mana storage container, and then, he remembered a story where Alice described this demon with seven hearts.
In his situation, hearts could store mana, so having seven would be phenomenal. They could even act as backup in case his original heart was destroyed.
But soon, he threw the thought away. Maybe it was the fact that the word 'monster' kept repeatedly popping in his head whenever he thought of this idea, but the real reason was something else.
And it was outside his control this time, and there was nothing sentimental about it.
It was the fact that what constituted a mana storage in the body was not solely the organ, but also the concentration of magic circuits.
And there were only three such locations in his body that proved to be enough for what he had in mind.
The upper vein of his circuits, which was located in the center of the brain. But Ashen was not crazy enough to mess with his brain yet; that aside, much of his upper vein circuits were where the damage was concentrated.
The second place was the heart vein located at the center. And that was where everyone stored mana, Ashen included.
Finally, the lower belly, where the lower vein existed. It was also the only location where his circuits were completely intact.
So he used Somatic Autonomy to create a core of flesh around the concentration of circuits, then, following his intent, the mana strove to forge the fleshly core into something it could inhabit.
It was even enthusiastic about it. And why would it not be? It was about to get a new, bigger home in this mana-kissed body.
The process lasted for months, and throughout all of it, Ashen had to keep monitoring his body for any abnormalities as well as study the composition that allowed his heart to hold mana and guide it to mimic it on his core.
Thankfully, the newly ascended Somatic Autonomy was enough to handle all of this, and by the end of it, he succeeded.
That success had amended his greatest weakness.
Mana: C+
Now, for the first time, his mana level was sitting on the same level as his physical level. And that wasn't all.
[Your Extra Skill Heartforge Cycle (Masterful+) has evolved]
[Incomplete Trinity harmony (Masterful+)]
This system notice had popped up the moment his new core was saturated with mana.
Ashen guessed that this was incomplete because he had yet to amend his heart's circuits and create a core in his upper vein.
But even then, he thought that he was doing more than enduring with all these accomplishments…
'Why? Why? Why?'
He thought on it, then thought some more, turning it over until only the simplest conclusion remained.
'I endure every second of my life… yet I do so little to overcome it.'