|"Another Late Night Talks episode with your favorite host, Dave, and yeah it is me, Dave, from the morning show Coffee in Sideria... this is a long introduction, Dave... Sorry for the long introduction, Sally, it is just I am excited for today's guest... Ohh, the famous singer... shh, Sally, we wanna keep it a secret for now... ah, silly me, I forgot... silly you, and now for today's evening the 30th February 993 we leave you with Secret Crush by the beloved pianist Laura of Cape.. is it again that anonymous request... yes, it is, Sally.. such a romantic song he chose, Dave.. yes, it makes me wonder, does anybody have a secret crush on me.. I am pretty sure no one does, Dave.. hahaha, now a break for me to cry.."|
"Now Luna, steady steps towards mama.."
It was late at night where the streets were illuminated by the dim light from the lamps running by gas—there, in the house's lawn were the family of Clara Siderus gathered.
Lunavayne, Aurel were sitting next to each other; they kept a distance from the others, Clara, Qian Qian and the twins who were playing.
"They already learned to walk."
"Yeah, they're growing fast.. can't believe two years already went by."
"Heh.. I remember when you were fidgeting like a scaredy cat before Clara gave birth."
"How would you remember? You weren't there."
"It is true that I wasn't there, but Qian Qian—"
"Heh.. I see, so she is your little spy.. she will hear some rebuking from me later."
"Haha, come on—she was still a little girl back then, now she refuses to speak to me.. I am starting to cry."
"No need to be this emotional."
"What are you talking about, she is like a daughter to me.."
"So she is to me.. it was heartbreaking leaving her in a random orphanage after that incident—come to think about it, it is weird?"
"What is it?"
"Why you keep refusing the many marriage proposals Clara arranged for you..?"
"How could you link two events like this? And please spare me such talks, you know why I am here."
"To celebrate my twins' birthday?"
"There is this too, but most importantly, I am here for you."
"I don't seem to understand.. what are you trying to say?"
"Clara told me.. it is true that I rarely come to visit but even I started to notice.. you've changed, Lunav."
"Isn't it human nature to change by time?"
"Yes it is, but not by the same drastic pace you're going to.. tell me Lunav, do you still blame yourself for what happened during that incident?"
" ... "
Lunavayne didn't respond, he chose to avert his gaze and lay it on Lapsus who was trying to reach his mother's bosom with slow steps.
Aurel followed his eyes and stared blankly at the spectacle before he sighed.. that silence was all the answers he needed.. he took out his cigarettes and offered one to Lunavayne.
"No—I am trying to quit."
"Sorry, I remember you telling me so—it is just a bad habit of mine.. I hate smoking alone."
He returned the cigarettes and continued.
"Like I said, Lunav, Clara told me but even if she didn't I could tell by your eyes.. they are not as bright as they were—you look tired."
"It is just an expected consequence—after all, running an opposite political party isn't as easy as it seemed."
"Do not try to lie to me, Lunav, you are not the only one running it, I am also in it with you.. tell me, did you ascend again?"
"Hehe.. it seems that I am a bad liar, you caught me.. but even you ascended, we're in the same boat."
"We are not, Lunav.. you know yourself better than anyone, you being a vessel to two wyrms was already burdening enough but to deliberately choose to ascend more, you're gonna lose it."
"Even so.. I am not gonna stop, Aurel—not until we find the truth."
"Neither would I, Lunav.. but I fear you won't be there with me when it happens."
"Well, if it meant knowing the truth, I will be more than happy if it demanded my death."
"Take it easy, Lunav.... sigh."
"Papa.." it was Luna from afar held by Clara, she called as she waved at her father.. Lunavayne waved back with a small smile.
"Tell me, do you still see them.." Aurel asked.
"Yes."
"Are they here?"
"Yes, they are watching... not just me—but everybody."
"I see.. I've done my research, Lunav, since the moment you told me about them, but it was futile."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, no recordings at all—not even little anecdotes about them."
"Maybe it is something only those who host two wyrms can see."
"This is my current theory—I will not stop my research because this is what I specialize in but we shouldn't at all dismiss the other possibility."
"Them being just hallucinations as an after-effect of my sudden ascendings.. this is how I am treating them."
"Keep it that way, Lunav.. also do not isolate yourself, you have Clara and me."
"I know.. say, why don't we make Luna and Lapsus do a little race?"
"I think this is a bad idea."
"Come on, it will be fun."
-----
"Now kids, at three..." Lunavayne screamed so both Luna and Lapsus could hear him. They were about 20 feet away, which was the length of the supposed race track that was just the lawn.
"I am telling you, Lunav, this looks like a bad idea."
"Hashhhh, Aurel, no need to be like this, it will be fun."
"Clara, say something?" In despair, Aurel turned to Clara, hoping she would be the one to point out what was wrong with Lunavayne's idea and scold him but—
"10 pounds on Luna."
"But I only have five with me."
"Don't worry, I will cut it from your next payment."
"Cruel, but 10 pounds on Lapsus." His hopes were shattered as he realized that she was betting on the winner with Qian Qian — he couldn't help it, so he took out 10 Eirenthalese pounds; they had a unique red taint.
"10 pounds on a draw," he made his bet.
"1, 2 and 3, gooo!"
With Lunavayne's scream, they both launched with their small, unsteady steps, trying to reach the finish line — they weren't running, they were hardly walking.
What is it with making two babies race? Lapsus was questioning their behavior but he wasn't planning to lose. I will give it my all, he declared inwardly.
"Go Luna, go!"
"Go Lapsus, go!" Each was cheering on their racer, but—
"..?"
Although at first they looked tied, Luna created a distance from Lapsus that made it safe to assume Lapsus had no chance of winning.
How come? Aren't we the same age? Aren't I the male?
Lapsus was confused, his head filled with questions. Even though he tried to act as if it was a trivial thing, he took this race seriously when he realized that he was losing. Aren't we the same age? Isn't he a male and she a female? Shouldn't this give him an advantage? Yet, he is losing, he is falling behind.
Again!!? He was realizing that he was weak; his eyes widened, screaming denial, and he jumped—
"..?"
He jumped and grabbed Luna by her frail legs, causing her to fall on her nose, which obviously led to her crying. Even though he had obviously cheated and even made his twin sister cry, he wasn't bothered. Only one thought filled his mind as he stood up and finished the race first.
I won... I am better than her... I should be praised, I should be validated and celebrated, but why? Why are they not looking at me?
He was confused. Had he won? Shouldn't he be praised? But no one spared a look, let alone a word. They all ran towards Luna, who was lying and crying; apparently, she had hurt her knee.
"I told you it was a bad idea."
"Qian Qian, hurry, bring me the first aid tools."
"I am going."
"..." Seeing the bloody scratches on her knee, only then did Lapsus question his acts.
Did I make a mistake? But I won...? Was I wrong? Thinking so, he looked at Lunavayne, who chose to stay beside Lapsus.
Am I going to be punished? It is my fault... I made Luna bleed... of course Papa is angry.
"Sigh..." Lunavayne heaved a heavy sigh before he scratched his head aggressively.
".."
Then he shifted his gaze to Lapsus — a gaze that made Lapsus shiver as tears stormed from his eyes. He was waiting for it... a punishment. Even though he knew deep down that his father, Lunavayne, never punished him, he was scared — a fear not stemming from memories he knew about but from deep inside...
Lunavayne stretched his arm for his hand to reach Lapsus.
Why am I expecting it? Like it is supposed to be the norm... but I made a mistake, shouldn't I be punished?
"Lapsus."
However, that hand didn't slap him... didn't hit him... it just patted his head.
"Listen to me, Lapsus..." It was a soothing voice.
"I am not a good father, so I don't know what to do in these situations... it is my first time after all." Although he denied it, his voice and actions were always those of a caring father.
"Umm... Papa, I am—" With crying eyes, Lapsus tried to explain himself but he was cut off.
"No, I understand you, Lapsus... you tried to win, you wanted to be praised... it is okay." It was as if he read his thoughts.
"But you made a mistake there, you hurt your twin sister... that is unacceptable."
"Umm." Lapsus nodded.
"I know you felt the need to win, but sometimes losing is okay... it is a chance to learn."
"I am sorry." Lapsus tried to apologize but Lunavayne refused his apology.
"I don't accept it— no, this sounded bad... what I meant is, it is not I who you should apologize to but your sister Luna... go now."
"Umm." With that nod, Lapsus started walking towards Luna, hoping she would forgive him.
------- I remember it... I didn't understand why, but at that moment, as I embraced Luna, I struggled to apologize. The words were there, but they didn't come out right... yet, even though I sounded arrogant, even though my apology felt half-hearted, Luna accepted it. Luna hugged me closer, and she herself apologized... I hated it. I was supposed to love it, seeing how much she loves me, but I hated it. Even though she is my big sister, my twin... I hated it, and I hated myself for hating it----