Read ahead of public release on P atreon at: p-atreon.com/Knockturn_Alley
Check out Chapter illustrations on Pixiv at unhinged_uchiha
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Hokage Building, Konohagakure
"Hokage-sama… this—this is his demand," Seiji said, handing the document to Hiruzen. "I've been ordered to get this budget approved by you. I'm not supposed to return unless it is."
Hiruzen read the request, and the moment his eyes landed on the figure—ten billion ryō—they twitched.
'Uchiha Kanzou… honestly…'
He set the document aside and looked back at Seiji.
"Didn't he want you to join the police force?" Hiruzen asked. "Then why assign you a task with such a slim chance of approval?"
Seiji reported everything in detail. He explained what had happened at the Utatane Clan's shop, then recounted the ultimatum Kanzou had given him: either collect ten million ryō every day or secure approval for a ten-billion-ryō budget. Only after accomplishing one of those tasks would he be allowed to return to the police force.
"I had told him yesterday that I wanted to serve as an intermediary between the clan and the village," Seiji added. "This is the task he assigned me in that role."
'He is really such a troublesome guy…' thought Hiruzen.
Hiruzen had intended to place Seiji beside Kanzou as a hidden nail, someone to gather intelligence and be used at the right moment. But Kanzou has made that difficult with this condition.
Now, if he wanted to keep Seiji near Kanzou, he faced only two options: approve the outrageous budget request or leave Seiji to collect ten million ryō every single day.
Approving such a budget was out of the question. That left the second option, but it came with its own problems. If Seiji actually went out and gathered ten million ryō daily, it would not only cause trouble for the villagers and the businesses that they run, but it would also consume his entire day. He would be too busy extorting money to do what Hiruzen truly needed him to do: gather intelligence and keep an eye on Kanzou.
"Hm… what if I give you ten million ryō every day?" Hiruzen asked tentatively, watching Seiji's reaction.
In truth, he didn't want to do it at all. Ten million ryō a day amounted to more than 3.5 billion ryō a year, and that was an enormous sum to spend just to keep Seiji beside Kanzou. Worse still, it wouldn't even put an end to the police force's so-called crowdfunding.
That would mean the money was completely wasted.
Seiji rejected the idea as well. "He is keeping detailed records of these so-called crowdfunding activities, how much each shop pays, and when. It would cause problems."
After all, Kanzou referred to the practice as 'crowdfunding,' presenting it as entirely legal. Naturally, it made sense that he would keep meticulous records rather than treat it as an illegal operation.
"I see…" Hiruzen murmured, pursing his lips.
In theory, he could secretly supply Seiji with ten million ryō every day. But that solution only created more issues. If Kanzou clearly tracked every bit of money collected under the guise of 'crowdfunding.' The same shop owners couldn't possibly be paying such enormous sums day after day, and the true source of the money would quickly draw suspicion.
It would become far too obvious. Kanzou would inevitably start questioning how Seiji was producing ten million ryō every single day.
'Then again… he may already suspect Seiji-kun's allegiance to me,' Hiruzen thought. 'That might be why he assigned Seiji-kun a task that's practically impossible to complete in the first place.'
He felt as though Kanzou was openly mocking his attempt to plant a nail behind him by sending Seiji back with that outrageous budget request. The thought irritated him to no end.
"Hokage-sama… what now?" Seiji asked. He had no idea what to do. If the budget wasn't approved, he couldn't return to the police station at all, and he had no intention of collecting ten million ryō every day.
"Give me some time to think this through," Hiruzen replied, dismissing Seiji with a gesture. "I'll let you know within a day or two."
"I understand," Seiji said with a nod. He bowed and withdrew from the Hokage's office.
"Sigh…" Left alone, Hiruzen exhaled and took a slow puff from his tobacco pipe.
He barely had a moment to relax. Only seconds after Seiji left, his two elder advisors entered the office.
"Hiruzen, we need to talk," Koharu snapped, her mood foul. "This is too much. The Uchiha Clan is becoming completely lawless."
Her face was tight with anger and dissatisfaction as she sat down on the sofa, while Mitokado took the seat opposite her.
"Koharu…?" Hiruzen murmured. He didn't need to ask why she was here, or why she was in such a state. After everything Seiji had just reported, he already knew. Rubbing his temples, he sighed inwardly. 'Not again…'
For the past several days, all he had heard about was the Uchiha Clan, and every report had been another complaint. At least a dozen people came to his office every day to protest their actions. Just earlier, the Hyūga Patriarch had visited him with the request to facilitate the release of his young brother Hizashi and other detained clansmen.
Now, yet another familiar face sat beside him with similar intention.
'What did I do wrong to deserve this curse called the Uchiha Clan?' he thought bitterly, suppressing his growing headache.
"Hiruzen, are you even listening?" Koharu snapped. "My son was attacked by that brat deputy captain from the Uchiha Clan! He had to be taken to the hospital for treatment, and his shop was nearly ransacked! I want answers."
"I understand how you feel," Hiruzen replied with a weary sigh. "I truly do. But… what exactly do you want me to do?"
Of course, he understood Koharu's anger all too well. His own son, Shinnosuke, had also been imprisoned at the police station. It had taken fifty million ryō just to secure his release, and even then, Shinnosuke had come back with a severe wound to his chest, and he is also currently at the hospital, undergoing treatment.
Hiruzen clenched the pipe in his hand.
He was furious, furious at Kanzou and furious at what the Uchiha Clan was turning into.
"Obviously, they need to be restrained," Koharu said, her voice trembling with barely contained fury. "You can't keep letting them do whatever they want!"
"I did speak with Uchiha Kanzou," Hiruzen replied with a heavy sigh. "He has no intention of stopping. Even when I tried to intimidate him, it didn't work. Kanzou wasn't fazed at all."
Hiruzen's greatest strength lay in his authority as Hokage, the respect, loyalty, and obedience his position commanded, and the weight his orders carried throughout the village. These were the very strengths that allowed him to maintain control over Konoha.
Even someone as lawless and difficult as Shimura Danzō feared that authority. The power and legitimacy of Hiruzen's position kept Danzō restrained in his presence, preventing him from acting recklessly or stepping out of line so casually and openly.
Even if he does something out of line… It's always done in secret, never in the open.
Kanzou, however, was not someone who feared that authority, and Kanzou certainly wasn't intimidated by him. Nor did he respect the title of Hokage or feel any loyalty toward it. As a result, Hiruzen's orders held no weight over him.
Dealing with someone like that was exceptionally difficult for him, leaving him helpless.
"Then do something else," she said coldly. "I don't want the Uchiha going after my other children."
Hiruzen had no immediate answer. Sensing his helplessness, Koharu's tone softened slightly as she asked, "To begin with… why are they even doing this? Is it really just for these so-called Security Management fees?"
She doubted it. If the Uchiha were willing to antagonize the entire village over a few million ryō, it would be incredibly foolish. Such actions would inevitably bring serious consequences.
"Uchiha Kanzou wants an increase in the budget allocated to the Police Force," Hiruzen said.
"A budget increase?" Elder Mitokado shook his head. "How could something like that ever be approved?"
He was well aware of their long-standing stance against the Uchiha Clan. Restricting the clan's finances had always been one of their primary methods of control, bleeding their resources to keep them restrained. If the budget were increased, that strategy would become meaningless. They had relied on this approach for decades; there was no reason they would willingly abandon it now.
"I discussed it with him on the same day he exiled Fugaku," Hiruzen said, recalling Kanzou's ultimatum. "I warned him to put an end to this chaos, but he made his position clear. Unless the budget is increased, he won't stop, and he'll continue this so-called 'crowdfunding.'"
"Crowdfunding?" Koharu frowned.
"He refers to extortion as crowdfunding," Hiruzen replied flatly. "Since our finances are tight, he is directly taking the money from the people in the name of crowdfunding."
"He's brazen!" Koharu spat. After a brief pause, she added, "Then can't he be removed from his post as Captain of the Police Force? If we replace him with someone who is easier to control, we could bring this situation under control. And if we were to be removed from that position… he can also be dealt with easily…"
"Wouldn't I have already done so if it were that easy?" Hiruzen said, shaking his head. "The internal management of the police force is not under my authority. If it were, Uchiha Kanzou would never have become captain in the first place."
The terms signed at the Hokage Office when the police force was established clearly state that no one, not even the Hokage, may interfere in its internal affairs. That authority rests entirely with the Uchiha Patriarch and the elders of the Uchiha Clan.
Koharu, who was well aware of this as well, fell silent.
Elder Mitokado adjusted his glasses and said, "If I recall correctly, those same clauses also stated that only members of the Uchiha Clan were to serve in the police force. That has changed. Non-Uchiha have not only been allowed to join, but they are now being actively recruited. That could serve as grounds for intervention."
"That… may be true, but…" Hiruzen trailed off, deep in thought.
The presence of non-Uchiha within the police force did give him some leeway. It meant the issue no longer concerned the Uchiha Clan alone; it's a matter concerning the entire village.
"But what?" Koharu pressed.
"Even if I use that as a pretext," Hiruzen replied, "there's still no guarantee the police force would accept my interference. Only if Uchiha Kanzou resigns, or something happens that renders him unfit to remain captain, and there is no suitable successor already in place, would I be able to appoint a new captain. Unless that happens… I can do nothing."
"Doesn't that mean there's nothing we can do?" she asked, then immediately shook her head. "No, there has to be some way, right?"
She refused to believe they were completely powerless.
"Hm…" Hiruzen murmured thoughtfully. "If we manipulate public opinion and apply enough public pressure, then perhaps…"
Public pressure would have to be brought down on the police force, enough to express strong dissatisfaction with their current conduct and brand them as failures, disruptive, and lawless. Only when public demand for intervention reached a critical level would Hiruzen have proper authority to step in.
The good thing is that manipulating public opinion was one of their strongest skills, something they have done time and time again. He knew it wouldn't be difficult. In fact, the police force's own actions had already been so excessive and problematic that he wouldn't need to push the narrative much at all.
People were already complaining… the daily complaints he receives are proof enough, and he knew that a small nudge would be enough for public outrage to boil over.
"The real problem is how Uchiha Kanzou would react if such a narrative were pushed," Hiruzen murmured.
What truly worried him was Uchiha Kanzou's response to the public outrage reaching a boiling point.
If this were a normal, sane person, they would be forced to either change their ways to repair their image or be forced to step down under public pressure. But was Uchiha Kanzou a normal person at all?
"You're worried he'll retaliate?" Koharu asked.
Hiruzen nodded. "Uchiha Kanzou is undeniably a madman. And he's backed by fiercely loyal subordinates who are likely just as unhinged as he is."
He wouldn't be surprised if Kanzou chose to retaliate outright, even resorting to violence alongside his followers.
After all, Uchiha Kanzou had openly spoken about 'making the Uchiha great again' and had tried to rally the clansmen into a united front by casting others as the enemy.
From that alone, Hiruzen could sense Kanzou's underlying intent to fight. Retaliation was, therefore, a very real possibility.
He even suspected that Kanzou might be deliberately provoking a confrontation, that these senseless 'crowdfunding' orders were meant to push matters toward open conflict.
"Even if a clash with the Uchiha Clan does occur, is that really such a problem?" Elder Koharu said dismissively. "This isn't the Uchiha Clan of Madara's era."
She didn't believe the current Uchiha Clan alone posed a serious threat that Hiruzen needed to worry about.
"It's not the Uchiha Clan that concerns me," Hiruzen sighed, rubbing his temples.
As a veteran shinobi with Kage-level strength, he possessed both the personal power and the capable subordinates to remain confident. Beyond himself, there were figures like Shimura Danzō, Hatake Sakumo, Jiraiya, Orochimaru, and, of course, Koharu and Homura. Then there were the patriarchs of the various clans, not to mention Fugaku, who wants to kill Kanzou more than anyone and would certainly lend his support. There are also thousands of shinobi under the village's banner who'd follow his orders.
In terms of sheer military strength, there was more than enough force to suppress, if not outright annihilate, the entire Uchiha Clan, should it ever come to that.
But he knows that doing so would come at a cost. Such a move would inflict losses on the village, and the other nations, already watching the Land of Fire like hawks, would seize the opportunity without hesitation.
It was an extremely troublesome situation, one that demanded a resolution without open conflict.
"If that isn't an option, then something else has to be done," she said firmly. "You can't keep ignoring them. Not only is this undermining your authority and the people's trust in you, but the Uchiha Clan is also becoming increasingly lawless."
She continued, her tone grim. "So far, they've been arresting people under false pretenses. If this continues, they'll move on to outright arrests, or worse, killing villagers, without even bothering to fabricate an excuse. Uchiha Kanzou must be removed, and the Uchiha Clan needs to be reminded of their place."
Hiruzen didn't dispute that. Instead, he said quietly, "But it has to be done without provoking conflict."
"How about starting by clipping his wings?" Elder Mitokado suddenly suggested.
"His wings…" Hiruzen murmured thoughtfully. "That would be Uchiha Shin, Uchiha Souta, and Uchiha Satoru."
Those three were Kanzou's primary subordinates, each of them an elite jōnin.
"If his wings are clipped," Mitokado continued, "Uchiha Kanzou's influence within both the clan and the police force will weaken. With that, his confidence and lawlessness will diminish as well. It would make it far easier to oust him, and even isolate him within the Uchiha Clan itself."
Hiruzen stroked his beard and nodded slowly. "Hm… that is indeed true."
Clipping Kanzou's wings would also resolve another lingering issue, the question of succession within the police force.
Under the current circumstances, even if Kanzou were removed, he would simply appoint one of his loyal subordinates as the next captain, changing nothing. But if Uchiha Shin, Uchiha Souta, and Uchiha Satoru were gone, that option would disappear. The position would have to pass to someone else, someone like Uchiha Seiji.
In fact, Hiruzen even felt that, given the right conditions, he might be able to elevate Seiji to the position of Uchiha Patriarch as well.
He exhaled slowly. "The only real problem," he said at last, "is how to eliminate them, inside the village."
In fact, he wasn't opposed to the idea of assassinating Kanzou at all. No, he was fully on board with it. Kanzou had become far too troublesome and dangerous to ignore. The real question wasn't whether to do it, but how to do it, inside the village.
That was the core problem. Kanzou and his men were members of the police force. They operated entirely within Konoha, spending most of their time either inside the Uchiha compound, at the police station, or on patrol. Under such conditions, carrying out an assassination was extraordinarily difficult.
"Can't the ANBU handle it?" Koharu asked. She believed Hiruzen's ANBU should be capable. "And if not them, then what about Danzō's Root?"
Personally, she felt the ANBU had a better chance, but even entrusting the task to Root seemed acceptable to her.
"It's too risky inside the village," Hiruzen replied quietly. "None of them is weak. More often than not, they're accompanied by one or two subordinates. They wouldn't die easily. Any attempt could draw attention, and that would raise questions."
In reality, elite jōnin couldn't be killed silently. There was a reason they were considered elite. To eliminate someone like that without a trace, the assassin would have to be overwhelmingly stronger, and even then, there was no guarantee it could be done quietly.
"If drawing attention is inevitable, then why not brand them as traitors?" Koharu suggested. "Doesn't Uchiha Kanzou love declaring anyone who opposes him a traitor? Why not give him a taste of his own medicine?"
Hiruzen opened his mouth to respond, then closed it again. The idea was undeniably tempting. As Hokage, he did have the authority to label a shinobi a traitor if he believed they had betrayed the village. From a purely technical standpoint, branding Uchiha shinobi who support Kanzou as traitors wouldn't be difficult.
And yet…
"If I do that," he said quietly, shaking his head, "then what difference would there be between Uchiha Kanzou and me?"
People weren't fools. Even if he issued such a declaration, everyone would understand what was really happening. If he began labelling brazen and lawless shinobi as traitors without definitive proof, his image would crumble. He was meant to be a benevolent, righteous, and just Hokage.
He could not stoop to the same ruthless, lawless methods as Kanzou, no matter how tempting they were.
"Subtlety is the key…"
"In that case… how about sending them outside Konoha for missions and then dealing with them?" suggested Homura.
"They're high-ranking members of the police force. They don't go on missions," Koharu said, dismissing the idea as unworkable.
Hiruzen suddenly shook his head. "No… it could work."
"It could?" Both Koharu and Homura turned to him in surprise. "How?"
Hiruzen didn't explain. Instead, he summoned a subordinate waiting outside and issued a direct order. "Call Uchiha Kanzou. Tell him to come meet me."
"Yes, Hokage-sama," the subordinate replied, bowing before leaving the Hokage Tower for the police station.
Once the door closed, Hiruzen took another slow puff from his pipe and murmured thoughtfully, "Didn't he want the budget increased? Fine. We'll give it to him, but he'll have to send all the Uchiha clansmen… even those most loyal to him on missions."
Hearing those words, both Homura and Koharu understood what was it that Hiruzen was planning…
…
Police Station, Konohagakure
"Sarutobi Hiruzen has summoned Kanzou-sama?" Hazuki murmured, blinking as she looked at the ninja standing before her.
"It's Hokage-sama," the subordinate corrected sharply, clearly expecting proper respect.
Hazuki snorted and replied deliberately, "Sarutobi Hiruzen's request to meet our Patriarch-sama has been received and will be added to the appointment list. Patriarch-sama will meet Sarutobi Hiruzen when he has the time."
Each time she repeated the Hokage's name, she deliberately locked eyes with the ninja, making it clear that the disrespect was intentional.
"You—!" the subordinate snapped, thoroughly offended.
Not only had the Uchiha kunoichi refused to address the Hokage by his proper title, but she had also treated the summons as a mere appointment request, implying that Kanzou would come at his own convenience.
The disrespect was blatant.
It was the Hokage issuing the summons, and yet this was the attitude he was met with. The subordinate felt a surge of indignation. Who else in Konoha would dare speak to the Hokage like this, or show such open disregard for his authority?
"What's wrong? Do you have anything else to say?" Hazuki asked, utterly indifferent to the other man's indignation.
"Do you think Hokage-sama is free?" the subordinate snapped. "He has summoned Uchiha Kanzou at this very moment, and yet you—"
He was cut off cold.
"First of all," Hazuki said icily, "don't you dare speak his name. Does a nameless grunt like you have the authority to refer to my Patriarch so casually? Haven't you learned even the most basic manners when addressing your superiors or men who are better than you? Or did Sarutobi Hiruzen fail to teach you anything at all when he appointed you as his subordinate?"
The subordinate's anger flared violently.
This Uchiha kunoichi was calling him disrespectful, while openly disrespecting the Hokage himself. It was as if she were implying that Sarutobi Hiruzen wasn't superior to her in the slightest.
In her eyes, Uchiha Kanzou stood above the Hokage.
How could that possibly be acceptable?
Hazuki, however, clearly didn't care what he thought. She continued coldly, "Just because Sarutobi Hiruzen has summoned my Patriarch-sama doesn't mean he gets to meet him immediately. Unlike Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Patriarch is a busy man. So go tell your master, Kanzou-sama will meet him when he has time."
"You… you really—!" the subordinate sputtered, his fury peaking.
Before he could act, a hand clamped down on his shoulder.
Uchiha Satoru leaned over him, looking down with clear disdain. "Pal… didn't you hear what she said? The appointment's been booked. Your job's done. Now scram, unless you want trouble."
His Sharingan activated, crimson eyes locking onto the subordinate with lethal intent. Around them, other members of the police force watched coldly, their gazes sharp and unfriendly.
The subordinate gulped and quickly backed away, retreating in haste.
Once he was gone, Hazuki snorted and turned on her heel, walking away without another word.
Watching her leave, Satoru frowned. "Why do I feel like she's in a bad mood? It's not because of that guy, right?"
"It's not," Souta replied as he walked beside him, eyes following Hazuki's retreating back. "She's jealous."
"Oh…" Satoru nodded, immediately understanding.
It had everything to do with the fact that Kanzou had gone somewhere with Mikoto and had even called it a date.
"Tch… Patriarch can be pretty cruel," Satoru muttered. "Neglecting Hazuki-chan like that… does he enjoy neglect play or something?"
"Hmm… maybe," Souta said, not entirely dismissing the possibility.
…
Hokage Office
When the subordinate returned, he reported everything that had happened at the police station.
"Not just Uchiha Kanzou… but all of his subordinates," Hiruzen murmured, irritation flickering across his face. His displeasure was directed squarely at the kunoichi named Uchiha Hazuki. 'Only a chūnin, he thought, yet her arrogance rivals Mount Tai.'
"I tried to explain, but…" the subordinate continued, guilt and frustration evident in his voice. "She said the appointment had already been booked, and that Uchiha Kanzou would come to see you when he had the time."
"It's fine," Hiruzen said calmly. "You may step back."
The subordinate bowed and withdrew.
Koharu scoffed once he was gone. "Each of them is more arrogant than the last."
"It doesn't matter," Hiruzen replied dismissively. "Let them be. This will only last for a while."
He took a slow puff from his pipe and continued, unfazed, "If he wants to come at his own convenience, then so be it. If he thinks making me wait, while he sits comfortably in his office, will have any effect, he's sorely mistaken."
Hiruzen understood what Kanzou was trying to do. It was a deliberate attempt at psychological pressure, posturing, asserting superiority, and playing mind games. But Hiruzen didn't mind indulging him. After all, he had already begun planning Kanzou's demise.
What Hiruzen didn't know was that he wasn't entirely right.
Kanzou was playing mind games, but that wasn't the reason he hadn't come today.
The real reason was far simpler.
Kanzou was currently out on a date with Mikoto.
No one outside his inner circle knew about it.
In fact, Kanzou didn't even know that Hiruzen had summoned him.
And even if he had known, he would have chosen the date with Mikoto over the appointment with him without hesitation.
That said, Hazuki hadn't lied either. Kanzou had begun adding requests to a formal list of appointments.
It was just that, today, this so-called date mattered more.
…
Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Konoha—
"Um… Kanzou-sama," Mikoto asked softly as she followed him through the forest, "Why aren't we leaving the village through the main gate?"
Instead of using the main entrance, they were taking a narrow, forested path that required them to hide while leaving the village. The choice puzzled her.
'Is it because we need to hide our tracks?' she wondered.
"It's because others in the village can't know that I'm not here right now," Kanzou replied casually, coming to a stop atop a tree branch.
Mikoto halted beside him. She wanted to ask why, why he didn't want anyone else to know, but she held her tongue.
Since she didn't ask, he did instead. "Aren't you going to ask why?"
"Is it because someone might follow you… Or attempt to assassinate you?" she asked tentatively. It seemed like a reasonable concern.
After all, Kanzou is a famous shinobi with a large bounty on his head in the black market. On top of that, he is also the Uchiha Patriarch and has offended no small number of people, even within the village.
The possibility of someone coming after him was far from unlikely.
"Hm… that is a possibility," he said. Then he turned toward her and lifted her chin with his fingers. "But do you really think that's what worries me?"
"Is it not?" she asked, taking a step back as she noticed the bad look in his eyes.
She could only take one step.
Her back was pressed against the tree, leaving her nowhere to retreat. When she tried to shift sideways, Kanzou planted his other hand against the trunk, blocking her escape.
"It isn't," he said calmly, looking into her eyes. "I'm the strongest shinobi in Konoha right now. There's no one in this village stronger than me, not even Sarutobi Hiruzen. Do you really think I'd fear an assassination attempt?"
Mikoto blinked, stunned. "You're… really the strongest in all of Konoha?"
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Drop power Powerstonessssssssss!
Read ahead of public release on P atreon at: p-atreon.com/Knockturn_Alley
Check out Chapter illustrations on Pixiv: unhinged_uchiha