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Check out Chapter illustrations on Pixiv at unhinged_uchiha
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"So… Fugaku showed up, huh?" Kanzou asked while looking through the report Souta had handed him.
"Yes," Souta nodded. "He was leading the attack." He then proceeded to explain how the entire situation had unfolded.
"That monkey…" Kanzou murmured with a chuckle.
He had already expected Hiruzen to pull something during this mission, but he genuinely hadn't expected the old coot to send Fugaku personally. That part had caught him slightly off guard. Though when he thought about it more carefully, maybe it wasn't that surprising after all.
'Fugaku hates me and my people more than anyone else,' Kanzou thought mockingly. 'Who better to use as the butcher knife than the idiot who wants my subordinates dead the most?'
Satoru suddenly burst out laughing. "That bastard got beaten pretty badly by this guy right here," he said proudly while slapping Duy on the shoulder.
In Satoru's eyes, anyone who beat the shit out of their enemies was automatically a good pal. And after seeing Duy brutalize Fugaku like that, Satoru now looked at the man far more favourably.
On top of that, he also felt strangely proud of himself.
After all, he had been one of the people who arrested Duy alongside Kanzou and dragged him into the Police Station in the first place. In a way, Satoru felt like he had personally helped recruit this monster into their side, and Duy is sort of his minion.
His minion is performing well, as the boss wouldn't he feel happy about that?
Duy awkwardly scratched the back of his head, embarrassed by the praise.
Meanwhile, Satoru continued enthusiastically, "By the time he ran away, Fugaku was limping like a cripple, and one of his arms was completely fucked."
"He still escaped alive, though," Kurumi pointed out.
Souta shrugged. "That's mostly because we stopped pursuing him afterward."
"Fufu… it doesn't matter," Kanzou replied with a smile. "I'm already satisfied hearing that Fugaku is suffering."
His gaze shifted toward Duy. "You did well."
Then he added calmly, "As for Fugaku escaping alive… that's fine too. His time to die hasn't come yet. That bastard still has plenty more suffering left to endure."
After all, suffering built character.
The Fugaku from canon had always been full of hesitation, uncertainty, and indecisiveness. In Kanzou's opinion, the man desperately needed a proper character development arc. It was honestly a shame Kishimoto never gave Fugaku enough attention, but fortunately, Kanzou here was more than willing to do it himself.
He even wanted Fugaku to grow beyond being nothing more than the nepo baby son of an incompetent, dead old man. Fugaku needed to become his own man.
Only then would his character arc truly reach its climax.
'I'm honestly such a good person,' Kanzou thought to himself with satisfaction. 'Giving Fugaku such valuable opportunities for growth… I'm sure he'd be grateful if he knew.'
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Land of That, Fugaku, still hiding and recovering from his injuries, would probably vomit blood if he heard those thoughts.
'You cuckolded me with Mikoto, stole my position as Captain of the Police Force, took away my place as the rightful Patriarch, exiled me from my own clan, and now you've got the Uchihas, who should've been my subordinates in the first place, beating the shit out of me… and you call this character development?'
'Fuck your character development!!!' That was probably what Fugaku would scream if he ever found out what Kanzou was thinking.
Fortunately for his sanity, he had no idea.
But putting that aside, Kanzou once again looked toward Duy with approval.
"You really did well this time."
Duy scratched his chin awkwardly, unsure how to respond. "I'm just happy I got to participate in such a high-ranking mission… and honestly, it felt good to have a proper fight. It made the flames of my youth burn brighter."
Kanzou rolled his eyes at the 'flames of youth' part, but still told Duy calmly, "Don't worry, you'll get plenty more opportunities for that later." He then looked toward Souta, Satoru, and Kurumi. "The three of you did well, too."
But his expression soon turned serious. "Make sure none of you talk about the details of this mission."
As he said that, his gaze locked specifically onto Duy, and his tone became noticeably colder.
"Especially you. Sarutobi Hiruzen will definitely summon you later." His eyes narrowed dangerously. "You are not to say a single damn thing. If you do…" His voice dropped further. "I'll surely know."
The pressure in Kanzou's eyes made Duy's entire body tense. "And if that happens," Kanzou continued chillingly, "you'd better prepare yourself, not just for your own death, but your son's too."
Duy immediately felt a cold sweat run down his back.
He had already experienced Kanzou's terrifying genjutsu before, the absurd illusion that distorted even the concept of time itself. After going through something like that, Duy genuinely believed Kanzou possessed the power to kill him whenever he wanted, even if he fought with everything he had.
He absolutely did not want to gamble with either his own life or Guy's.
"I-I understand…" Duy said quickly while nodding. "I won't say anything without permission."
"Good," Kanzou replied with satisfaction.
As long as Duy remained obedient, Kanzou had no intention of treating him poorly. After all, the man was an extremely valuable weapon.
With that matter settled, Kanzou turned toward Hazuki.
"Now then… let's talk about the compensation. Or rather… the rewards for completing the mission."
Hazuki nodded and stepped forward, helping distribute the rewards prepared for the four of them.
Souta, Satoru, and Kurumi didn't care much about the rewards themselves. Whether it was money or ninjutsu, they already had plenty thanks to serving under Kanzou. Receiving more was nice, but it wasn't something they particularly cared about anymore.
Duy, however, was completely different.
The moment he saw the amount of money being handed to him, his eyes widened in disbelief.
"T-thank you… thank you so much…" he said repeatedly while bowing gratefully toward Kanzou.
It was more money than he had ever seen in his entire life.
With this, he could finally move into a better home. He could eat properly, buy decent training equipment, and improve their quality of life overall.
Most importantly… He could finally give his son a better life and spend more time training him properly.
Since Kanzou was the one providing all of this, Duy felt immense gratitude toward him.
Kanzou merely shrugged. "It's nothing important. Just make sure you don't disappoint me." Then he added, "By the way, I'll arrange a proper training ground for you. Stop training out in those boonies."
Part of the reason was practical. After this mission, Duy's fame will rise and he might very well become a target himself. It was better for him to move out of that rundown place, live somewhere decent, and train in a more secure environment.
"I-I understand…" Duy nodded repeatedly. "I'll do as Kanzou-sama says…"
At this point, he was so grateful that tears of happiness actually began forming in his eyes.
"Ahh, but make sure to throw away those ridiculous tights of yours," Kanzou added darkly. "The children of my clan train there, too. If I receive even one complaint about your disgusting tights… I swear I'll chop everything off."
Duy immediately shuddered as he felt cold in his crotch. "I-I'll burn all of them!" he promised hurriedly.
"That'd be for the best," Kanzou replied casually before waving his hand dismissively. "Alright, all of you can go rest now. Take tomorrow off, too." Then he added lazily, "Work-life balance is important. Don't burn yourselves out. I'll call you in if I need something, but until then, don't bother showing up before the day after tomorrow."
The most excited person hearing that was Kurumi.
"Thank you, Kanzou-sama! You're the best!" she cheered happily while stretching her body. The thought of getting to laze around for two whole days immediately improved her mood.
Soon afterward, everyone began leaving one after another.
Souta, Satoru, and Kurumi headed back toward the Uchiha Compound, while Duy made his way toward the Konoha Ninja Academy to pick up his son.
Though midway there, another thought suddenly crossed his mind. '…Or maybe I should finalize the new house and everything else first? Then I can surprise Guy afterward.'
His eyes brightened immediately. 'Yosh! Let's do that!'
With renewed enthusiasm, Duy changed direction and headed toward a real estate agent instead.
...
Meanwhile, Kanzou finished writing a new scroll, the official report he intended to hand over to the Hokage. Once he was done, he rose from his chair and casually told Hazuki, "Come on. Let's go pay Sarutobi Hiruzen a visit. I'm sure the old monkey is feeling anxious right now and desperately wants to know how my subordinates managed to return alive."
"Should I call Shin-kun as well?" Hazuki asked, considering the possibility that things might escalate into conflict.
"Nah, no need," Kanzou replied dismissively while slipping his hands into his pockets. "I alone am enough to level the village if something happens."
Before, back when she didn't know Kanzou possessed the Mangekyō Sharingan, Hazuki might have felt a little worried hearing something like that.
But now?
She wasn't concerned in the slightest.
So she simply followed obediently behind him as the two left the office together.
As they walked through the streets, they naturally attracted attention, or rather, Kanzou did. Many civilians and even shinobi instinctively stepped aside the moment they saw him approaching, afraid of catching his attention and ending up arrested by the Police Force.
Kanzou, of course, couldn't care less, or rather, his lips curved into a menacing smile as he continued to walk.
With Hazuki following behind him, he casually made his way toward the Hokage Building.
...
Inside the Hokage Office, Hiruzen was already waiting impatiently for Kanzou's arrival.
"Isn't he here yet?" he muttered while pacing around the office.
Hiruzen had already expected Uchiha Kanzou to come personally the moment he heard that Souta, Satoru, Kurumi, and Might Duy had returned alive from the mission. And that alone was enough to make him uneasy.
At this point, he himself didn't even know whether he should feel anxious because Kanzou hadn't arrived yet… or relieved that he still hadn't shown up.
The atmosphere in the office was tense.
Soon, an ANBU operative suddenly appeared and knelt before him, "Hokage-sama… Uchiha Kanzou is here to see you."
"!!!" Hiruzen's body tensed slightly.
'So he really came…' he thought, letting out a quiet sigh. Hiruzen already knew this meeting was going to be troublesome.
The reason for his concern was simple.
Previously, when Seiji, Shinkurou, and Makoto had returned from their mission, Kanzou hadn't bothered coming personally. The mission report had merely been delivered through a subordinate.
But this time? Now that Souta, Satoru, Kurumi, and Might Duy had returned alive after encountering Fugaku and the others, Kanzou himself had come directly to the Hokage Office.
That alone made it obvious that things were not going to be simple.
Even the ANBU operative understood the situation was dangerous.
"Should I tell him you're unavailable?" the masked ninja asked cautiously. "Or perhaps that you're occupied with official matters?"
Hiruzen immediately shook his head, "That kind of excuse won't work on him."
Moreover, even if that excuse somehow worked, it would only delay the matter and make the entire situation even more troublesome later. And right now, the last thing Hiruzen wanted was more complications piled on top of an already dangerous mess.
'Honestly, this whole problem would've solved itself if Uchiha Souta, Uchiha Satoru, Uchiha Kurumi, and Might Duy had simply never returned from that mission,' Hiruzen thought bitterly while clenching his jaw.
If those four had died the way they were supposed to, then none of this would be happening. Kanzou wouldn't be marching into the Hokage Building personally, and Hiruzen wouldn't be standing here anxiously trying to prepare for whatever the hell was coming next.
Yet somehow, all of them had returned alive.
Meanwhile, Fugaku, the man who had been entrusted with handling the situation, was nowhere to be seen.
'Fugaku… you had one job…'
The more Hiruzen thought about it, the more irritated and disappointed he became. Fugaku hadn't merely failed to eliminate Kanzou's subordinates. His failure had now created an even bigger headache for Hiruzen himself to deal with.
Still, Hiruzen couldn't help but feel concerned about the absence of the man.
"Is there still no news about Fugaku?" Hiruzen asked the ANBU standing before him.
The masked operative shook his head. "Not at the moment, Hokage-sama."
Unlike Souta, Satoru, Kurumi, and Might Duy, Fugaku still hadn't returned to the village at all.
That fact alone made Hiruzen increasingly uneasy.
'Did something happen to Fugaku?'
At this point, Hiruzen was honestly hoping Fugaku had simply failed to locate them in time and missed the chance to attack entirely. That would still be embarrassing, but at least it would make the current situation somewhat manageable.
Unfortunately, even he knew that was wishful thinking.
If Fugaku had merely failed to find them, there was no way Kanzou would personally come to the Hokage Office immediately after those Uchihas returned from the mission.
"Then what about Danzō's Root operatives?" Hiruzen asked next, his expression growing darker. "Any reports from them?"
The ANBU hesitated briefly before answering.
"…None so far."
Hiruzen's face twitched slightly. 'Are Danzō's men useless too?'
So much for being the so-called 'Root' supporting the great tree of Konoha. They couldn't even handle three jōnin and a single genin properly.
Hiruzen rubbed his temples in frustration, feeling a headache coming on.
Watching the visibly anxious Hokage, the ANBU cautiously asked once more, "Should I deploy additional ANBU around the building for security?"
"Yes," Hiruzen answered after a brief pause. "Do that."
At the same time, he silently confirmed that he was still wearing his shinobi armor beneath his Hokage robes, just in case things completely went to shit.
Taking a deep breath, Hiruzen sat back on his chair, regaining his dignified look, and finally gave the order, "Let him in."
...
"Yo, Hokagay-sama… how are you doing?" Kanzou asked casually as he walked into the office with both hands tucked into his pockets, and Hazuki following behind him.
Then he glanced around lazily before adding, "You made me wait quite a while. What were you doing in here? Secretly handling some illicit business and ruining the sanctity of the Hokage Office or something?"
Hearing Kanzou's accusation, Hazuki looked at Hiruzen with obvious disgust.
In her mind, if Kanzou had pointed something like that out so casually, then there was probably truth to it. As far as she was concerned, the old monkey genuinely might be the kind of shameless old bastard who secretly did disgusting things inside the Hokage Office.
Hiruzen stared at Kanzou and Hazuki speechlessly, his brows twitching slightly.
'These brats…'
First, there was the deliberately disrespectful tone. Then there was the mocking way Kanzou kept calling him 'Hokagay.' And now the bastard was outright implying he had been doing something obscene inside the Hokage Office.
Plus the disgusted look from Hazuki as if she is looking at a creep.
What the hell was that even supposed to mean?
Do Uchiha Kanzou and Uchiha Hazuki seriously think that the wise and dignified Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Hiruzen, is some kind of creep who would do something illicit in his own office?
'Ahem… I hid the Crystal Ball properly, right?'
Hiruzen's eyes instinctively drifted toward the place where he usually kept the Crystal Ball used for his Telescope Technique.
The moment he saw the spot empty, he quietly let out a sigh of relief.
Fortunately, he had already hidden the Crystal Ball inside the drawer beforehand. Otherwise, things could have become rather embarrassing.
Hiruzen chose to ignore Kanzou's blatant disrespect and mocking tone. Arguing over something like that right now would only make the situation more annoying than it already was.
So instead, he calmly replied, "I am a busy man. Many matters in this village require my attention, so naturally it took some time when you arrived without an appointment."
Then he shifted the conversation directly to the real issue. "But putting that aside… since you came here personally, I assume it's to submit the mission report, correct?"
"As expected of Hokagay-sama," Kanzou chuckled. "You really do have eyes and ears everywhere… except where they should be."
Mocking the Hokage, he casually strolled deeper into the office as though he owned the place.
A moment later, however, he stopped and looked around with visible annoyance.
There wasn't a single chair to sit on.
Most people would have quietly accepted the situation and remained standing. Kanzou wasn't most people. "Isn't there another chair in here?" he asked bluntly.
Hiruzen responded with nothing more than a flat stare. The meaning behind that stare seemed to say that inside the Hokage's Office, only the Hokage sat. Everyone else stood before him. Even if there happened to be another chair somewhere in the room, it certainly wouldn't be offered to Uchiha Kanzou. As far as Hiruzen was concerned, the brat looked perfectly fine standing.
"Well, whatever," Kanzou shrugged.
At first, Hiruzen thought he had accepted the situation.
Then Kanzou started walking toward the Hokage's desk.
Immediately, the ANBU ninja tensed and stepped forward to block Kanzou's path.
Kanzou didn't stop walking; he simply turned his head and glanced at the ANBU. "Move out of my way," he said in a voice that wasn't even loud. Despite that, the ANBU felt a chill run down his spine the moment their eyes met. His body froze instinctively, and before he could even realize it, Kanzou had already walked past him.
What happened next stunned everyone in the room.
Even Hazuki, who has been following Kanzou for as long as she can remember, widened her eyes, 'Kanzou-sama… you really…'
For the first time since entering the office, she became genuinely nervous. Not because she thought Kanzou was in danger, but because she wondered whether Hiruzen would finally snap.
After all, because there wasn't a chair available, Kanzou simply solved the problem himself, and he didn't do so in the conventional way as many would have.
No, he solved the problem in the most nonconventional way, and that was by sitting directly on top of the Hokage's desk.
Let that sink he. He... Uchiha Kanzou directly sat down on the desk where the Hokage handled official village business.
The office fell completely silent. The ANBU operatives stared at him as though they had just witnessed a man walk into a temple and piss on the altar.
In fact, if it were Kanzou, he wouldn't mind doing something like that at all.
Though if he were being honest, he could think of far more entertaining things. For example, pissing on the grave of a man he had already humiliated and cuckolded. And if that wasn't insulting enough, it would be even more satisfying to do it alongside the man's woman, making sure the bastard buried below knew exactly where her loyalties lay now.
Now that would be the kind of insult Kanzou could truly appreciate. A final reminder to the dead that they had lost everything while the living moved on without them.
'I do wonder whose grave I should defile,' Kanzou thought with amusement.
Putting aside a certain foreshadowed future that may be connected to Hiruzen, or rather, his Sarutobi Clan, Hiruzen was staring at Kanzou in complete disbelief.
For several long seconds, he simply sat there looking at the young Uchiha, his mind nearly blank. The sheer audacity of what Kanzou had just done was difficult to comprehend. The brat had walked into the Hokage's Office, ignored every unspoken rule of authority and decorum, and casually planted himself on the very desk the Hokage used to conduct the village's daily affairs.
Inside the Hokage's Office!
In front of the Hokage himself!
The act wasn't merely disrespectful. It was so absurd that Hiruzen's brain almost refused to process it. Never in his life had he imagined that someday, someone would actually do something like this. Even the most troublesome shinobi, the most arrogant clan heads, and the most unruly nobles still understood where the line was.
Kanzou apparently didn't.
Or perhaps the bastard saw the line and deliberately stomped all over it.
That possibility somehow felt even worse.
For Hiruzen, this wasn't simply a matter of personal insult. The desk represented the authority of the Hokage and the administration of the village. Every report, mission assignment, diplomatic agreement, and wartime decision passed through that desk. Yet Kanzou had treated it as though it were nothing more than a convenient stool.
The fact that he looked completely comfortable while doing it only made the situation more ridiculous.
Around the room, the ANBU reacted immediately. Several tightened their grip on their weapons while others subtly shifted their footing. Their masks hid their expressions, but their body language revealed enough. They were furious.
To them, this wasn't merely an insult toward Hiruzen.
It was an insult to the office of Hokage itself.
Several ANBU were already moments away from attacking. Years of training were the only thing preventing them from drawing their blades immediately. Their eyes remained fixed on Kanzou, waiting for the slightest signal from Hiruzen. If the Hokage gave the order, they would descend upon the young Uchiha without hesitation.
Yet none of them moved.
Because despite his shock, despite his anger, and despite the humiliation of watching the young Uchiha sit on his desk as though he owned the place, Hiruzen still hadn't given the command.
And that, more than anything else, demonstrated just how dangerous Kanzou had become.
If this had been almost anyone else, the matter would've already ended in arrests, imprisonment, or bloodshed.
But this was Uchiha Kanzou.
A young man powerful enough that even the Hokage had to think twice before escalating a confrontation.
That realization only made the atmosphere inside the office heavier. The ANBU were angry. Hazuki was nervous. Hiruzen was stunned.
Meanwhile, the person responsible for all of it sat comfortably atop the desk with one leg crossed over the other, looking as relaxed as though he were sitting in his own living room. The grin on his face made it clear that he was fully aware of the chaos he had caused and was enjoying every second of it.
"Now then…" Kanzou began with a smile, tapping his fingers. From his current position, he was literally looking down at Hiruzen.
The old Hokage remained frozen, still struggling to process what had just happened.
Seeing that, Kanzou grinned mischievously and snapped his fingers directly in front of Hiruzen's face.
"Earth to Hokagay," he said mockingly. "Did you get lost or something?"
The sound finally broke Hiruzen out of his daze.
His eyes widened.
The old man looked at Kanzou as though he had never seen a creature this shameless in his entire life.
"You… you…" Hiruzen sputtered, veins on his forehead popping in anger.
For perhaps the first time in years, the Sandaime Hokage found himself completely unable to find the right words.
"Does Hokagay-sama want to say something?" Kanzou asked with a grin, almost daring Hiruzen to open his mouth and complain.
Honestly, he was hoping the old man would.
If Hiruzen said something, Kanzou already had plenty of responses prepared. A few of those responses might even be Tsukuyomi or Amaterasu if he felt like it.
In fact, the reason he was sitting on the Hokage's desk wasn't random either. This wasn't some childish prank done for amusement alone. As far as Kanzou was concerned, the old monkey had crossed a line first.
After all, Hiruzen had really dared to send people after his clansmen.
People had been dispatched to kill members of his Police Force, and now Hiruzen expected him to act politely and pretend nothing had happened?
Bullshit. Compared to that, sitting on the Hokage's desk was already being generous.
In Kanzou's eyes, planting his ass on the Hokage's desk wasn't much different from stepping directly on the Hokage's face. It was the least he could do to express his dissatisfaction.
And frankly, Hiruzen should be grateful that Kanzou was limiting himself to this.
But Hiruzen wasn't grateful; rather, he looked as though he had swallowed something unpleasant.
Yet despite the obvious provocation, he chose to endure it. Instead of taking the bait and arguing about Kanzou sitting on the desk, he forcefully redirected the conversation.
"The mission report," Hiruzen said, pretending not to notice that Kanzou was sitting atop the very table he was supposed to be working at.
"Right… the mission report," Kanzou nodded with a smile, as though the previous exchange had never happened.
Then he turned his head slightly toward Hazuki, "Give it to him."
Hazuki immediately stepped forward, taking out the prepared scroll and handing it over.
It was not Hiruzen who took the scroll from Hazuki, rather it was the ANBU ninja. He took the scroll and unfolded it. After confirming that there were no booby traps, he passed the scroll to Hiruzen, "Hokage-sama..."
Kanzou scoffed before Hiruzen could take the scroll, "I can't believe Hokagay-sama doesn't trust the shinobi of his own village. You even need to have a mission report checked for booby traps before it reaches you..."
Hiruzen paused for a moment. Before he could respond, one of the ANBU immediately spoke up.
"It's for Hokage-sama's safety."
"I know... I know, but still." Kanzou spread his hands with a playful smile. "Aren't I a Konoha shinobi? What reason would I have to do anything that might endanger our beloved Hokage-sama's safety?"
Then he turned his gaze directly toward Hiruzen.
"Or could it be that Hokage-sama has done something that would make him worry about me planting a booby trap?"
The atmosphere in the office instantly grew heavier.
On the surface, it sounded like a harmless question, but nobody present was foolish enough to miss the implication behind it. It didn't feel like a question at all. It felt like an accusation wrapped in a smile and tossed directly at Hiruzen.
"What exactly are you implying, Uchiha Kanzou?" Hiruzen asked carefully.
Kanzou merely shrugged.
"Nothing." He leaned back casually before continuing, "I'm just saying... having the scroll checked first makes it look as though Hokage-sama is concerned about his safety whenever I'm involved. If that's really the case, then I can't help but wonder why."
His smile widened slightly, "Has Hokage-sama done something that would make him so vigilant around me?"
"..."
For the second time, Hiruzen felt the uncomfortable sensation that Kanzou knew everything that he shouldn't and was subtly pressuring him to come clean. Of course, Hiruzen had no intention of exposing himself.
With a light chuckle, he waved the matter away.
"It's simply protocol."
Then he added, "Besides, even if you wouldn't do something like that, what if someone disguised themselves as you and attempted to harm the Hokage? We can't ignore that possibility."
Kanzou stared at him for a moment before letting out a chuckle of his own.
"True..." He nodded as though accepting the explanation. "That is indeed a possibility..."
"Hnn... there's no shortage of assassination attempts that I have to deal with as Hokage. It's only because of these protocols that I'm still alive," Hiruzen added.
Kanzou smiled and nodded slowly.
"I see... I see..." he said before continuing, "Though I would also like to let Hokage-sama know that I'm not such a coward, or such a tasteless bastard, that I'd use traps hidden inside letters and reports to assassinate my targets. So you really don't have to worry about any scroll or document from me being rigged."
"Ahaha... that's a relief," Hiruzen replied with a chuckle.
After that brief exchange, the atmosphere in the office seemed to ease somewhat. The tension that had been hanging in the air lightened, and even the ANBU guards appeared to relax slightly.
Unfortunately for them, relaxing around Kanzou turned out to be a mistake.
"Yes, I mean..." Kanzou continued casually, as if discussing another topic light-heartedly. "If I wanted to assassinate someone, why would I bother with some stupid rigged letter or scroll? Those things don't work anyway."
He paused, "I could just—"
Before anyone could process what was happening, his hand moved.
In a blur too fast for the eye to follow, Kanzou's katana left its sheath.
Shing!
The next instant, the razor-sharp edge of Ryujin Jakka was resting against Hiruzen's neck.
The entire office froze.
"You...!!!" Hiruzen's pupils shrank violently.
The ANBU reacted a heartbeat later. Weapons flashed into their hands as they surrounded Kanzou and Hazuki from every direction.
"Uchiha Kanzou! What are you doing?!" Despite their outrage, none of them dared take a single step forward.
The blade was already touching the Hokage's throat.
One wrong move, one moment of panic, and Hiruzen's head could roll across the floor.
At the same time, Hazuki had moved as well. She gripped a kunai tightly in both hands while her three-tomoe Sharingan spun within her eyes. Her gaze swept across the surrounding ANBU, ready to fight the instant they made a move against Kanzou.
The office descended into a terrifying silence.
No one spoke.
The only sounds that remained were the faint breaths of the people inside the room as they watched each other with tense expressions.
Even Hiruzen Sarutobi felt genuine fear creeping into his heart. He could clearly feel the cold blade pressed against his skin. The edge was so sharp that it seemed capable of slicing through flesh with the slightest push.
For perhaps the first time in a long while, Hiruzen was forced to confront a simple reality.
At this very moment, as long as Uchiha Kanzou wished it, a slight movement of his wrist was all it would take to sever the Hokage's head from his shoulders. And that realization sent a chill straight down Hiruzen's spine.
Just as everyone's nerves reached their limit, Kanzou suddenly burst into laughter.
"Wahahaha... did you get nervous, Hokage-sama?" he mocked. His eyes swept across the room before settling on the surrounding ANBU. "Your ANBU sure look tense. And damn... would you look at that? A dozen ANBU guarding one old man. That's some serious security. Still useless, though, if someone manages to get past all those so-called protocols."
The ANBU felt their faces burn with shame.
There were more than a dozen of them inside the office, yet none had reacted fast enough to stop him. By the time they moved, Kanzou's blade was already resting against Hiruzen's throat. If he had truly intended to kill the Hokage, Hiruzen would already be dead.
Hiruzen kept his breathing steady through sheer force of will. His heart was pounding violently, but he refused to let it show. Staring directly at Kanzou, he asked in a controlled voice, "Uchiha Kanzou... what exactly do you think you're doing?"
Despite the shock, Hiruzen didn't believe Kanzou intended to kill him.
If Kanzou had truly come here for his life, the attack would have ended the moment the sword left its sheath. There would have been no warning, no conversation, and certainly no opportunity for questions.
What truly disturbed Hiruzen wasn't the blade at his throat.
It was the realization that Kanzou had moved so fast and so decisively that nobody in the room had been able to stop him.
Even more alarming was the sheer audacity of it.
This was the Hokage's office, the very center of Konoha's authority. Hiruzen had never seriously considered that anyone would dare pull a sword on him here, surrounded by ANBU and protected by layers of security. That assumption had caused him to lower his guard, even if only slightly.
Kanzou chuckled as he met Hiruzen's gaze, a meaningful smile spreading across his face.
"No need to be nervous, Hokage-sama. I was simply demonstrating something."
He lightly tapped the side of his blade against Hiruzen's neck.
"You were talking about protocols and booby traps. But those things are worthless in my opinion. If I actually wanted to kill you, why the hell would I rely on some stupid rigged letter or trapped scroll? Those methods aren't guaranteed to work."
His smile widened. "If I were targeting your life, this is what I'd do."
The room grew even colder. It seemed as though Kanzou was saying to Hokage that while you rely on traps or something, I have the power to kill you here and now without needing to rely on traps or anything like that.
"Of course, I'm not targeting your life," Kanzou added casually. "I'm just explaining what I would do if I were. And as you can clearly see, I could've taken your head already if I'd wanted to."
His eyes swept across the ANBU surrounding him.
"Your so-called protocols, security measures, and all that other bullshit would've been completely useless."
"..." Hiruzen finally understood.
He understood the meaning behind Kanzou's look. He understood the message hidden behind those words. The sword at his throat had not merely been a reckless stunt; it had been a statement.
"But don't worry, Hokage-sama..." Kanzou said casually as he slowly withdrew the katana from Hiruzen's neck. "I'm not interested in killing you."
As the blade left his skin, a faint streak of blood remained along its edge. Kanzou glanced at it and clicked his tongue in mild annoyance.
"Oh... look at that. The blade got dirty. I'm sorry about that."
Before anyone could react, he wiped the dirty section of the blade on Hiruzen's white Hokage Haori, adding a red stain of blood on it.
The atmosphere in the office became even more uncomfortable.
The ANBU stared in disbelief. Hiruzen's expression stiffened. Even Hazuki's heart was pounding loudly in her chest. Pulling a sword on the Hokage was one thing. Using the Hokage's robe as a cleaning rag immediately afterward was another level of disrespect altogether.
After thoroughly wiping the blade clean, Kanzou slid the katana back into its sheath and smiled lightly.
"Yeah... I'm really sorry about that, Hokage-sama." His tone carried not the slightest hint of sincerity. "And I hope Hokage-sama can keep today's little experience in mind."
Despite the sword being put away, the tension refused to leave the room. The ANBU remained rigid. Their hands stayed firmly on their weapons. Not a single person relaxed.
Seeing their expressions, Kanzou tilted his head in confusion.
"Why so serious, guys?" he asked. "Come on, ease up a little. I'm a loyal shinobi of Konoha. I'm not after Hokage-sama's life." He chuckled before adding, "It's not like Hokage-sama has ever wronged me. How could I possibly want to harm Hokage-sama?"
Those words only made the atmosphere worse.
The ANBU were not fools. They understood the implication behind that statement.
The office grew even quieter.
Only after Hiruzen subtly signaled with his eyes did the ANBU reluctantly take a step back. Even then, they only retreated a short distance. Nobody lowered their guard. Nobody put away their weapons. In fact, several ANBU exchanged meaningful glances with one another.
After a brief moment, the ANBU wearing the Eagle mask gave a discreet signal toward the Spider-masked ANBU.
The message was clear: 'Use your Genjutsu.'
The Spider-masked ANBU immediately complied. Her fingers moved subtly beneath her sleeves as she formed a sequence of hand seals. A faint and difficult-to-detect Genjutsu spread through the room, carefully designed to avoid drawing attention.
'Fufu...' Kanzou laughed inwardly, including the faint chime of bells that he heard, but he pretended not to notice a thing.
Keeping his eyes fixed on Hiruzen, Kanzou spoke as though nothing had happened, "Hokage-sama... aren't you going to read the report?"
"Ah... y-yes..."
Hiruzen nodded. Although he maintained a calm expression, the lingering fear had not fully disappeared. Even now, he could still feel the phantom sensation of cold steel resting against his throat.
Swallowing unconsciously, he reached for the scroll. Then, without wasting another moment, he quickly opened it and began reading the report.
.
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Gimme Powaaahh Shtoness!!!
Of course, you may also read ahead of public release on P atreon at: p-atreon.com/Knockturn_Alley
Check out Chapter illustrations on Pixiv: unhinged_uchiha
If you like this story, then you might also like my other story: One Piece: The Incubus' Adventure. Give it a try.