He brought the fork to his dry lips, biting aggressively into its soft flesh with concentration and nodded his head as if approving its taste, before letting out a pseudo crooked smiled and pointed the white-coated fork.
"Without a weapon"
Exel let out a simplistic smile that curved the edge of his lip sslightly upwards, before unfolding his military uniform, extending his arms to wear it.
"... What?"
In response to Noel's furrowed expression of disbelief, Exel didn't spare him a glance, as he merely pushed the chamber of his revolver after pressing the safety pin on the side, confirmed the prescene of the rounds, and pushed it back in with the palm of his hand, before putting it in the inner pocket of his jacket.
"Then, we're done here. Proceeding our arrival, your enlistment will begin right after. You'll gain quite the experience after you get enlisted for your first time in an army, and who knows? If you find yourself on the battlefield without a rifle, just wait for the man next to you to fall and borrow his. It saves us the paperwork of issuing you one"
He finally proceeded to reach for his belt, where a small closed pocket was, before he unbuttoned it. Taking out two weared-out grey gloves, he gently snapped it on the edge of the table as if removing any dirt on it and -
'That damned crazy bastard. I just tried to tease him a bit and get a proper reaction out of him for the first time, but he's actually insane enough to throw me off to the battlefield without a weapon? Can't I even make a damned joke?'
-Put on the gloves tightly on his hands, creasing any lumps or lines from the unevenly worn glove, before he interwined his fingers, and put them on his lap.
Noel thought about it for a moment as he struggled to find a good solution.
Should he apologize? If he did, would Exel forgive him and provide him a weapon on the battlefield, instead of throwing him 'armlessly'?
Or should he not? Maybe if he apologizes, Exel would take it as weakness, and leave him on the battlefield to grow up on his own.
Noel crossed both options with a red line in his mind. Those two wouldn't do. So then what should he do? He furrowed his brows as he thought about it in conflict, weighing both of his options.
However, the moment he saw Exel about to open his mouth again, he hurriedly, spoke with nothing in mind, all hesitation vanishing.
"I... I"
His lips parted and he tried to speak, but his disarrayed thoughts brought nothing of what he tried to convey.
"It was a joke- .... Hm, Noel, is something the matter?"
'A joke? You're telling me that throwing me into a battlefield without a weapon was just a joke? How do you expect me to tell the difference? No, even more importantly, since when did Exel ever joke?'
Putting on a neutral expression, he slightly shook his head.
"Its nothing. Please go on."
"No, it would please me quite a bit if you could finish your sentence."
Noel inwardly clenched his molars at Exel's unnecessary persistence, and brushed off his concerns.
Who knew what Exel would do if he found out about Noel's thoughts. Maybe he would even give him the honor of actually putting his 'joke' into the gears of motion.
The thought .... did not entertain Noel in the least.
"No, it really wa..."
He did not get a chance.
Noel's heartbeat spiked unsettingly as Exel's eyes shifted rapidly towards the window as if he felt something unusual, lightly placing a palm on his lips as if motioning to Noel to stay quiet, his lips pursed seriously, and even his breathing low.
'What is he doing?'
Noel fell into a spiral of confusion as he noticed that Exel's dry humor had suddenly taken a sharp angle towards serious alarm, his eyes inadvertly looking at the same direction outside the window where. However, he saw nothing other than the mountain planes, the silver-whitish color that turned a light shade of grey because of the sky blocked with clouds, and ....
'The only thing that is a bit different is that we're crossing a high bridge. Whats up with Exel? Has he finally lost it?'
Subconsciously, he had began calling Exel using his correct name, forgetting his 'past' labelled name, Exile.
Exel's eyes were focused, his pupils shifting incessely as if scanning for something specific, his hand reaching out for his inner coat as he hesitated between reaching out and not, to which he pulled out his revolver and pulled back the hammer, before he put it on the table.
Right after, he took out another silver revolver with poor quality apparent from its disadvantageous design, and a mere five chambers, with marks of damage and whatnot apparent with the passage of time.
He placed it on the table as well with a light thud, focusing back on the window.
Noel stared at the revolver for a few moments, his .
'Is Exel the type to use two revolvers instead of one ....? I guess there are all sorts of people in this world, afterall. Still, it must be quite difficult to manage the aim of the two simultaneously. But, I still don't understand it, why is he taking these out these weapons all of a sudden?'
'Could that be why he asked me if he could use a weapon earlier?'
He looked around him, seeing the unfamiliar-looking and dressed passengers speaking normally, before his attention went back to Exel.
'Everything seems normal?' He thought in confusion.
Unable to bear the unfounded silence, he hissed under his breath.
E.. xel?
+]+]+]+]+]==+]+]==+]+]+]+]+[
Hey .... Exel? What are you doing?
Excel?
Looking at Exel's expression, I could immediately tell that something was very wrong with our current situation with how quickly he switched from his dry humor to a monotone expression.
And that ... unerved me. For the always emotionless man with not a single fluctuation of heart, this no doubt brought a sense of unease that wasn't even present when I rolled down the dangerous slope of the mountain without calculation.
I hadn't seen him ever look this wary and grave before, not even when he was before Elias's displeasure.
So, I tried to raise my whisper, but even so, I was unable to get a single reaction out of him. He didn't even spare me glance, much less give me a single moment of attention.
How cold.
My unease increased, but there was nothing I could do. It wasn't like I could simply call him out directly. Who knew whatever that retarded fuck would do to me if I suddenly raised my voice to ask him a question after he had motioned to me to stay silent.
Still, I didn't have enough courage to actually face him, and so in frustration I leaned back for a moment and ran my hand through my hair in frustration, before I lightly tapped on the table in front of him with my knuckles as to get his attention, and held my breath.
Surely this would not be enough for him to snap back at me?
Tap, Tap.
Exel who was looking out of the window, briefly looked back at me with his eyes duller than before as if even the dark blue color of his eyes had taken a turn to a dead-grey, before he looked back at the window, causing my frustration to increase.
At this rate, my nerves won't calm down. Why is it that ever since coming to this world, I've felt that my cortisol levels have spiked up like none other?
With a forcible sigh, I closed my eyes, and pinched the area between my eyes, rubbing my eyes in the process.
I really should take a stress test sometimes.
Otherwise, I feel that I would die out of quick aging out of stress before I even know it.
Just as I was about to give up on Exel answering at all, I suddenly heard him answering me. His answer made me slightly open my eyes, while still watching him in tranquility.
"Pick it up" He spoke, his voice expressionless, dead with no emotion. Had his voice been emotionless before, now it was simply .... what was the term?
Noel, mentally snapped his fingers in his memory as if recalling what it resembled the most.
Ah.
Colorless.
"Pick what up?" Noel asked, as if he couldn't understand Exel's words, yet he was too apprehensive to ask further questions.
"The silver 'revolver'. Now."
Noel hesitated for a moment, and fell silent. He looked a few moments at the revolver before lifting it off the table, and looking back at Exel.
"Why?"
'Why does he want me to pick up the revolver? What is he planning?'
Noel held the revolver in his hands, as he ran a finger through the smooth steel of the weapon. Despite it being made in an age that was semi-medevil with barely any modern technology present, and most not running on accurate science, but rather magic, it was quite odd to see how oddly detailed it was.
Recalling how Exel had opened his revolver previously, Noel clicked the safety pin that released the chamber, before he looked into it, expecting ammunition. A moment passed as he blankly stared into the five empty chambers, before he tried inserting his pinky fingers into the empty chambers to confirm the lack of presence of ammunition.
A bewildered expression made its way across its face.
"Exel ... perchance, you know this revolver doesn't have any ammunition in it, right?"
Just as Exel was about to respond, I felt a sudden violent tremor that caused me to hit my stomach at the edge of the table, knocking the air out of me.
'Fuck! What the hell is happening?'
My eyes flickered to Exel as he stood up, his body lightly glowing a blue color, as he fixed his eyes silently at the frozen river raging below. Ignoring the throbbing pain in my lower ribs, I gritted my teeth to see what Exel was so intent upon looking at.
At first, my eyes couldn't tell anything clear from the raging river. Had it been a lake, it would have been much easier. Yet, the thin ice covering the top river gave me a full reflected image of the bridge.
The Railway of the train had exploded.
My head turned blank, my body frozen, and I felt pain in my ears as the difference in air pressure suddenly occurred, making me hold my head in pain.
'Damn it, not again, not again. I need someone explain to me what was happening. What do I do? What do I do?! Think Noel, think! Fuc ... no, could it be? An enemy attack on this train? Wait, don't tell me....?
No. It can't be.
I recalled what Exel had told informed me about our railway route, moving through the borders between the Empire and the ...
'Shit.'
My eyes widened in realization, and I gritted my teeth in understanding. There was only one option that came to mind, as I realized their target all along was ... Exel.
'The UPG. They took this chance to get rid of Commander Exel, who I recall has a high position. Damned cowards'
I was about to call Exel when-
Without warning, I slipped and stumbled, I felt the train tilt downwards violently, watching in horror. I grabbed on the seat as I felt the train tilting, my body leaning on the flooring, everything around me crashing as well, shattering, and the revolver slipping from between my fingers.
"Understood. Initiate procurement 1. Scenario one has become fully educated."
'Understood what? Understood what?! You're telling me they knew about this attack all along, and decided to keep quiet about it?'
I raised my eyes towards Exel who was nodding his head with a serious expression, his hollow, sunken expression not changing in its slightest, before I suddenly slipped and hit the back of my head on the floor, as the train tilted more.
Desperation filled my eyes, as my grip on the seat became tighter in anger.
I need to live. I can't die here.
Since coming to this world, nothing has been following me other than death. Nothing had ever gone my way, not even once.
No, ever since I was born, what has ever gone my way?
I let out a mocking sneer at the thought. Nothing. Nothing has ever gone on the way. Rage caused my blood to boil in my veins, but my rough breathing and my current situation caused it to slowly, temporarily decrease.
Lets thing about this later. Right now, my priority is to survive, and beat the eternal damnation out of Exel.
Nothing had truly gone my way,
Not even in my .... I furrowed my brows at a weird thought. Not even in my drea-
Dream?
What dream?
This isn't the first time I had thought about this dream before. What dream am I talking about?
My seared blurred vision slightly cleared as I watch painstakingly with the smoke of the ongoing fire stinting my eyes, as Exel took the teacup he had put on the edge of table, and without a second look at it, nor hint of regret or urgency, s it on the wooden-metallic elegant table, shattering it to pieces.
The thin, the thin barrier flicked for a brief moment, before it dispelled, revealing the chaos that had occurred outside the barrier, to which my breath was caught.
I ..*Gasp*..... I.. ca ... n't breath. My lungs were burning from how much smoke I had inhaled, and I unwillingly let out painful coughs.
People had a mix of reactions, some were screaming and panicking in fear in obedience to their primal instinct or survival, with others lashing in anger at others, and pushing them aside. All of them attempted to hold on something to hold on to, while others wept in pain and redemption, praying whatever deity they prayed in to save them, the mix cries of men, woman, and children melding into one of pain, fear, sadness, and prayer.
My eyes stared blankly as I saw a little girl with puffed red eyes and blond hair, crying, her face slightly bruised as she held onto dear life, barely holding on to the leg of table, gasping for breath, a mix of childish sobs and heavy breathing, before she choked on her saliva and started coughing.
"Mommy ... help ... help, I'm sorry. Ahaaaa .... *hick* I will be a good girl *hick* from now on, so please, please help me ...
In horror, I watched as her weak, thin fingers gently started prying from the table. Her eyes widened in horror as she tried to hold on to it, but.
A man bumped into her, her fragile body finally letting go, as she let out a shrill scream and tried to grab on to anything.
"NO, NO, NO, COME HERE, COME! GRAB ON TO ME! COME, ON!"
I screamed at the top of his lungs, and reached out my hands to the girl, almost slipping. I had never been so helpless in my life, not in the past. For the first time in my life, I felt the need to have-
Control.
"HOLD ON, QUICKLY!"
I shouted, and leaned forward even more, as to try to reach out, but I let out a startled gasp, when I felt my grip loosening, and held on tighter than ever, holding on to dear life.
My eyes, in horror and disbelief went to the girl, and I felt tears coming to my eyes for the first time in centuries. I closed my eyes, as I processed the feeling of sadness for the first time properly after her passing.
I never thought that day would come again.
To feel like a human with emotion.
I remember my younger sister telling me that I wouldn't look handsome if I was crying.
That I couldn't ever get married with that sad expression. That I was much better looking, much more handsome, refined with a smile creased on my face.
Yet, I could
My voice never reached the girl. In the end she tumbled, screaming and crying-
Mommy .... it .... hu... rts. It hurts a lot.
Between the screams of chaos, those words entered my ear from her small voice, as her fingers bent at unnatural angles, her bone peeking out with deep purple and blue marks at the ridges of her fingers when she tried to grab on to something, her face riddle with tears, snot, and bruises.
Ugly.
But
....ridiculously
human.
My eyes stared blankly as I saw she unknowingly slipped down to a sharp edge, her nape moments before making contact with it. I couldn't think about anything. Nothing. I wanted to call for her to warn her, to save her from her demisable, ghastly fate, to extent her life even if by a moment.
But all I ever did was closed my eyes, and weep silently.
Oh, how useless I am.
How inept.
Oh, how retarded I am.
How moronic.
Oh, how fucked up I am.
How. Utterly. Pathetic.
Oh, how much of a son of a goddamn bitch I fucking am!
I didn't do anything even if I could. I could have saved her, but I didn't. Because I was too cowardly to move. Because 'Oh~ I am soo~ scared of death! How dreadful!'
Maybe I should burn in some ditch like a dog.
And I doubt I'd learn my lesson.
. . .
But a part of me thought, was I really wrong?
Was trying to survive alone so wrong?
Because I knew, like she knew, It was already too late. I never deserved to live normally.
Did I really think I was worthy of living so?
That isn't even funny.
Its normal that death followed me everywhere.
Because I simply. Deserved it.
And what I saw wasn't acceptance on her face in her final moments, but it was desperation, right before I heard the sound of a
CRACK.
Her neck smashed against a piece of sharp wood, deforming into a twisted wrenched L-shape with the top of her spine shyly peeking out and leaking the clear spinal fluid, her tongue protruding out, her eyes wide open, still puffy, red, with lingering tears there from the aftereffect of her crying calling for anyone to help her.
Noel realized, that it was either him, her, or both.
Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for others?
Or sacrifice yourself for your own self?
Or rather, sacrifice others for yourself?
Or sacrifice nothing for yourself, or others?
He didn't know what to answer. No, he didn't want to answer.
He suddenly blinked his eyes.
Vision going white a bleached white color in his eyes, before he heard the sound of things in front of him getting destroyed, the music and crescendo of collapse approaching him closer, closer, and closer, and he felt-
The air getting sucked out of his lungs making him gasp for oxygen and nitrogen, holding his neck and chest, saliva falling out, a sudden drop in pressure occurring, before slowly building up around him.
H ..... el ...p
He wheezed, his corners of his eyes gradually darkening.
And then.
B↓o↓om.
He felt the heated pressure shockwave of the explosion, which sent him flying, his ears bleeding as he heard tinnitus in his ears, and his head collided violently with a metal pole, his head tearing open a bloodish wound above his ear.
A series of explosions, dying the entire world around him with screams, gorgeous vermillion orange, and Meridian red.
And my last thought in mind just as I was about to collide was.
'W.... wha... t a wo ... rld'
And with that, I lost consciousness.
----------
The dead have no past.
The dead have no future.
The dead have no present.
The dead do NOT move.
I Will Not Allow It