Water glistened peacefully, crickets and other insects sung out to him as he stood at the edge of the body of water. This would be a perfect night for Giyuu to float on the calm running water. The moon was shining brightly and there was a gentle breeze, even the humidity was low… And yet it was empty. There wasn't even the scent of the wisteria incense that Giyuu would hang from the branches. Sanemi's stomach turned as he spun around and bolted towards the Water Estate. He had scared some small creature as he ran through the animal trail back to the overgrown land of her estate. His heart was pounding as he saw the familiar incense pot hanging in its assigned hook, there was no trail of the strong scented smoke. Sanemi quickly reached for the handle, if it was locked, he had broken it once, he'll break it again.
It was unlocked… more than that, it was hardly latched. The lock was intact but it didn't stop the anxiety flowing through his limbs.
The halls of the Water Estate were silent, yet there was no doubt in his mind that Giyuu was somewhere in the large, empty estate. Each step echoed and creaked. Briefly Sanemi wondered if he needed to worry about her ambushing him if he didn't announce himself, though there was something holding him back from shouting through the quiet walls. Perhaps it was the tension that was coming off her in waves during their walk back to the Wind Estate or how she left without telling him…
The halls were practically pitch black, he was lucky the moon was nearly full, granting him some light as he stalked the halls for his lover. The first room he checked was the one that housed that small kotatsu table the two used to spend so much time under. Sanemi expected the table to still be in the center of the room, but instead he was surprised to see multiple tiny tables pushed together. His brows furrowed until he unfortunately was reminded that Giyuu was training the boys he had banished from the Wind Estate here. Those two annoying boys and… and Genya. Sanemi recalls Giyuu off handily mentioning his brother was the first to pass of the three. He should have asked… but he couldn't. Nevertheless she wasn't in the room, Sanemi gently shut the sliding door. Turning to the kitchen, opening the door, he sighed as the moonlight shunned in, exposing how empty the tiny kitchen was.
"Giyuu..?" Sanemi called cautiously, his voice echoing through the vacant walls. If he truly didn't know better, he would have assumed this estate was abandoned. The first time he ever laid eyes on it three years ago, he was certain it was… The foundation was sturdy yet avoided life. Whoever built this estate must have attended it to withstand multiple generations of slayers. The sections it had were obvious of its once important purpose. The Wind Estate was built similarly.
Sanemi gave a huff as he continued down the halls opposite of the kitchen. His next stop was Giyuu's bedroom. That was where she was the last time she left the Wind Estate without telling anyone. He didn't bother to open any of the other sliding doors.
That was… until he passed one that was slightly ajar…
At first he didn't think much of it, however when a floral scent of incense hit his nostrils he looked over his shoulder back to it… In the silence, all he could hear was the symphony of insects outside. There was no movement inside. And yet Sanemi found himself taking a step back towards the door and gently opening it.
Giyuu…
She was sitting in silence in front of the small altar on the worn cushion. Two thin incenses were burning in their holders on top. Giyuu had her head down, she wasn't mouthing a prayer nor had her hands up, they sat folded in her lap.
Sanemi stared at her for a moment, the moon's light helped illuminate the room. Coming to a decision, he gently shut the door behind himself as he stepped inside. Giyuu didn't move as he took the cautious steps beside her, Sanemi quietly sat on his knees. Once again, he pressed his hands together and thanked the two names that were engraved on the tablets. The two that Giyuu cared deeply for…
Neither spoke for quite some time, Sanemi wasn't sure how much time had gone by but he wasn't exactly concerned about it. It wasn't until a gently sigh next to him did he open his eyes and glance at her. His heart ached witnessing that vacant expression she wore so often before their relationship. While Giyuu still wore rather plain ones, her eyes had more life to them. However now… with her eyes open and staring at the altar, he felt like he was suddenly back at square one.
"…He's alive." It came out as a whisper, perhaps she needed to say it out loud. She stared ahead at the two items on the altar. "It would be fair… to tell you about them, wouldn't it..?" Giyuu began quietly, not sparing Sanemi a glance. "You had mentioned your family before…"
"It wasn't exactly in detail." Sanemi retorted, because it wasn't. When he shouted at her that his father would beat them and how he sacrificed so much for his siblings, he wasn't in a sane mindset. He was spiraling from Genya's presence in the corps along with his confession he was eating demons… "I know you loved them. That's all I need to know if that's all you're willing to give me."
There was a pregnant pause between them. Giyuu's fingers flexed and curled at her pants. "… Alright."
Sanemi took in her form again, there was a bead of sweat at her forehead. His eyes shifted to her shoulders and it hit him that she was wearing that mismatched haori again. While the temperature was beginning to lower, it was still far too hot for all those layers while inside a building. "You're going to get heatstroke wearing that."
Like before, Giyuu took her time answering. "I… I just need it on."
Sanemi furrowed his brows, he kept any tone that could be considered aggressive in check as he asked, "Why? It's still far too warm inside here."
A shaky breath left Giyuu's lips, he had expected that maybe she was beginning to feel the heat with the haori on. Instead… Giyuu raised her right hand and placed it on the turtle shell pattern half on her left shoulder. "Sabito…" Sanemi stared at her with a puzzled expression, until her left hand rested on her right shoulder with the maroon side. "Tsutako…" Giyuu gripped the fabrics tightly, her arms crossed over as if she was giving herself a hug…
Sanemi's stomach dropped along with his heart…
The sentiment of the mystery mismatched haori was revealed… It was far worse than anything he could have come up with. Two halves of those who Giyuu had loved so dearly. One half of the boy who she trained with, Sabito. The other was her older sister, both of their lives were cut short by disgusting demons. Giyuu had sown the two halves together, carrying a permanent reminder that they were dead…
"I…I feel closer to them this way." She confessed, tightening her grip on the fabrics as if it would vanish off her shoulders.
"I see…" Sanemi was at a loss for words. He didn't know how to comfort her like he so desperately wanted to do. Both had lost so many people that were dear to them… What could he say or do for her? "Then I'll get you a glass of water. You need to drink something." It was the bare minimum of what Sanemi could do for her while she wasn't in the right mind space to speak openly with him.
Giyuu gave a simple nod in response. Sanemi didn't ask for more.
…
Fortunately, Giyuu drank the water easily, settling the glass down next to her when she was finished. Unfortunately, all the Water Estate had was rice once more due to her living in the Wind Estate as of late. Sanemi told her he could catch a few fish for them, knowing she hadn't eaten.
"I'm not hungry."
Sanemi wanted to argue with her and convince her to eat… however she was still mourning the loss of a living man. It wasn't something that would be gone with a snap of his fingers. He couldn't help but imagine that his fiancé was struggling on preparing a spot for Urokodaki on the tiny altar. However, she wasn't ready to move the shattered mask or droopy pink ribbon.
…
Sanemi busied himself around the estate while Giyuu continued to sit in front of the two names on those tablets. He did a bit of dusting in Giyuu's bedroom before rolling out her futon and finding a light summer blanket along with a single pillow. Once that was done, Sanemi opened her chest of drawers to pull out one of her sleeping yukatas. He recalled leaving one of his own here since the time they took a dip in the river then stayed the night.
Finding the article of clothing and leaving her bedroom, Sanemi set out on finding the bathing room. Once he finally did, he lit a few lanterns and began to clean the tub. When it was squeaky clean, Sanemi rinsed it out before he turned on the faucet. Giyuu's bathtub was far smaller than the one at the Wind Estate. While his was a large square that could hold four comfortably, Giyuu's was rectangular and seemed like two would be the limit. Nevertheless, Sanemi began filling the tub, leaving the water on a weak stream to keep it warm and for it to not overflow while he brought his lover in.
…
Convincing Giyuu to join him took a moment… At first she claimed she hadn't done enough training to need to bathe. However when Sanemi suggested it was just to relax together, he saw her hands twitch as if considering the offer. Slowly, she rose and followed him into the bathing room.
Sanemi helped strip her of her clothing. This was after Giyuu took off and carefully folded her haori. When he originally reached to help take it off, she visibly tensed. His touch was slow and light once she allowed him to undress her, no flirtatious lingering drags of fingertips or pinching her skin teasingly. Sanemi combed and tied Giyuu's thick hair up higher to avoid getting it wet. Giyuu's gaze was still distant, even when Sanemi washed her body, she was stiff, however didn't move away from his touch, even leaned into it when he massaged her shoulders. He worked out some knots, a soft grunt was the only sound she made.
Stepping into the hot water, Giyuu finally sighed. There was still tension in her body, yet she seemed to finally release a stubborn breath she was holding onto. Sanemi's hands massaged up and down her arms while she leaned her back against his chest. The soak was quiet, Sanemi wasn't going to disturb the silence. With the slid open window, soft chirping of insects played through.
That was the only sound that played in their bath.
…
Once dried, Sanemi tied Giyuu's yukata around her body, keeping the knot loose in case she was too overstimulated and clothing could affect her more. Giyuu folded her dual sided haori, keeping it close to her chest as she followed Sanemi out of the hall and towards her bedroom. She seemed slightly surprised that the futon was already set for them, perhaps she hadn't realized how much time had truly passed, it was well into the night. Crawling under the thin covers, Giyuu carefully placed her haori at the top of the futon, right above her head.
Sanemi entered the bed cautiously, unsure if she actually wanted him to sleep next to her. However, once he fully laid across from her, Giyuu slowly inched closer to him. Sanemi responded with open arms, taking her in and bringing her close to his chest.
Sanemi's fingers combed through Giyuu's thick hair, attempting to lull her to sleep while they rested in bed, her head on his chest. He could feel her body wasn't relaxing even though she was breathing evenly. It made him wonder if this was how Giyuu constantly was before they opened up to each other; eating and sparring together practically every other day. If her mind and body was truly this closed off to everything. That this was how Giyuu went through her emotions she didn't wish to acknowledge.
"…I think…" Giyuu began quietly against Sanemi's chest, he didn't respond, giving her the time she needed to formulate her words. "I think… my sister would have liked you…" She sighed softly, weight still heavy on her shoulder.
Sanemi hummed, continuing to run his fingers through her hair. "Yeah?" Giyuu nodded against his warm skin.
"She'd probably be a little taken aback at first… but if she saw how you cook for me and treat animals along with children… I think she'd like you a lot."
Sanemi smiled at that. There was a quiet voice in his head telling him to deny it, but there wasn't much he could do. He did love animals, from Sorai to the strays he'd feed and find homes for when the weather is too harsh for them on the streets. And he blamed taking care of all his siblings and the neighborhood children that would swarm to him when their parents had to run out; for how he is around young children. The word is terribly cruel to children… he didn't want to be a reason for why their day was miserable. He never said it outright or outloud… but Sanemi took such great pride in being the safe haven for the children he took care of. "I see… She was your older sister..?" Sanemi asked cautiously, unsure of how much Giyuu wanted to share.
"She was… Tsutako basically raised me after… after our parents died." Giyuu explained somberly. "They fell ill, it all happened so fast. I don't have too many memories of them. Like I said, Tsutako did everything she could to raise me… I don't think I ever noticed her struggling if she did. It always just felt like I was just spending time with my big sister." She spoke absentmindedly.
Sanemi hummed once more, placing his hand gently on top of Giyuu's on his chest. "That's what older siblings do… If something is going wrong, we'll grin and bear it if that means protecting our younger siblings from it." There were far too many nights he went hungry making sure his siblings and mother had food. Sanemi would lie and say he ate his portions while preparing their sad excuse of a meal for them all. But it was all worth it if they could go to sleep with full stomachs. He knew the pain hunger caused and didn't want them to take on the burden if they found out he was skipping so many meals for them.
It was Giyuu's turn to give a little hum, allowing Sanemi's embrace to anchor her down. "Her fiancé was planning on moving in… He was very kind, had a bunch of siblings so he'd always play with me and make me laugh. It was really exciting. It felt like I was in a family again…" Giyuu's mind played out blurry memories of playing tag, hide and seek along with other childish games with her sister and soon to be brother in law. "You would have liked her cooking. Or… rather would have liked the desserts she made. Tsutako was always picking up recipe books on desserts rather than actual cooking." It felt right to replay these memories out loud, to remind herself they were real.
Sanemi chuckled, not even denying the sweet tooth accusations. "Sounds good to me. She could make the desserts while I make the main course." Sanemi's heart fluttered slightly, he could feel Giyuu's lips raised up slightly with a faint smile on his skin. She gave a hum in agreement, seemingly pleased at the soft fantasy of her lover and sister cooking together. Perhaps if they were all alive… They'd all live together in a multi generational home. "It would have been nice sharing the kitchen with someone that knew what they were doing." Sanemi teased softly, hearing the amused little huff come from Giyuu. "Wanna know how we'd pass the time?" He didn't wait for an actual answer. "We'd pass it by sharing embarrassing stories about you-" Sanemi laughed as Giyuu removed her hand from his chest, pulling it back and giving a loud slap against his shoulder. All it made him do was laugh harder. "It's just what older siblings do!"
Giyuu tilted her head upwards to look at his face, with the soft lighting coming in from the moon, he could see the amused smile across her face with her brows knitted. "I don't need you two joining forces like that." She huffed softly.
"You wouldn't be able to handle it! We'd know all your weaknesses." Sanemi continued to tease, holding on tight to the smile upon her lips. It was weak, twitched slightly.
With another huff of a laugh, Giyuu gazed a bit distantly at Sanemi's face. She inhaled, it hitched softly… her lip quivered. Sanemi understood instantly what was about to happen… his arms wrapped around her back, bringing her up closer towards him. Giyuu wrapped her arms around him, digging her nails in as her body began to tremble. A sharp inhale came from her lips, leaving in a broken sob. "I—I don't want him to die…" Giyuu confessed, she didn't need to say his name for him to know it was Urokodaki she was talking about. "A-and that's selfish, right..? Everyone dies and leaves— but—b-but he believed me." A hiccuping inhale came from her nose as she attempted to compose herself against her lover's skin. "I—I don't want him to—to die before me. I can't— I can't lose him too."
Sanemi didn't add anything, he didn't tell her that wasn't going to happen or that it'd all work out in the end, because in their cruel reality, it very well may not… Sanemi continued to just hold her tightly as she voiced her fears and worries. His fingers went back into her long hair to try and sooth her, he could only imagine this rush of emotions have been building since the afternoon when Tokito was clueless enough to ask her how the old Water Pillar died. Giyuu's frantic thoughts were in too much of a panic to realize Tokito wouldn't have truly known who the old Water Pillar was or Giyuu's relationship with him. The Mist Pillar wouldn't have known that the aging man was so important to her.
"He's— he's the only family I have left." Giyuu gasped wetly against Sanemi's shoulder. "I haven't spoken to him—him for so long."
Sanemi's heart ached. Earlier, he had briefly thought about his reaction of Genya being in the place of Urokodaki; he originally thought his reaction would be similar to the dread she felt. But now to know that in Giyuu's eyes, Urokodaki was also her last remaining family, he was positive he'd be going through the same tidal wave of emotions and thoughts. Genya was all Sanemi had left of his family, the only person he could share memories with and knew him before all of this terrible bullshit happened. And yet Sanemi couldn't face him, couldn't bear the idea that he's throwing his life away being in the Demon Slayers corps when he solely wanted him to stay alive.
"I never said-said it to him… he shouldn't be dead… He-he— shouldn't die." Giyuu's lips trembled as she spoke and cried against the warmth of her lover. She had never told Urokodaki how much he meant to her, how he filled the father figure role she lacked. The day she returned from the final selection, body and spirit broken while she clung to the bloodied turtle shell haori, Urokodaki ran to her. He dropped any and everything he had and embraced her, grounding her tightly as they both weeped. Giyuu couldn't remember all that he said in his sorrow, she remembers the words of her strong teacher, trembling to tell her how strong she was to have made it all the way back through his tears dripping down his chin. He was proud of her and who she was becoming even if it was painful for the both of them that she now had to do it all alone. And through all that, Giyuu wanted to tell him how much she appreciated and loved him for all he had done for her… but she couldn't. The days it took to travel back, Giyuu only had her thoughts to keep her company, her thoughts that betrayed and belittled her. The connection was made, when she was obsessively thinking of how everyone she loves died the moment her words came out. Giyuu couldn't curse the man that saved her like that. Just how she couldn't curse the person cradling her so tightly. Sanemi's earnest embrace was all that was anchoring her. Her throat and heart were squeezing ever so tightly from her tears, Giyuu clung to Sanemi like he truly was the last lifeline she had left. "Sanemi—" Giyuu sobbed, she didn't know why she was calling to him, all she knew was what her aching heart needed to do.
"I'm here…" Sanemi's voice was strained, his own throat becoming tight while embracing his weeping lover. "I have you…" His large hand ran up and down her back in a soothing manner while his other was untangling from her thick locks of hair to securely hold her. "I'm not leaving, Yuu." Sanemi promised, kissing her temple tenderly. The action only had her sobbing harder, however, Sanemi couldn't help but feel Giyuu was becoming lighter as she finally spoke out loud what had been eating at her.
Giyuu distanced herself so far from those that could care for her. If she was constantly alone… then Giyuu wouldn't feel the pain of loving and losing someone once again.
"It— it's a burden, i-isn't it?" Giyuu managed to get out coherently enough. "To be with someone like this-"
"Don't go saying shit like that." Sanemi interrupted and attempted not to sound too harsh, though he wasn't the best at controlling his tone. Instead he just held Giyuu tighter, squishing her against his body. "Giyuu, I don't know if you've somehow haven't noticed, most people try to stay out of swinging distance from me. I got a shitty personality and an even shittier temper. If you think crying is enough to scare me away, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that."
Giyuu took in muffled little hiccups against his shoulder, her body trembling and hands curling into the clothing he wore. "A—alright, alright." His response wasn't truly something that needed to be answered, though Giyuu felt she needed to say something, anything to him.
Sanemi kept her close. Comforting others isn't something he's done in a long time… Back then; in his childhood, he'd comfort all his siblings when they needed it. Whether it was becoming sick, he'd be by their side, placing cool rags on their foreheads to break their fevers. If they woke up with a nightmare, he allowed them to crawl into his futon with him; Sanemi would hold their small hands till they could fall back asleep. When that bastard of a man hit them… Sanemi would do what he could to take their beatings, holding them afterwards as they cried, managing to get something to stop the swelling on their skin and to sooth their pains. He would hold them close and whisper that everything was alright, that their big brother was there to take care of them… There still was a hole in his heart that he left their tiny apartment that night… It wasn't the time to dwell on that…
"You're allowed to cry, Yuu…" Sanemi spoke quietly against her hair. "It doesn't make you a burden." He pressed a small kiss to the top of her head.
"It—it's unsightly." Giyuu spoke through her tears.
"Unsightly—? Giyuu, you're gonna hate to hear this then. You're a really pretty crier." Giyuu slapped his arm weakly. Sanemi smiled softly at the familiar, harmless slap. "Always hitting me. I mean it, you really are. It doesn't mean I want to see you cry. But that also doesn't mean I want you to hold everything in around me… You're human. You're allowed to feel things."
There was a sniffle, Giyuu shifted her face to be buried in the crook of his neck. "I—I feel… I feel weak… I feel weak like th-this, Sanemi." Her grip threatened to tear the thin fabric of the yukata he wore.
Sanemi sighed, he couldn't argue with her. Anytime he cried, it didn't matter if it came when he was sad or angry, the sense of being vulnerable was terrifying. "I know… I can't… I can't magically convince you otherwise, I know that. You're strong… you're so fucking strong, Yuu. Everything I see you do, I think about how hard you've trained. I used to be a dumbass and think all that came naturally to you, that you were this natural born fighter. But you weren't, you fucking trained you ass off to make yourself into a warrior." Sanemi spoke the first things that came to mind, not stopping to think. "You… you're allowed to feel weak. Because when you do, I'll just put up my guard to protect you. Just like I expect you to do with me." He gently nudged her in his arms, feeling her lips twitch against his neck. "If I'm in fucking hysterics, crying my eyes out so hard I can't see, I expect you to be there with your sword drawn. I don't care if it's in our bedroom, I want your sword out ready to fight the air-"
"Oh god!" Giyuu gave a wet laugh at Sanemi's description. "Sh-shut up." She said with no bite behind her words, sniffling and smiling as she rubbed her face with her light yukata's sleeve.
The tension in Sanemi's shoulders eased, he used his hand to push back Giyuu's bangs, kissing her forehead. "I'm… not the best at comforting others anymore… But I want you to be able to come to me when you're this upset. We aren't good at being fucking vurnable with each other… and I can't ask you to suddenly drop all your walls and tell me everything that's going on in your head. Because I know I can't just fucking do that…" His hand rubbed up and down her back, feeling the soft tremors begin to ease. "But I want to try to with you…"
There was a small nod from Giyuu, her face was stained with tears and still flushed. "I…I can't promise I can do that…" She had done everything alone for so long… The only thing that felt right was to be by herself if her emotions became too strong.
"Just the fact you didn't turn me away the second I arrived is enough for me." Sanemi's hold didn't falter. Giyuu gave a weak whine, holding onto the hand that was near her neck, bringing it closer to lay her head on it. His thumb gently massaged small circles on her cheek. "Rest… I'll be here when you wake up."
Giyuu nodded, closing her tired and sore eyes. "Sanemi…?" He hummed softly to acknowledge her. "…Can… Can you make sure I write to Urokodaki-san in the morning..?" She couldn't keep putting it off, especially after the painful regret that swarmed in her chest when she had thought the older man passed away. "I want to tell him… I want to tell him I'm engaged…"
Sanemi's heart fluttered, he's sure if Giyuu was more put together she would have noticed, what with their chests pressed together. "I will." Sanemi promised. After the tidal wave of emotions… Sanemi still managed to feel giddy that she wanted to tell the man that was essentially her father figure that they were getting married.
"Thank you." Giyuu's voice cracked, yet she felt lighter now that she voiced her sorrows to her lover… Her tears never made her feel better, if anything she felt as if she was suffocating sobbing alone with her terrible thoughts. All air bubbles would pop while her head was under the weight of her tears. Sanemi… with Sanemi keeping her head above the heavy water, Giyuu could breathe again.