PoV - Rachumel, Definitely An Inch Taller Now, No, He's Not Coping
It's only been a month since we left Adam and Eve and their family, and I had to admit, I kinda missed them.
Well, I don't miss Cain, but that's because half the time I feel like I'm looking over his shoulder. This shit is mad-dizzying.
Helel said that's because I wasn't trained to be a guardian angel. Most of the time, a guardian is fully present at all times, and only the more powerful angels are assigned to more than one person and have to split their attention like I did "accidently" or "subconsciously."
Then he regretted saying that because I became smug as fuck over being "powerful and special", hehe.
With my biblical revision now over, we decided to start heading northish, following along the coast as we walked. I kinda wanted to go east once Lilith drained my balls again, but Helel immediately vetoed that.
"That seems a bit weird to say 'No, East is Bad', don't ya think?"
"You have not yet had to deal with those insufferable Deva."
"There's a story there if you consider them insufferable, brother."
"Not one I am willing to repeat. Suffice to say, you are not prepared for the… difficulties of dealing with those gods."
"What about the lands past those crazy Dragonball fanatics?"
"What- Nevermind. Perhaps one day, Rachumel."
So yeah, with East blocked off to us, I figured just heading North would be neat. Meet some Greeks, poke some Slavs, drink with Vikings, all that fun stuff.
Maybe I can convince them all that 'French' is a slur. Now that is a funny idea.
"What are you giggling over?" Lilith asked, an eyebrow raised. She had finished cooking, and I just set the tent so Lilith could add her magic protections for the night. Helel was somewhere ranting and seething about Moloch still being alive.
I wasn't that surprised. Not because I thought Mom was wrong to kill them or that Mom was infallible, and not even because of all the """conspiracy""" theories back in my old world that had the rich and the famous in death cults offer child sacrifice and virgin rape to Moloch and Baal.
But because Murphy is a right bastard and probably heard Elohim go, "I definitely killed them all," or something and took that as a personal affront.
"I was considering the feasibility of teaching humanity slurs this early in history," I said to Lilith, and ignored the flat look her face transitioned to. "It's fun to think about, but… I figure I might have to wait for humanity to start really trading with each other as opposed to raiding each other."
"Humanity does trade," Lilith pointed out.
"Yeeeeeah, but it's more of a survival thing now." I rolled my shoulders as I fluttered in place. "Once they get to trading more than food and leathers, then we can consider enhancing the power of humanity's racism."
"I sincerely hope you are joking."
"Well, humanity doesn't really need my help in inventing them, I guess." I hummed as I scooped up some stew, chock full of rabbit meat and carrots. "Anyway, you didn't seem to hate meeting with Adam and Eve."
"What I had with Adam is dead." Lilith filled her own wooden bowl with stew, snapping her fingers to turn a rock nearby into a thin spoon. "It was good that we both realized that. Eve reminds me a great deal of myself, and… I did not hate conversing with her."
"First, you know we already have spoons, right?" I pointed at her with one of the wooden ones I had carved as practice for controlling my personal strength. "Second, really? I didn't think you and Eve would have bonded over too much. Was it magic? Or the way your ass is an equal for her tits, maybe?"
Lilith chuckled. "Leave it to a man to bring things back to sex." She spooned some of the stew between her lips, chewing and swallowing before answering me. "Magic, among other things. She is… intelligent. And we shared interests."
"Uh-huh."
"Worry neither of your heads about it."
"You can't prove I was thinking about a threesome."
"No one need prove you think about fornication, dear Rachumel. We all heard your lament about not getting your sister to watch us mate like beasts."
"I resent that comparison. I do a lot more cuddling than most animals!"
"I must question if that counts when your cock is reshaping my internals."
"We live in an ecchi world that's hiding dark fantasy beneath it and is transitioning to full on dark hentai at this rate. You don't have internal organs, you have more space for my dick. Female bodies only pay heed to physics and reality right up until there's a fat cock inside it."
"One day, Rachumel, someone will understand these references you make, and I suspect they intend to strangle you."
"Don't threaten me with a good time!"
Our talk continued past dusk's end, when the moon above was shining down and the stars twinkled in the night. Helel arrived to eat a little of the cooking at my insistence, but otherwise immediately continued his brooding patrol of the area. Lilith went to rest, but I decided I wanted a flight of my own to stretch my wings out.
As I coasted on thermals, I turned around to stare up at the brilliant blanket of darkness. It's cliche, sure, but without the light pollution of the modern world, the tapestry of the universe unfurled before me. I didn't feel small, or weak, or even afraid.
I hadn't really considered it before, but I changed the Bible. Helel fell alone; he didn't become an insane evil bastard; Lilith isn't a heartless bitch angry at her husband and wanting to hurt him; and I averted the First Murder. Well, not the first literally, but one of the most important ones. Cain was on his way to a new, more positive direction, all because I tried to help.
Maybe I really am making a difference…
I grinned, spinning back to fly over a nearby lake, dipping down over it to drag the tip of my top left wing across the surface, tracing my winding path over the body of water. I reached the edge of the lake and twirled, turning to race back across the serene waters, and stopped.
On the far left side of the lake, sitting on a rocky outcropping, was what appeared to be a young, winged woman. She was slender, thin, wiry like a tensed spring. Dark grey wings tainted by soot fluttered behind her, as if uncertain what they should be doing. White hair tinged ash grey tumbled from her scalp like a waterfall of snow, vibrant ice blue eyes shining from beneath her bangs. She had basic leathers covering her body, but her legs were pulled close to her body. Her body language all but screamed misery, exhaustion colouring her brow with the way her eyes drooped.
And she was clearly not an angel.
Something in my soul ached just looking at her obvious melancholy. She might be greek, maybe not, but… she could use a friendly face. I couldn't tell exactly what she was, but my thought leaned towards a spirit of some kind. A part of me that had internalized Mom's warnings against pagans told me it could be some kind of goddess, but I was willing to take the risk.
After all, I was one "HELEL HELP!" from safety, hah.
I openly approached, flapping noisily as I came from her front. She spotted me instantly, but ignored me until she realized I was heading straight for her.
I stopped a few meters away, hovering in place as I smiled and waved. "Hey there! I'm Rachumel! You look like you could use a friendly ear."
She blinked, looking left and right before back at me, then pointing at herself. I nodded cheerfully, and she huffed before offering a half-hearted wave and saying, "I must not have been paying attention with crafting my ward if one of you doves managed to notice me."
"Eh, we all have off days. Do you mind if I sit next to you?"
She looked me up and down, and then rolled her eyes with a huff. "By all means. Sit next to 'damnable chaos' if you desire."
I floated over and plopped down on my tushy next to her. "That doesn't sound good. I'm not going to explode by sitting next to you, am I?"
She snorted. "An active imagination there."
"Thanks, I made it myself." I stretched my legs out towards the lake and pushed back on my hands. "But thanks for letting me sit."
She raised a single brow, looking at me from the corner of her eye. "You are welcome, though I know not why you thank you for such a trivial thing."
"Well, when a beautiful lady grants a lucky man her company, he should show his appreciation," I answered, winking at the woman.
The ghost of a smile almost graced her lips. "I see you have chosen the path of the silver tongue. Many accuse me of the same."
"Rather rude of them to assume such insincere things about you, really. I prefer to consider my tongue gold, if you will." At another look from her, I continued, "Gaudy, but perfectly genuine in its ability to flatter anyone or anything."
"Honesty. How quaint." She rested her chin on her knees, staring out into the water as we let the silence linger. When minutes passed, she sighed before she said, "You offered a friendly ear?"
"I'd offer my face as a seat, too, but I think you need to get these words off your chest more than you need that kind of stress relief," I joked, grinning at her.
Despite her apparent misery, a bark of laughter escaped. "Let no one accuse you of cowardice in regards to women, dove."
"Sure thing, falcon."
Falcon turned her head to me then, amused despite the annoyed expression. "Dove and Falcon, are we?"
"If the feathers fit!" I wiggled my wings, and she shook her head. "But yeah. If you want to vent, go ahead. If you just want me to listen, I can do that. I can offer advice too, if you care to hear it."
Falcon stared out across the water away, her thumbs tapping on her knees. We sat there again in silence, this time nearly lasting a full hour before she spoke up, interrupting my star-gazing. "What's your opinion on… Fate? Destiny?"
"Those? Hrm." I juggled my head back and forth between my shoulders as I considered what I knew. "In some ways, it's active, right? Prophecies and shit. On the other hand, Free Will means that every prophecy has a chance of failing. It has to. So Fate and Destiny are more like the compounding actions of history and the present, leading up to this moment." I pointed a finger forward, swirling it in a circle. "But most people are predictable, even in being unpredictable."
"So… what happens is going to happen?" Falcon looked at me curiously.
"Yes, but no!" I grinned as I looked back at her. "It's not enough to change your actions. Like, say for example: you're a strapping, powerful, and just young god that just claimed his godly throne after overthrowing his paranoid and cruel tyrant father, and made your best friend and first love his wife and queen. Everything is going well for you, all your loved ones are safe from your cannibalistic dad." I frowned then. "Then, you get a prophecy that your son from your wife is going to usurp you. He's going to be categorically stronger than you, enough to easily cast you down."
"A harrowing scenario." Falcon had turned her full attention towards me. "So the question is then, how do I stop said child from usurping me."
"You can't let the kid be born and try to kill him, because that's…" I continued.
"Kin-slaying, especially a child. Heinous. The same reason the father was overthrown."
"Leave the kid to die alone? Something will rescue him and raise him, and he'll have all the reason to overthrow you."
"I am a just king, no?" Falcon interlaced her fingers together before her face. "Perhaps I should raise the child fairly as Prince…"
"And all but guarantee the child will forcibly claim the throne, no?" I raised a brow.
"Foster him with a sibling, then. He shall never know of his true lineage."
"Ah, but he remains powerful enough that he may grow arrogant enough to contest you." I gave a sardonic smile. "One often meets their destiny on the road to avoid it."
"What a vile prophecy. Designed to have the King fail in some way." Falcon's brow creased. "I assume you have a point to this?"
"Yep. It's not enough to change your actions - prophecies are good at reading who you are, and what you'll do. It's how they're always vague at first, but make sense in hindsight." I leaned back, and spun my finger in the air before making a fist. "The way to beat Fate, or a Prophecy? You either need outside help… or you need to act like your anathema."
"…What did this King choose?" she asked, now morbidly curious.
"He tricked his wife into transforming into a fly, and then ate her." Falcon blinked, clearly unprepared to hear that, and I met her gaze evenly. "He became his father, even just for a moment, and broke the prophecy. His wife and son, trapped by him for eternity."
Falcon looked out towards the lake, a grin on her face despite herself. "Haha… cruel, paranoid, and befitting of a tyrant, not a king. I see the lesson. How devious."
"So why'd you ask?"
She sighed, crossing her arms under her slight bust. "When you are designated the troublemaker, the discord between people, you realize your entire destiny is just building your own cage. A little trick with a fruit here, or causing problems between goddesses, and suddenly, you're the root of all the worst problems." She scoffed, the sound echoing across the waters. "Forget that I only do a small prank. Blame me for all the poor decisions that follow."
A fruit? Eris, is that you? "Pranks aren't bad," I offer, watching her expression change. "A little chaos is good for stirring things up. I suppose there's something to be said for a problem spiraling out of control."
"You would think some fools would understand that. An inciting incident cannot be blamed for everything that follows."
"It is a very human thing to try and pin all the blame on one person." She stared at me with a deadpan expression, and I shrugged. "What? It's the truth."
"Truth. Phah. What a useless thing."
"Agenda-maxxing is real, let me tell ya."
"What?" Falcon turned to stare at me in confusion.
"It's not about facts, it's about the agenda," I said, nodding sagely. "So, if people are going to harp on you about your pranks… why not just not do them? Or make them harmless?"
She stared at me like I grew another head. "I do not believe you are cognizant of the truth of what a 'prank' is, or why it is done, Dove."
"Usually to get a laugh, or make yourself feel superior, right? Or really give an insult to someone you think needs to be knocked down a notch." I nodded as she went silent. "Look, I'm not gonna pretend I understand what whacky woo-hoo nonsense you gotta deal with. But I will tell you that change doesn't start until you start it."
"'Just change yourself' is hardly actionable advice." Falcon ran a hand through her white locks, gritting her teeth as she pulled at a knot. "Hardly anyone is going to give me that chance."
"Falcon." When she turned to look at me, I stared her in the eyes. "Sometimes, the Hand of Fate needs be forced." Her eyes widened, and I grinned at her. "Besides, I'm giving you that chance now, no? Be the change you want to see. And if you don't believe you can? Then believe in the me who believes in you!"
"…Does that line actually work on anyone?"
"I've had a solid success rate with it, honestly."
Falcon hid a laugh under another scoff. "Naive."
"Doesn't mean I'm wrong though."
"It means, Dove, that you fly amongst the clouds too much."
"Well, I do technically live there."
"That explains entirely too much." As we traded barbs for the next few hours, Falcon lost the tension in her frame, but was never far from a smile.
I whistled as I flew back to camp, hoping to slide into my tent for some shut-eye without waking Lilith from her beauty sleep.
I paused when Helel intercepted me as I landed, an uncertain look on his face. "Rachumel."
"Helel."
"…I overheard your conversation with Cain."
"Uh… which one?"
"Does it matter?"
"I want to know how concerned I should be."
Helel sighed. "The one where you revealed what your Sight showed."
"My Sigh-" My eyes widened. "Oh, that one."
"Yes."
"…Well, I meant all of it."
"Truly? Every single part?" Helel raised a brow.
"Yeah. I help people. All of it."
"I see. Then, I must admit, you were absolutely correct with all you said." Helel nodded. "And I also saw you speaking to some winged pagan."
…Oh no. "In my defense-"
"This should be good."
"-she needed help, and I was able to give it."
"She was able to hide her presence enough that I only noticed her when I noticed you." Helel's arms crossed. "Do you understand how close I was to attacking her before I realized she was not a threat to you?"
"No, I'm not a mind-reader." I blinked up at him with my most puppyish eyes.
Helel stared at me for a long while… and then he bent down and picked up a rock. "Rachumel, you were absolutely correct. I feel a very strong urge to hit my younger brother in the head with a rock."
"…I REGRET NOTHING!"
I did, in fact, regret a great deal of things.
PoV - Aphrodite, Not To Be Confused With Afrodeity
Five decades.
Five decades, four months, two weeks, three days, eight hours, twelve minutes, and forty seven seconds since Rachumel and his companions entered the lands of Theoi, "undercover" as they were. I had observed most of their journey, watching as the Fallen trained my future husband, and his human concubine slaked his lusts.
I have been patient, as they have wisely skirted Mount Othrys in an attempt to avoid the attention of the Titan King and his subjects. But now? They were distracted with a demon gate, and have now garnered the attention of Atlas, who was sent to annihilate the fiends.
I intercepted the general, and convinced him to let me bring in "the outsiders" so that King Kronos could meet them.
That I had to sit there and watch as Atlas humped the rock he thought was me was equal parts amusing and annoying. I just knew Prometheus was going to mock my suffering, the insufferable secretive ass that he was.
Thus, as Helel finished wiping out the last presence of demonic energy, I decided to make my entrance. I let the illusion that covered me fall away in a shimmering curtain, standing in my "Bimbo" disguise before the trio of the Jealous Ones' believers. "Hello, Rachumel," I let my voice ooze out happiness, and felt gratified when his hands immediately moved to press down on his manhood.
"Down, mighty sword!" He whispered, before his brain rapidly caught up and blinked in surprise. "Whoa… Dite, is that you?"
"Do you know this pagan goddess, brother?" The Fallen, Helel, asked, one hand holding tight to a spear of light. Despite his Fall from grace, I did not fancy my chances in a fight with the Heir of Heaven.
"Uh, yeah! This is Aphrodite, Goddess of Love, Passion, War, and a lot of other badass stuff," Rachumel explained, his wings flapping to keep him in the air as his eyes remained glued to my fake chest. "She looked different when we first met- wait, this is a disguise, isn't it?"
To the rest of the world that might have been paying attention, I was still the ditzy blonde slut who tittered and said, "Oh, Rachy, you're so silly! Why would I look different when I look so pretty already?"
To the three in front of me, the blonde shell of deception I wore like armor faded away to natural pink locks and sun-bronzed skin. Ridiculous curves transitioned to much more aesthetically perfect proportions. My eyes warped into a vivid pink, my body completely nude but for perfectly chosen strands of hair that fell to cover my nipples and cunt. "You had an unfair advantage, Rachumel, but I forgive you. You hold some delightful ideas in your mind that… put into practice."
The woman, Lilith, snorted. "Delightful is one word that could be used to sum up what his brainpower is capable of." Her eyes were locked onto my own, and I met hers without shame.
Back off, the human woman's gaze said. He's mine.
I think not, I silently replied. Prepare to share.
Her lips twitched into a scowl before she calmed herself and flattened her expression. Little reverence for the fact I am divine aside, it is good to see she has pride. I wouldn't admit to caring too much about humans, but my Rachumel liked them, if watching him interact with them meant anything. So I would not dismiss this paramour of him.
Even if she is no competition compared to his Mother, who is watching us even now.
"Without his aid, I would be much weaker," I freely admitted, though I slightly regretted the words when both brother and concubine turned to stare in exhaustion at Rachumel.
"What? I panicked!" He justified himself. "Look at her! My dick stole all my brain's thinky juice!"
I drew their attention again with a chuckle that was too perfect. "However you might feel about it, know that Rachumel will never be in danger from me."
"And around you?" Lilith questioned, her eyes narrowed.
I grimaced. "Your purge of the demons, while commendable, has caught the attention of the Titan King. He sent Atlas to collect you all, but I tricked the enduring fool into allowing me to handle this."
"An audience with the Titan of Time?" Helel crossed his arms over his chest, and Lilith's hands went to her hips in irritation. "This bodes poorly."
"I will admit to not caring overmuch for the Theoi," Lilith offered. "I know little."
Rachumel just snorted, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Great, can't wait to meet the world's #1 Castrator. Wonder if he gave his daddy's sky berries a good fondle before tossing them into the ocean."
Faintly, I thought I heard a woman's laugh deep below me. "In any case, I can offer not just my protection, but Queen Rhea's as well, as she is a… well, confidant, I suppose, yet I did quite a good bit of manipulation to achieve that." My finger tapped against my cheek, and almost unconsciously, I thrust my hip out to the side. Rachumel followed the movement instantly with an appreciative gaze, but soon returned his eyes to my face.
"Trust me, there's nothing you can do to the queen that her husband won't do worse," Rachumel said, his voice filled with conviction.
"Rachumel, did you have another vision?" Helel asked, turning to look at his little brother. I perked up, as Rachumel's Sight had already aided me greatly before, and I would be the greatest fool to not listen to him now.
"Uh… Kinda…?" Rachumel winced at Helel's burning stare, before sighing. "Look, everyone knows he's a bad King. But it's gonna be way worse when he has kids."
I blinked in surprise. "Ah, but Lady Rhea has been pregnant for some time now? Kronos has been excited to measure his own progeny against his brothers'."
To my sudden unease, as well as Lilith's and Helel's, Rachumel paled nearly paper white, and his arms limply dropped to his side. "Ah, fuck."
"What's going to happen?" Lilith demanded, placing her hand on Rachumel's own. "Tell us."
"…Kronos is about to win the 'Worst Father of the Century' award?"
"Brother."
"Right, sorry. Trying to not make this sound horrific, but uh…" My future husband swallowed thickly. "The King is going to cannibalize his kids."
Lilith froze in horror. Helel's face twisted in disgust.
I? I pressed on. "Which ones?" I asked, my entire figure statue still. "The Firstborn? The latter ones?"
"All of them."
Ah. Well then.
"Barbaric pagans," Helel spat, his dark grey wings twitching with his restrained disgust.
"I cannot and will not argue that," I murmured.
"And we must be guests to such a monster." Lilith had begun pacing back and forth.
"We don't even have any kind of real political protection," Rachumel said, and I blinked at him in surprise that he brought it up before I could approach the topic. "We did him a favor, and that gives us some guest rights, even with Dite's protection, won't hold a tyrant like him long if we step out of line. Helel could fight him off, sure, but I'd be dead quick-"
Kronos and his entire kingdom would be CINDERS if that occurs!
"-And Lilith would last long enough to at least die before getting her corpse violated and then eaten," Rachumel finished.
"Truly, lover, your words calm my soul," Lilith replied, unamused by my future husband's bleak predictions.
"You're discounting Lady Rhea's favor… because she won't side with us over her family," I conceded, quietly impressed that the little angel had already considered that.
"The Queen can protect us from everyone but the King," Rachumel confirmed. "So that means we need-"
A flash of light cut through the clearing, straight through my barrier without disrupting it. I flicked my gaze up to meet the Jealous One's sight before gently bowing my head at Her superior power.
Before us, a two-winged angel now floated, fidgeting in place as she stood before us. "Ray-Ray?" Rachumel asked, and quickly flew over to hug his curvaceous sibling. "Ray-Ray! It is you!" Without even waiting, he pressed his lips to his sister's, clearly claiming her first kiss if her rapidly flapping wings and wide open eyes meant anything to a goddess of love. "You look good! Great, even," he finished.
Lilith just stared blankly at yet another romantic rival. Foolish human. Half of the Silver City desires that man, I thought.
"H-Hi, Rachy. Wow, so that was a kiss…" The angel returned the hug, then squeaked when Rachumel groped her well-sculpted ass. However, she suspiciously kept from looking in Helel's direction. "Um, Father has sent me with, ah, a letter? Or a title?" Rachumel pried his hands away from molesting his sister to take the small note in her hands.
Interesting. She seems much more afraid of him than I. I looked over and read the words on the page before Rachumel could - and then I threw back my head and laughed.
"MOM, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I'M AN OFFICIAL AMBASSADOR?!"
"…Can we kiss again, Rachy?"
"…Yeah, sure, I'll have an emotional crisis over this on the way to Orthys."
As Lilith covered her face with her hands and Helel looked like he wanted to be anywhere but where his younger brother made out with his sister, I looked back up towards where I could feel the Lord of Angels' gaze.
And unseen by the others, I gave a curtsy and a silent promise to his Mother.
He will not be harmed by my contemporaries, You have my word, upon my Name.
If he is, you will share his injury seven times over. The response was swift and clear… but strangely without the malice or disgust I expected.
Interesting… But of course, now that Rachumel has some means of political power, a new purpose remains.
Just how are we to save your child, my dear Rhea…
PoV - Aphrodite, Attempting to Impress Her Hubby
At the moment, any plans to assist Rhea needed to be postponed, despite the fate that apparently awaited it. We each had our own ideas and reasons to save the girl, but first we needed to survive the King's attention.
I wished to save the child from the dreadful future that awaited them not only because it advanced my own plans to have the Theoi bow to the Jealous One, but because Kronos was a vile king, and any one of his progeny would be better for the task.
Rachumel's reasons were pure compassion, of course. "No one deserved to be eaten alive, let alone suffer for decades or centuries in their captor's stomach," were among his primary arguments.
Lilith's reason was not hard to guess; she was to be one of primogenitors of a version of humanity that would interbreed all over the world and harmonize their unique strengths. That was my supposition at least, and somewhere beneath all the spite the woman wore as armor was the deep need to protect children.
Helel lacked any sort of motivation to save my confidant's child beyond Rachumel's prodding, for his disgust alone was not enough to move or care for the fate of a pagan god. It was not an uncommon opinion for most of his brethren. If it was not their Father, their siblings, a human, or an innocent animal, the children of the Jealous One rarely cared to move to render aid. Something Rachumel was a clear anomaly about, but that was likely due to his unique nature, as well as assigned Name. Helel was "helping" only because his brother was putting himself in danger.
But all these considerations were useless if my soon-to-be husband and his party were not allowed to stay within the boundaries of Othrys.
And as we crested over a hill and beheld the mountain in all its glory… my companions were not impressed.
"You could barely refer to that as a domicile," Helel remarked, disdain etched on strong features. "And these children of the Earth think themselves equal to Father? Forgive me if I laugh myself sick."
"I'd be fucking terrified if you laughed," Rachumel said, his older brother rolling his eyes unprompted. "And it's honestly not bad, but you can tell that it's pretty uniform. I don't think they've got a proper god of architecture. Not like Michael and the Cherubim he directs to maintain things when Mom's busy." He nodded to himself. "Also evil. I mean, it's a fucking black citadel, that shit just screams 'I am a bad guy and here is my bad guy castle.' The flowers are a good touch, though."
Stepping back for a moment with a critical eye, I turned my gaze over the massive city of mottled black and brown that reached for the heavens. Islands of black and red rock, decorated with sheltered pavilions, open gardens, or guard towers, drifted in concentric orbits, linked to the citadel of the Titan King by twisting chains of enchanted orchicalum and electrum. Clouds had been shaped into statues of the Titans, moving and shifting with the whim of the wind to display their glory atop the outside walls. Mist and magic alike brought impossible levels of vitality to the flora, the King's concession to the queen that had entire buildings wrapped lovingly with flowering vines that produced a living, Helios-seeking rainbow that carpeted the roofs. The castle-city itself was studded with precious jewels clearly charged with magic that channeled the power of every divine that willingly rested there, providing a defense that could only be shattered by an equal army of divines.
Or the Jealous One hitting it rather hard, I supposed. I remembered being far more awed when I first arrived, but now that I had spent time there, the imposing fortress of black fit the same blackness in Kronos' soul. And my Rachumel was correct again, for practically all of the buildings were merely repetitions that were resized for other buildings, save for the single room in the fortress that held the throne, and any sort of frescos or paintings were… lacking.
"Just because something is made of black stone does not make it evil," Lilith retorted, crossing her arms.
"No, obviously not. But it's a black citadel, and everyone knows that going full Sauron is evil," Rachumel countered.
"Who is Sauron?" I asked, drawing an absolute blank on the name. It did not even sound like a word from this world.
"A world's best nerd and worst warrior," Rachumel answered, before waving his hand. "Never mind that. Are we marching in the front door, or…?"
""No,"" I said at the same time Helel did. We did not bother to look at each other. "My demesne here will serve to shelter us here for the moment. I will see if Atlas has gossiped anything about me first, see the general mood of the King, and decide from there. If that enduring fool has any sense, he will be silent, but men," and I rolled my eyes, "cannot help but boast of their 'conquests'."
"You had to fuck him? Ew." Rachumel wrinkled his brow, and laid a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to do that, Dite. Coercive sex is gross as hell."
I blinked owlishly, equal parts appreciative, guilty, and relieved. Appreciative that he cared so, guilty that he had the wrong idea, and relieved he did not seem to judge me. "Ah, not quite." I ran a hand down my chest before snapping a finger, letting the illusion of the blonde and top-heavy form of my disguise coalesce to stand in front of the trio, where she blew a kiss. "I just utilize my domains to have them think they have laid with me, or I have pleasured them. If all of your senses tell you something is there… why, something must be there, no?"
Helel grunted, again disgusted but reluctantly impressed. Lilith looked over the phantasm with a frown, clearly contemplating how to mimic my domain with her magic.
Rachumel's eyes widened, and he looked over the mirage once more before he turned and stared at me with awe in his gaze. "Holy shit, did I help make Aphrodite-Aizen?"
The moment that Name left his lips, I felt my godly essence shudder in-tune with the world. Aphrodite of the Love Dye. A Name that described my ability to paint the world in whatever I loved, whatever I felt affection for, whatever I needed passion for. I looked down upon my Rachumel, who clearly meant the epithet to mean nothing, and my smile grew even wider. "I believe you just did, my lovely dove," I purred.
"Ahem." Lilith's unwelcome interruption saved Rachumel from my efforts at breaking his hips right at this moment. "I do believe you have a fortress to sneak us into?" Lilith stepped up next to Rachumel, taking his hand and pressing it to her ass. To my husband's credit, his hand immediately began groping her.
"So I do." I flashed her a smile full of teeth. "One moment." I took a moment to send off the solid mirage I had conjured, the Mist puppet vanishing to distract any of the myriad spirits that might have been guarding the way back to my room. "Let us be off." As swan wings erupted from my back and Rachumel scooped up Lilith, our party of four flew low and slow towards the imposing citadel of Mount Othrys.
"Hey, Dite? Why not just teleport in?" Rachumel asked.
"There are wards that prevent unauthorized entrances," I replied, a frown marring my perfect face. "And even if I cloaked you all under my domains, the resulting tremor in the Mist would alert Hecate, who would investigate."
"Well, don't we all use magic to fly in?" Rachumel pointed out, but Helel beat me to an answer.
"She intends to have us land before we ever reach the wall." His gaze found mine with a grudging respect. If I was not a deity of Desire, I suspect I would believe him to be asexual. But, no, the Fallen is merely a master of his emotions. But even he could be affected by my charms. "The utter lack of magic of our entrance will hide us better than any domain."
"…Oh fuck, I'm gonna have to walk?!"
PoV - Helel, Most Racist Angel Alive (Sorry, Rachumel)
We rested in Aphrodite's personal room, the pagan herself missing. Rachumel was floating face-down in a pool nearby, muttering something about "my legs hurt", "Bathwater" and "gonna be rich." Lilith was inspecting the Mist-laden wards around the room, something she would have a keen interest in as a human designed by Father to utilize all energy types.
The Mist was merely the magic of the world, of course, but it was sorcery that was easily influenced and utilized by the pagan gods, particularly of the Theoi. They often used it to keep mortals pliant and unaware for whatever business they desired. Mortals could learn to wield it as well, I suppose, but it was of little use for me. My own abilities vastly outstripped anything it could offer me, beyond the minor ability of being able to craft real, physical items from only magic. Father was certain that one day, His humans would be able to collectively look past the veil that the false deities used to keep them docile, and rise up to claim their world.
I did not harbor the same… optimism. Though watching these manipulative heathens die to the ant bites of humanity does sound rather ironic.
Aphrodite had left us hours ago to investigate this den of barbarism, and my skin was beginning to crawl at realizing how vulnerable we were now. Rachumel might trust the pink-haired harlot, but my little brother failed to realize that we were in the home of an enemy faction.
It was not yet a war. But it would be. Soon, in a few millenium, the deities of the world would realize there is little left to explore or to grow. That the only thing left is to fight amongst each other for crumbs of human faith and to annihilate the demons…
Demons who are growing more powerful. Moloch was an old name. The name of a pathetic false god who sought to deny Father's Ascension.
Michael and I were there when Father finally struck down the rest of His vile pantheon; He made us understand that all other deities were vipers who lied and misled the world and humanity. I focused on the first part, and it would appear that my… twin, focused on the latter.
…even now, it is difficult to think of him, but not Father.
I shook my head to dispel the lingering emotions of my Fall just as Aphrodite returned. Her blonde guise stayed on this time, but her face was lined with a smile that threatened to snap the next person's spine if they said the wrong thing. "Well, there is good news, and there is… less than good news."
Rachumel pulled his head up from the water, spluttering out water to ask, "So what's the good news? All the female deities want to do a 'Rate the Cock competition' with an orgy for the winner?"
A ghostly hand from Lilith lightly tapped the back of my brother's head. "Focus now, please."
Aphrodite's strained smile melted into a chuckle at the words. "As amusing as it would be to see you humiliate the entire male population of Othrys-"
"Ayo??"
"-I must deny you, Rachumel." Her face twisted in trepidation as she continued. "King Kronos appears to be in one of his more positive moments of his mercurial temperament. He will likely be friendly."
"…And the bad news?" I pressed.
"I said 'Less than good', not 'bad.'" she corrected.
But I cut my hand through the air to stop her words. "Stop delaying. The news is not positive for us, so it must be negative."
The pagan was quiet, before a sigh escaped her. Were I a lesser creature ruled by base impulses, I might have been tempted by the effortlessly sensuous motion of the fake deity. "Atlas was attempting to disparage my reputation because of my earlier actions. To save face, I had to mock him, which means our audience will likely not be as positive as it could be."
Behind us, Rachumel snorted. "What, did you pretend like 'you didn't even feel him' humping you?"
"Yes," Aphrodite stated plainly.
"Snrk- COUGH, KAFF, ACK!" Rachumel's laughter swiftly aborted when he swallowed water in his cackling at Atlas. Lilith patted his back as he climbed out of the pool. "Blech. Alright, so choking hazards out of the way, what's the play?"
"The play?" I asked, raising a brow."
"Yeah, you know. The Score. The Deep Strats. Agenda-maxxing." At our continued blinks, he sighed, slumped, and asked, "What is the plan?"
"Say that first next time." I rolled my eyes before turning to Lilith. "I suspect you would be safer here."
"I am not leaving Rachumel alone amongst these foreign gods, not even with you here." Lilith crossed her arms under her chest, sneering down her nose at me. Something mildly impressive, considering how much taller I was. "I can pretend to be a nymph of Aphrodite. No one will look twice at me when she is wearing that ridiculous blonde disguise."
"Oh? Are you sure you want to stand by me, human?" Aphrodite was grinning, matching Lilith's sneer with equal snobbery.
"Do not overstep, and we will be fine."
"I've heard worse plans," Rachumel interrupted before they could genuinely begin a real verbal spar. "Which means Helel gets to be-"
"On the contrary, brother mine," I interrupted with only a little malice. "Father, in His wisdom, appointed you as the diplomat, not I." I relished the moment as Rachumel realized yet again that Father had made him the one responsible here. "I am merely here as your bodyguard, and a bodyguard cannot be a diplomat."
"…Ah, crap baskets." Rachumel looked off to the side as he paced back and forth. "…Hey Dite."
"Yes, beloved dove of mine?"
"Does Kronos like a spectacle?"
PoV - Rachumel, Official Diplomat of Heaven (No, Really, April Fools Was A Week Ago)
I breathed in deep, settling my nerves. It's only the Titan King of Time, who took Zeus and all his siblings to overthrow and was and is known for his immense cruelty. This is nothing.
Ah fuck, it was not nothing! I stood before the main doors, two minor deities of… something standing guard in front of doors so massive I was an ant before them. Hell, the entire fucking building made me feel like a toddler running through empty high school hallways, if every one of those hallways was built for Magic Johnson.
Helel was behind me, and Aphrodite and Lilith had slunk inside to tell the Titan King that the "Destroyers of the Demons" had arrived.
Now, it was time to gamble a bit, and hope that one fact remained true: that no one likes to punch the funny short friend.
"Oh, by the way, Helel?"
"You cannot leave now, no."
"Not what I was gonna say. I was gonna say: sorry for stealing one of your future songs for this entrance."
Helel blinked in incomprehension, before a realization fell across his face. "No, you are not sing-!"
A flex of my magic had the floating instruments appear around me, and the drums hit first, before I forced the giant doors open. I let a fancy top hat made of light appear on my head as I began to boogie into a room full of gods.
Spoiler: Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself~
Please allow me to introduce myself,
An angel of wealth and taste!
I've been around for a short, short while,
Shored many a man's soul and faith~
My wings were folded behind my back as I shuffled my way across the crimson red stone floor. My hips swung to the right, then left, hitting them with the Footloose ten millennia early.
I was 'round when good ol' Cain,
Had his moment of doubt and pain!
Made damn sure that Moloch
Pissed his pants and sealed his fate~
I slapped these bitches with the cleanest moonwalk they're ever gonna see. One foot sliding while the other hid the glide, dazzling them with my sheer groove. Kuzco got nuthin' on this.
Pleased to meet you!
Bet you know my name.
But what's puzzlin' you
Is the nature of my game~
Stuck around Eden's Garden,
When I knew it was time for a change!
Slapped the Snake and his stupid plan,
That lil' bitch screamed in vain~
Then, with no warning, I bombed them with the good old Spiderman 3 Evil Peter Parker Dance, arms schmooving in front of me, then right above my head, my hips pumping to that smooth guitar, straight from my millennial memories.
Pleased to meet you!
Bet you know my name, oh yeah!
Ah, what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, ah yeah!
I let a copy of my voice echo for the choir, even as I spread my legs, one hand on my hat, and hit the second cleanest dab of my life meters away from the Titan King.
Let me please introduce myself (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)!
An angel of wealth and taste (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)!
And I laid traps for demon whores (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)!
Who get killed before they reach Othrys (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)~!
Pleased to meet you (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)!
But you know my name, oh yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)!
Compassion, oh baby, (whoo-hoo)!
Is the nature of my game, ah yeah (whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo)~
I spun a full 1080°, as the music gave a sharp riff to cut, and ended on a split that would have been utterly impossible in my previous human body, but meant nothing to my athletic angel one. "But to you, your majesties! I am but humble Rachumel!"
Silence carried the room. Not a nymph, not a god, not even a single spirit spoke. Dozens, if not hundreds, of the Theoi stood in the massive throne room. Aphrodite's smile was frozen on her face, unable to handle my raw sexual appeal. Lilith was holding her head in her hands and shaking it, disbelieving such perfection could come from me. Helel waited at the entrance like a statue, clearly torn between weeping in awe at my performance, or wanting to join me.
The titans and gods in the room looked torn between appreciation and bewilderment, gazing between myself and Kronos as I kinda knelt before him.
The Titan of Time was thin, lanky, but with honed muscles, his body a bronze tapestry to his domain. His heart beat like the ticking of a clock, his face utterly impassive as he stared down at me, where I noticed his irises were shaped like hourglasses. His short white hair was tinted with gold, his tunic stitched in a way that every moment made it appear as if sand was about to fall. One hand rested on his scythe, an index finger covered in electrum rings tapping the weapon. He looked, above all else, like he was bored.
Then clapping began, and even the Titan King of time looked upon his wife. Rhea was bouncing in her seat, and my eyes followed the bobbing both her pregnant belly and her breasts received. Long, flowing green hair tied in braids along her back, the woman had the curves to make a fertility idol blush. Faintly, I felt a human memory of mine stir in horny recognition. Huh. Yeah, that is close to Fire Emblem right. Maybe if Fire Emblem was a porn game…
"That was stupendous!" Rhea said, and at her approval, the other deities began to tentatively clap. Then she looked at her husband, and pouted. "Oh, stop being so sour. Admit you're impressed!"
Kronos sighed fondly as Rhea began poking him, before a genuine smile graced his face. He laughed, and the rest of the room fully relaxed at the mirth clearly exuding from the King. "I thought it merely prudent to not let the little angel here get a swollen head, my dear."
"Too late," Lilith whispered, though only Aphrodite and I appeared to hear them.
"Rachumel, was it?" At my nod, King Kronos turned his smile onto me properly. "You have done my general's job for him, and thus, I swear to protect you under Xenia."
"I swear not to abuse your hospitality through partaking too much of your food, King Kronos," I replied, keeping my reply specific.
Because I'm totally going to kidnap your daughter. …Wait, let's change that to rescue, sounds more heroic.
"Haha! If only all my guests were so direct!" Kronos leaned forward shifting his hand away from his scythe to point at me. And then he said words that terrified the shit out of me.
"You are interesting, little angel."Yes, I do in fact really hate Wakanda.
AngelxAneurysm - a DxD story featuring one horny angel shota saving(?) the world Like ReplyReport Reactions:FistOfZeus, DeLtAVolk, Voidsoul and 1,122 otherskilokilop10 Apr 2026Add bookmarkView discussionThreadmarks Chapter 21View content24 Apr 2026Add bookmark#4,370kilokilopReal Wakanda Hating HoursJoined21 Mar 2022Messages2,867Author's Note: Don't you just HATE when your body violently rebels over a giant tummy-ache and decides you should destroy your bathroom in a storm of disgust?
Anyway yeah, btw, Seggs later. I am evil, yes.
Master Chief, you mind telling me what you're doing in that thread?
Sir, reading Angel Brainrot.
PoV - Aphrodite, Completely Schmooved By Rachumel's Groove
Looking upon where Rachumel was explaining how to "Moonwalk" to young Selene, I found myself simultaneously free to move, yet completely trapped. I could wander as I pleased in this court, but could not approach my love with so much attention on him, a curse of my 'flighty' disguise.
Somehow, my soon-to-be husband's attempts to impress the court worked, and now all the deities here wished to speak with him. Deities who otherwise would have sneered at his lesser status now spoke to him with praise. My eyes flicked over towards the gravid form of my confidant, the queen radiant as she listened to Rachumel from a distance. I could attribute Rachumel's success here to her.
Fitting that we already intend to repay that favor.
Gaining the approval of both king and queen put Rachumel into a place of respect that drew many of the divines curious as to why. Rhea, at least to me, was rather simple: we had watched his antics and his sexual prowess multiple times, and she was charmed by the idea of him, with my persuasion.
I could not begin to guess Kronos' thoughts. Cruel he may be, he still stood atop the rest of the divines here by both the grace of Gaia and his own cunning. Whatever attention he deigned to give my love was one I would watch closely.
Below me, her magicks disguising her as one of my nymph attendants, Lilith snorted. "Vultures have more dignity when they descend." Her lip curled upward in vindictive glee. "Mnemosyne looks a few moments away from tearing his clothes off. Not that I would let her."
"When one introduces an entirely new style of music to her, one tends to get her attention," I replied, crossing my arms underneath the enormous pillows that this disguise made of my breasts. "Be more careful with names-"
"Worry not. I took that into account with this disguise. Magic is not recognizing what I am saying currently." Lilith sniffed. "...We were lucky."
I nodded, eyeing where Helel floated next to his brother, staring a hole into the side of his head. "We cannot rely on chance further. I do not know why Kronos took an interest in Rachumel."
"It might be related to his Sight," Lilith said, her hypothesis hanging in the air like the smoke from a pipe. "Can the Titan of Time see the future?"
"Ironically, no." I shifted my weight onto my back leg, ignoring the many pairs of eyes that watched my breasts bounce with the movement. "His Purview of Time relates to the harvest, the growth and withering, of age and decay, the sands that fall ever downward. It is why his top advisor is-"
The pieces clicked into place, and I hissed. "Prometheus."
"You are usually swifter on the draw, Aphrodite." The Titan of Foresight arrived from behind me just as I said his name. His bronze skin lightened as if soot had been brushed over it, burning orange eyes met my own underneath a shock of blue hair. His toga, a plain green cloth, hung loosely around his godly frame. "Surely the answer was clear."
"You have a way of obfuscating intelligence that should be shared," I replied, looking away to look back over the room, a vapid smile hiding the sneer I wanted to give him. We may have been allies, but that did not mean we liked each other, only that each of us saw the necessity of dethroning Kronos.
"I am sharing." Prometheus pulled a scroll from the rope around his toga, rolling open the sheepskin to hum wonderingly. "I made Kronos aware of the Jealous One's son precisely when it would be advantageous." A piece of charcoal, sharpened to a point, appeared with a snap of his fingers to begin writing.
"And that would be?"
It was Lilith who answered, her tone unamused. "Just before Rachumel's show."
The Prescient One - even if he lost to the Lord of Angels - dipped his head in acknowledgement. "Just so." He did not smile smugly, nor preen that plans had come together.
He would be more bearable if he were just a prick.
"And what exactly did you tell the King?" I said, hiding the hiss of my words behind a vapid giggle. Hardly anyone was paying attention to us, what with Rachumel showboating, but appearances must be kept.
"I told him that the little angel had some form of unique knowledge that might impress him." Prometheus rolled up his scroll, nodding at whatever knowledge he had noted.
"And how would you know that?" Lilith pressed, her eyes narrowed. "Rachumel has admitted he makes a mess of precognition that is not his own."
The blue-haired god nodded, appearing unconcerned. "If you attempt to path the future while directly accounting for him, it gives you false readings. I do not path him." He turned his gaze down on the human. "I foresee only my own actions."
"And so long as they do not come into contact with… Well played, Prometheus." I would give the deity this, he knew his strengths. "Which would mean you are as blind as we are now."
"I am. It is immensely vexing, but I find myself… intrigued as to what will happen." He looked up to focus his gaze on Rachumel. "Such an eldritch soul the Jealous One claims. If my suspicions are correct, then the Crimson Dream would hate him."
The implications were not lost on either Lilith or I. "You jest," Lilith whispered, her words trapped between fear and helpless anger.
"I make no jokes. I know all the punchlines." Again, that annoying placidity of his stoked my ire as he looked at me. "There is no certainty in my guess. Only suppositions."
"Which are irrelevant," I pushed. I can do nothing against the Dragon of Dragons. A wave of my hands tweaked the senses of those who might have been paying attention, each finding the newest ambassador more interesting. "Right now, we have other pressing issues."
Prometheus nodded. "The Queen's child," he said, nodding. "Then not here. Find me at the Garden when Eos moves to announce her brother's work."
"That is more than half the day from now," I pointed out.
Prometheus finally smirked. "I figured you would appreciate the additional time with your lover."
"…One day, Titan of Foresight, you will learn the value of privacy," my voice was bland, but neither human nor deity missed my annoyance.
"That is why I am avoiding your personal quarters from now on," he replied, moving away. "One glimpse was enough."
Lilith pursed her lips once he left, her scowl magnifying. "I do not trust him."
"I do," I admitted, the words being pulled like teeth. "He is a schemer, but his heart contains a certainty of purpose and fondness of humans that cannot be corrupted. He is wholly unlike his brethren in that regard." I turned back to Rachumel to see him gesticulating wildly at Epimethius, motioning with his hand as if rubbing something small as the Titan of Hindsight took visible notes. "In the latter regard, he and Rachumel are kin."
Most of the other deities seemed to miss this, because Mnemosyne and Themis were in a shouting match over who should speak to the ambassador next. For Justice and Memory to squabble so openly was a rare thing in these halls.
Helel hovered protectively near his brother, not even bothering to hide his disdain for the deities around him.
Considering even weakened, he is stronger than most of the Titans here, I am unsurprised. Power is a privilege all its own, I mused.
At a considering noise from the disguised human beneath her, Aphrodite pulled her attention back down to her instead of plotting how to feed Themis and Mnemosyne to Rachumel. "What is it?" I asked.
"What did Prometheus mean exactly when he meant 'additional time', Aphrodite." Her gaze met mine without fear, and not without reason with her personal power.
I let the lips of my disguise curl into an unmistakable, lascivious smile. "I think we both know that one, Lilith."
Lilith's glare would have been enough to freeze the Aegean Sea. "He is mine-"
"Stop deluding yourself." My chastisement lacked any real heat. "A greater being than us both staked her claim before either of us knew him. To believe you and you alone would be his only paramour is the height of hubris. Unsurprising, given how you have not borne his child yet."
"…The relationship is on my terms, not his. I will not be made into his broodmare."
Outwardly, my disguise giggled vapidly as we began walking around the arena, but my dry voice was enough of a contrast to suffice. "I am the Titan of Desire. Respect my domains enough to not lie about your passions to me."
"I will not debase myself before any male." Lilith's voice was tight and controlled. "You have little knowledge about what I have experienced."
"I know that painting Rachumel in your grievances with your former mate is grossly unfair." At the woman's flinch, I continued my attack. "You are entwined with him, for better or worse. Perhaps love will bloom, perhaps it may never, but the desire that flows through you doesn't lie."
"…He should be the one asking," the human sniffed, not directly confronting my attack. "His stubbornness is as much at fault as mine, if you insist on assigning guilt."
I shook my head in exasperation. "His spite is in response to your insult." My eyes swept the room, but the other deities were too enthralled by the literal fight that had now erupted between Themis and Mnemosyne. I do not even believe it was about Rachumel in the first place, I considered. "Most men think with their second head, yes, I will grant you that. Does my dove strike you as a male that would forcibly impregnate you against your wishes?"
"…No."
"Does he strike you as a male who demands to be on top?"
"No."
"Does he strike you as a male who gives little consideration for his partner?"
"Your point has been made." Lilith's tone was frosty, but I picked up the undercurrent of hurt. "What I do not understand is why."
I turned away from where Themis choke-slammed Mnemosyne, much to the applause of their godly audience, and met the human's gaze equally. "I will make love to Rachumel tonight, and if I am lucky, I will be bearing his child by morning." Not that I need luck as a fertility goddess… Lilith's eyes were wide and her body frozen. "If you wish to be carrying his first child, Lilith? You had best make peace with your ego."
As my gaze refocused on the angel floating in the middle of the room, I could not help but wonder what he was speaking about."
PoV - Rachumel, Certified Sexpert™
"Okay, yeah, the dick game is important, don't get me wrong," I continued, holding court in front of a dozen gods pretending to ignore me as Epimetheus continued to take notes. "But, and this is the biggun, you can't just rely on it. Or, I guess, you shouldn't. A woman's body is a tapestry of stimulation, of greater heights."
"And that is why the…" Epimethius checked his notes, "Clitoris is important?"
"Unless the woman is so sopping wet she's staining your sheets, you're gonna have to engage in some foreplay." I nodded, pleased to have a receptive student in this regard. "Which is good! You want her to be wet and pleasured, because then you feel better, and she'll be inclined to return the favor. So yeah, the clitoris is at the top of the vulva, and you want to be gentle first."
"Clitoris… gentle… Okay." Epimethius dotted whatever notes he was taking. "What else?"
"Everyone's got different erogenous zones, so don't be afraid to explore. The neck, the ears, the back, inner thighs, heck, some people like the feet! So when you do meet your future wife, work with her to discover what she likes best." I patiently ignored the way Helel seemed to be genuinely considering suicide behind me. "No one person is the same, so be honest. A fulfilling sex life means the rest of your life is much less stressful… usually."
Fucking PTO meetings, waste of my fucking time, and my fucking time.
"So this will definitely help me with my future partner?" the Titan in front of me asked again, not doubtful. If anything, he seems anxious.
"Epimethius, buddy mine, it should help, but what will really help is listening to your wife." I nodded sagely, well-aware of the other gods gossiping and listening in. "Just as she has to learn what you will like, you have to learn what she likes. But in a pinch, it's really hard to go wrong with scented candles and lubrication."
"Right. I guess I will just learn from mistakes," Epimethius said.
"Exactly! Everything's 20/20 in hindsight!"
"Thank you, amb- Rachumel." He bowed heavily, and I returned the heavy bow enthusiastically.
"My pleasure! Feel free to approach me again while I'm here." As he walked away, I turned back to Helel with a grin. "Man, this ambassador shit is easy!"
"Rachumel, you just spent twenty minutes explaining to the Titan of Hindsight how to pleasure women." Helel's voice sounded like Thanatos warmed over.
Is he a thing yet? Would Nyx lemme smash her? Thoughts for later. "Valuable knowledge for any man, my brother! Why, imagine a world where men could not properly appreciate a woman's body! The soft curves and taut muscles! The way their titties bounce and squish! The delectable curve of a long leg dripping with water, the light bouncing off to make their skin shine as if the Sun itself had come down and said, "I'm Commander Helios, and this is my favorite leg on Mount Orthys!'"
I decidedly ignored Eos and Selene suddenly badgering a young Helios over what women he's been talking to.
Helel dragged a hand down his face. "That does not mean you must indulge every inane question you are asked."
"…Where's the fun in that?" I asked, before a deep shadow fell over me. Blinking, I looked up.
"So, you are the little pigeon that finished my job for me." A Titan stepped only a few feet away, a sneer on his lips. The god was a living statue with dark slicked-back hair, granite eyes, and light brown skin. He was broader than most demons I had met, with hands that could probably snap me in half like a twig. His face was like brutalist architecture, carved with no care towards any sense of pleasing aesthetics. He towered over six meters, a terrifying twenty feet to my American sensibilities, and was the only Titan armored up. "You are weak."
"…Yeah?" I blinked, and he did, clearly not prepared for my blatant admittance. "I haven't even reached my final form yet. I'm snacc-sized now."
The Titan's blink was ponderous, but the cold and regal look in his eyes didn't change. "You think a pathetic thing like you will live long enough?"
"Yeah, probably." I cupped my hand under my chin. "Demons are kinda stupid, for the most part, and I haven't seen new ones in a while." I gave him a guileless thumbs up, knowing it would annoy the fuck out of him. "Anyway, I'm Rachumel, Compassion of Heaven. You must be the mighty…?"
"…Atlas." Endurance answered, his sneer growing.
"Mighty Atlas!" I grinned wider, giving him a bow. "There's no doubt in my mind you'll win any lifting competitions, my good general!"
His eyes narrowed, looking for the insult - but unless he could see the future, he wasn't gonna find it. "Your flattery is unnecessary." His eyes flicked over to Aphrodite's disguise, and his lips curled cruelly. "But it seems you caught the attention of Othry's resident… help."
A round of smirks and guffaws from the other male titans ringed out. Me? I buried the anger at the insult to Dite and played the Fool. "Lady Aphrodite? Yes, she's been perfectly accommodating as our host! Not an insult to be found." My smile was guileless.
Atlas' teeth clenched for but a moment, catching my implied insult - if Aphrodite gave me respect, why can't you? "She's been accommodating to many a god here, indeed." He mastered his emotions, keeping the smirk on his face. "Why, just recently, she accommodated me in my orders to bring you here."
"She spoke of that!" I kept my grin innocent, nodding happily. "Why, she said you were so very quick to let her take that burden from you!"
The hall silenced itself. Atlas froze, his attention now on me entirely.
From his throne, Kronos leaned in, an amused smile on his face.
Helel facepalmed, the smack of his palm to his forehead the only sound.
"Indeed!" I continued, not fully able to hide the shit-eating grin now. "She told us she was prepared to spend hours to handle what burdened you, but you were off within a few minutes, fully satisfied by her assistance!" I turned to Aphrodite, her disguise, at least, grinning happily and waving at Atlas. "Truly, why, even my brother took longer in speaking with her than you!"
That part wasn't even a lie, considering Aphrodite and Helel tried to hash out how to protect me from Kronos.
"…What." Helel finally spoke up, his eyes wide as I dragged him into this conversation.
Atlas was trembling now, his gaze flicking between Helel and I in barely contained fury. "Is that so?" The words came out like shattered granite, the Titan clearly unused to this level of shit-talking. Which was hilarious, because I hadn't even gotten to the Xbox Live portion of the roast.
"Oh, but worry not, Mighty Atlas!" I preened, almost strutting in the air as my wings fluttered. "Lady Aphrodite has assured us that she still considers you a mighty warrior, even if your conversational skills are, perchance," I lowered my voice then, into a sympathetic whisper that echoed through the room, "less than satisfactory."
I straightened up immediately and floated back from the enraged titan who thought to make fun of my Aphrodite. "Alas, so many new faces and friends has left me exhausted. King Kronos, Queen Rhea, may I beg of your mercy to retire early? I have had quite the exhaustive trip, and would not dare insult you further with my presence so weary."
"You may, Ambassador Rachumel," Kronos answered, his eyes locked on me like a scientist staring at his petri-dish. Amusement flickered in the dying sands that made up his eyes.
"Sleep well, little angel! Tell Dite to bring you around soon!" Queen Rhea waved from her throne, her other hand resting on her massive stomach.
"I thank you kindly, King and Queen of Othrys." I bowed low with deep respect, and then fluttered towards the main doors, yanking Helel behind me.
When it was just Helel and I in the hallways, I landed on the stone floor and giggled. "Well, that was fun- GLECK!"
Helel's hands were around my neck, lifting me up and dragging me face to face. "Why. Did. You. Antagonize. A Titan. AND THEN TRY TO DRAG ME INTO IT?!" He loosened his grip to let me answer.
I heaved in a breath of air, looked Helel dead in the eyes and said. "Because he tried to mock my friend."
Helel stared at me. I stared back until he blinked. "...THAT is your reason?!"
"Yeah. Bitches who make fun of my friends get mocked."
"He could have crushed you."
"Nuh-uh. I trusted you. Also Xenia and all that stuff."
"…One day, Rachumel, you will make a mistake I cannot protect you from."
"I'll burn that bridge when I get to it."
Helel set me down, and we proceeded to walk back to where we could fly back to Dite's room. Which was fucking stupid and we should have just flied, but that's rude or whatever. As we landed on the outside of the pavilion, Helel stood straighter, his eyes unfocusing as if hearing something I couldn't. Before I could even ask, he shook his head and set off for the farther building on the floating island. "Do not bother me, Rachumel. And stay quiet."
"…You can't just broodily walk off and not explain!" I called out, almost following him before stopping myself. "Drama Queen!" I yelled out, and then squeaked as I ducked under a small light spear flying over my head. "MESSAGE RECEIVED!"
I floated into Aphrodite's house, intending to look for a bed. "Wonder what crawled up his ass," I muttered.
Then the hallway shifted in front of me, depositing me through godly shenanigans right outside Aphrodite's room. Without a hint of hesitation, I pushed through the heavy silks, and beheld nirvana.
Aphrodite, back in her original form, laid completely exposed on a massive amount of stuffed cushions, each fluffier than my wings. Next to her, her hands tied up to her ankles and spreading her legs wide, was Lilith, the human blushing furiously as her pink pussy weeped arousal.
I stared at Lilith's forbidden peach, licking my lips until I brought my gaze to my lover's eyes. "What-"
"Shut the fuck up and breed me, Rachumel," Lilith bit out, gasping as Aphrodite extended two fingers to catch and spread the primordial human's honeypot, dew-soaked petals stretched to expose all of her to me.
"And when you are finished with her…" Aphrodite extended a leg straight into the air, her perfect cunt just as wet as she shamelessly met my gaze. "Give me a child, my dove."
…Well, what kind of man doesn't accept such perfect invitations?
A fucking coward, that's who!