Before term began, Ethan received an invitation from the Weasley twins.
They hoped he would drop by their joke shop to show his support.
So Ethan rounded up Luna, the Harry trio, and Ginny, and the group headed to Diagon Alley together to check on the current situation while they were at it.
They passed through the Leaky Cauldron, now under the control of the Enlightenment Society, and an empty Diagon Alley came into view.
"It's so quiet…"
Hermione walked along the cobblestones, her footsteps echoing down the street as she gazed forlornly at one closed shop after another.
"Huh?" Luna tilted her head. "This place is clearly safe now. Why has everyone left?"
"It's precisely because it's 'too safe,'" Ron muttered, hunching his shoulders.
He shivered as he watched the Enlightenment Society members patrolling back and forth. When they stopped, bowed respectfully, and saluted Ethan with fervent zeal, Ron's heart filled with envy.
Ah… if only that were me…
Ethan waved back in acknowledgment and said calmly, "The fact that they can close up shop means they still have an escape route."
When there's no escape route left, they'll naturally come back.
The Harry trio: "..."
What a villainous thing to say.
"…L-look!" Hermione pointed stiffly, desperately changing the subject. "George and Fred's joke shop—Merlin, they've done an amazing job with the décor!"
She wasn't exaggerating.
In the middle of the gray, gloomy street, the Weasley twins' shop stood out like a glittering disco ball.
A giant mannequin in a suit kept tipping its top hat, pulling out rabbits one moment, doves the next, and nothing at all after that. It was ridiculously entertaining.
A metal plaque on the wall read "93 Diagon Alley."
It was as if the shop were trying to draw every single person in Diagon Alley straight to its doors.
Students streamed in and out, packed inside like sardines in a tin.
The air rang with children shouting "Mum, I want this one!" and the disapproving sighs of adults.
Ron and Harry were already staring wide-eyed, itching to dash inside that very second.
Ethan, however, merely frowned slightly and muttered in mild distress:
"It's so lively…"
He had never enjoyed being squeezed among crowds. He was already wondering whether he should summon the three-headed hellhound to put on a little show and divert everyone's attention.
The Weasley twins, who had been poking their heads out the shop door, spotted them immediately.
"Hey! You're here!"
The twins bounced with excitement and raised a massive megaphone, bellowing at the top of their lungs:
"Make way! Make way! The most terrifying and evil Dark Lord in the entire wizarding world—Ethan Vincent—has arrived!!!"
The megaphone's volume was enormous. The shout echoed through the entire street in an instant.
It was as if someone had hit the pause button.
The whole scene fell deathly silent. Every head snapped up in shock, staring toward the source of the voice.
Faces crammed into every window along the street.
Then—
A series of pops and screams erupted like fireworks.
People scattered in panic—some Apparating away with loud cracks, others who couldn't Apparate yet scrambling and crawling for cover, trembling.
In the space of a few heartbeats, two-thirds of the customers had vanished. The shop suddenly felt spacious and empty.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared in disbelief.
After a long moment, Ron muttered dazedly, "They really went all out just to make Ethan comfortable…"
Even Ethan was moved.
He high-fived the approaching twins and sighed, "I was worried I'd have to bring back the broom rash again. You guys acted fast."
The twins: "..."
"Too bad—we missed a great show~" The twins winked at Ethan, grinning mischievously.
By the way, although the previous term had passed "peacefully," the twins had still chosen to drop out after finishing their O.W.L.s.
"We need to accomplish something before Mum gets our report card," they had said seriously.
"Otherwise she might actually lose her mind."
And events had proven their prediction painfully accurate.
Aside from Ethan's "Outstanding" in Defense Against the Dark Arts, most of their other subjects had been disastrous—especially Potions.
Professor Snape had declared that if they hadn't dropped out, the pair would have become next term's Potions ingredients.
"Everyone has their own ambitions," Ethan had said calmly while comforting a sobbing Mrs. Weasley. "Look at me—I'm determined to pursue the artistic path. They share the same lofty aspirations!"
For some reason, after he finished speaking, Mrs. Weasley had only cried harder.
Back to the present.
"Come on in, our beloved benefactor~" The twins rubbed their hands together like eager flies and cleared a path for Ethan, pushing the doors wide open.
Their shamelessly fawning behavior made Ron roll his eyes dramatically and pretend to retch at Harry.
The twins shot back, "If you're going to puke, do it outside, little Ronnie. We can't afford the damages."
Ron snapped, "See that? These are my own brothers!"
"Hahaha~"
Ethan watched the siblings bicker with a smile, a rare trace of warmth flickering in his cobalt-blue eyes.
Just then—
Bang.
A passing pedestrian suddenly staggered and collided with Ethan's shoulder.
Ethan turned and saw a hunched, scrawny figure.
The spine was unnaturally bent forward, as if from some kind of illness.
"S-sorry…" came a weak, high-pitched female voice from beneath the hood.
The tone was strangely awkward, like someone who had only just learned to speak.
"Hiss."
Harry suddenly frowned and rubbed his ear, thinking in confusion:
For a split second, it sounded like Parseltongue…?
But the person in front of him was clearly human. He must have misheard.
After apologizing, the figure continued limping forward.
George shrugged. "More and more vagrants from Knockturn Alley lately. We set up some free food stations, but it's only a temporary fix."
"Hmm."
Ethan gave a noncommittal hum.
He carefully probed the magic inside the stranger.
…Nothing unusual, aside from it being unusually faint.
His own shoulder, after the bump, felt perfectly normal, so he dismissed it and looked away.
Pity, he thought regretfully. I was hoping for an assassination attempt or a curse. Tsk, don't get a guy's hopes up and then disappoint him.
He was about to continue toward the joke shop when Luna suddenly spoke beside him.
"There's a sticky, fishy stench."
Luna stared at the small, hunched figure, her blue eyes clear as mirrors, and said dreamily, "That girl carries a cold, damp aura… like something slowly crawling out of a lake."
"She just can't wash herself properly, that's all!" Hermione planted her hands on her hips and frowned. "You can't talk about people like that, Luna."
"Look at her—she seems so pitiful!"
Hermione gazed sympathetically at the girl's crooked back.
Luna didn't respond to Hermione, pretending she hadn't heard.
She watched the figure disappear into a narrow side alley and murmured, "Maybe we'll meet her again someday…"
Hermione and Ginny exchanged glances and smiled the way people do when they're used to Luna's quirks.
She was just a random street urchin they'd bumped into. What were the chances they'd ever see her again?
Classic "Loony" Luna.
The little incident was soon forgotten.
The moment the dazzling array of goods inside Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes came into view, the group wiped the encounter from their minds completely.
"Merlin's beard!" Ron's eyes bulged with delight. "This is basically one giant list of banned items! Filch is going to lose his mind!"
Canary Creams that temporarily turned the eater into a large golden canary, Ton-Tongue Toffees, Nosebleed Nougat, the infamous Dungbombs…
Aside from the "Wonderland: Making Your Sleep Vibrant and Colorful" line they had co-developed with Ethan, Ron grabbed one of nearly everything.
Ron: "How much for all this?"
The twins: "Ten Galleons."
Ron's eyes widened. "I'm your brother!"
The twins glanced at each other and chorused, "Twenty Galleons!"
In the end…
Ethan chuckled and covered the entire cost of everything they wanted.
The Weasley twins, of course, didn't charge him a single Knut.
Ron threw his arms around Ethan's leg and wailed, "Ethan! You're my god! I'd marry you right now!"
Harry: "Mate, how are you repaying kindness with… that?"
Eventually Luna "absent-mindedly" flicked her wand and tossed Ron into the fake-blood fountain.
With hardly any customers left in the shop, the group got to enjoy the place all to themselves thanks to Ethan.
Harry and Ron sprayed each other with steam and cackled like idiots.
Hermione and Ginny crowded in front of the love potions, shoving each other playfully before falling into a long, silent, knowing stare at the bottles.
Luna sat alone in the "Wonderland" experience chair, her head enveloped in shimmering mist, looking utterly content.
At that moment the twins pulled Ethan aside and whispered, "A while back the Death Eaters attacked Diagon Alley again! But this time they had a very specific target—Ollivander's wand shop."
"We're not sure why they chose that place. Maybe because every young witch and wizard buys their wand there?"
"Anyway, we used the 'Wonderland' you helped us develop! Haha! The results were spectacular!"
Spectacular was an understatement.
Every Death Eater who tasted it foamed at the mouth and went completely insane. Even Mr. Ollivander had been taken to St. Mungo's for treatment.
The twins continued, "The important part is that one of the mad Death Eaters kept screaming about 'Deathly Hallows' and the 'Elder Wand.'"
"We thought you should know."
Ethan let out a thoughtful "Ah" and nodded slowly.
So the Death Eaters had attacked Ollivander's wand shop… or, more accurately, they had come for Ollivander himself.
In the original story, it had been to learn the whereabouts of the Elder Wand—one of the Deathly Hallows.
"Little do they know the one in Dumbledore's hand is the actual Elder Wand," Ethan shook his head. "What a bunch of blindly foolish idiots."
Come to think of it.
The Tales of Beedle the Bard mentioned that once you collected all three Hallows—cough, sorry, wrong fandom—once you assembled the three sacred objects, you would gain "power beyond Death itself."
"Unfortunately, in the original story the Deathly Hallows never actually demonstrated that kind of power."
"The Invisibility Cloak is locked in Harry's trunk, the Resurrection Stone was tossed into the Forbidden Forest by Harry, and the Elder Wand was snapped in half by Harry and thrown off a cliff…"
"Hiss~"
Ethan suddenly frowned and narrowed his eyes at Harry.
He suddenly realized… the Boy Who Lived was a bit of a spendthrift, wasn't he?
On the other side of the shop, Harry, who had been laughing and joking with his best mate, suddenly felt a chill run down his spine.
It was as if a Dementor had dragged an icy finger across his back.
Harry whipped around and met Ethan's smiling gaze.
Ethan: ^_^
…Case closed.
Harry quickly looked away, an expression of noble martyrdom settling on his face.
Under Ron's admiring stare, he popped the "Hell's Twist Lollipop" into his mouth.
His face twisted instantly!
Ron: Whoa! Glug glug glug~
applause.jpg
The Weasley twins looked disgusted. "Merlin, what are we going to do about our idiot little brother…"
Ethan turned his head and gave a soft chuckle.
He didn't disagree.
"Anyway, I'm aware of the situation now," Ethan nodded. "Keep an eye on Diagon Alley and gather any more intel."
"Once Mr. Ollivander wakes up, have him come see me."
Might as well ask about the Elder Wand while he was at it. The more ways to counter Death, the better.
"Oh, right."
Ethan suddenly remembered something.
He looked up, his handsome face breaking into a warm, spring-breeze smile directed at the Weasley twins.
"If anyone from the Ministry tries to interfere, just use the new 'Wonderland' we developed on them."
"It'll give them a beautiful dream, showcase our virtue, and promote the joke shop at the same time."
"Truly killing two birds with one stone~"
The Weasley twins: "..."
Just hearing the name of the device made them shiver in unison.
It seemed to have triggered memories their brains had kindly auto-censored.
Facing Ethan's gentle, plague-like smile, the twins hesitated before whispering, "Ethan… do you have any enemies among the Aurors? Because if you do… we'll make sure they suffer."
Ethan: ?
Enemies?
They made it sound like he was some kind of terrifying person.
Tsk tsk tsk, it looked like the twins still had a long way to go in their training.
Even after leaving school, they couldn't slack off!
Ethan cheerfully decided to start them off with a fresh round of "Wonderland" to open their minds.
Even though Ethan had practically turned the entire British wizarding world upside down,
the inevitable still arrived right on schedule.
September first—the day Hogwarts students returned for the new school year and first-years began their journey—had come.
Somewhere in the home of an ordinary wizarding family named Marlow.
On such an important day the house was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
Every curtain had been drawn and sealed with magic, as if afraid of being discovered. The interior was dim and gloomy.
If not for the almost imperceptible sound of breathing, it would have felt like an empty house.
"Daddy, Mummy, why are we hiding?"
Eleven-year-old Albert Marlow looked up in confusion at his parents, who were clutching him tightly.
"Shh—!"
His mother quickly signaled for silence, glancing around nervously.
Her gaze finally landed on the open black letter lying on the table.
Fear flooded her eyes.
It was as if what lay there wasn't an ordinary letter at all,
but an invitation straight to hell.
On the pitch-black paper, elegant gilded script read:
[To Albert Marlow,]
[We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Enclosed is a list of all necessary books and equipment.]
[Owing to certain regrettable circumstances, you may find it difficult to purchase everything in Diagon Alley.]
[However, you need not worry. This year Hogwarts will provide every student with all required items. There is no need for you to buy them yourself.]
[Term begins on 1 September. The Hogwarts Express will collect you at that time.]
[No matter where you are.]
[———————With regards from your beloved "Lamp," Ethan Vincent.]
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