Part 15. Reciprocity
I was pulled back in, literally from the doorway, and to be honest, without Esme's promise to give me more food for my shameless consumption, I wouldn't have agreed to any further heart‑to‑heart talk. And they were clearly planning to have one, despite my hints to the contrary.
I was sitting at the table again, but now Tanya and Irina were flanking me on both sides, while Kate was bustling about behind our backs. Tanya, of course, was a domineering woman and clearly wanted me where I'd be happy to be myself — but the consequences were intimidating. Yet, she hadn't once tried to really put pressure on me during all this time. That's why I somehow felt quite relaxed, and the opportunity to steal glances at such beauty while not having to look in Rosalie's direction — well, sign me up for two of those! Basically, the situation gave me exactly those two options, but it was clear that I could only steal glances and think pleasant thoughts about Tanya.
No, of course, Irina was also a blonde, and that's my documented weakness — blondes — but I'm not one to show my interest in those who aren't interested in me, not since I've become a different gender in this life. And I was also, generally speaking, glancing at Tanya as a sort of anchor, to avoid accidentally sliding my gaze over to Rosalie or Lilian.
To be honest, if I didn't have a clear understanding stemming from the information Tomiko had given me, I would have tried to befriend Rosalie and Alice, and through them somehow influence Edward, so he'd back off from Lilian from the start, or something like that. I'd also have taken Tanya more seriously. But I knew for certain that to acquire a body — at least one resembling what I needed for a normal perception of reality, without the urge to check myself into a mental institution — I'd have to grow in power as a kitsune, which is basically impossible without rebirth. Well, that is, unless I want to either lose my memories of being a man — which is unacceptable, as it equals losing the memories of my identity altogether — or stoop to becoming a petty little monster gobbling souls left and right. And yes, Tomiko didn't hesitate to tell me about that option — I had to know it existed, so I wouldn't accidentally end up doing it.
Of course, when we discussed this, I had reasonable suspicions that maybe I'd devoured little Bella's soul to become her, but the kitsune waved off my suspicions — which, by the way, I'd voiced more than once. She kept insisting that through reincarnation I'd accumulate some specific soul shell needed for that very power, and doing that accumulation in ordinary worlds, without anything supernatural, would take far too long.
All this information, in short, had put me in this suspended state — where I don't really want to get involved in all this mess, and I'm not even sure that this Eddie really brainwashed Lilian, or if it's just my imagination.
Maybe this conversation won't be as useless as I think.
And just as I'd settled in, carefully cutting into a medium‑rare divine beef steak and swallowing my saliva at the smell of the steaks, that same red‑haired jerk ruined my mood. I preferred to cut at least half of it first, and only then start eating — so that minute of pause, while I dealt with the structural integrity of the meat fibers, gave Eddie a chance to gather his thoughts.
"Lilian, you remember I told you that vampires have this phenomenon called Mates, something like soul mates…" Edward the Idiot said, deliberately calmly — but I still felt uneasy about his tone. "And I can read minds."
I looked up and almost spat a lump of chewed meat right in his face. You didn't need to be a genius to figure out that while Lilian wasn't protected by her omamori, in those half a minute or so, he'd read his supposed soulmate's thoughts about me — and he clearly didn't like them. And this heavenly king's nonsense was clearly up to something.
Alice got up from her seat, clearly showing concern on her pretty face, but her husband stopped her, frowning as he glanced first at me, then at the cherished couple of Eddie and my ex. Meanwhile, the others were watching all this in bewilderment.
"And Jasper can sense emotions," he continued his thought and looked at me with a painfully self‑satisfied squint. "And that protection doesn't work against his abilities."
"What are you trying to say?" I pushed the nonsense out of my head and kept grinding the steak with my jaws. "Mrs. Cullen… Uh, I mean Esme, yes," I corrected myself under her gently reproachful gaze, switching to her first name as she'd asked before. "Do you maybe have some tea? I don't wash down cold meat."
"Is that something human?" Irina suddenly decided to clarify, even though I'd barely exchanged five words with her the whole time. "Will it make you sick?"
"You guessed it!" I made a little gun with my free hand and smirked. "If you eat a hearty meal and then drink an iced beverage, like the one Esme gave me, your guts might twist, or you might just feel off. Of course, thanks to my not‑quite‑human nature, I won't die from it — and there might not even be any reaction at all. But is it worth testing?"
Kate — or just plain Katya — giggled and even started to add something, trying to elbow her way between me and Irina. Not a lady, but a firecracker, really — but Eddie didn't like that we were ignoring him.
"Lilian is convinced that you love her, Isabella Swan, and that's why she can't let you go completely. But you don't love anyone or anything at all, do you?"
His tone was accusatory and contemptuous, but that didn't stop me from continuing to chew, mostly staring at my plate. The sauce was pretty good too, but because of this jerk, I suddenly couldn't taste anything anymore. Strange thing, really — idiots sense depression, or whatever's responsible for my emotional constipation, and start extrapolating it into black holes.
Morons, what can I say.
"Don't ignore me," this fantasist hissed and tried to loom threateningly.
I'd already started putting down my utensils, intending to simply leave and end the conversation — after all, I didn't have my flaming katana with me, and throwing a punch at this blockhead with my girlish hand would be a thankless task.
But then, a second later, there was a crash of glass — the full‑length window shattered, and suddenly Eddie was no longer standing in front of me.
Yeah, the Rosalie from Tomiko's retelling — who simply couldn't stand Bella and for some reason longed for her humanity — and this quick‑to‑act, militant Valkyrie, ready to reflexively slap down any threat to me right in the face — those were two different Rosalies.
I decided to push myself and use my fox powers, so I managed to catch the end of their hissing conversation with my suddenly sharpened hearing. After all, neither Eddie nor Rosalie continued fighting — he clearly knew what to say to stop her rage, or even try to redirect it.
"…You're happy to deceive yourself. You have everything, but you want more — and you have no idea how one‑sided these feelings are. Why fix what isn't broken, Rose? She's simply not capable…"
"Shut your mouth!" Rosalie roared, no longer hissing, and involuntarily caught my gaze.
We'd all already left our seats, of course, while they were still tussling, and peered through the hole created by this quite justified, albeit overly expressive, emotional reaction.
Then Rosalie's gaze darted to her husband, who had also surely heard the telepath's revelations, and he was already stepping over the broken glass, oblivious to everything, with clear concern and some helpless sympathy on his face.
I was superfluous and definitely didn't want to get involved, no matter how much I was drawn to Rosalie when I was full of this kitsune magic.
Compatibility, Tomiko had said. That's exactly why I'd been fond of her back in the day — but she turned me down outright, and at the time I thought it was because I wasn't a man. That's how she explained her rejection, and I took the end of my first teenage crush in this body quite calmly.
Now I knew it wasn't just about the lack of mutual affection, but also that this lady was an immortal being capable of interworld travel and changing her body at will.
I was a , a barely fledged chick, an infant who'd just rolled over from his back onto his belly.
And yes, Tomiko could and would ignore our compatibility — and so I reciprocated her attitude.
With Rosalie, however, reciprocating her almost instinctive attraction would be extremely risky. For her, it could mean losing what she already had and valued — beyond these feelings imposed by supernatural circumstances. For me, it could easily mean losing the newly formed desire to leave this world as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Something in my chest tightened with familiar ache, and a tugging sensation came behind my eyes — but I exhaled and let it go.