"You have already used that fox to alter the past once."
Gazing at that chocolate coin, Ruoping froze completely:
"How did you... how did you..."
"Bought it in passing when passing by the supermarket just now. You should be clearer than me that Gu Qiumian's interpersonal relationships were altered because of this." Zhang Shutong interrupted her. "On the day she brought you chocolates, you originally ignored her. I know that wasn't your fault, but it also indirectly led to her being isolated in class. I remember very clearly."
"You indeed still remember." Ruoping let out a tragic laugh. "Then do you still remember that back then you approached me to look into what happened that day? I initially harbored suspicions, thinking you still remembered the matters of the original time and space, but you never brought it up again afterward."
"But you didn't tell anyone at the time."
"Yes." Ruoping admitted flatly. Opening her beer, she sat on the ground cradling her knees. "When did it occur to you?"
"Du Kang said that you saw the fox statue on your way to dinner, which happens to be the path we just traversed. It's very dark, and it was winter, not to mention you and Auntie went by car. How could you notice a statue the size of a beverage bottle from inside the car?"
Zhang Shutong murmured:
"On the original timeline, because of that text message of mine, you learned of the underground rock relief and the altar, and only then did you hurriedly run out to look for it, resulting in being targeted by that man. It sounds very reasonable, but it simply can't withstand careful scrutiny as to why you attached such importance to it—unless you were already aware of that fox's significance long ago.
"Taking it a step further, perhaps you were not only aware of its significance, but had even made a wish once. However, you didn't dare bring an object of unknown origin back home, leaving it only in its original place. Only when you realized there was an altar into which it could be placed did you think to go look for it, right?"
Ruoping didn't speak. She tilted her slender neck, chugging the beer down.
Zhang Shutong continued:
"Therefore, this is the root cause of your guilt. Du Kang miscalculated one thing: that fox wasn't usable only once, but twice. However, the first opportunity was used by you to alter Gu Qiumian's interpersonal relationships. I know this was well-intentioned, but when placed alongside a physical disability, it appears far too reckless. Thus, you regret using one up yourself; had it been preserved back then, everyone could have been saved."
Zhang Shutong turned his head, looking earnestly at Ruoping:
"But what I want to say is, no one can foresee what will happen in the future. Do not attribute the tricks of fate onto yourself. You clearly did nothing wrong."
After finishing his words, he quietly studied Ruoping, hoping she could feel better in her heart. Yet Ruoping continued to drink the beer, leaving not even a single moment to catch her breath, looking much like a female drunkard.
Zhang Shutong truly feared she might choke. As if his crow's mouth had come true, in the next instant, Ruoping's movements stiffened. The beer can crashed to the ground, and she began to cough heart-rendingly:
"Cough, cough-cough..."
Seeing this, Zhang Shutong extended his hand, wanting to pat her back, but was forcefully flung away by Ruoping:
"Is this the understanding you spoke of?"
Wiping the corner of her mouth, she sneered:
"Zhang Shutong, you think far too highly of my kindness."
"What do you mean?" Zhang Shutong knit his brows.
"It is not because an opportunity was used up once by me that I feel guilty, nor did I well-intentioned want to alter Gu Qiumian's interpersonal relationships. That was merely an accident."
"An accident?"
"Yes, exactly an accident. Do you remember that once you were buried by an avalanche and nearly died? It was precisely on the night you were being resuscitated, when I was returning home the next day, that I discovered that fox statue on the road."
Ruoping said coldly:
"I wasn't being well-intentioned at the time either. Had I known early on that the fox statue could alter history, why wouldn't I go save you? It was merely that I had stayed with Gu Qiumian for a whole night that day, and happened to think of her, that's all. But by such pure coincidence, that fox treated it as a regret and altered it.
"Therefore, I say you don't understand me at all. You guessed the result correctly, but the process is completely wrong. The remaining matters amount to nothing more than moving yourself to tears. Zhang Shutong, ah, Zhang Shutong, you've liked doing this since childhood. How are you still this naive now? Truly, so naive."
She suddenly burst into laughter, her body trembling with the laughs. She wore light makeup today and had applied lipstick, which had now become somewhat smeared:
"Understand now, right? I am not at all the kind of great person you think, unable to get over an unintentionally wasted opportunity. I have been living very well over these years—walking freely, able to wear dresses. It amounts to nothing more than my mind becoming a bit distorted during the period my leg was broken, heh."
"You're drunk," Zhang Shutong said calmly.
"Where am I drunk?"
Ruoping kicked away the tin can with a laugh:
"The one who is drunk is clearly you. You feel that I have been harboring things in my heart, and now that I expose my true self to you, look, you indeed find me unfamiliar. Isn't it hard to believe? Don't you feel very disappointed? Disappointment is only right; I have always been this kind of person.
"If I were truly the kind of person you described, why would I hide it from you and Qingyi? Why wouldn't I actively reconcile with Du Kang? Why would I hide it from Qinglian? She is the greatest victim. Why didn't I tell you guys immediately when I found that fox back then? I don't know why you have such a strong filter over the Feng Ruoping in your eyes, but that person died long ago."
"Your current mindset indeed has a bit of a problem." Zhang Shutong looked at her for two seconds.
"People always grow up, and growing up is a very cruel thing. Isn't this what you said yourself?"
"I don't remember saying such words."
"Whatever." Cradling her chin, she sneered again, "Let me tell you another unexpected matter. That fox doesn't have only two times either. If it had two times, I would have used it directly when my leg broke. It is used once, and after a period of time, it will recover again. It's just that it's unknown how long this time is—back then it was four or five months, when will the next time be? Perhaps four or five years, or perhaps it will never be reached."
"So you went to the doghouse at Du Kang's house today exactly to verify whether it had recovered?"
"Yes," she said efficiently. "Give me your alcohol."
Without waiting for Zhang Shutong's response, she snatched the tin can over without allowing for discussion, before chugging it down toward her mouth. Yet very little of the liquid actually made it into her mouth; gradually, the front of that red dress was also stained wet, outlining a shapely curve.
Zhang Shutong thought quietly to himself: Ruoping was right, everyone had grown up.
"Look, Du Kang doesn't even know about this matter," she blinked. "Could it be that I want to monopolize that fox? All of you assume it has become a block of stone, but only I know it is still useful."
"How were you injured back then?" Zhang Shutong merely asked. "Du Kang didn't state it very clearly. Tell me the specific time and location."
"The time, right before Christmas. The location, right inside this old house. The house collapsed."
"You happened to run into that man?"
"He had been staring at me all along, but I only realized it after the fact." Ruoping shook her head. "In your words back then, since there are five foxes, he likely wanted to see if we held the whereabouts of the other foxes."
"Did he appear again afterward?"
"No."
Zhang Shutong nodded, speaking no further.
"I've said everything I know, and I don't know the rest either. Of course, believe it or not is up to you." Ruoping stood up swaying. "Heading back."
"I'm not going back tonight; I still have some matters." Zhang Shutong checked the time. "Do you feel a bit better in your heart?"
Ruoping froze upon hearing this, seemingly disinclined to say anything more:
"Naive."
"That means there are still words hidden that haven't been said?"
"Are you annoying or not?" she suddenly growled low. "I said I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine! Zhang Shutong, when did you become this nagging?"
"When did you become this fond of lying?" Zhang Shutong looked directly into her eyes.
"You!"
"On your thigh, your left leg," Zhang Shutong said softly, "is entirely covered in scars."
"When did you..." Ruoping was flustered for an instant.
"When we were at the fast-food restaurant. In fact, it's not just here. Back then when you bumped your head in the tunnel and wouldn't even eat a meal, it was because something had fallen down your neck and you insisted on going home to take a shower. Oh, and that white down jacket too," Zhang Shutong pointed at his head. "You might have forgotten, but I remember very clearly: every time we did manual labor, you insisted on swapping clothes with me.
"And then today—clearly you were drenched in sweat, so logically speaking, the first thing you should do upon returning from the mountain is take a shower. You are clearly someone with mysophobia. Furthermore, why wear a long red dress? Of course, these might be a bit far-fetched, but at any rate, I saw the injuries on your leg."
Clutching her dress, Ruoping instinctively shifted the topic:
"Whether there are any or not, what does it have to do with you? You have a disease, don't you? What are you looking at my thigh for?"
"If you truly lived very well as you claimed, that would be great." Zhang Shutong let out a sigh. "Unfortunately, you don't."
"If you don't leave, I'm leaving. Suit yourself with whatever matters you have tonight. Return or not as you like." She made a move to turn around and leave.
Naturally there were matters, and urgent matters at that. Zhang Shutong looked at the old house again, thinking silently to himself.
But only now did he understand: it wasn't that there was nothing to lose or linger for on this timeline; on the contrary, there were now many matters for him to keep close to his heart:
"I seem to understand where the knot in your heart lies. Regardless of whether your previous words were true or false, what makes you feel most miserable and regretful should be that when you discovered that fox, you didn't tell anyone. Later when I went to ask you about Gu Qiumian's matter, you still didn't confess, right?"
Zhang Shutong spoke word by word:
"You feel that these were the two opportunities that were wasted in vain, rather than altering Gu Qiumian's interpersonal relationships. You have never regretted doing that deed; you merely feel that had you told us of the fox's existence sooner, the subsequent accidents wouldn't have occurred."
Ruoping's footsteps halted. She stood silently in place, leaving only a silhouette from behind. Zhang Shutong waited quietly for what would follow, yet no words came from anyone; only Ruoping's shoulders began to tremble:
"Yes, I hid it from you guys. I just didn't tell you about the fox statue, and that includes the fact that Gu Qiumian's matter was my doing. So what? You're still just filling in the blanks in your head. Who told you I regret because of this matter..."
"You were very scared back then, right?"
This time, Ruoping didn't speak. She merely turned her head back blankly.
Zhang Shutong said in a low voice:
"Looking at it after the fact, that fox is simply a treasure, capable of altering what has already occurred, practically identical to the regret medicine of legend. Who knows how many people would go wild for it. But to the you back then, it wasn't like that. To the Feng Ruoping back then, you simply couldn't comprehend why a random fox would possess this kind of power. Remember the first time we went to the tunnel?"
Zhang Shutong recalled:
"You were the most timid, most afraid of ghostly and spiritual things, yet you insisted on bravado. Therefore, the sixteen-year-old you didn't treat the fox as some treasure, but as a highly eerie statue. Moreover, its function was merely granting a wish, rather than letting you personally return to the past; you only had memories after the fact. But you weren't familiar with Gu Qiumian anyway, so not many memories were left behind either. When you discovered the change in her interpersonal relationships, your first reaction was absolutely not joy, but terror—fearing the unknown alteration, fearing that you had caused trouble. Thus, you told no one."
"Rambling this much, I only want to say: you did nothing wrong," Zhang Shutong repeated these words. "Stop blaming yourself."
"You don't understand!" Ruoping roared with a crying tone. "Easy for you to say! But if I hadn't hidden the matter of the fox, it wouldn't have been delayed until that night to go look for the sculpture! Not going to look for the fox, I wouldn't have been targeted by that man either! Not being targeted by him, I wouldn't have become disabled! Afterward, you and Qinglian wouldn't have kept searching for him, you wouldn't have contracted a very bizarre illness, and Qinglian's ears wouldn't have been injured either!
"Who do you think caused these accidents? It wasn't the tricks of fate you spoke of at all; it was all brought upon by myself! Zhang Shutong, do you understand? Had I not hidden it back then, this pile of accidents wouldn't have needed to occur at all!" Her emotions broke down completely. "How do you expect me to forgive myself! Ah, say it! How can I let it go? Didn't I say I don't need your comfort? You might as well curse at me once so I can feel a bit better!"
She suddenly sat down on the ground, wailing loudly just like that, as if the emotions bottled up in her heart for so many years had suddenly found a place to vent. Zhang Shutong didn't step forward, merely listening to Ruoping say through her tears:
"I did say back then to give the opportunity to Qinglian, but do you truly believe I am some kind of kind, grand, and entirely selfless person? Clearly it was my own leg that was amputated, yet I wanted to give this opportunity to someone else—I felt I deserved it!"
She cried so hard her breath couldn't keep up with her words:
"But I was truly very scared back then. I really didn't want to hide the fox's matter from you guys on purpose, wanting to monopolize that fox. Do you know? I was actually about the same as you—I was also dumbfounded when I saw Gu Qiumian surrounded by a circle of friends, and only then did I recall that a deviation had occurred in a matter from a very, very long time ago. But with just such a tiny matter, the circle around her changed entirely. I... I didn't know whether it was good or bad. Clearly I should have told you back then, but I don't know what happened to me either; I was just scared—scared that if you found out, you would turn against me. You kept revolving around Gu Qiumian during that period, and nearly dying was also because of her...
"I'm making excuses again, right? But that afternoon I truly prepared to go find you to confess, but you just happened to not be at school, and then I kept wanting to find an opportunity but failed to locate one. First it was that basement, then it was Teacher Song leaving, then it was leaving the island over the weekend to watch a movie, and then it was going to clear the tunnel that day. Clearly not much time had passed, yet it was already too late...
"In the end, it was I who was saved. Moreover, it just happened to be Du Kang saving me under the circumstance of not consulting anyone. He felt he had stolen the fox, but I felt I was the one who had stolen this opportunity. I simply couldn't shoulder this result, nor could I face it... Do you understand now? I am not the kind of good person you described. I also want to stand up, I also want to wear dresses, and I also want to play together with you guys just like before, but all of this is my own doing..."
She quickly lost her strength from crying, her cries growing smaller and smaller, turning into whines at last.
This woman clothed in a long red dress sobbed uncontrollably, her throat already hoarse and her eyes swollen. At noon, she had clearly worn light makeup, appearing bright and striking. Many years later, she had originally become mature and quiet, learning to endure alone, no longer bustling about and no longer chattering. Yet in the blink of an eye, this outer shell was shattered into pieces. Stripping away all her disguises, she was at a complete loss like a child.
In reality, she had never known what to do all these years.
These matters had been buried in her heart for far too long. She was ultimately saved, yet she still didn't live well. One savior remained constantly in guilt, while another saved person remained constantly in torment. This secret had remained buried at the bottom of their hearts for so many years, yet this wasn't their fault either.
Only kind people would be sad for this long.
Ruoping's mother wasn't wrong; she had always been a kind girl.
Zhang Shutong walked over and rubbed her hair:
"Don't cry anymore."
"You don't blame me..."
"No one blames you," Zhang Shutong said gently.
She managed to stop her weeping with great difficulty, biting her lip forcefully as she said in a lost soul-like state:
"But what about that fox? I have already waited for five years, and it hasn't recovered in five years. What should be done about Qinglian's ears..."
Zhang Shutong moved his lips, but just then, a flashlight beam was seen from afar:
"Ping'er, Shutong, where are you guys?"
Zhang Shutong saw Ruoping's startled appearance:
"In fact, I contacted your parents just now, having them come pick you up. Drunk like this, I have no way to bring you back."
"Then what about you?"
"I want to go into that tunnel to take another look. I'll head back very soon, don't worry."
He saw the flashlight beam drawing closer and closer, turning around to wave his hand. As he stepped away, Zhang Shutong hesitated for a moment:
"Have a good sleep in a bit. I mean..."
He squeezed out a smile:
"Perhaps the fox you've been waiting for all along... has already been reached."
Ruoping failed to grasp his meaning, but Father and Mother Feng had already hurriedly encircled her side:
"What's wrong, what's wrong? I heard from Shutong that you drank too much, why are you crying like this..."
For the time being, no one cared about his destination. These voices gradually grew smaller behind his ears as Zhang Shutong walked into that old house.
Hiding behind the door, he cast a glance outside. Ruoping ultimately didn't show false bravado, allowing her parents to pull her into the car.
Zhang Shutong looked at her silhouette, saying softly:
"Goodbye."
He instinctively looked toward the ceiling again, but this room had no windows at all. Even if it did, situated within the urban area amidst stands of buildings, that pitch-black mountain peak couldn't be seen either, let alone a silhouette outside the island.
He pulled open the door to the tunnel with force, turned on the phone's flash, and threw himself into the deep, dark underground once more.
Zhang Shutong crossed over the platform swiftly, establishing a secure footing inside the cavern.
A photo, an MP3 player, two foxes, and several people locked in torment because of it.
Closing his eyes, he reached out his hand toward that wide-grinning fox:
"Goodbye."