' The contract is terminated. We are over.'
The words struck Jungkook like a physical blow, knocking the remaining air out of his lungs. He staggered back, hitting his back on the marble fireplace,his hand flying over his heart as if he could actually feel it breaking into pieces.
" Since you decided to play loose with the rules and spread your legs for those sleazbags, we're done. We're over." Taehyung continued in a cold – eye realism like he was dissolving a minor business deal rather than ripping Jungkook's heart apart, crumbling his entire world down." You're not getting a single penny from me. Absolutely nothing. Ask your new.. daddies to finance you."
Jungkook's eyes blinked fast,a new set of tears burning his vision before he forced them shut in a desperate attempt to stop the room from spinning around him.
A thunderous ripple of hopelessness and anguish ran through his veins and he clenched his fist above his heart. His chest ached with a pain that wasn't physical but felt a billion times worse than any broken bone,a crushing weight numbing him.
His stomach hollowed out,the air in his lungs turned to concrete. When he finally opened them the bitter truth was waiting for him. Right by the front door,in a corner, was his black backpack.
Taehyung had already packed it and had set it down for him to take it. So it was Taehyung inside the room while he was throwing up in the bathroom.
He had stripped Jungkook of the opportunity to explain and from his place in the house even before the boy had even stepped out of the bathroom.
" No." Jungkook replied resolutely, sucking in sharp breaths, dismissing the walls closing in. He wouldn't give up so easily. He'd fight tooth and nail to make him understand. He'd do anything not to lose him because there was no life without him.
" I won't leave till you know everything." he spoke through a clenched throat, wiping the tears dripping down his ghostly pale face with the back of his hands.
" Don't push your luck Jeon. There's nothing to explain apart from the obvious and frankly at this point I don't give a damn." He still wouldn't turn around to face him.
Jungkook's fists balled at the sides, stubbornness clearly visible on his face." You'll hear me either you want to or not. I came to Seoul searching for my friend who had gone missing and someone texted me saying he had information about him.. I went to that hotel to meet him but instead I ran into her at the bar.."
" You're testing my patience. I may look calm but in my mind I've killed you a thousand times." Taehyung's fingers gripped tighter around the glass,jaw locked,teeth screwing together, feeling as if he was gonna snap at any moment.
"Aespa spiked my drink, I fainted and when I opened my eyes I was in that room and those.. those men.. they tried to.. rape me.. I fought hard but I was outnumbered.." he choked out, gulping down a shallow lump. " I never wanted that. I didn't ask for it. If you hadn't come,I.."
" Spare me the crap,Jeon. From what I saw,you were having a blast. I freaking know you. The more cocks,the merrier." When he eventually snapped around and their eyes locked, Jungkook let out a strangled sound from the contemptuous and bleak look at the man's raging eyes." Our whole fucking contract was based on it. At least be man enough to admit it." Each word spatted venom." You crave cocks.. any cock as long as it can satisfy you. You're free now to have as many as you want."
The lack of trust on Taehyung's part,the vitriolic words were a stab in the heart. He'd never believe him no matter how much he explained. He thought the worst of him and he was dead set in condemning him without hearing his side of the story.
Jungkook was fighting for a lost cause.
Involuntarily,the boy's gaze drifted around the room and caught a glimpse of some torn papers on the coffee table. He shook his head.
Their contract.
Shred to pieces, resembling their situation.
Jungkook completely broke down,rushing towards Taehyung and gripping on his black jacket,desperately crying." Please don't do this.. I wasn't unfaithful to you.. I would never cheat on you.. please believe me.. I.. I love you.. I love you so much Tae and I can't live without you.. please.. don't send me away.. please I love you.."
Jungkook hunched forward,his head leaning on Taehyung's chest,fingers clutching tighter on his jacket when he was harshly shoved away,reeling back,feet scrambling for balance then heels hit nothing.
Jungkook crashed down hard,the fierce impact rattling through his spine.
Taehyung cackled a laugh, working his jaw while grinning, kicking the boy on his knee while being down. He certainly had a lot of nerve using love as a means to trick him but he was smart enough to see right through him.
" Save the act,Jeon. You're a worthless, stupid cunt,taking whatever cock you can find. You sicken me. I could never love a slut like you. Just by looking at you, your face,your hands,the way you breathe, makes me wanna vomit." Surprisingly,his tone wasn't harsh but ten times worse. Firm,calm and taunting.
The kick didn't hurt at all.
His words cut him open and left him bleeding to death.
" Taehyung please…"
" Shut the fuck up."
Jungkook's body panged,his face twisted from the pain." Please don't send me away… please…" he cried out yet Taehyung showed no signs of remorse.
" You look pathetic." Taehyung spatted out,his chest rising in a low hiss of contempt.
" I don't care! I love you.. you and only you! Please listen to me… I would never betray you. I'd never let another person touch me.. I'm yours… I belong to you Tae…"
" Stop calling my name. It sounds filthy coming from your mouth. It's Mr Kim for you."
Jungkook had reached the point of no return. In spite of his cruel words,he was ready to bare his soul to the man he loved because that was the way he loved him. Unconditionally. Wholeheartedly. Stripped of selfishness." I love you Taehyung.. I do…please… Please hold me…"
His pleas hit a dead end. Taehyung had shut his ears and eyes to the truth and nothing could change that.
" Get your fucken bag." Taehyung briskly ordered, leaving no room to argue. His chin clenched tightly as he stared fixedly into the glass of whiskey, refusing to spare him another glance." Get the fuck out of my house,out of my life. I don't ever wanna see you again.Oh you're fired from the club. Don't ever show your disgusting face there I'll have security beat the shit out of you and throw you out like trash." He clamped his teeth slanted over the boy's shaking body and whispered."Do you understand? Huh?We're through."
Jungkook stood there numbed, utterly ravaged to the core,palms sweaty touching the floor, grazing it with his nails till they stung.
An icy, suffocating wave of extreme heartbreak swallowed him whole, agonising and excruciatingly painful,heavier than the drugs still pulsing in his veins.
The man he had secretly fallen in love with and had foolishly given his heart to under the cold,calculated contract was now looking at him with such loathing, believing he was nothing more than a cheap, deceitful male whore who would sell his body to a bunch of creepy strangers.
A pain so sharp and stabbing it made his stomach violently coil all over again.
Jungkook wanted to scream his lungs out. He wanted to throw himself at Taehyung's feet again,grip onto his legs,weep like a wounded animal and implore him to see the truth.
To believe him.
' I only love you. I didn't want them. I was drugged. I want only you.. always you.. Even if you send me to hell I'll gladly fight the devil himself just to be with you…'
His mouth opened and closed,his throat burning and gasping but the words died like ash on his tongue.
Despite revealing the secret he was hiding for months to prove his innocence and the reason why he was at that hotel in the first place and confessing his love for him, Taehyung was obsessed with absolute loyalty and rules, dismissing his explanations and flatly rejecting his love.
To save his dignity he had to betray his secret yet it didn't do him any good.
He didn't love him.
He never would.
Taehyung completely despised him.
The man's chest heaved with sharp,ragged breaths,the only sign of the battle seething inside him. A part of him,the one where his instinct prevailed, wanted to grab him and demand the truth.
The real story behind his irrational behaviour.
Why did he throw everything away?
Why did he let those bastards touch him?
Wasn't he enough?
Wasn't his body enough to satisfy Jungkook's appetite for sex?
Jungkook's image on that bed under that asshole, lustful and helpless,felt like hot iron searing his head,making his blood sizzle with wrath and anger.
His pride, wounded by the brutal betrayal, finally won.
He had made up his mind.
His decision was made and wouldn't back down.
They were over.
Jungkook had crossed the line,had broken the rules and he'd face the consequences.
"I won't say it again,Jeon." Taehyung mumbled,his voice dripping of impatience and malice." Take your goddamn things and get out before I call my men to throw you out. I'll send the rest of your stuff."
Jungkook choked on a sob,a broken sound of despair slipped out of his quivering lips. It dawned on him that there was no saving this. The contract was terminated,their fragile but beautiful situation was now dead and buried.
With his body still shaking,his skin flushed from the drugs and his soul totally broken, Jungkook gathered his diminished strength,stood up and dragged his lumpish feet to the door. Each gait felt like walking on shattered glass.
He reached down,his fingers weakly held the bag, slowly placing it around his back and paused for a second.
A second that seemed like an eternity, his eyes full of tears, observing Taehyung's rigid posture, silently praying for a miracle.
For Taehyung to run after him.
To ask him to stay.
To hold him and comfort him.
The miracle never happened. Taehyung remained unbothered and still by the window.
Jungkook's hand held the knob, clicking the door open, stepping out into the dark corridor and the clang of the hinges shutting behind him sounded exactly like a coffin closing.
It was over.
_________________
Jungkook couldn't even remember leaving the penthouse till the chilly night breeze hit his face the second he walked out of the Kim building yet nothing could clear the suffocating fog in his brain.
The elevator,the lobby,the porter waving goodnight, everything was a blur in his eyes and nothing but the nightmare of Taehyung's rejection was vivid.
A horrible nightmare he couldn't wake up from.
The city swallowed him whole.
He was utterly numbed, operating on pure autopilot. In his helpless state it didn't occur to him to ride his bike, parked and forgotten in the underground garage.
With his bag on his back feeling heavy as a stone, Jungkook wandered aimlessly into the bustling labyrinth of the night streets,a ghost moving through a crowd of living people.
Passers-by shoved past him,some giving him annoyed glances,others totally ignoring the shivering, crying boy in the oversized hoodie. Cars rippled through the vast roads, laughter spilled out of restaurants and bars but Jungkook didn't see any of them.
The tears burning his eyes, tracing hot paths down his cold cheeks were a merciless torrent of grief and loss. Grief for losing Taehyung, for the horrific way his dignity had been stripped from him, for the cruel, unexpected death of the forbidden love he had for a man that wouldn't love him back.
Above all for the shameless way he had lost him after the horror in that hotel room. That bastard's assault,the others looming and waiting like vultures for their turn.
He had to deal with Taehyung's cruel abandonment and not knowing or remembering if he was raped while unconscious. His skin reeked of their sour, unwashed stench as he needed to rip out his flesh to get rid of it.
Sweat beaded along his temples despite the cold air. The misery pressing down his chest was soul crashing,a feeling of a physical weight caving his ribs and each time he closed his eyes that nauseating scene and Taehyung's cold dismissal,shutting him out without hearing his explanation and pleas, unfolded before his eyes.
He had lost him.
Forever..
He had no idea how long he was walking or where he was or even where the hell he was going but his hands were trembling and his teeth were chattering against the strong wind. Eventually his subconsciousness took charge and his listless footsteps led him straight to the only person that made him feel safe.
To Jimin.
The door swung open after his weak, trembling knock and Jimin's beaming smile instantly shifted into a look of pure horror. Yoongi was sitting on the couch watching a movie with a bowl of popcorn on his lap but he dropped everything and popped up the moment he heard Jimin's cry and saw the wreck standing in the threshold.
" Jungkook? Oh God! Jungkook what happened to you?" Jimin's voice rose with concern, lunging forward to catch his friend as his knees instantly gave out.
Jungkook's tears had dried out,his eyes were swollen, bloodshot, totally hollow but the stains on his face said everything they needed to know. He had obviously been crying,his skin was ghostly pale,body quivering inside his wrinkled clothes.
" Kook? What the hell's going on? Who did this?" Yoongi demanded to know,his tone was soft but holding rage and protectiveness while helping Jimin carry Jungkook to the couch." Did Kim.. hurt you?"
He got no answer so he didn't insist. He'd tell when he was ready since that was the reason he had come.
For the next twenty minutes, Jungkook was staring blankly at nothing,words wouldn't form. He was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a fluffy blanket Jimin had thrown over his shoulders,a cup of steaming herbal tea in his hand, going cold.
However,the couple had no intention of letting it slide. They wanted to know,to understand what in bloody hell had happened. Because from the way Jungkook looked, it must have been tremendous.
Jimin took a deep breath before asking in a low,calm voice." Kook, please tell us what's going on."
Yoongi's upper body leaned forward,his arms resting on his knees and his eyes held worry he could no longer hide." Take a deep breath and talk to us.. please."
Jungkook's eyes were empty, showing no signs of life as he kept staring at the void. He wanted to talk. He needed to but he felt filthy,violated in a way no shower could wash away. He was convinced they'd never see him the same way again.
After ten minutes of relentless pressure and patient encouragement, Jungkook broke and spilled the beans.
" I didn't tell anyone but I got an anonymous message from someone who claimed to have information about Minhun and… agreed to meet him.." he managed to lisp in a rather apologetic way, gripping tighter at the cup and expecting at least Jimin to snap but he didn't. He looked at him with love and affection, nodding as if urging him to continue.
" We were supposed to meet at a hotel bar downtown but.. when I arrived.." he coughed to clear his throat and let out a heavy sigh." I bumped into her.. Aespa… I tried to avoid her but she saw me and sweet talked me into having a drink.." Jungkook bit his lips and his body began shaking.
" I should have known better than to trust her… but I swear I had no idea… no idea… "
" What?" Jimin tried to hold his hand but Jungkook's entire body jerked violently and pulled back with a horrific expression on his pale face.
" She drugged me… spiked my drink and I fainted.. the next thing I remember is waking up in a room naked... and a… a guy was on top of me… and five more doing… doing unspeakable things… naked… and I tried to fight… I truly did.. but I was weak and burning… and they were too many… " His voice faltered at the memory,his breath snagged on the way up but no light reached his eyes. Dead and hollow.
" I don't know… I can't be sure… if they… did something while I… was out… all I could do was… beg them to let me go… but they… laughed… and then Tae barged in… he hit them… he wouldn't even touch me Jimin… his eyes… were full of disgust… he kicked me out… like trash… he fired me and warned me… not to show my face… in his club.."
Something lodged in his throat.
The cup slipped through his quivering fingers, hitting the floor and breaking into pieces but nobody paid attention.
" He said I broke.. the rules… and we're over… he thought… he actually thought I… wanted that… I wanted those bastards to… touch me… I didn't… I swear to God… I didn't… ask for it… I begged him… told him everything about Minhun and Aespa… implored him to believe me… I told him I loved him… all I got was rejection… he hates me… loathes me… even the way I breathe…"
Jungkook's gaze refused to even glance at them out of fear they would see doubt in them.. He gripped the blanket tighter around his shoulders, rocking his body but not shedding a single tear.
He was too tired. Too exhausted.
The atmosphere inside the apartment suddenly turned explosive. All Jimin wanted was to hold Jungkook in his arms and whisper comforting words to ease the pain in his soul.
At the back of his mind,he cursed at Minhun. Even in his absence he created problems for Jungkook. If it hadn't been for him,his brother wouldn't be in this position.
And Taehyung? How could he not believe him? What kind of a pervert did he think Jungkook was to do something so vile? And Aespa? What was the deal with her? Orchestrating such a despicable plan just to get back at him?
Ok they broke up,she was pissed but pulling a stand like that, drugging him and offering him to those bastards was cold – blooded malice.
" That psychotic bitch!" Jimin barked, popping up and pacing back and forth in the living room,his face flushed with a terrifying wrath."And those pathetic bastards! I swear to God if I ever catch sight of her or them I'd rip out their hearts and cut off their dicks! How could they? And Kim? Is he completely blind? How the fuck could he look at you and think you wanted that?"
Yoongi on the other hand didn't shout,he remained still but rage was bubbling inside his veins. His jaw was locked so tightly a muscle leaped in his cheek and his eyes splashed to lethal slits,like blades being drawn. No mercy.
" Taehyung's pride got the better of him." Yoongi murmured in a dangerously calm tone."He saw something that hit his worst insecurities and he jumped to fast conclusions without using his damn brain. I didn't expect him to react that way but he's the least of our worries right now."
He glanced at Jungkook's shaky figure and his heart clenched." We've got to report this. We can't let them get away. Those assholes and that bitch have to pay."
Hearing that Jungkook's face twisted from pale into sheer horror. The idea of more people knowing about the incident, strangers looking at him with pity,officers interrogating him and Jungkook having to share his ordeal in the most vivid details scared him to death.
" No. No. No one finds out about… this. Not even the.. hyungs. I just.. want a shower.. I want to wash their dirt off." Jungkook resolutely lisped,his voice choked on the words.
The psychological trauma of the brutal violation was making his skin scrabble all over again as the toxic aftershocks of the drugs were still pulsing under his skin, making him feel dirty, and defiled." All I need is to get… that stink out of my body… please… just let me.. please.."
The two men exchanged glances and in spite of Yoongi's objections,his raw instinct as a cop screaming in his head,he warily nodded his head. He'd find a way to make those bastards and that pathetic bitch pay.
" Go,baby.. go have a shower." Jimin eventually said, smiling fondly but it never reached his dark eyes.
The younger practically rushed towards his old bedroom, staggering through the door and locking it shut behind him.
The urgency to strip out of his clothes and let the water consume him was vital but unfortunately he never made it to the bathroom.
Before he could even pull the hoodie over his head, an unexpected, blinding pain exploded in his lower abdomen. It wasn't an ordinary cramp. More like a hot, craggy blade being inserted into his belly, roughly twisting it.
The searing, overwhelming intensity of the pain deprived him of air and Jungkook let out a loud, strangled scream,his vision swiftly turning everything black around him.
His legs gave in and he collapsed on the cold marble floor,folded in two as he clutched onto his stomach while his body jerked with more waves of excruciating pain.
Apparently the chemical cocktail that woman had pumped into his veins was something more than a simple aphrodisiac. It was a toxic overdose and his insides were violently rejecting the poison.
" He – help… someone… help me.. " he managed to stammer out before the razor sharp pain amped up and he lost consciousness.
" JUNGKOOK! SWEETIE WHAT'S WRONG?" Jimin shrieked.
The bedroom door was kicked open by Yoongi and they both bolted inside. Jimin let out an earsplitting scream of helplessness, immediately dropping to his knees, watching Jungkook writhed on the floor, unconscious,his face ghostly pale and blots of cold sweat on his forehead.
" Fuck! Yoongi he's burning up." Jimin panicked while checking his friend's neck for a pulse,his hands hoovering over Jungkook's still body, looking absolutely mortified.
Yoongi took one good look at Kook's pallid lips and the ferocious, abnormal trembling of his body and instantly decided he had to take action.
He instantly whisked Jungkook up into his safe arms, resting his head against his chest and rushed out of the room.
" Grab my keys. Move Jimin! We're taking him to the hospital." he ordered,his shaky voice cutting through the panic like a sharp blade. "He's going into shock from whatever the fuck they gave him."
_________________
The sterile corridors of the emergency room obscured past them as Yoongi rushed Jungkook's lifeless body inside with Jimin running at the front, leading the way and shouting for a stretcher.
Fortunately,luck was on their side because near the triage desk a familiar face was standing. Dr. Bang Chan, one of the best doctors and surgeons in the country and Yoongi's old friend. One of the reasons he had brought Jungkook to that particular hospital.
As soon as he spotted them,he rushed forward." Yoongi? What's wrong?" the doctor asked,his eyes scanning Jungkook's chalk – white face and the constant, violent tremor racking his body.
" He was drugged… probably with some heavy, chemical cocktail." Yoongi's voice held a disciplined rumble although his knuckles had gone white while pushing the stretcher towards the ICU.
Three nurses instantly swarmed in, hooking up monitors and starting an IV. Yoongi stooped over Chan's ear with a protective intensity,whispering." Order a rape kit. Test for potential sexual assault. Run a full toxicology screen. And Chan, let's keep this between us."
Chan immediately understood and gave him a nod, snapping into his mask." Got it. I'll handle the forensic exam myself. Now wait in the lounge. It's gonna take a while."
For the next two hours the waiting room felt like a prison. Everything was too loud. Too dark and bright at the same time. The ceaseless ticking of the wall clock was booming.
People coming and going but no updates on Jungkook's condition. Jimin was a complete basketcase, pacing like a maniac back and forth till his feet hurt.
Yoongi was sitting on one of the plastic chairs,hunched forward elbows on his knees,his foot tapping on the floor and the chaotic thoughts had turned into a war zone. He couldn't help but worry for Jungkook's physical and mental health.
They were both on pins and needles, praying and hoping for a good outcome. That those bastards hadn't raped him. That he'd survived even with scars.
Finally,the heavy, double doors flew open and the doctor slowly walked out, removing the surgical mask. He looked depleted and dark,somber shadows clouded his features.
Both men turned to his direction and ran towards him, Jimin gripping tightly on Yoongi's arm." Doctor? How is he? Is he… did they…?"
" Relax,please." Chan advised him gently but his expression carried something stronger than concern,signalling them to have a seat although neither of them did." The forensic examination is complete. The pelvic and specular exams indicated no signs of micro – tearing, bruising or external trauma to the reproductive track. Moreover, the swabs came back negative for foreign fluids or DNA."
Jimin rubbed the bridge of his nose, narrowing his brows." In simple words?"
" He wasn't sexually assaulted or raped."
Jimin let out a deep sigh of relief, dropping his head on Yoongi's shoulder."Oh! Thank goodness! That's a relief."
Yoongi's inquisitive gaze studied Chan's pensive features and his guts warned him there was more to the story." But? What are you not telling us?"
Chan squeezed the mask in his hands,his voice dropping an octave when he spoke." But we have a severe complication and a special.. case.One I have encountered twice in my professional career. I think you'd better sit."
Yoongi and Jimin took a seat,the second's heart thumping so loudly in his head,he got dizzy.
" The acute abdominal pain and the collapse weren't just a localised reaction to the toxin. The toxicology report indicated a massive concentration of synthetic phenethylamines which is a highly potent aphrodisiac stimulant. It triggers severe uterine contractions and acute internal hemorrhaging."
Yoongi almost laughed but staring at Chan's serious expression,he furrowed." Uterine contractions? I've lost the thread here.. What the fuck are you talking about? He's a man in case you haven't noticed."
Chan looked at them with heartfelt sympathy. "He's genetically male, Yoongi. I understand how absurd it sounds but Jungkook possesses an extremely rare congenital condition known as Persistent Mullerian dust syndrome combined with functional internal reproductive anatomy. Only about ten percent of the male population possess the carrier gene. Let's say it's like a secondary reproductive organ capable of gestation and usually activates after puberty but some hide it due to stigma."
" Chan you can't be serious.." Yoongi's mouth had dropped and was struck dumb but Jimin seemed not to fully grasp the bizarre situation.
" It's the truth and I am deeply sorry to have to tell you this..but the severe hemorrhaging he suffered was a… spontaneous abortion. The toxic overdose and extreme stress caused a miscarriage. I'm sorry."
The two men were tongue - tied with shock. The information was a lot to take in. The words sounded utterly confusing and incomprehensible.
" A… what? " Jumin drew in a few sharp breaths, coughing to clear the huge lump in his throat, resembling a ghost drained of blood." A miscarriage? Chan this ain't a joke. It's not funny. He's a man.. I grew up with Jungkook.. I would have… Someone would have noticed he has.. whatever he has.."
" Not necessarily Jimin. You need to have specific tests to detect it. Hormone blood tests, genetic analysis and medical imaging."
" So there was a baby?" Even the question echoed unbelievable in Jimin's ears.
Chan replied firmly, reassuringly patting the man's shoulder." Yes. The fetus was only five weeks and because of his unique anatomy Jungkook had absolutely no idea he was in fact pregnant. Under normal circumstances and the right treatment,carrying to term would be feasible."
Yoongi ran both hands through his scruffy hair and felt the ground shaking under his feet. It was far worse than he had initially expected. Jungkook had not only gone through a tremendous ordeal,had lost Taehyung because of it but also his baby.
A baby he didn't know he was carrying and the precise timing to find out was wrong.
Because of a vile trap,a jealous, vindictive ex and a terrible misunderstanding, his world had shattered.
He would completely break down.
" The drugs? They caused it?" Jimin rasped, voice sounding choked as a pure nauseating feeling stirred his stomach.
" I won't lie to you. Yes. It caused violent contractions of the internal uterine walls, leading to a spontaneous detachment of the gestational sac. We've managed to stabilize the bleeding through dilation and curettage to ensure there is no retained tissue that could lead to sepsis." Chan briefly paused." There's no danger for his life and he will be able to convince again but his body's weak and has taken quite a hit. He'll require proper care and a specific treatment he needs to follow."
Jimin slumped back to the chair,his face drained of colour,his shaky hand covering his mouth as heartfelt cries broke through." Oh my God! I can't believe this.. Taehyung 's baby! He was carrying Taehyung's baby and lost it.. all because of them! And he has no idea.."
Yoongi's arm hooked around his shoulder, trying to give him courage but he was in no better shape. His brain and logic refused to process or believe any of that.
His eyes were blazing with a dangerous mix of absolute despair and a raw, murderous wrath for everyone who had harmed Jungkook. For Aespa,those sick bastards but above for Kim.
Taehyung 's reaction was inexcusable and unforgivable. He had thrown Jungkook out of his life like trash and had washed his hands of the younger, believing he was a cheater.
He had entirely dismissed him in the cruelest way and on top of that he was oblivious to the fact that his own baby had died on a bathroom floor.
" Jungkook doesn't need to know about the baby. At least for the time being." Yoongi glanced at Jumin who opened his mouth to object but closed it the moment his boyfriend raised his hand."Don't argue with me Jimin. It's an unbearable weight to carry and the last thing Jungkook needs right now. He should focus on getting better."
" We can't keep it a secret forever, Yoongi. He has every right to know about his rare condition and the baby."
" We'll tell him when he recovers and he's strong enough, physically and mentally to deal with it." His voice was dipped in emotion when asking the question to Chan." When can we see him?"
" He'll wake up in the morning. He's still heaving sedated from the procedure and it's best you let him rest. Jimin.. Yoongi has a point. When he does wake up,the emotional fall out is going to be impossible to deal with. You have to brace yourselves to pull him out of the dark and keep him together." Chan explained, letting out a heavy sigh." And it won't be easy."
__________________
Morning came bright and quiet. Pale sunlight peeped through the hospital blinds, casting stripes across the room. The soft but irritating humming of the monitors and people pacing back and forth in the corridors was getting under Jimin's skin.
Jimin was sitting slumped back in a chair next to the bed,a half empty,paper cup of coffee in his hands.
He had spent all night watching Jungkook like a hawk, drinking countless cups of tasteless coffee just to keep his eyes open. At some point he even had the bright idea of calling Kim and venting his anger on him but Yoongi kept him down.
Yoongi was standing by the window,hands stuffed in his pockets,eyes occasionally drifting between Jungkook's stilled body and Jimin's worried, gloomy face. He still couldn't digest the infos Chan had shared with them.
However, during the long, sleepless night,he had contacted Hobi, giving him all the details about the incident and ordering him to investigate it. He'd find those assholes and Aespa and he'd beat the crap out of them.
They were both completely exhausted but neither complained. They just wanted Jungkook to wake up,to open his eyes and look at them…
None of them had gone to work,that was the last thing on their agenda and Yoongi was the one who called to tell them.
Fuck the club.
Fuck Kim.
And fuck the mission.
It was by far the last concert Yoongi had.
At some point,a soft rustling sound drew their attention. Jungkook stirred,his heavy eyelids weakly fluttering before gradually opening and for several minutes he simply stared at the white ceiling.
He seemed disoriented and lost,his breathing coming out ragged as if he couldn't connect with his surroundings. Something was keeping him grounded and unable to move his arm.
He tried to move his head to the sides but stopped the moment reality tardily returned.
A hospital room.
A blinding white pricking his eyes.
The strong smell of disinfectant and a consistent ache running through his whole body.
A warm hand touched his skin but Jungkook barely felt it.
" Hey… hey." The voice was unusually soft and as Jungkook turned his head,the effort alone was exhausting, his face frighteningly ashen,not just tired but drained. Like someone had taken away every ounce of strength from him and had only left a shell behind.
It was then that he noticed Jimin at the side of his bed, smiling or at least trying.
The sight hit Jimin like a punch in the gut. The man on that bed had absolutely no resemblance to his brother. His eyes were dead,his lips a thin line of pain and Jimin wanted to burst out crying.
Those fucking bastards had sucked the life out of Jungkook.
" Don't… don't look at me like that.." Jungkook hoarsely whispered and Jimin averted his gaze.
"Are you feeling… alright?" Jimin lisped.
" No.. Where am I? What happened?"
" We brought you to the hospital after you fainted in the bathroom." Yoongi's huffed reply made Jungkook's fingers grip tight on the white sheet." They ran some tests and don't worry.. the doctor's a friend."
Jungkook swallowed hard,the lump in his throat was rather persistent.
" You were heavily drugged but they managed to take them out of your system." Yoongi explained calmly without giving more details.
Jungkook's eyes shut and the painful memories returned in fragments.
The hotel bar.. Aespa.. the drink.. the room… the man..
His breathing immediately became uneven,the grip around the sheet tightened and his face shrunk.
Taehyung.
Taehyung had kicked him out.
He had stripped him of a chance to explain.
He had believed the worst for him.
He wanted to cry. He needed to but tears had dried out so he snapped his eyes open, gaze pinned on the ceiling.
Jimin reached for his hand but the boy pulled it back without realizing it." Kook…?"
" Did they… was I raped?" his voice cracked and the firm answer Yoongi gave him momentarily felt as a huge relief. Not entirely but something close.
" No. The examination showed no evidence of assault."
" Are you sure?"
" Positive."
" When can I leave?" Jungkook asked,his eyes drifting towards the grey blanket covering his body." I hate hospitals.. I wanna go home.."
Jimin looked at Yoongi but kept his mouth shut. He'd let him handle it.
" In a few days. They want to keep you in for observation. "
Jungkook gave a weak nod, staring at nothing again and an uncomfortable silence stretched for a couple of minutes before Jimin opened his mouth, closed it then opened it again.
" Kook.. there's something else.." An intimidating, sharp look,more like a dangerous warning from Yoongi cut him off and he swallowed his words.
Jungkook noticed the tone of his voice, hesitant and shaky. " What?"
Jimin shrugged his shoulders." Nothing." he responded too quickly.
" You didn't tell the hyungs,did you? I don't want anyone to know… about this.."
" Of course not. I know how to keep a secret."
' More than you can possibly imagine.' Jimin thought to himself and gulped on thin air, feeling Yoongi's sharp gaze on his skin.
Then Jungkook asked the question both of them had been dreading.
" Did.. Tae call?"
The room fell into deep silence. Yoongi stopped dead in his tracks, Jimin bit his lips but no one answered. They didn't know how.
Frankly,Jimin had hoped Kim would eventually realise his mistake and would come searching for Jungkook but when last night he attempted to call him and tell him about the boy's condition,he realised Taehyung had blocked Jungkook's number.
The younger understood. His rejection didn't come as a huge surprise even though in his heart he hoped and wished for a miracle. Something inside him snapped again.
The ruthless realisation that their story was over. A tiny collapse broke behind his eyes,he so much wanted to cry and scream yet nothing would come out.
" Fine." A tiny word that held pain and disappointment but it hurt more than crying would have.
Jimin's chest clenched at the pain his brother was experiencing." He might still call."
" He won't. He hates me.. I understand that much." His voice sounded depleted and nobody could argue he was right.
The machines kept on beeping steadily, footsteps were clicking on the corridor floor, outside the city continued to move at a hectic pace, people were coming and going.
Life went on.
But inside that room, grief had spread its wings, shattering the last bits of hope Jungkook had. Taehyung's rejection hurt more than what those men tried to do. It had left an open wound on his body and soul that would never heal. It would bleed forever..
The pain was so excruciating,it literally numbed his body and senses.He turned his face towards the door." I'm tired.."
Jumin forced a smile." Go to sleep."
Within minutes Jungkook's eyes began closing, the heavy sedation kicking in as his body was still recovering. Right before sleep wrapped him,he murmured something so softly that Jimin almost missed it.
" I miss him.."
The words splintered something inside Jimin but fortunately Jungkook missed it. Tears wetted his cheeks and his hand locked on his mouth to swallow the sobs, staring at the floor.
Yoongi dragged his feet closer to the bed, reassuringly patting his boyfriend's shoulder, holding his breath in as if it was too painful to exhale.
He had no idea how to mend a heart that was broken beyond repair.
_________________
Jungkook was discharged three days later. Chan gave specific instructions to the couple and advised them to consult a psychiatrist on how to handle the boy's situation.
They hadn't stepped foot in that club and honestly they didn't give a damn anymore. They had shifts on watching Jungkook at the hospital and only went home in turns for a shower.
Once the discharged papers were signed, Jimin and Yoongi had practically carried Jungkook back home,but they might as well have been carrying a hollow shell.
The apartment looked huge, once a place of laughter,carefreeness and coffee,had transformed into a graveyard.
They had kept the devastating truth about his rare condition and miscarriage concealed into the depths of their mind. Chan had warned them about Jungkook's vulnerable mental state and despite their reassurance regarding his condition, it was a drop of water in the ocean of the boy's ordeal.
As far as Jungkook was concerned,he was simply recovering from the effects of the drugs and the deeper pain in his core that void, inexplicable grief he couldn't name, remained a silent torture.
The moment they entered the apartment, stepping aside to let him in, Jungkook didn't head for the couch to rest. He didn't even say thanks. He didn't even look at them.
As if driven by a desperate, urgent need,he walked straight into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him and locking it.
The bedroom didn't feel like before. It had lost the safety he once had and the walls were dangerously closing around him. It made his skin crawl, wrapping him in a sudden, sickening heat.
The scent of vanilla lingering in the air was now tingling his nose with disgust. The half open sketch notebook laying on the desk had no effect on him. Even the pictures on the wall seemed to laugh at him.
Nothing felt the same in that room. Like it belonged to a different person.
A dead person..
He shuffled his feet into the bathroom, locking the door, needing absolute isolation from everyone around him. The place was small and dark but he didn't bother turning on the lights. The faint,grey shadows filtering through the window was enough.
He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and looked away in a jiff,his stomach roughly stirring. His own sight was dreadful,a pale ghost of the man he used to be. Bloodless face, red – rimmed eyes but the worst was the repulsiveness he was feeling for his own body.
He could still feel it.
The aggressive grip of that man's hands on his wrists. The weight crushed him. The sickening scent of cheap cologne,booze mixed with predatory sweat. The terror.. the despair.. the feeling of wanting to die..
" I want it off.." he choked out, holding his mouth in an attempt to stop the nausea from consuming him. " Just get it off… please."
His quivering hands practically tore the hoodie, ripping it over his head so violently,it scratched his cheeks, throwing the pants and underwear on the floor.
He stepped under the shower and turned the handle straight to the hot side. He needed to scald himself so intensely it would burn away every single memory, every single touch, every single word of that horrific night.
As the thick steam rapidly filled the space,the boiling water blasted down on his head and shoulders. Jungkook sank to his knees under the hot cascade,his head dropping between his thighs, hugging his legs as the first set of agonising sobs shook his body.
He cried and wept until his ribs hurt,the sound of his heartbreak choked by the loud hiss of the shower. He was grieving for everything.
For his violated body, his shattered pride, for the cold,disgusted look in Taehyung's eyes which tore his soul into millions of pieces. For his cruelty and harsh words. For his brutal rejection.
" Why..? Why wouldn't you listen? Why did.. you send me.. away? I didn't want them.. I only want you.. I only love you.. please Tae.. come back to me.. please.." he cried out, gasping for air,biting his lips so hard,drops of blood dripped down his jaw, washed away by the water.
Fueled by a panic, feverish surge, Jungkook grabbed the sponge and the bottle of bath foam and began to scrub from his mouth to his neck and shoulders rubbing the sponge against his flesh with a punishing intensity.
He moved lower to his chest, on every single inch of skin that man had touched and breathed,where that bitch had looked. He scrubbed and scrubbed till the foam turned thick and white but it still wasn't enough.
The disgust and filth was deeper,rooted under his flesh,a vile sludge he couldn't seem to get rid of. " Clean.. get it off me.. " he wept,his nails digging through the sponge, grazing directly into his own skin, rubbing it raw.
The steaming, boiling water blended with the rough, frantic friction melting his whole upper body into a red, burning surface. It stung him like hot, piercing needles as a sharp, biting ache had slowly begun drowning the vile sensation of the violation.
He wanted to peel his skin off,to shed it like a snake only to get rid of the invincible filth. He continued to scrub until every muscle in his body went ablaze and his hands numbed by the force,his chest pumping up and down and he could taste the salty flavour of his own tears.
The combination of the drugs,the profound psychological trauma and Taehyung's rejection were a triple hit, thrashing his will and spirit. The sense of violation and defilement he was experiencing had detached him from reality.
In the end,his energy subsided, leaving him totally empty and depleted. He managed to curl into a shivering ball in the corner,the scorching water kept on lashing down his flesh up to the point it turned cold.
He tossed his head back on the cold tiles,his chest heaving from the raw effort of having some sort of cleanliness. He had washed himself till he bled and as he laid there in the dark corner, breathing the soap,the stark reality crushed him.
The stink of those men was gone, washed down the drain but the brutal emptiness Taehyung's absence had left behind was there to stay.
________________
Days blurred into sleepless nights, tossing and turning in bed and Jungkook had given up on life. He spent his days sitting on a chair with his mind on pause,loitering outside the window with a blank look in his eyes.
His nights were a rough wrestling match with his own mind and when he finally dozed off,not more than an hour, he'd wake up drenched in sweat from the vivid, agonising nightmares where Taehyung's face played on the loop.
Where the weight of that bastard would cut off the air to his lungs.
When dawn came,he remained still in his place. He refused to eat, barely spoke a word. Instead, he found solace in alcohol. He relentlessly drunk, drowning in whiskey and vodka straight from the bottle, chasing a chemical induced oblivion that made him forget his own name and existence.
Jumin tried everything. He coaxed,he wept,he threatened and scolded till his face turned blue, imploring Jungkook to just take a bite of food,drink some water,go outside in the fresh air and stop drinking but he fell on deaf ears.
Jungkook was running on empty. He remained totally withdrawn, locked in his room, ignoring their pleas and worries, haunted by the memories that refused to abandon him.
Jimin was patiently standing outside Jungkook's bedroom, holding a small tray with food, begging him to open and eat.
" Kook.. please open up. I brought food."
No response.
" Please baby.. you've got to eat something." he insisted, his eyes teary and his hand slightly shaking." Just one bite. Please! For me.. please baby!"
Still nothing.
Not even a curse. A shout, a ' fuck off shorty' or a ' go to hell'.
Merely the clicking of glass from the room was heard.
An almost ear-splitting, nerve wracking silence and it was far worse. And that was one of his problems. The hyungs were bombing him with phone calls and texts and he had run out of excuses.
As time went on,Jimin was forced to betray Jungkook's secret and spill the beans. Jin's reaction scared him the most as he was strangely calm like he hadn't fully grasped what had happened and Namjoon had to step in.
When Jin shouted he'd come to Seoul to ' kill those motherfuckers and that bitch and beat the shit out of Kim' as he so elegantly quoted, Namjoon having already learnt everything from Jimin, talked him out of it.
Jimin gave it another try,softer that time."Please Kook. Open the door. At least let's talk."
Still no answer, except that damn clicking ruttle.
He let a sharp sigh escape his lips, turned around and walked towards the kitchen. He dumped the tray on the counter and just stood there, staring at the bowl of soup that remained untouched.
His shoulders began to tremble,the emotional weight of this whole thing had finally caught up with him.
Yoongi walked in,his heart breaking at the sight of his boyfriend's gloomy expression. He securely locked him in his embrace, drawing him closer by the waist and resting his jaw on Jimin's shoulder." Hey." he murmured gently against his ear.."Come on,baby. Talk to me."
Jimin wheezed around in his arms, gripping tightly on the man's collar as if holding on to life itself,his face drenched in tears he couldn't stop." Yoongi I feel helpless. I'm at the end of my rope. I don't know what to do. What to tell him anymore. He's slipping through our fingers and there's not a damn thing we can do to stop it." Jimin bitterly chuckled." We should be thankful he at least took his meds."
Yoongi's head nodded in understanding,a sigh leaving his lips, his gaze drifting towards the hallway. " He's drowning his sorrows and trying desperately to numb a pain that's too powerful to carry. For now."
" It's worse than that,Yoongi. He's trying to erase himself. To die.. and I can't let that happen." he cried out and at the same time lowered his voice to a whisper so that Jungkook wouldn't hear him." Oh baby! He looks so tiny and fragile in that bed. His skin is so pale like a zombie and that damn room stinks like a distillery.Every time I step in he stares at me like I'm a stranger.. like he doesn't recognise me.."
" Give him time."
" Time? For what? To die from liver failure? Choked in his own vomit? We haven't got any time."
The man's jaw locked,his mind flashing to the dark secret they were holding back. The one Jungkook wasn't in the position to know or handle." It's the trauma. His body experienced a catastrophic ordeal and he's heartbroken by the one person he loved and trusted to protect him."
" We're lying to him." Jimin fired back,a flash of guilt twisting his features, gripping tighter on the older's collar."Every single day we look him in the eyes and lie. We pretend he's just recovering from an accident when in fact he lost Taehyung and a baby he didn't know he was carrying. He lost his baby!Kim's baby! He feels empty inside because he doesn't know the truth."
" Jimin, keep your voice down."
" Don't you think he's got a right to know? Perhaps if he did,it would give him a reason to stop drinking. A reason to.."
" To break down completely?"Yoongi's firm tone, laced with an underlying panic, grounded him." Think about it baby. Use your brain."He snatched Jimin's shoulders, forcing him to look into his eyes." Telling him now that he was carrying Kim's baby and it died because of that psycho will be the final nail in his coffin. He'll blame himself thinking his body failed."
"And you believe I haven't thought about it?"
" Right now the truth will kill him."
Jimin chewed on his lower lip, tears spilling over." But keeping it a secret is like lying to him."
" Technically we're not exactly lying, more like concealing a part of the truth for his own good." Yoongi corrected him, moving towards the coffee machine.
Jimin huffed and puffed." I'm amazed by your logic. And what about Taehyung? That arrogant asshole is probably moving like royalty in his luxurious penthouse, considering he's the victim in all this. Entirely clueless he's lost the only person who unconditionally loved him and killed his own baby!" He growled, gnashing his teeth,his fists clenching at the sides now." I wanna fucking shoot him in the head."
" Kim will get what's coming for him. I'll make sure of that when the time comes. For now our priority is keeping Kook alive." Yoongi poured coffee into a cup and leaned against the edge of the counter, taking a sip.
" I can't believe I actually defended the guy and pushed Kook to him." Jimin shook his head and rolled his eyes to the back.
" You couldn't have known, babe."
" That's no excuse… It was my responsibility as his older brother to know." Jimin inhaled and exhaled."Do you think Kook will get better?"
" Hmmm. I bet my money on it. And to that Kim is gonna come crawling back, begging for forgiveness. But for the time being we'll ride this storm out with Kook no matter how ugly it gets."
A deep, shuddering sigh escaped Jimin's mouth, sniffled once, twice then rubbed his eyes with his palms. " I'm so freaking scared,Yoongi. I fear that even if his body heals… the Jungkook we know is never coming back to us."
The man didn't get the chance to answer as Jimin's phone rang. " Jin hyung again. The tenth time today and it's not even noon."
" Better get that."
While Jimin left the kitchen and moved to the bedroom to talk,Yoongi poured the cold coffee into the sink, grabbed a glass from a cabinet and served himself some red wine.
From the hallway,the faint sound of yet another bottle clicking on the floor echoed through the apartment,a bleak reminder that the battle for Jungkook's soul wasn't over.
It was just the beginning…
___________________
Jungkook's bedroom was a tomb of dark shadows,sour ethanol, heavy sweat and the suffocating scent of a broken soul.
He sprawled across the wrinkled sheets,a half empty bottle of whiskey loosely gripped in his hand, resting lazily on his chest. He was utterly wasted.
His mind had floated across the line of mere intoxication and into a dark, numbing labyrinth where the soul crushing reality of a life that had no effect on him anymore.
For the first time in days,the unbearable pain of Taehyung's rejection was nothing but a detached, obscure memory. A distant echo, swallowed by time. The booze had finally served its purpose, covering the brutal violation of his soul with the veil of oblivion.
He could no longer feel the phantom hands on his flesh,or see Taehyung's eyes burning with disgust. He was merely floating.
" Oh shit.. I'm drunk.. I'm so.. so..fucken.. drunk.. so so drunk…"
He rolled over the tangled sheets, the bottle of booze between his fingers,the mattress growling beneath his weight and as he turned his bleary eyes stared blankly into the shadows forming on the ceiling.
The room began to swing and vague shapes emerged behind his eyes in a tumbling, swirling pace. A flash of black leather,the glow of neon lights,the spill of amber liquid and then perplexingly, a gentle, warmth. A tranquil,soft rhythm.
A sound..
Not the throbbing, aggressive bass of the club,or the defending silence of Taehyung's penthouse. A children's lullaby.
A sweet, distant melody, tauntingly clear,rang in his ears like an old music box. He didn't recognise the tune but it hummed deep in his veins, vibrating against that unfamiliar,empty pain in his belly.
Strangely,his palm rested on his stomach as the lullaby entangled around him, feeling more like a mourning song for something he had lost.. for something important that was taken away from him.
His chest convulsed with a raw, gagging spasm and he needed more. The effect of the booze was wearing off and the lullaby was creating too many emotions.
" More… I want… more.." he whispered under his breath,his voice bitter that died on his pillow.
Determined to chase the oblivion that deprived him of pain, Jungkook attempted to get up from bed. His limbs felt mushy and heavy at the same time, totally refusing to obey him.
He swung his legs over the edge,his bare feet thrashing on the ground and tried to stand up just to reach the whiskey bottle on his desk.
His knees instantly buckled as he stumbled forward, losing his balance and his pose shattered. Jungkook's body crashed heavily on the floor, landing straight on a bunch of empty vodka bottles that were spread out near the bed over the last few days.
Crack.
The sound of glass splintering echoed inside the room but no sound was heard from Jungkook's lips. No screams. Not even a blink as he landed flat on the floor,his right hand slammed onto the broken glass,hard and reckless.
Thick pieces of glass pricked deep into his fingers and sliced open his palm. Dark,red blood gushed out the tender flesh yet Jungkook didn't even wince. He didn't feel pain or slight discomfort.
Physical pain was nothing compared to the raw devastation rotting his insides. He had reached the point that numbness was so acute that his own nerve system had totally given up on him.
He had lost everything that mattered to him. His dignity,his confidence,his purpose in life,his will to continue living in this unfair world. Not even his own injuries meant anything to him. The world could burn down for all he cared.
In a snail's pace,he got onto his knees and lazily raised his bleeding hand into the faint, silver moonlight, peering through the blinds.
He held it up like the most valuable artifact,his hazy eyes utterly washed – out of any human spark. He observed it with a withdrawn, almost clinical fascination while the thick,drops of crimson red blood trailed down his ashen forearm, venting to his elbow and splashing on the dusty floor, blending with the spilled booze.
A trembling,soft gasp drifted from his lips that quickly shifted into a fragile, broken laugh.
Jungkook sat still in the dim room, bleeding out on the floor, brittly laughing at the ironic and tragic obscurity of his life.
A pathetic human.
A joke.
A broken,cast – off toy.
The man he loved loathed him,his body was touched by corruption and there he was.. laid on the cold floor, bleeding in the dark to the rhythmic tune of a lullaby.
He didn't try to stop the bleeding. He simply let his hand drop to the side on the broken glasses, tossed his head back,waiting to surrender to the abyss and be consumed by the shadows.
" I love you… no matter what… I love you.."