The air around Kwon Taekjoo was thick with black smoke.
No matter how much he waved his arms in front of him, the darkness only closed in tighter, making it harder for him to see
the path ahead.
The bitter smoke stung his throat and seeped into his lungs.
He shook off the darkness threatening to swallow him and kept moving forward, one step at a time.
Every step was a struggle, as if he were trudging through a swamp.
Soon, his vision began to clear slowly, and he saw a child sitting alone.
The boy's light hair, round face, and pale skin were enough for Kwon Taekjoo to recognize who he was...
and to understand that he was trapped in another cursed dream.
'Zhenya,' he tried to shout, but his throat was blocked, preventing any sound from escaping.
The thick smoke burned his lungs as it poured in through his open mouth.
The darkness he had swallowed in that moment of weakness blackened his insides and spread through his limbs.
Kwon Taekjoo writhed in pain when suddenly the sky burst with a torrent of light.
Countless glowing shapes were plummeting toward the Earth.
Were they meteorites? An eerie,
unsettling feeling told him they weren't.
As he strained to identify the source of his unease, the luminous bodies tore through the sky and crashed into the ground with explosive force, splitting the earth into massive cracks.
Kwon Taekjoo frantically turned toward the boy.
He was still sitting where he had been, looking at Kwon Taekjoo with indifference.
But for some reason, Kwon Taekjoo couldn't make out his features clearly, much less the expression on his face.
'Taekjoo. Are you going to abandon me again?'
Strangely, the boy's cold voice rang loud and clear in his ears.
At the same time, the projectiles were tearing apart the ground around them, completely obliterating their surroundings.
Kwon Taekjoo tried to call out the boy's name with all his strength, but no
sound came from his mouth.
He couldn't even move, his legs rooted to the ground.
Kwon Taekjoo struggled, trying to run toward the boy, but every effort only seemed to increase the distance between them.
The boy kept drifting farther away, against his will.
Again.
The boy's bitter accusation pierced Kwon Taekjoo's heart just as a blinding white light shot down toward the earth.
The explosion it caused sent Kwon Taekjoo flying.
When he finally forced his tightly shut eyes open, he saw the child's silhouette engulfed in flames, writhing in agony, before disappearing completely without a trace.
Kwon Taekjoo's eyes snapped open.
Before fully regaining his senses, he frantically scanned his surroundings, but the dark gray walls of the room were all that greeted him.
Thud, thud, thud. His heart pounded erratically, making him curse under his breath.
He brought the back of his hand to his mouth, trying to steady his uneven breathing.
As his head cleared, his senses sharpened.
Had he fallen asleep without realizing it?
Kwon Taekjoo leaned back in his seat.
When he wiped his face, his palm came away drenched in cold sweat.
Even though he had understood it was a dream while it was happening, he couldn't regain his composure.
Not even now, fully awake, could he calm himself like he usually would.
He clenched his trembling hands into fists.
"Ah, damn it…"
Nightmares starring a young Zhenya had become all too common, so he should've been used to them by now.
After all, a dream was just a dream, and nothing like that had ever happened
in real life.
So why was his heart pounding so hard?
Had something happened to Zhenya?
Kwon Taekjoo's anxiety grew as the worry gnawed at him, unable to check on Zhenya.
He couldn't ask about Zhenya's situation either, not while he was still under suspicion of conspiring with him.
How much longer would he be held here?
How much time had already passed?
His senses seemed to dull with each agonizing minute, yet the thorn of anxiety inside him only sharpened.
'Taekjoo, Are you going to abandon me again?'
The bitter accusation from his nightmare echoed endlessly in his mind.
"You can't leave me behind like that again, Taekjoo."
Zhenya's final words before Kwon Taekjoo left Ajinoki Island flashed through his thoughts.
In the past, Zhenya would have used force to keep him there.
But this time, he hadn't.
What had stopped him?
What was he so afraid of?
'You're always trying to control me like this. You sweet-talk me, praise me when it suits you, and then come back and threaten me when things don't go your way.'
How long had Zhenya been harboring those fears?
The truth was, Kwon Taekjoo had always known, but he had convinced himself there was nothing he could do about it.
Zhenya had always shown him affection, yet all Kwon Taekjoo did was beg for his attention, comforting himself with the promise that Zhenya would chase
after him wherever he went...
only to willfully ignore Zhenya's constant loneliness.
The more he thought about it, the heavier the guilt weighed on him.
Kwon Taekjoo knew he needed to stay cold and focused on the government's affairs, but he couldn't stop worrying
about Zhenya, who he often left entirely on his own.
Even though Zhenya was an adult,
Kwon Taekjoo often found himself wondering if he was eating properly.
He let out a long sigh and scratched his head.
Suddenly, a knock echoed through the room.
Kwon Taekjoo had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed someone approaching.
Moments later, the door opened, and
Yoon Jongwoo peeked his head in.
"Sunbae!"
"Why bother knocking if you're going to open the door anyway?"
"Are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere?"
Yoon Jongwoo continued to scan Kwon Taekjoo anxiously, unfazed by his sarcastic comment.
He narrowed his eyes and inspected every part of his body.
After a moment, he let out a sigh of relief.
"Phew, I'm so glad you're okay. I heard you'd been stuck here for two days, so I was really worried they might've done something to you."
"Something to me? Like what?"
"You know, like forcing the truth out of you, beating you, torturing you…"
"You watch too many movies,"
Kwon Taekjoo muttered as he warily eyed the security cameras around the room.
"Are you even allowed to be in here?"
"Ah, the director sent me to let you go. He says you should take it easy and rest at home until they call you again."
"Any other instructions?"
"No, As long as you don't leave the country, you're free to do whatever you want. Isn't that great news?"
Despite Yoon Jongwoo's pleasant delivery, in the end, it meant that Kwon Taekjoo had been slapped with a travel ban.
Sure, he was free to do whatever he wanted, but only within the confines of his daily routine.
He was practically imprisoned in the country until they decided what to do with him.
"What are you thinking about? You should hurry home. Your mother must be really worried."
"She's in Canada right now."
Kwon Taekjoo gave a brief explanation about his mother's whereabouts and then stood up from his seat.
After two days in a stiff chair, every cell in his body screamed in pain.
If possible, he wanted to go to a banya and let the steam relieve his discomfort.
Yoon Jongwoo trailed behind him as he left the interrogation room, sneaking furtive glances at him.
It was obvious he had something to say.
"What?"
"Huh?"
"You seem restless, like you've got something to say. What is it?"
"…I, uh, just wanted to say... cheer up."
"Out of nowhere?"
"I figured you'd be upset about how things turned out. After all, you're a perfectionist."
Was he trying to console him about the failed operation?
Kwon Taekjoo did have a habit of finishing what he started, no matter the cost.
He hated leaving things unfinished, especially if it left a bitter taste in his mouth.
Wrapping things up carelessly always led to regret, and there was nothing more foolish than living in remorse
over the past.
That's why he preferred missions he knew he could carry out and always tried to execute them perfectly.
If he wasn't sure he could succeed, he wouldn't even attempt them, as it
would only tarnish his satisfaction in completing 100% of his assigned missions.
He approached relationships with others in much the same way.
Maybe that's why he felt so uneasy accepting the Russian operation at his superiors' request, especially after running into Zhenya during the mission.
At the time, he had thought it was just a bad day and that nothing would really change because of it.
But after being caught in the true whirlwind that was Zhenya, with no way to escape, the convictions Kwon Taekjoo had clung to began to crumble.
He found himself distracted at work, unable to prevent Zhenya from getting involved in government affairs.
A part of him, in fact, secretly felt relieved whenever Zhenya showed up and prioritized Kwon Taekjoo's
safety over his own nation's.
It was entirely unlike him.
His work and personal life were falling apart, and nothing seemed to go right.
His feelings seemed to be sinking into an
endless abyss.
"To be honest, you didn't have many alternatives in this operation. All our plans collapsed because that U.S. agent went rogue. It's not your fault, sunbae."
"I can't say I'm completely blameless either."
After all, he had willingly let Zhenya into his life, fully aware of his background, his
connections, and his bad temper.
No one had forced him.
He had known from the start that danger would become a frequent part of his life in the near future.
Zhenya was the only unpredictable factor, the sole exception, and the one risk Kwon Taekjoo had invited into his
life willingly.
Kwon Taekjoo halted, standing still in deep thought.
Yoon Jongwoo watched him and let out an awkward laugh, trying to lighten the mood with a forced, cheerful voice.
"You know what? How about we go grab a drink? It's been a while. My treat."
Was the stingiest person Kwon Taekjoo knew offering to buy him drinks?
He must've looked seriously depressed. Kwon Taekjoo chuckled softly, turning down the rare offer.
"I'm tired. I just want to go home and rest."
"Aw, come on, don't be so pessimistic. You should try to lift your spirits, especially at a time like this. Plus, you said your mom isn't home right now, so there's no one waiting to bother you there. And if I let you go now, you'll probably pass out without even eating."
"Sleep is exactly what I need right now."
"But I'm too worried to just let you go!"
"Worried about what?"
"About everything going on right now. Mr. Yevgeny won't be able to return for a while either…"
"…How do you know that?"
Kwon Taekjoo asked abruptly.
Yoon Jongwoo faltered, caught off guard, then hesitated before confessing the truth.
"The director asked me to keep tabs on Mr. Yevgeny."
"Why him?"
"Because he interfered in our operation again. I don't think they've informed the executive board yet, but now that the mission has failed, this could turn into a very serious issue. I mean, two agents were found dead, and you disappeared… If the U.S. or Japan find out you made it back alive, they'll want answers, like how you managed to escape on your own. It
wouldn't take much for them to assume you were secretly working with Mr. Yevgeny. If we want to prove his actions weren't connected to us, it's best you don't contact him for the time being. It's the only way to clear your name too. Since the director personally asked me to keep an eye on Mr. Yevgeny, I think he's trying to give you the benefit of the doubt,"
Yoon Jongwoo explained, nervously watching Kwon Taekjoo as he carefully navigated the topic.
In his roundabout way, Yoon Jongwoo was subtly telling him to cut off all contact with Zhenya.
They had practically issued an unofficial order against him. The whole thing was
ridiculous.
It wasn't like they were Romeo and Juliet.
In any case, this meant that Zhenya wouldn't be able to return to Korea in the near future, and Kwon Taekjoo wouldn't be able to go see him either.
For now, he had to refrain from
establishing any kind of contact with him.
It was likely that the Russian government and the Bogdanov family weren't looking too kindly on Zhenya at the moment.
After all, Kwon Taekjoo had left him stranded on that remote island, with no one else to rely on.
All Zhenya's talk about fixing things on his own had amounted to nothing, especially since he didn't have the power to do anything about it.
"I don't want to hate you again! You should know that by now."
Zhenya's hesitant, trembling fingers as he finally let go of Kwon Taekjoo were still vivid in his mind.
It was as if Zhenya was forcing himself to do something he didn't want to—
something that seemed practically impossible.
And all because, if he didn't, Kwon Taekjoo might hate him again, shattering the fragile bond they had just managed to piece back together.
In the midst of all that, Kwon Taekjoo had used Zhenya's anxiety against him.
Under the guise of helping, he had dismissed and criticized Zhenya's actions when all he had been trying to do was what he thought was best for him.
"Damn it…"
A crushing weight settled on Kwon Taekjoo's chest, and a suffocating sense of helplessness washed over him.
He had no idea where to even begin fixing the mess they were in.
A feeling of powerlessness took hold of his entire being.
Kwon Taekjoo stayed holed up at home for days.
He still hadn't heard anything from
headquarters, and he couldn't dare try to contact Zhenya knowing that he was being watched.
Without bothering to shower or eat properly, he sprawled out on the couch, drifting in and out of increasingly deeper sleep as the days blurred together.
The few times he did wake up, he'd
sit there, thinking endlessly until his dizzy head throbbed in pain, only to come to no conclusions and circle right back to the beginning.
Another unproductive day passed, his
mind numb from the relentless and unchanging loop.
When he couldn't sleep any longer, he forced his body to get up.
He'd rested to the point of exhaustion, yet his body still felt heavy and sluggish, as if he had turned into a rusty machine
in just a few days.
"..."
He sat there, dazed and unmoving, before suddenly scanning the room for his phone.
At some point, it had ended up on the floor. The battery had long since died.
Kwon Taekjoo lazily searched for the charger, plugged it in, and turned the phone on.
The battery was completely drained, so the screen flickered once before shutting off again.
Still, he persisted.
After three minutes, the screen came back to life. The first thing Kwon Taekjoo checked was his missed calls.
The only names that stood out were his mother and Yoon Jongwoo.
He scrolled through the list, up and down, for a while, but Zhenya's name was missing.
There wasn't even an unknown number that could have been him.
Of course, Zhenya had never been one to call often, and it was better if they didn't contact each other right now anyway.
Still, Kwon Taekjoo couldn't help but feel a simmering frustration, even knowing that.
If he'd known this would happen, he would've planted a bug on Zhenya too.
At least that way, he wouldn't have to wonder what Zhenya was doing or if he was safe.
As these thoughts swirled in his mind, he called his mother.
The ringing barely lasted a second before her anxious voice came through.
["Is that you, Taekjoo? Why haven't you been answering?"]
"Oh... my phone died. I forgot to charge it."
["What? Your phone's been off for an entire day. You're only just noticing?"]
"I actually lost my phone. I found it today."
["Oh my goodness, Taekjoo. Sometimes you seem so clever, but then you go and do things like this."]
She must have been beside herself because she didn't stop scolding him.
["Do you have any idea how worried I was when I couldn't even reach the ambassador? I was wondering if there'd been an accident or if something had happened at the embassy. I was ready to catch a flight home tomorrow if I didn't hear from either of you."]
"Come on, Mom. I'm a grown man, getting older by the minute. Why are you so worried? At Auntie's house, they'd scold you for worrying like this. You know what they say: no news is good news."
["Taekjoo, are you seriously saying that after scaring me half to death?"]
"Well, now you've reached me, so everything's fine. How's Auntie? Did she already have her surgery? How's the weather over there? Are you enjoying the food? Is anything bothering you?"
Kwon Taekjoo asked, calmly changing the subject.
His mother listened in silence before speaking again, her tone now softer.
"Taekjoo..."
The forced laughter had disappeared from her voice.
["You're not hurt or sick anywhere, are you?"]
"No. I promise."
["And nothing's happened to you?"]
"No. Nothing at all."
["Then why does your voice sound so down?"]
"Ahem, ahem. Maybe it's just because I slept too much. I actually managed to rest all night for once,"
Kwon Taekjoo reassured her, even clearing his throat to sound convincing.
A soft sigh escaped her.
["I see. You've always managed your troubles well, so I'll trust you, okay?"]
"Aww, don't get all sentimental with me again. Don't worry—your son is eating well and doing fine. But you should take care of yourself. Don't skip meals or lose sleep over Auntie."
["Understood. Just make sure you answer your calls, you rascal. Don't make me worry, alright?"]
"Come on, it was just 10 seconds ago you said you'd trust me. I'm hanging up now."
["Alright. Talk to you later."]
Kwon Taekjoo finally ended the call after his mom's usual request to keep in touch.
A sigh escaped him.
How much longer could he keep this up?
Ever since he got involved with the NIS, his lies had only grown, along with the empty promises to loved ones he couldn't even protect.
"....."
Kwon Taekjoo checked his missed calls again.
As usual, Zhenya's name was nowhere to be found.
He had blown up at him, so it was no surprise there'd been no contact.
Though Zhenya had always been soft with him, he still had his own pride.
He was probably hurt and angry.
It had been Kwon Taekjoo who suggested they keep their distance.
For most couples, that was a sign of a breakup, often said right before things ended for good.
While Kwon Taekjoo had spoken in the heat of the moment, even he knew he'd gone too far.
True, he couldn't stand to look at Zhenya back then, but that didn't mean he wanted to lose him forever.