It is said that a child finds comfort only in their home —
their Sanctuary,
the only place where they feel safe, loved, and at peace.

This is the case for many children, even adults.

But unfortunately,
It was destined that I would not be one of them.

In my own home.

Among my family.

With the mother who gave birth to me
and the siblings who came from the same womb.

I have never, not even for one day, felt love or comfort there.

My sisters are ashamed of me.

My younger brother does not respect me.

And my mother? She is the harshest of all.
Since I was a child, she has not loved me, cannot stand to see me, and scolds me whenever she does.

As I grew up, I became nothing but the family’s disgrace — a moving money box for my mother and my little brother.

How many times have I thought about ending my life?

How many times have I thought about giving up on this miserable life?

People may think I am too dramatic, but —

If you have not burned yourself on live coals, how can you feel their heat?

No one in this world will ever understand me.

But that’s all right. 

Because I did not give up.

Not because I am strong.

Not because I am holding on to life.

But because of one person.

Except this person was not human.

Not an animal.

Not even a ghost.

This person is the final villain in my favorite novel.

Years spent following him, reading everything that happened to him.

Years spent accompanying him.

His existence became my world — my only world.

I love him.

I adore him.

Even if he is not real.

Even if he is only a man of paper and ink.

I am willing to do anything for him.

I would die for him.

And then the gods granted me my only wish...

Now, I am in his world.

And this time,
I will save him.

Yes, I will do the impossible to save him.

I will kill for him and die for him.

So, Cassel…

This is how madly I love you.

How much I am obsessed with you.

I am ready to destroy myself and the whole world for you.


 ... So, can you look at me?

What am I supposed to do with this girl?


What am I supposed to do with this reckless fool who throws herself into danger as if her life were something expendable—something easily replaced?


What am I supposed to do with these feelings that are killing me from the inside, gnawing at my sanity, corroding my reason, dragging me closer and closer to a place I swore I would never return to?


After what happened—after I saw her blood spill beneath my hands, after I tasted that unmistakable metallic tang flooding my mouth—


Afraid that if I look at her for too long, if I feel her warmth, her pulse, her fragile breathing beneath my palm, something inside me will snap again.


Afraid that I'll lose control once more.


And next time, I might not stop myself in time.


Chapter 99 - Between Salvation and Damnation