One of the thousands of uninhabited islands in Heaven. Some time ago.
Letting Lucifer into Heaven, alas, didn't work out. Some incredibly complex, multi-level configuration at the Golden Gates simply wouldn't let him pass, blocking his very essence, and removing those barriers would have been long, tedious, and difficult—the Seraphim aren't idiots, and they specifically designed it so their "fallen" brother couldn't pick the lock and sneak into Heaven when no one was looking.
It was really shitty news, and not just because we were short a pair of hands (and wings) right now. The thing is, Lilith knows the past Adam far too well. While the others might have accepted my drastic change "over the summer" (because they barely interacted with me and just thought I was an asshole), Lilith would see right through me immediately, just like Lute did back in the day. And, let me remind you, my valkyrie realized something was wrong with me literally on the very first day... Yeah, I'm a shitty actor, go fuck yourselves, I know!
Ahem, anyway, I was deep in thought until Lucifer, looking a bit down after the reminder of his colossal fuck-up with the Darkness and his inability to enter Heaven, offered a brilliant alternative...
"Stop shaking, she's not going to eat you. She's your mother, after all," I said, rolling my eyes and holding Charlie tighter against me, who was trembling like a leaf in the wind.
And yes, she doesn't know how to fly, which is why I was personally handling her transportation. What's that? Why didn't I carry her with telekinesis like Vortex? Well, Vortex is a big, jacked guy, and Charlie is a fragile, sweet girl. It's obvious that I simply wouldn't have the strength to carry her with telekinesis! Hey, put the phone down! No need to call Lute! Alright, alright, I won't do it again... Or will I...
"I know, it's just..." The Princess of Hell took a ragged breath, squeezing her eyes shut. "We haven't seen each other for seven years... I thought she was busy with something important, saving Hell or something, which is why she wasn't answering, but... She's been here this whole time. Relaxing. And she didn't even write a single message..."
Because of our flight speed, it was hard to notice, but I felt moisture on Charlie's cheeks. The girl was crying. Just a little, quietly, but it was still unpleasant. I don't like it when girls cry.
"Calm down," I snorted, slowing down a bit. "Lilith is quite the... piece of work. Her personality isn't exactly sugar and spice, I would know, but she loves you, I'm sure of that."
"Yeah... Thanks, Adam," she smiled bitterly, trying to chase away her sadness and anxiety.
"Any time, kiddo," I winked at her. "Alright, we're making our descent. Just remember that I'm right here, and don't worry."
"Okay," the girl nodded, putting on her most serious face, which still ended up looking cute.
We landed on the soft grass near the very house I had built seven years ago at Lilith's request. My sensory abilities told me the owner wasn't inside, but Charlie was so nervous about the upcoming meeting that I was simply obligated to arrange a short breather for her. She needed time to pull herself together.
"Liiiisten," an idea completely in my style suddenly popped into my head, and a sly smile formed on my face all on its own. "I was just thinking... What if we hide you for a bit at first?"
"Hide?" Charlie didn't understand, blinking her eyelashes. "You mean, tuck me away somewhere?"
"No, make you invisible. It'll be easier for you to stop being nervous—you'll see her, but she won't see you. You'll be able to assess the situation." And I also desperately want to see this little bitch's face when her dear daughter appears with a snap of my fingers and starts convincing her that I'm a good guy and can be trusted! Bwahaha!
"Well..." You could tell Charlie was thinking hard about it. "If you think that's better... Then why not?"
"It's a deal then," holding back a devious smirk, I snapped my fingers, casting invisibility on her. Charlie vanished, and any sounds coming from her disappeared as well. "You can't be heard, by the way, so you can even comment out loud, don't worry."
I learned this trick from Frederick von Eldritch—that high demon knows a thing or two about stealth, which surprised me quite a bit. Although it makes sense—it's hard to participate in a war of extermination against your own kind and still stay alive. Samael wouldn't have forgiven such a betrayal, so the only option for survival was to max out the stealth skill tree.
Having made Charlie invisible, I headed toward where I felt a strong Darkness—to the beach.
The beach greeted me with perfect white sand, azure water, and a light breeze that smelled of freshness and sea salt. Naturally—this is Heaven. It couldn't be any other way here. And in the middle of all this idyll, lounging on a luxurious blue sunbed under a massive umbrella, sipping some kind of cocktail straight out of a coconut shell, was Her.
Lilith. The First Woman. The Queen of Hell. The Mother of all Demons. And quite the pain in the ass—speaking as her ex.
She looked... well, I won't lie, gorgeous. Long blonde hair was picturesquely scattered across the back of the sunbed, her flawless pale skin with a slight violet tint contrasted with a minimalist purple swimsuit, and her long legs were elegantly crossed one over the other.
"I can feel your lustful stare even with my back turned, Adam," she drawled lazily, not even turning her head. Her voice dripped with boredom. "You're blocking my sun. Piss off."
"Hello to you too, horned one," I smirked, stepping closer. "I'm afraid to ask how I can be blocking your sun when I'm standing a few meters to your side, but whatever. Physics was never your strong suit." I conjured a comfortable beach chair out of thin air next to her and settled into it imposingly. What? Am I supposed to stand while this little bitch relaxes? "How's the vacation? Don't you miss your family? Since you bailed, Lucifer has completely fallen apart... Started making rubber ducks on an industrial scale."
Lilith slowly took off her sunglasses and looked at me with her piercing eyes. There was so much contempt and exhaustion from my company in that gaze that I actually felt awkward for a second (not really).
"What do you want?" Lilith asked, and suddenly her gaze changed. She narrowed her eyes as if scanning me with an X-ray. "Hmm..."
"What's with the 'hmm'?" I put on an innocent face. "Admiring how much younger I look just by shaving the beard? Or the fact that I finally swapped that tasteless robe for some normal clothes?"
"You're... different somehow," she stated, apparently finished scanning me with her own version of sensory perception. The woman took a sip of her cocktail without taking her eyes off me. "The aura is the same, the mug is the same, even that vile smug little smirk is right where it belongs, but... It's like something inside you broke... Or conversely, got fixed. It feels like you're not the same Adam..."
Damn, she's good! Though this level-80 feminine intuition is really throwing me off. I just don't believe I got busted this quickly! Something is wrong here...
"People change, Lilith," I spread my hands, trying to look philosophical. "Especially when they find out their ex—I mean Eve, by the way—has decided to wipe all of existence off the map."
"Eve..." Lilith grimaced as if she had swallowed a lemon whole. "Let her do whatever she wants, it doesn't concern me either way. I'm here, in Heaven, on the beach, drinking Piña Coladas and enjoying the absence of Hell, sinners, and Lucifer with his idiotic ideas."
"You're wrong, sweetheart," my voice grew harsher, losing its playful notes. "It concerns everyone. And you most of all. I've already met her 'servants,' and believe me—even without meaning to, they will simply shatter the entire universe to pieces. Including Heaven, and this wonderful island where YOU are warming your sides. You'll have nowhere to run, Lilith."
"Did you come here to scare me?" Lilith laughed theatrically. "You're the defender of Heaven, you deal with it. I am completely sick of all this. I'm retired."
"You don't understand the scale," I sigh. A tough case. Pride is apparently a family disease over there. "But I didn't come to scare you. I came to make a deal."
"A deal? With you?" Lilith put her glasses back on and turned away, showing with her entire demeanor that the audience was over. "And what could we possibly agree on? I have no intention of risking my life for Heaven. Take those heroic ideas to your rabid lieutenant—she's just as fucked in the head as you are."
"Lute is busy, she's sleeping off last night," I blurted out before I thought about it.
"What?" Lilith choked on her cocktail and started coughing.
"Never mind! Forget it. Anyway, you don't want to listen to me, you believe in your own invulnerability, and you don't give a damn about the fate of the world. Okay, I get it—typical Lilith. Selfishness is your middle name."
"First name," she corrected with a smirk, catching her breath. "And Adam is a synonym for 'narcissistic idiot.' It devolves into this every single time, I have absolutely no desire to continue. Are we done?"
"Almost," I stood up and brushed the sand off my pants. "I knew you were stubborn, which is exactly why I brought someone with me who can explain the situation to you more clearly. Someone for whom you might deign to lift your royal ass off this sunbed."
"Lucifer?" She snorted. "If you dragged that clown here, I'll tell you both to go to hell."
"Nope. Aim higher. Or lower, depending on how you look at it," I broke into a wide smile, remembering how comical the miniature Lucifer looked next to his tall daughter. "Charlie, you're up!"
A snap of the fingers.
The air next to me shimmered, and the invisibility dropped.
Charlie stood there, clutching her small fists. A mix of determination and pain was written on her face, and her eyes were brimming with tears.
"Charlotte?.." The Queen of Hell whispered, lifting her sunglasses. For the first time, something... alive, maybe, sounded in her voice. The mask of the ice-cold bitch had cracked.
"Hi, Mom..." Charlie said quietly, taking a hesitant step forward. Her voice trembled. "I missed you..."
A ringing silence hung in the air, broken only by the rhythmic sound of the waves. I inconspicuously stood up and took a couple of steps back, giving the ladies some space, but kept a close eye on Lilith. If she blurted out something toxic right now like 'why did you show up and ruin my vacation,' I'd personally write her a ticket back to Hell. With a good kick in the ass for the road.
Lilith slowly got up from the sunbed. She looked at her daughter as if she couldn't believe her eyes. Her gaze darted across Charlie's face, trying to figure out if the real Princess of Hell was standing before her or if it was some illusion of mine.
"I..." Lilith, usually so eloquent, didn't know what to say for the first time. Her hand reached out toward Charlie but froze halfway. "How did you get here?"
"Uncle Adam brought me," Charlie blurted out, sniffing. Hey, what the hell is 'Uncle'? I'm not that old, kid!
Lilith sharply shifted her gaze to me. It contained a wild mix of shock, some kind of fury, and... gratitude? Wow, I'm making progress!
"'Uncle Adam'?" Lilith repeated, skeptically raising an eyebrow.
"Yep," I waved my hand smugly. "Family therapist, part-time flying taxi, and savior of worlds in the flesh. Now, maybe you could hug your daughter? She missed you, you know."
The family drama and reunion went on for about another half an hour. And Lilith was behaving... atypically. She didn't throw a fit, but instead showed herself to be an almost exemplary mommy—hugging Charlie, stroking her hair, and comforting her. This raised a logical question for me: why the hell did she bail to Heaven for seven years if she really loves her daughter this much? Strange woman.
Lilith periodically shot me complex, offended (?) glances.
Deciding my presence was unnecessary for the time being, I teleported into the very same blue house where Lilith had been living all this time, and after thinking for a bit, started cooking. Guess what? That's right—bacon and eggs! Yeah, yeah, I know, cliché, but as the saying goes, 'you can't fight on a full stomach,' and I really didn't want a war with Lilith. So my devious plan to overfeed her had to be executed before she started throwing her weight around.
A few minutes later, the bacon and eggs were sizzling in the pan, spreading a divine aroma. I added some herbs, toasted a couple of slices of bread, and started brewing tea. Setting the table took another couple of minutes.
Soon, the front door clicked shut, and the two blondes walked into the house. Charlie looked much better than at the very beginning—she was literally glowing with happiness. But Lilith... Lilith looked thoughtful. She no longer seemed like the annoyed Ice Queen, but some hidden danger still emanated from her.
"Oh," Charlie sniffed the air in surprise. "Smells... tasty?"
"Please, take a seat, ladies!" I dramatically pulled the chairs out. "A special offer from the chef: The Breakfast of Reconciliation. On the menu: classic sunny-side up eggs, crispy bacon, and a humble request not to kill me for the next half hour."
Lilith arched an eyebrow skeptically at the plates, but didn't argue and gracefully sat down. Charlie plopped down next to her, shining like a new penny.
"Thanks, Uncle Adam!" the princess smiled radiantly, giving me a sly wink and immediately grabbing her fork. I'm not an uncle! "Mom, you have to try this, he's a seriously amazing cook!"
Slowly and with dignity, Lilith cut off a piece of bacon, popped it into her mouth, and chewed.
"Passable," she delivered her royal verdict, although I noticed her shoulders relax. For the next few minutes, we rather awkwardly partook of my cooking until we finally finished. "Alright, Adam. Charlotte told me your version of events... It sounds like the ravings of a madman."
"Ravings that are backed by facts," I sat opposite her, sipping my tea. "The Sins are already on my side, Lute has rallied the Heavenly legions, and Lucifer, if he could squeeze through those damn gates, would be standing right here nodding at my every word. The Darkness poses a real threat to the entirety of existence, Lilith. Hell, Heaven, and even the human world."
"And what do you want from me?" She pushed her cup aside, crossing her arms over her chest. "To put on armor and charge screaming into the line of fire? I am not a warrior, Adam. I am a queen, a singer..."
"I don't need you swinging a sword," I shook my head. "You have something that neither I nor Lucifer possess. Power over minds. You are a symbol for all demons. If panic breaks out, if Eve tries to splinter Hell from the inside... I need you to keep the situation under control. And... there is something else."
"Of course," she snorted. "There is always 'something else'."
"Your voice," I said seriously. "Your songs have the ability to influence beings, to boost their morale or calm them down. In the upcoming battle, that could be the deciding factor."
"You want me to buff your army with my songs?" Lilith laughed, but it was a mirthless laugh. "I... I haven't sung in these seven years. I'm not sure I can help with an audience of that size..."
"Mom, please..." Charlie intervened quietly, taking her mother's hand. "I would love to help myself, but... Dad made it very clear that he won't tolerate my presence in a battle against the forces of evil."
Lilith looked at her daughter. Something warm flickered in her eyes.
"Alright," she finally exhaled, leaning back in her chair. "I'll help. But on one condition."
"What condition?" I tensed up. Knowing Lilith, she could demand absolutely anything. Hell, last time she demanded a ticket to Heaven, what was it now? A full pardon for her and Lucifer?
"After this is all over..." The woman hesitated, shooting a quick glance at Charlie. "You will not interfere with Lucifer and me. If we decide... to try helping the sinners again."
Wow, didn't see that coming! Apparently, while they were chatting on the beach, Charlie managed to tell her about her Hazbin Hotel, without clarifying, however, that I already wasn't interfering with sinners trying to... Fuck, is it redeem or rehabilitate? Anyway, I'm not stopping sinners from making up for their sins... Works for me.
"Deal," I nodded easily, hiding my satisfaction. "If you want to try building something normal out of Hell again, that's your business. My job is to make sure there's a place and people left to actually do that business."
"Then I'm in," Lilith held out her hand.
I shook it, sealing the deal, but the moment our skin touched, Lilith froze. Her pupils dilated, and inside my head, straight into my brain, her cold voice rang out:
"I want to speak with you alone... Godslayer."
My heart felt like it stopped for a second. I frowned, unsure of how to react. How did she know?.. But Lilith immediately let go of my hand and returned to her tea, her expression completely unchanged, as if nothing had happened.
"Awesome!" Charlie clapped her hands, oblivious to what I had just heard. "Mom and I are a team now! Team 'Hell's Rescuers'!"
(Author's Note: reference to the second season, the reaction to which is on my Boosty...)
"Charlie, we will discuss the name later," Lilith winced, but the corners of her lips twitched into a smile. "But you should return to Hell and calm your father down. I think he needs to prepare himself before my return. Shave, put on some decent clothes... Tell him exactly that."
"Oh... Okay then," the princess nodded, a bit bummed out about being rushed out.
"And don't you worry, I will be back soon, sweetie." Lilith smiled, patting her daughter on the head.
"Uh-huh, okay, Mom!"
"Adam..." the Queen of Hell said with an unmistakable hint.
I, having slightly calmed my racing pulse, stood up and conjured the golden vortex of a portal to Hell.
"See you later, Charlie," I smile in farewell.
After receiving an unexpectedly tight hug from the princess, I close the portal behind her, left alone with... Lilith? Is it really her? The atmosphere in the room instantly shifted from cozy to ice-cold.
"I imagine you have a lot of questions?" Lilith asked, inspecting her manicure.
"I imagine you understand the nature of those questions," I nod, peering into her face and preparing for any nasty trick. "How do you know that title?"
"Then take a seat," she pointed to a chair. "I will tell you the story of how the memories of a 'god' from another world awakened within me. And how Eve tried to recruit me to her side..."