Chapter 183: Ron Loses Control
"Yeah, you said it, this is Las Vegas. Anything is possible. There are plenty of people willing to sell their souls to the devil for money, let alone a mere body."
Raj's mouth was already drooling. "So, does that mean we have a chance to get lucky tonight? What if we find a girl? Do we still have to go back to the room, Leonard?"
It was obvious that Raj only heard the first half of Ron's sentence, "Anything is possible," and didn't hear the part about selling his soul to the devil for money.
Although, if it were about money, he might be the most handsome guy in the room.
"Well, if I'm lucky, I'll take her to my penthouse in Manhattan for the night. If you're lucky, I'll sleep on Mars."
Ron and Leonard high-fived each other in celebration of their mockery of Raj. Fortunately, Leonard had remained relatively rational so far. If both of them went crazy, Ron wouldn't know what to do.
"Hi, what's your name, handsome?" A beautiful woman in a plunging dress approached Raj and offered a greeting.
The guy was so startled that he took a long gulp of his cocktail before he dared to speak to her. "Hello, Rajesh Koothrappali, at your service."
Ron was a little surprised. It was the first time he'd learned that the usually unassuming Raj's full name was Koothrappali, a name that suggested his family came from well-established Indian lineage. This was quite an unexpected discovery - no wonder the guy could afford to study astrophysics at Caltech without worrying about student loans.
"Hello, Rajesh Koo..." Apparently, pronouncing Koothrappali was quite difficult for the woman, so she had to change her words: "Hi, Rajesh, I'm Michaela. Would you like to join us for a little party?"
"Of course! I love parties!" Raj exclaimed in delight.
Ron covered his face in embarrassment. This poor guy had he really just been picked up that easily? He could practically see the dollar signs in Michaela's eyes. What a goldmine Raj must seem like to her - a naive scientist from a wealthy family.
"Rajesh, can I talk to you?" Ron didn't bother to respond, but Leonard, out of a good friend's obligation, kindly called out.
"I'm afraid not right now, Leonard. Michaela's asking me to a party," Raj's face was filled with the smugness of a successful man. "Also, you'd better call NASA and confirm if there's any extra beds at the space station."
"Raj, I'm afraid you really need to listen to this," Ron pulled Raj towards him. "Raj, listen, I guarantee she's a working girl."
"A what?" Raj exclaimed in disbelief: "Impossible!"
"Okay, let me put it another way," Leonard said. "How many times in your life has a beautiful woman approached you the moment you walked into a bar and asked if you wanted to party?"
"Maybe I could save her," Raj looked so dignified, and Ron was speechless.
This guy was unbelievable. Is this really a common problem for all men in the world - thinking they can turn a prostitute into a girlfriend, or convince decent women to become escorts?
"Maybe, but I have to warn you, the going rate in Las Vegas is around $500 an hour. I think it's better for you to go back to Pasadena. You know, there are always struggling actresses in Hollywood who dream of stardom but can't even afford their next meal. They'll do crazy things to pursue their dreams."
Ron's persuasion was quite effective, hitting the nail on the head for Raj's practical Indian sensibilities about getting value for money. Raj walked over to the woman, putting his hands together in a polite gesture.
"Nice to meet you. I wish you success in all your endeavors."
Just as Leonard was about to return to the slot machine, his phone lit up again.
This time it was from Howard's Facebook page: "Oh my god, Ron, Howard seems to be spiraling. He just posted, 'I'm at the bottom of a black hole, staring into the abyss of despair. My life is meaningless, my future is uncertain.' What do you think?"
"That doesn't rhyme at all. Seems he doesn't have the talent for song lyrics," Ron shrugged.
"Seriously, what should we do? As friends, we should help him."
"Okay, the answer you want is right there," Ron signaled with his eyes. Leonard followed Ron's gaze and saw the woman who had just left.
"The best way to heal a wound inflicted by a woman is, of course, to heal it with another woman, and a beautiful companion is the perfect remedy for any heartbreak."
"That's right, look at that girl just now. She's definitely Howard's type," Raj said, his eyes gleaming as he stared at the woman's hips swaying as she retreated.
"If you pay her to help, Howard will definitely cheer up."
"No, Howard doesn't need to seek help from a prostitute," Leonard refused decisively.
Ding ding.
Howard's status updated again, and Raj read it on his phone: "I'm so lonely, lonely, lonely, I am so lonely, lonely in my life..."
"Okay, this time he's quoting Akon lyrics. Are you sure you don't want to do something, good friend?" Ron rolled his eyes helplessly.
"If I ask her to name a price now, I shouldn't get beaten up, right?"
"Go on, warrior." Ron clinked his glass with Leonard's and emptied it.
Leonard then strode forward, dragging Raj after him.
"Sir, could you use a refill?" A sweet, melodious female voice echoed in Ron's ears.
"Of course, thank you." Ron handed over the glass automatically, suddenly realizing that the voice, while pleasant, also had a distinct familiarity.
Ron turned around suddenly, and the familiar smiling face surprised him: "Paige, why are you here? What are you doing here?!"
"Of course I came here to work. The tips here are way better than back in Texas, so isn't it natural to earn some extra money?"
Paige poured wine for Ron and winked mischievously: "Also, my car ran out of gas. I heard there's a gas station here with particularly premium fuel."
Ron was immediately alarmed by this almost teasing remark. He stared at the wine in his glass, but did not dare to drink it.
"Wait, you're not drugging me again, are you? I don't think that's necessary. A smart guy doesn't fall for the same trick twice!"
Ron regained his usual agent's vigilance, mentally vowing to himself that he wouldn't drink or eat anything Paige gave him this time!
"Drugs? Ha!" Paige chuckled. "Do you really think you could defend yourself if I wanted to take you down?"
It would have been better if Paige hadn't said anything. As soon as she finished speaking, Ron felt his head spinning, accompanied by an intense euphoria, as if someone had lit a bonfire inside him, setting his whole world ablaze.
Even Paige's already beautiful face became even more vibrant and alluring.
"Jesus, what did you put in my drink?" Ron whispered, but fortunately, he still had enough sense to avoid exposing Paige's identity.
It didn't matter that Paige was messing with him - he'd probably enjoy it anyway. But if Paige's true abilities became known, every intelligence agency from the CIA to foreign services would target her. By then, unless they fled to Alaska, Ron would have a hard time keeping her safe.
"If I'd waited until now to drug your drink, that would have been too obvious," Paige leaned over and whispered in Ron's ear. To outsiders, the gesture looked more like flirting.
"I put a slow-acting substance directly into your rental car's air conditioning. It's roughly as effective as rohypnol."
"Wait, into the air conditioner? Doesn't that mean those three guys are also affected?" Ron was shocked. This woman was really getting out of control.
Paige licked her lips. "Don't worry, I'll stuff them all into the closet later and won't let them ruin our fun."
Ron felt his sanity slipping further and further away. All sorts of wild thoughts raced through his mind, but his rational thinking was increasingly blank. Leonard and Raj next to him were experiencing similar symptoms.
"Guys, let's go find Howard." No, I have my dignity too. This time, no matter what, I'm not going to let you get away with this. Ron, with all his remaining willpower, headed for the elevator.
But just as they reached it, "Ding!" the elevator doors opened, and four equally intoxicated-looking guys stumbled out. One of them even greeted him, "Hey, buddy, I remember you. Wanna come to our bachelor party?"
Ron wanted to object, but for some reason, the words on his lips turned into "Hell yeah!"
As soon as they left his mouth, his sophisticated brain froze, and Ron's mind went completely blank.
...
The next day, the sun arrived as promised, once again bringing blazing desert heat to Las Vegas.
An unfamiliar ceiling.
That was Ron's first impression upon opening his eyes. The sun was too glaring, so he immediately shielded his eyes with his hands. But after adjusting, he checked again, and he was absolutely certain this wasn't his room!
This room was a complete disaster. Clothes, empty bottles, and leftover food were scattered everywhere. Even the TV had been impaled by a medieval sword from nowhere.
"Woof woof!"
Ron even heard a dog barking! It sounded like it was in the bathroom, and there was more than one! So, what the hell had happened last night?
Ron turned his head and saw Leonard lying next to him. Oh God, the drugs Paige gave him yesterday must have had psychoactive effects! Ron quickly got up and checked himself - thankfully his clothes were still on.
"Leonard, wake up." Ron nudged him.
"Ron, good morning~" Leonard stretched, only to open his eyes and take in his surroundings before he yelled in horror, "Wait, where the hell are we?!"
"Damn if I know. This isn't our room." Ron got out of bed and casually kicked away a bust of George Washington. Its body was not far from the bed, right next to a statue of the Statue of Liberty, with her torch somehow jammed into the wall.
"Jesus Christ, has this place been hit by a tornado?" Leonard grabbed his hair in disbelief. "Where's Howard? And Raj, where are they?"
Footsteps clattered outside, and Leonard rushed out. "Howard, is that you? Oh my God, who are you?!"
"I was gonna ask you the same thing!" Outside the bedroom stood a man with glasses, messy hair, and a missing tooth. "This is our suite!"
Ron rubbed his pounding head and walked out. Besides the man with glasses, there was also a heavy-set guy wearing only a ridiculous "I Heart Vegas" T-shirt and boxer shorts, and a long-haired man passed out on the floor nearby. Ron finally found a trace of memory.
"You guys are the bachelor party, right? That's right, Leonard. This is their room. Ours is across the hall. Go see if Howard and Raj are over there."
Ron pushed Leonard out, and Leonard quickly ran over to check. The room over there was empty, almost exactly as they had left it the night before.
This was seriously problematic. Ron turned to look at the two confused guys. "I'm sorry, gentlemen, we must have crashed in the wrong room. I probably drank way too much yesterday - can't remember squat. Also, we're missing two of our friends. Do you remember anything?"
"An Indian guy from Caltech, and a skinny Jewish engineer in a turtleneck."
"Burp!" The guy with glasses belched. "One, two, three... Looks like we're missing someone too. Wait, it's Doug! We lost the groom!"
"Holy shit!" Just then, the heavy-set guy who had gone to the bathroom came running out screaming, tripping over the sleeping man on the floor and waking him up.
"What the fuck, dude? Damn it, can you put on some pants first?" The man stood up, clutching his head and complaining.
"What's wrong? Is Doug in the bathroom?" Glasses asked urgently.
"Phil, don't go into the bathroom! There's a frickin' tiger in there!"
"What the hell? What is this insanity?" Ron was baffled by this chaotic morning.
"There's a huge jungle cat in the bathroom! And it's wearing a Las Vegas showgirl costume!" The heavy guy yelled incoherently, and Ron got a headache from all the noise.
"Wait, what did you just say? A tiger? Wearing a showgirl outfit?" Ron was speechless: "Are you sure it's not just a stripper from one of the casino shows who got locked in there still in her costume? We just sobered up - it's normal to be seeing things."
The heavy guy was still hysterical: "No! It's a real tiger! The kind that should be in the Siegfried and Roy show!"
"Alright, alright," the guy on the ground raised his hands in surrender: "Let me go in and take a look. Whatever kind of tiger it is, I'll handle it like Steve Irwin, okay?"
(End of chapter)
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