Chapter 286: The Truth About Howard's Breakup
After sending Mr. Nobody away, Ron asked Howard to borrow a military satellite to track what Hobbs was up to.
Ron had assumed that a workaholic like Hobbs would be training new recruits or leading a raid on a drug cartel, but the satellite footage surprised him.
Hobbs was on a soccer field with a group of little girls, barely reaching his waist, performing some kind of synchronized dance routine against another team of kids. Ron watched for a moment before recognizing it as the Haka—the Maori war dance.
Horrified, Ron quickly shut off the feed; it was too embarrassing to witness!
However, Ron did record it and uploaded it to YouTube, where it received quite a few views.
That evening, in Ron's apartment, after lounging around all day, Ron sprawled on the couch. Penny was bustling around nearby, collecting the clothes scattered across the floor. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
When he opened it, Howard was standing outside: "Hey, Ron, didn't expect you to be home."
"Didn't expect you to visit me this late. What's wrong? Not enough funding for the research project? You don't need to ask me about that—just tell Andy directly. I told him that if money runs short, he'll transfer more immediately."
Ron invited Howard in, grabbed him a beer, and flopped back on the couch casually.
"No, I'm not here for you, I'm here for Penny." Howard looked embarrassed: "Penny, has Bernadette mentioned me to you lately?"
"Of course, when you two came to dinner last week, she asked me why Howard spent the whole time hiding under the table?" Penny set down her laundry basket and sat nearby.
"Hey, Howard, if I remember correctly, didn't you say recently that you wanted to be a player and date around? It's only been a few days, and you're already wanting her back?"
"Uh... no, I was just asking casually, is she seeing anyone lately?"
"Not that I know of. Speaking of which, I suddenly want to ask—why did you two break up anyway?"
"Yeah, I wanted to ask that too." With juicy gossip on the table, Ron immediately perked up, rolling upright on the couch and fixing Howard with an intense stare.
"I think it's better if I don't say."
"Howard, you know perfectly well that even if you don't tell me, I can get the truth from Raj, so do you want me to hear his dramatically exaggerated version, or would you prefer to give me the reliable answer yourself?"
Penny crossed her arms and sided with Ron: "That's right, Howard. If you want my help, at least let me know what happened."
"Well, this is pretty embarrassing..."
"That's exactly what I want to hear," Ron pulled another beer from under the coffee table and placed it in front of Penny: "Penny, popcorn, quick! How can you listen to gossip without proper snacks?"
"Wait, don't start yet," Penny hurried to the kitchen, returned with a bowl of popcorn, set it on the table, and settled in like she was watching a movie: "Okay, now you can talk."
"This all started with World of Warcraft."
"I know, that's the online game you're always playing, what about it?" Penny interrupted, then got a stern look from Ron and immediately quieted down.
Howard continued recounting his mortifying tale: "You know, the characters in the game can actually... interact with each other..."
"Whoa!" Ron nearly choked on his popcorn. He'd survived countless firefights on battlefields around the world, yet somehow he'd nearly been defeated by Howard's admission.
"Oh my God, Howard, how desperate are you? You were fooling around with game characters?"
Howard hung his head in shame. "Her name was Glithnir the Troll Shaman, a hunter class.
When Bernadette came looking for me, we were under the Bridge of Souls... You get it, right, Ron?"
Penny turned her gaze to Ron, her eyes seeming to ask, "Do you guys always do this kind of thing in games?" Honestly, she quietly scooted to the other end of the couch, putting some distance between herself and the two perverted men.
"Hey, what do you mean I 'get it'? I've never done anything like that, okay?" Ron quickly defended himself. "I'm not some freak who can't find real companionship and has to get intimate with fantasy creatures online. Sorry, Howard, no offense intended.
I'm just curious—what were you thinking? That's a troll! Even if it was an elf or blood elf, I could somewhat understand the appeal."
Although Leonard, Raj, and Howard all had anime content on their computers, Ron assumed it was just juvenile stuff. But he never expected Howard to be the most twisted of the three, with such bizarre preferences.
Howard pleaded, "Penny, could you please talk to her?"
"Who? Bernadette or the troll?"
"Bernadette, obviously! She was so furious she wouldn't even listen to my explanation."
"The thing is, what exactly would you explain?" Ron rolled his eyes helplessly. He was increasingly puzzled why Bernadette would fall for someone like Howard. "You'd rather fantasize about a troll online than pay attention to the real woman with you."
"What?" Howard looked stunned.
"Come on, buddy, use that supposedly brilliant brain of yours. Why would a woman visit a nerdy guy's house late at night if she didn't want some romantic attention?"
The revelation hit Howard like a lightning bolt—shock turned to elation, then to profound regret. Like a broken record, he kept repeating, "How could I be so stupid? How could I be so stupid?"
Ron sat beside him and patted his shoulder: "Howard, think about it carefully. I mean, without any fantasy elements involved. Take a realistic look at your situation.
Your hairstyle, your awkward personality, and especially those skinny jeans of yours—unless she wanted you to make a move, why else would she be there?"
"Really?" Howard sighed regretfully: "Oh God, what have I done?"
Ron glanced at the clock: "It's only nine o'clock now, not too late. If I remember correctly, Bernadette should be working tonight, right, Penny?"
"Yeah, she's on the evening shift and won't get off until midnight." Penny nodded.
"So, Howard, what are you waiting for? Why aren't you leaving right now? Go!"
(End of chapter)
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