"Cú Chulainn of Ulster! I want to see you! My warrior! The world's greatest warrior!! Come to me! I will lavish you with my everything! Let's make a whole pile of babies!"
"Medb is calling for you, Cú Chulainn."
"I'll go when this game of chess is done."
Chess >>>>>> (The Wall of Reality) >>>>>> Medb's Invitation
"This little pet is my stoat! He's my absolute favorite; we're together every single day!"
Stoaaaat~
"Fufu, aren't you cute! Crawling on my shoulder, nuzzling up to me! Alright then, have some foo—"
"Hup!"
[Stoat Head Detonation]
"MY STOOOOAAAT!!!!"
From far in the rear, the pet resting on Medb's shoulder was assassinated by a thrown stone.
"Gah, you caught me! Come now, Cu-chan! You may do with me as you please!! Just like a Celt! Do it like a Celt!!"
"Piss off home."
The captured Medb was released with a smile.
The Cú Chulainn Parade
Following the defeat of Fionn mac Cumhaill, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, and the report of Beowulf's fall, a shockwave ran through even the iron-willed camp of Queen Medb.
"To think my generals would be crushed while I was napping. You've got some nerve not waking me, Medb."
"I did wake you! I woke you over and over again!"
As long as the strongest—and most wicked—Cú Chulainn remained, the word "defeat" did not exist in the Queen's mind.
"Well, it matters not! Right, Cu-chan!"
"Ah?"
However, low morale simply would not do. The lands ruled by the Queen must be filled with cheers and screams alike.
Therefore—
"Let us hold a parade!"
It was only natural that such an idea would spring from Medb's mind.
...A Queen is cruel, cold-hearted, and brutal.
And right now—she is incredibly bored.
"Everyone! Thank you for gathering today for Medb-chan's sake!"
On the main avenue leading to the White House, riding atop her prized chariot, Medb waved to the Celtic soldiers lined up in perfect formation.
"Our servants have decreased a bit, but no problem! Because on our side... we have the most wicked King of all!"
Attending emptily beside the Queen was Cú Chulainn.
"..."
He held no emotion toward the spectacle spreading before him, yet he participated in the parade as part of his kingly duties.
There was no joy in his chest.
There was no grief in his chest.
Only the resolve of a King. To slaughter everything.
...For in the uninhabited wasteland, there is no one to voice objection to the King.
"As long as the King and I exist, there is no defeat for you! Sing! Praise! Rage and fight!"
Every gesture of the Queen elicited a roar of approval. The encouragement infected every soldier, raising morale to its absolute peak.
"This land is the land of the Eternal King! A land of me and Cu-chan, by me and Cu-chan, for the sake of my Cu-chan alone!"
With a smile, she raised her riding crop high.
"Consider it an honor to serve twenty-four hours a day! Consider it a joy to be enslaved twenty-four hours a day!"
She swept back her hair, speaking with fevered passion.
"Justice, honor, glory—bring it all beneath us! And sing my praises loudly!! Medb-chan is the greatest!"
"""MEDB-CHAN! IS THE GREATEST!!!"""
The soldiers' grand chorus shook the area. In this moment, the place was completely unified, with the Queen as its core.
Boiling blood, seething spirit. All of it was exactly as the Queen and King desired.
"How about it, Cu-chan! A massive ovation just for you and me! If only Fergus and Arjuna had come too! Well!?"
"...Once you're satisfied, we're heading back. This isn't a situation for optimism."
"Jeez, you're so dry. It's fine, as long as Cu-chan is here, there's no way we'll lo—"
—And then, Medb was knocked down from the pinnacle of joy.
"Ha. Don't make me laugh. A country? A throne? As if I'd desire any of that crap."
A single man stood in the path of the Queen's chariot.
Three-colored hair. Eyes of crimson that seemingly shone with all seven colors. A linen robe, a cloak of runes, a gold brooch. He stood in the attire of a battlefield king, equipped with silver gauntlets and pauldrons.
"Tch. No wonder Fionn and Diarmuid got wiped out so easily."
Grinning broadly was the Mad King, Cú Chulainn.
"———N-No... that form, that radiance..."
Medb dropped the whip she was holding.
"You're putting on quite the flamboyant jerk-off session there. There's a limit to staging your own plays. Aren't these guys just dolls born from your own fluids, anyway?"
In the middle of the parade, exuding a presence and brilliance far outshining the protagonist Medb, he smiled fiercely—
"Cú Chulainn...!?"
—The man Medb could not obtain, no matter how many tricks or seductions she used.
The one man in her life who, until the very end, hated no one and died laughing—
"Yo. Long time no see, Medb. Good grief, never mind the Holy Grail, you've made a toy out of me, too? You're even more of a pain in the ass now than when you were alive."
Grinning, baring his fangs in amusement—a ferocious Cú Chulainn stood there.
"What's the matter? Can't get the 'me' over there to warm your bed at night? ...Well, can't be helped. Playing chess gets the blood pumping way more than sleeping with the likes of you."
"The Cú Chulainn of the Light... Has the Holy Grail completely liberated you?"
On the battlefield, two rabid dogs glared at one another.
"Yeah. There was a young lady who made a pleasant wish for me to 'be a warrior.' So—that's why I'm a warrior who fights and runs wilder than anyone else."
The Mad King Cú Chulainn: accepted the wish "Be a wicked King equal to me," imprisoning his own ego and pleasure to surrender his body to the mechanism known as a King.
The Hound Cú Chulainn: entrusted with the wish "Until the world is saved, be a warrior undefeated by anyone," he obtained everything he desired—to live, to fight. He wields his spear for his Master as his true self.
Yin and Yang. The two confronted each other as polar opposites.
"""You rudely obstruct the Queen's path!"""
Recognizing the intruder, the Celtic soldiers instantly surrounded the Cú Chulainn of the Light.
"Hey now, I didn't come here to fight. —No, screw it. They're your kids. No point comparing their quality to my son."
Laughing happily, he looked at the soldiers surrounding him with a sort of grim affection.
"Children, NO!!"
Medb's command to stop was far too late.
No—Cú Chulainn was simply too fast.
—Cú Chulainn shows no mercy to enemies.
The moment hostility was directed at him, there was no path chosen other than "Slaughter."
Well, you guys started it, he thought with a lighthearted shrug.
"The Beast of Crunching Death Fangs—Curruid Coinchenn."
He unleashed a Noble Phantasm—
Before a thousand soldiers could ready their swords.
Before a thousand soldiers could thrust their spears.
Before a thousand soldiers could nock their arrows.
"—Wha..."
Silver and blue. Cú Chulainn donned a reinforced exoskeleton boasting a futuristic design. Magic-burst boosters were mounted on various parts of his body, an armor that raised his Agility to EX rank just by equipping it.
Without a fragment of wasted decoration, the helm bore the motif of a hound. Truly, the "Hound of Chulainn" reacted instantly to the killing intent directed at him, filling his body with magical energy from the Holy Grail fused with his Spirit Core.
Activating the boosters, accelerating his speed to the maximum, he lunged at everything in sight—!
"Wai—"
—It took less than three seconds for the leaping Cú Chulainn to begin and end the slaughter.
The soldiers who directed hostility and killing intent toward him were massacred without exception, devoured utterly.
Torn by claws, trampled, crushed to dust, minced into meat, returned to ash, cleaved in two, sliced into segments, dismembered, impaled into the ground, blown high into the sky to explode—leaving not even a trace of their original forms.
Because he rampaged at Mach speeds, the buildings in the urban area were entirely obliterated, collapsing into mountains of rubble.
The glamorous parade transformed into a tragedy of annihilation, filled with debris, corpses, blood, and the stench of rot.
In less than three seconds, about 90% of the troops Medb had mobilized—soldiers currently being produced specifically to attend the parade—were gathered there. And so...
"—What? That was boring. If you're gonna make soldiers, use better seeds next time."
...By the hand of a single Cú Chulainn, they were killed to the last man. The enemy forces were now effectively reduced to just Medb and her generals.
"—-!!!!"
"———Tch."
Medb ground her teeth from the bottom of her heart. The Yin Cú Chulainn clicked his tongue in irritation.
"That was my trump card. As an apology for crashing your parade, I'll show it to you."
Hiding none of his ferocious bloodlust, the Sun Cú Chulainn laughed.
"Cú Chulainn... You are..."
"Three days."
As if to say I have no intention of chatting with you, he stated it simply.
"In three days, I'm taking your heads. If you don't want to die, struggle as hard as you can. Prepare to intercept us with everything you've got. —Especially you, the one with the bad taste over there."
"..."
"'I'll be the one to kill you.' A throne that doesn't pay, a crown that doesn't fit my nature... I'll smash it all, including the Queen and the seat you sit on."
"—Do you think I will wait three days?"
"What? Did you forget how to 'wait' too?"
He gave a sharp laugh. Simultaneously:
"—We shall make them wait. On my life."
Appearing around Cú Chulainn were the peerless heroes of ancient Ulster.
"For these three days, I shall not take my eyes off you. ...Wait calmly, Cú Chulainn."
The peerless God-Slayer, Scáthach.
"—...This is the worst possible development."
Bitterly, the Yin Cú Chulainn muttered.
"Uooooooooh!! Medb-chaaaaaaaan!!!"
Weeping tears of emotion at seeing the real, live Medb was the Hero of Connacht, Ferdiad.
"MARRY MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"No way, Ferdiad...!?"
Medb was stunned to see the Hero of Connacht before her eyes.
"—You have changed completely, Cú Chulainn."
Seeing the miserable state of his friend, his best friend Loeg pained his heart.
"Unfortunately. I know no other way to be a King than this."
"...You are too serious. Too sincere. Trying to wring wisdom out of a head that has none."
"Can't argue with that."
"Medb, Queen Medb...!!"
Connla glared at Medb with anger and hatred.
"The enemy who stole Father's pride, his life, his geas... everything!!"
"Even Cu-chan's son...! Wait, son?"
"Whoa there, Connla, calm down—remember your promise to Big Brother Ferdiad!"
"Let me go! Let—me—gooooo! I won't be satisfied until I smash a piece of cheese into her at the speed of light!!"
Restrained by Ferdiad, the puppy bared his fangs and growled.
"—If you break the pact, we will mobilize everyone to kill you. If you dislike that idea, then stay quiet."
Scáthach pointed her spear at the Yin Cú Chulainn.
"To think even you would turn to the enemy side."
"I have my favorite pupil and a prospective pupil there, it is only natural, no? ...I cannot bear to look at you as you are now, Cú Chulainn."
Scáthach looked down in sorrow.
"Well, you're not losing in the 'good-for-nothing' department either, old hag."
"Mu—"
"Yeah, yeah! You sent me to her with a smile on your face! Spiteful old hag!"
"Gunu—"
"Medb-chan!! When we defeat you, I would like you to go out with me!!"
"Ferdiad..."
"To embrace you as a Hero of Connacht is my dream!! If not that, then just for one night!!"
"...Well, that's how it is."
Laughing at the noisy idiots, the Sun Cú Chulainn made his declaration.
"Three days from now. Let's have a decisive battle with everything on the line. Use all your tricks and all your power there. —Me, my Master, and my comrades will smash the whole lot of you."
"...—Understood. Three days. That is acceptable?"
Medb had no choice but to nod.
If she didn't agree here, the chances of her and her Cú Chulainn being slaughtered instantly were far too high.
"Yeah. Get your affairs in order by then. —And,"
He pointed the tip of his blade.
"—The only one killing you or being killed by you, is me. Chew on a bone and wait until then."
"—Very well. I suppose I am the only one who can kill you."
"Right. Let's have a grand slaughter."
—It was the moment a pact of massacre was forged between the two hounds.
"Alright, you bastards! We're going home!!"
"Umu."
"""Ehhh!!"""
"Don't 'Ehhh' me! I told you it was a declaration of war!"
"But the Celtic soldiers are all dead."
"Self-defense! It was self-defense! —Later, idiot couple! I'll kill you with plenty of flair!"
As he turned on his heel, at that exact moment—
"Wait."
Medb called out to stop him. To stop the man she had yearned for in life.
"Ah?"
"Just one thing. ...Is your Master a woman?"
For Medb, that was the only thing that mattered.
"—Yeah. She's one hell of a woman. If she were a little older, I might've made a move on her myself."
"You..."
Scáthach was exasperated by her disciple's vigor.
"I see. —Then, give this to her!"
Medb removed her glove and hurled it at Cú Chulainn.
"To the rival born into this world who achieved what I could not—'stealing Cú Chulainn's heart'—I challenge her to a duel! I will trample that woman you chose right in front of you, Cu-chan! So—so, take that glove..."
—Cú Chulainn saw that as she spoke, Medb's eyes were glistening red.
"I'll show you! I will absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely show you—!! That Cu-chan was wrong to choose a woman other than me! On my prestige as Queen, absolutely—!!"
"—...Yeah. I'll deliver it, without fail."
No one was boorish enough to point it out.
"We're going home, Cu-chan! The parade is wrecked! We have to build the ring for the final battle! And I need to retrain so I don't get hit by cheese!"
"Do as you like. The battle is set. —No use overthinking it."
"Bye then! Warriors of the Celts! Just so you know, I will absolutely, absolutely not lose—!!"
Turning her chariot around, Medb departed—
"...I'm not gonna lose either, dumbass."
—There was a woman who had captured the heart of the man Medb could not. Not a hero, but a human. Faced with that fact, her pride and dignity as a woman and as a hero were shattered. Yet, she kept her back straight and behaved stoutly as a Queen.
"—If she acted a bit more meekly like that all the time, she'd be quite a woman. Good grief..."
Cú Chulainn tightly gripped the proof of her pride.
—Here, the date of the decisive battle was set.
The future of America, and the world, would be decided in three days—
"...Medb."
"What is it, Cu-chan?"
As the chariot raced along, Cú Chulainn spoke to her.
"If you have complaints, feel free to switch sides. I won't stop you."
"As if I would. That Cú Chulainn is the enemy, right? A Cú Chulainn who belongs to the enemy is not my Cu-chan."
"..."
"My Cu-chan is—the Cu-chan who stands beside me is... only you. I swear on my everything, that is the truth."
"—Is that so. Then good. Don't waver. Move forward. Even if it is a path where ruin is guaranteed."
"...Mm."
"I will fulfill my duty. ...I am your spear, just as before."
"...Mm..."
...Upon the chariot where only the King remained.
"...Cu-chan... Why. ...Why—"
...—A single maiden collapsed in tears of frustration—
"...And that's what happened."
"Umu. To think you would wipe out their entire military force during a declaration of war. Even as an enemy, I feel some sympathy. Fuhahahaha!"
"We were doing a parade, so they were easy to hunt."
"Indeed! No mercy is needed for the enemy! Alright, return! Let us restore our spirits at the President's House!"
"Roger!"
(Now then, what will they throw at us?)
—May everyone end this safely...
"I will use it, Cu-chan. The Holy Grail."
"...You're doing it?"
"Yes. In preparation for the decisive battle in three days, I will manifest the Twenty-Eight Demon Gods, the 'Twenty-Eight Warriors of Clan Calatin'—!!"
"..."
"Just you watch, Cu-chan! I'll show you the stubbornness of a woman scorned—!"
NEW Cú Chulainn Legend
Massacred the soldiers participating in a parade in self-defense. The aftermath completely destroyed the city. As 90% of all Celtic soldiers participating were slaughtered, it effectively became a war of annihilation against the Medb faction. The Medb faction was left with nothing but generals.
The spectacle of him standing out more than the parade's star, crushing the entirety of the enemy, and devastating them is known as:
"Cú Chulainn's Parade"
-----------------------------
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