After getting thoroughly wasted at the bar, Soren found himself wandering the streets with no real destination in mind.
His steps were unsteady, not enough to make him stumble, but enough that he had to correct his balance every few seconds consciously.
The world felt slightly dulled around the edges, sounds blending together, his thoughts drifting in lazy, unfocused loops.
He wasn't looking for anything in particular.
He was just trying not to go back to the dorm.
Then, at some point, his feet stopped moving.
Soren blinked and lifted his head.
[Mother's Bakery]
The sign hung above the door, painted in warm colours that didn't quite match what the place actually was.
A brothel.
The same one he had seen Felix coming out of earlier.
Soren stood there for a few seconds longer than necessary, staring at the building as people passed him by without a second glance.
"Should I go in?"
The thought slipped out quietly.
He had never been inside a brothel before.
That wasn't to say he was inexperienced, far from it, but there was still something different about places like this.
Transactional.
Intimate in a hollow sort of way.
Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't even entertain the idea.
But tonight wasn't normal.
At this point, he was grasping at anything that could justify staying out longer.
Anything that meant he didn't have to lie awake in his dorm room with nothing but memories and silence.
If he were sober, if he were thinking clearly, he would've already walked away.
'…Maybe the alcohol is hitting harder than I thought.'
That realisation lingered just long enough to sober him slightly.
Soren exhaled and turned away from the brothel.
He walked for a while longer, letting his feet carry him wherever they pleased, until the noise of the busier streets faded.
Eventually, he spotted a lone bench tucked away along a quieter path.
He sat down heavily.
The cool wood pressed against his back as he leaned into it and tilted his head upward.
The sky was beginning to lighten.
Dawn crept over the city slowly, washing the darkness away in pale colours.
The streets were starting to fill again: vendors were preparing their stalls, early risers heading to work, the world resuming as if nothing had happened.
Soren closed his eyes.
For a moment, he just listened.
Footsteps.
Voices.
The distant clatter of carts.
It was calm.
And then, as it often did when his thoughts were left alone, someone came to mind.
A woman with long black hair.
Dark grey eyes.
Skin so pale it almost looked sickly under the sun.
Aria.
The name surfaced quietly, without resistance.
She was the only person from Earth he truly missed.
Someone who had been there for him during a time when very few others were.
Someone who had understood him in ways he had never been able to properly articulate.
Until an unfortunate incident had split them apart.
Whenever his thoughts drifted, whenever the noise in his head finally settled, it was always her face that appeared.
Soren stayed like that for a while, eyes closed, letting old memories pass by without trying to chase them.
Then…
"Soren…?"
His eyes opened.
That voice.
By now, it was unmistakable.
He turned his head toward the speaker.
Short, light pink hair, soft bear ears perched on top.
Bright green eyes that caught the early morning light like gemstones.
Lilliana Roseblood.
A faint, genuine smile tugged at his lips before he could stop it.
"…Hi, Miss Rose."
He tried to sound polite, normal.
Instead, what came out was tired and rough around the edges, weighed down by exhaustion and alcohol alike.
Lilliana's expression shifted almost immediately.
"Are you… okay?"
The question was simple.
Direct.
If it had been anyone else, Soren might've brushed it off with a half-joke or an empty reassurance.
Something easy.
Something that didn't invite further questions.
But Lilliana wasn't just anyone.
She had helped him more than she knew.
Always quietly.
Always without expecting anything in return.
So he answered honestly.
"I don't know."
The words surprised him with how easily they came out.
They were true.
Part of him felt fine, functional, even.
Another part of him insisted that he couldn't possibly be okay after what he had done.
Lilliana didn't press him immediately.
She stepped closer and sat down beside him on the bench, her small hands folded in her lap.
"Do you remember what I told you last time?" she asked softly.
He nodded.
She had told him that if he ever needed someone, he could come to her.
"Can you keep your promise?"
Soren hesitated.
He almost nodded out of habit.
Then he stopped.
'Can I really dump all of this on her?'
Lilliana was strong, emotionally and otherwise, but she wasn't some all-knowing adult who could magically fix things.
They were close in age.
If he was struggling this badly, it wasn't fair to assume she would be unaffected.
And truthfully… they weren't that close.
If asked who he trusted most at Stellaris Academy, Lilliana would come to mind immediately.
But from her perspective?
At best, they were acquaintances.
At worst, she simply saw him as a student she wanted to support.
Before he could retreat into that line of thinking, Lilliana reached out.
Her hand gently cupped his face, guiding his gaze toward hers.
"Can you keep it?" she asked again.
There was no pressure in her voice.
Just concern.
Something in his chest gave way.
"I killed someone today."
The words spilt out before he could stop them.
"It was the first time," he continued quietly. "I knew I'd have to one day, but…"
He swallowed.
"I didn't want to."
Lilliana listened.
"But if I didn't, I would've died. Not just me—Felix too."
His voice trembled as he kept going.
"And Felix scared me. The way he acted like it was normal. Like it was nothing."
His fingers curled into his sleeves.
"I kept thinking—what if that's what he's really like? But if it weren't for him, I'd be dead."
Tears burned at the corners of his eyes.
He fought them.
"When I woke up in the infirmary, he was back to normal," Soren said. "Like nothing happened. It made me feel like I was the strange one."
His hands came up to cover his face.
"The worst part is… I don't even feel that guilty about killing them. It was the feeling. The way it happened."
He wiped at his eyes, trying to stop anything from spilling.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, Miss Rose."
His voice cracked.
"I didn't know what to do, so I went drinking. I didn't want to go back to the dorm."
A weak, humourless laugh slipped out.
"I almost made a really stupid mistake too."
The tears finally fell.
When his words ran out, silence settled between them.
Soren felt embarrassment creep in immediately.
'That was too much.'
Before he could spiral further, Lilliana reached out and gently pulled his hands away from his face.
He let her.
Then she hugged him.
Tight.
Awkward.
Sincere.
Her lips were pursed as if she was unsure what to say, but her arms held him firmly.
She was trying.
At that realisation, a faint smile surfaced on Soren's face.
He returned the hug carefully.
It had been a long time since anyone had held him like this.
The warmth eased something inside him.
"I'm not very good with words," Lilliana said softly. "But you aren't weird. There's nothing wrong with the way you think."
She pulled back just enough to look at him.
"And there's nothing wrong with how Felix acted, either. Everyone grows up differently."
Her gaze met his.
"But the fact that you're hurting over this… that you're thinking about it this much—that tells me you're kind."
She brushed his cheek gently.
"So don't beat yourself up. And remember your promise."
A small smile appeared.
"I'm always here. Come to me before you go to a bar next time, okay?"
She wiped away the dried tears from his face.
"Thank you," Soren said quietly.
If she hadn't found him, he wasn't sure how the night would've ended.
Then she tilted her head.
"So," Lilliana said, "what was that stupid mistake you almost made?"
Soren froze.
"Ah…"
He ended up spending a long Sunday morning trying, and failing, to dodge that question.
————「❤︎」————