I don't know what I'm feeling. I think I'm just tired.Why? I don't know. It feels strange. Yes, it probably does.Not everyone gets to sit comfortably on a warm bed, holding a mug of coffee, surrounded by people, using their phone just for company.
There are some people whose emotional systems have shut down.People who are tired.People who want to do things but can't.These are the people who become scapegoats.
Let's do one thing. Come, sit for a moment. Let's talk a little.Let's put every rule and principle aside.No psychology, no relationships—just… feelings.You and me.
But who will sit? she said with a smile.
The wall in front of her was silent.Even if the wall could speak, what would it say? It was lifeless.And she—she was talking to the wall like it was a human being.
She took a long breath.She smiled faintly and said,"Well, how will you come to me? Fine, I'll come to you."
She shifted a little and sat leaning against the wall.
You know, sometimes I feel like I'm an alien.I don't feel anything anymore.I don't want to do anything.I'm just tired.
I want to go to a forest where there is only darkness.Loneliness.No one else.
I want a world without humans.Just me.Nature.Animals.I want to live with them.Animals are kinder than humans.They don't hurt you.
Look, sadness exists in everyone's life. Everyone cries, right?But the problem begins when people are bothered by your very breathing—as if your existence itself is a burden.
Sometimes I think, if I had a cat, how nice it would be.Just looking at it would take all my pain away.
Then I say—no. I don't want anything.What's the point of all these things when, in the end, we all die anyway?What's the point of effort when it leads nowhere?What's the point of living when living feels like a curse?
Tell me, she turned toward the wall,you were created like this—what do you gain from it? Nothing, right?You're just here, without knowing why.
I just want to run away.Somewhere far.Where no one exists.
I want a partner I know I'll never find.What should I do?No one can hold me, no one can understand me.
Me—the girl who talks about stars,who sits under the sky and argues with God,who questions everything—who would even talk to me?
But you know… I like some things too.Some very strange things.I like being happy to the point of madness.I like being around crazy people.I like socializing—but I know people mostly bring pain, nothing else.
Sometimes my heart tells me that if I disappeared, everything would be better.As if I'm the villain—and if I wasn't here, everything would be fine.
But I wish… I wish it were possible.
The way my own people treat me is so harshthat now I'm afraid to expect anything from anyone else.
I wish…I could look up at the skyand disappear forever.