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"I can't, Director," Hermione's voice came over the phone, laced with a perfect, calculated helplessness. "I'm sorry, but my hands are tied. After the unsanctioned attack on me by your own agents, I can't risk acting openly. It could damage the already fragile relationship between the wizarding world and the Muggle government. My Headmaster was very clear."
She was, of course, paraphrasing the lies Alexander Pierce had fed her, but now she was using them as a weapon against Fury himself. Checkmate, she thought, a vicious little thrill running through her.
On the other end of the line, Nick Fury almost crushed his phone. Pierce, you son of a bitch. The HYDRA mole's actions had not only endangered the girl, but had also given her the perfect excuse to deny them her assistance. He had been completely outmaneuvered.
He took a deep, calming breath. "Miss Granger," he began, his voice a low, careful purr of negotiation, "I understand your concerns. The actions of those rogue agents were a betrayal of our trust, and I promise you, they will be dealt with. But what's happening right now… this is a crisis that threatens thousands of civilian lives. We need your help."
"Mmm, that does sound serious," Hermione said, her voice sounding distant and distracted. A loud, crisp CRUNCH echoed over the line.
Fury froze. "…What was that sound?" It didn't sound like a gamma-powered monster fight.
"Oh, nothing," Hermione replied, her mouth clearly full. "Just an apple. You were saying?"
CRUNCH. CRUNCH.
Fury closed his one good eye, a vein throbbing in his temple. He was trying to avert a city-wide catastrophe, and his only hope for salvation was a twelve-year-old witch who was casually snacking while watching the carnage from a safe distance.
"Miss Granger," he finally said, abandoning all pretense of persuasion. His voice was a flat, weary monotone. "Tell me what you want."
Hermione swallowed her apple. She dropped the core from her invisible perch, watching it bounce harmlessly off the Hulk's head. "Well," she said, her voice suddenly bright and cheerful, "since you asked… I've been reading some of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files. The ones you gave me access to. And I've noticed you have a rather fascinating collection of rare and exotic botanical samples. Things you can't quite identify. I would be willing to… offer my expertise in identifying them. In exchange for a few samples, of course. For my own alchemical research."
Fury sighed. The price of doing business with a god. He knew exactly what she was doing. She wasn't just asking for a few plants; she was extorting him for a treasure trove of priceless, and possibly magical, materials. But he had no choice. She was a little fox, and he was caught in her trap.
"Done," he gritted out. "You'll have full access to the labs. Now, will you please help us?"
"Of course," she said. The deal was done. "One last question, Director. Do you want them dead, or alive?"
The casual, almost bored way she asked the question, as if inquiring about his preference for takeout, sent a genuine chill down Fury's spine. He thought of the two gamma-powered behemoths tearing his city apart. "Capture them alive, if possible," he said, his voice strained. "But your own safety is the top priority, Consultant. You are… a far more valuable asset."
More valuable than the Hulk, he thought. A god is always more valuable than a monster.
"Understood," Hermione replied, and the line went dead.
She cancelled the Disillusionment Charm, and in the fiery, chaotic landscape of the Harlem street battle, a new, impossible player appeared. A small girl in a black robe, sitting sideways on a broomstick, hovering serenely in the air as if she were watching a particularly interesting fireworks display.
"Bombarda Maxima!" she intoned, her voice calm and clear.
Three bolts of pure, white-hot concussive energy shot from her wand. They didn't just explode; they detonated. One slammed into the Hulk's chest, the other into the Abomination's, and the third exploded on the ground between them. The force of the blasts was catastrophic, throwing the two multi-ton behemoths in opposite directions as if they were children's toys.
The story of their epic, homoerotic, 'boy-next-door' wrestling match was, for the moment, over.
The smoke cleared. The two monsters, dazed and bleeding, looked up from the craters they'd made. And they saw her. A tiny, floating dot in the sky. Their small, rage-filled brains struggled to process the new variable.
What is that? the Hulk's mind seemed to rumble.
Is it food? the Abomination's thoughts countered.
They looked at each other, a moment of rare, tacit understanding passing between the two engines of destruction. It's small. It's not a threat.
And with a simultaneous, guttural roar, they ignored her completely and charged at each other again.
Hermione just hovered there, an expression of profound, deep, and utter disbelief on her face. Excuse me? she thought, a surge of pure, indignant fury rising in her chest. Did you two lumps of gamma-irradiated beef jerky just… ignore me? I am a Level Three Arch-witch, the bane of Dark Lords, the terror of HYDRA, and you're treating me like a damn mosquito?
The absolute disrespect was unforgivable.
In the helicopter, General Ross and his men were staring at the scene, their mouths agape. "What in the hell," one of the soldiers breathed, "is that?"
A little girl. On a broom. Who had just fired the equivalent of three anti-tank rounds from a wooden stick. Ross's military-trained mind simply refused to process the data.
Just then, his satellite phone rang. It was an unscheduled, priority-one call from a number he recognized with a sinking feeling.
"Ross," he barked into the phone.
"General," Nick Fury's cold, calm voice replied. "I see you've met my consultant."
"Fury, what the hell is going on?" Ross demanded. "Whose asset is that?"
"Mine," Fury replied, his voice leaving no room for argument. "And she is currently cleaning up the catastrophic mess that you created. I am giving you one order, General. Whatever she does next, you and your men are to stand down and not interfere. Am I clear?"
"The Hulk is a U.S. Army project!" Ross roared, his pride stung. "It's not S.H.I.E.L.D.'s jurisdiction!"
"You no longer have a project, General," Fury said, his voice dropping to a deadly, icy whisper. "You have a city-wide catastrophe. You've lost all your soldiers, and your pet monster is out of its cage. You have lost control. My operative is now handling it. So I suggest you sit back, shut up, and watch how a professional works."
Ross was silent, his face purple with a rage he couldn't express.
"Your monster and Blonsky couldn't even be stopped by the army," he finally spat. "What possible use is one little girl?"
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