Alright—so with the previous chapter, I can finally say I've wrapped up the first part, right before entering the first year. It was a pretty long journey, and honestly, my laziness has a stronger grip on me now than it did years ago.
Before dedicating an entire chapter to expressing my thoughts and doubts about the previous version—and maybe a few other things—I should probably clear up some points first.
Over the next few months, if I'm lucky, I'll be updating this story once or twice a month. That estimate is already being generous, since I'll be focusing more on getting back to my other story. I usually spend a lot of time on each project, especially between breaks.
I wish I were a machine that could write all day, but my job and daily life don't really allow that. A very common excuse, I know.
Of course, once I finish the next half of my other story, I'll come back with more frequent updates for this fanfic… or at least that's the plan.
With that out of the way, it's time to talk—well, technically I'm writing and you're reading, but you get what I mean.
So let's start from the very beginning: how this idea came to be. No matter how you look at it, the origin is extremely cliché and convenient in more ways than one.
Around 2020, I discovered fanfiction—especially Oregairu fanfics. I'm talking about stories focused exclusively on that series, with original writing rather than translations. As a reader, getting even one update per month already felt like a huge achievement.
By rough estimation, I probably read about 90% of all Oregairu fanfics on the FF platform, including some crossovers that were actually good.
On top of that, I read several on other platforms—Chinese, Japanese, and even a few in languages I could only understand through Google Translate.
After months of reading, I found it amazing how different authors managed to create works that, in my view, were almost on par with the original. That's when I felt motivated to write my own story.
Originally, it was supposed to be short—maybe three or four chapters—focused mainly on drama and a simple "what if" scenario:
What if Hachiman had let Yukinoshita go that time on the bridge?
I had everything clear in my mind, so I sat down at my computer and managed to write it. Then, after admiring my "wonderful" work… I deleted it.
I felt like I couldn't fully capture the character. I wanted the story to feel like the light novel, and chasing that level of perfection was slowly driving me insane.
So I ended up writing and deleting for several hours straight.
Looking back on it now, I was really irritated by that.
Things escalated even more—completely driven by frustration—until, while looking for tips to improve my writing, I read something along the lines of: write something simpler to relax your mind and let ideas flow.
And that's how this story came to be. Or at least, that's how its first version was born.
There was no motivation, no great depth—just pure frustration and anger at not being able to write what I wanted. So I went for the easiest and most overused option: the classic character who dies and gets reborn in the world of their favorite series. I know—originality keeps chasing me, but I'm faster.
Writing the first chapter wasn't a problem at all. Ideas came quickly. I decided that my character's name after reincarnation would be Desmont… and then people in the comments absolutely roasted me for giving such a weird name to someone born in Japan. Fair enough, lol.
After thinking about it for a bit, and considering that Hachiman's name comes from a god, I told myself: why not give him something similar?
That's where the name Raiden came from.
Now, let's talk about—or rather, summarize—the things I think went wrong in the first version.
The original Raiden was very similar to the childhood friend from the previous chapter. He was a bit less intense, but still clearly alike.
The beginning was the same: he dies after arguing with his mother and gets reborn. The difference is that when he realizes he died—that his previous life is over and he'll never see his loved ones again—he just goes:
"Meh, it was boring,"
and feels happy about dying. A little more, and the guy would've thrown a party.
Later on, as he grows up and discovers his sister's name, the first thing he thinks is:
Tsurumi Rumi—the secondary character from Oregairu whom the protagonists meet during a camp trip in the first season.
In short, the guy had a photographic memory, capable of recalling every single detail of a series he watched years ago. And that wasn't all—Raiden was a genius among geniuses. No one could compare to him.
At the time, I was just writing whatever came to mind, without paying much attention to consistency or detail.
Once he realizes he's inside one of his favorite series, he starts thinking about every character and all the possible ways he could interact with them.
After considering every potential future interaction, the character concludes:
"But talking to them could change the story. It's better if I become an NPC who dedicates his existence to making sure those events happen—an eminence in the shadows who plans everything and makes it all come true."
Meanwhile, the current Raiden—who doesn't remember or care about any of that—couldn't care less whether canon events happen or not. Everyone has their own life. Let them deal with it themselves.
More than five years have passed since I wrote that version, so it's safe to say my way of thinking has changed.
Another point worth mentioning is how violence—and Raiden's ability to fight—was implemented.
You might think: sure, maybe he trained to be strong enough to solve any problem. Or to build a good physique and take care of his health.
…Or maybe just to punch Hayama for no reason.
If you picked the third option—bingo.
Is there any real reason a character wouldn't go out and beat the living hell out of—massacre, even—someone he dislikes?
That idea crossed my mind back then for a very simple reason: I was playing Yakuza 0 and absolutely loved the kind of violence it portrayed. On top of that, among the many fanfics I was reading at the time, there was an NTR one involving Hayama and Yukinoshita.
So, acting like a complete idiot who gets worked up over fictional characters, I decided my character would train to the absolute limit just to massacre someone who had done absolutely nothing wrong.
Very mature, right?
With that in mind, my character was supposed to act like an NPC—doing nothing particularly relevant, nothing you'd expect from a protagonist. The story was meant to follow that kind of pace.
Unfortunately, back then I was writing purely in the moment, based entirely on my mood. I didn't even remember half the things I had already established earlier.
Because of that, in the chapter where Raiden and Yumiko interact at the hospital—where he barely says a few words to her and then ignores her because she's not his problem—I somehow gave him full-on protagonist energy in the previous version.
Raiden sits next to her while Yumiko cries and talks to him. He cracks a few jokes, gives her life advice, and does other things that honestly make me cringe just thinking about them.
The point is, those words—spoken by a stranger she'd known for barely five minutes—were somehow enough to motivate her.
The very next day at school, Yumiko confronts those two girls, insults them, humiliates them… and Raiden joins in.
…How does that even happen after talking to a stranger for five minutes?
Her personality does a complete 180 because of a single conversation.
And suddenly, Raiden—who claims he wants to be an NPC—is acting like a full-blown romcom protagonist.
After that comes the scene where Raiden lets himself get beaten up. Of course, in the first version, this scene was different for one key reason.
After leaving the hospital, Raiden states that he has become a human weapon. The guy supposedly reached the peak of combat prowess at such a young age that he turned into a full-fledged killing machine. Not even Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan could stop him in a fight.
So someone who constantly boasts about being invincible choosing to let himself get beaten up makes no sense—especially when you consider his inner monologue.
This contradiction carried over into the revised version with only minor changes, and it got criticized again. But there was a reason I wrote it that way.
Back when I was in school, I got into a fight and was suspended for a few days. A friend later told me I was an idiot, because the guy I hit ended up looking like the victim, while I was labeled the aggressor. He said I should've just endured it and then beaten him up outside of school instead.
(Which I did the next day.)
So if Raiden had simply massacred those two guys on the spot, he would've been expelled. A bit of logic, please. I know anime characters can slaughter each other on school grounds without consequences, but here, actions actually have repercussions. And without any countermeasures—like concrete proof—his situation was already bad enough.
After that, Raiden and Yumiko talk again. He tells her exactly what she wants to hear, and because of that, Yumiko decides to change and regain her confidence. Not because of her grandmother's words. Not because of her own resolve. But because a guy she met the day before told her to.
And, of course, she falls hopelessly in love with him.
The massacre of the four students still happens, but with a twist. This time, it occurs because Raiden runs into them by chance after leaving a karate academy where he trains and meets Kawasaki.
Except now, Raiden isn't kind at all. Saying he disfigured the girls' faces with glass would be an understatement. One hundred percent psychopath.
As I said, he's a killing machine—someone who can take a beating, go train, and then beat up students afterward like it's nothing.
From there, things mostly follow the same path: he injures Kawasaki and becomes friends with her. The difference is that, since he already knows she's a side character, there are moments where he indirectly points it out. Those led to some genuinely fun scenes—scenes I obviously had to cut.
Everything proceeds normally until the moment she's attacked by the other guys.
In the new version, she fights back, beats them up, and proves she's highly skilled. Raiden only shows up to finish one of them off—and honestly, she probably could've handled it on her own.
In the previous version, though, she gets electrocuted right at the start and is beaten brutally. Brutally. With very clear implications of what two guys might do to a defenseless, beautiful girl.
And right at that moment—when the princess is in danger—the knight in shining armor arrives.
So you'd expect Raiden to massacre them effortlessly, right?
Wrong.
Raiden gets electrocuted, collapses, and is brutally beaten as well.
That's when he has a flashback to his elementary school camp—except that in that version, Raiden pushes the girls who were bullying him off a cliff.
For moral convenience, those three girls survive.
Yeah. The bastard was already a psychopath as a kid.
With that memory—along with a nickname one of those girls once gave him—Raiden gets back on his feet.
To keep things practical, I'll just copy what I wrote back then.
You be the judge.
…
I really am pathetic.
Even though my entire body was screaming in pain, I forced my arms to support me and pushed myself up.
So what if I'm not a protagonist? So what if I'm not someone important? So what if I have no talent at all? None of that erases the time and effort I put into training. Every beating Sensei gave me, every ounce of pain he inflicted—those were far worse than what I'm feeling right now.
So then—WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR TO GET UP?!
The rage boiling inside me was stronger than any pain my body could register.
I'm angry—not at how things turned out, not at Tanaka or Watanabe—but at myself, for being so weak and useless right now.
Little by little, I managed to stand. My breathing was uneven, each breath shallow, like the air wasn't reaching my lungs properly. Still, this wasn't the time to worry about that.
"We used enough voltage to incapacitate an adult—how can you get up so fast?! Are you some kind of monster?!"
Tanaka looked completely exasperated.
"A monster, huh… it's been a long time since anyone called me that."
I couldn't help but smile.
What memories. The last time someone said that to my face was during my final year of elementary school.
…A flashback to that camp.
Maybe I did go too far back then. But regretting it won't change anything now. Still, the last time I did something similar was with those four students who made Miura cry. I guess I should learn to control my emotions better—though that can wait. Right now, I have no intention of staying calm.
"But right now, I'm something worse than a monster…"
That thought dragged my old nickname back to the surface.
"I'm a demon!"
…
So cringe, lol. I honestly don't know what I was thinking that day. Writing after going out drinking with friends is not recommended.
As an excuse, I'll say that, to avoid this kind of thing, I started writing my other story instead—just so I wouldn't include moments like that again.
And so, Raiden proceeds to massacre both of them with blows and injuries that would realistically be enough to send them to the afterlife—but they survive. You know, plot necessities: not crossing the line into killing, just putting them into a coma or leaving them paralyzed.
After that, Raiden takes Kawasaki home. They talk, and she tells him about her past—something that, in the current version, doesn't happen until months after they meet.
How did Kawasaki trust Raiden after knowing him for just a week? I have no idea either.
Back then, I wrote Yumiko and Kawasaki almost identically, with Raiden playing the knight who comes to their rescue, motivates them, helps them overcome trauma, and makes them fall in love with him. Amazing, Raiden—a true NPC.
There were also a few more questionable moments. For example, the fight between Raiden and the karate sensei. As expected, Raiden wins without even breaking a sweat, and afterward he decides he doesn't need to keep attending anymore. One hundred percent arrogant, zero humility.
Another major change appears during the outing between Raiden and Yumiko. In the scene where that guy flirts with Yumiko, Raiden originally shows up, threatens to beat him half to death, and the guy runs away. In the current version, by contrast, Raiden only makes subtle gestures of pain behind Yumiko's back.
Looking back, I think I had some unresolved anger issues when I wrote that entire section…
Likewise, several things never happened at all. For example, the dinner with Yumiko's parents. Originally, Raiden only talks with her father after meeting him, and then the story immediately jumps to the next day. The same goes for Raiden's visit to Yumiko's grandmother's grave, or for how Raiden and Yumiko explore Sobu High together.
At the time, I was just writing in the moment. I didn't plan ahead, nor did I properly use the elements I introduced.
And as you might expect, there are far too many moments where Raiden comes off as a show-off. Back then, Raiden ranked 200th on the Sobu High exam. He was supposedly so smart that he could perfectly solve half the questions—and in reality, he could have solved all of them and gone down in history as the most prodigious student Sobu High had ever seen, but he chose not to stand out. Sounds very familiar, right?
Honestly, that didn't make much sense. Before dying, he was just an ordinary university student with a very average life—someone who didn't put in much effort and was painfully normal. I didn't give much weight to his past, yet after dying he suddenly became a genius. Life's inconsistencies, I guess…
On top of that, many things lacked detail and were left entirely to the reader's imagination. Another recurring issue was that every character revolved around Raiden, as if no one could do anything without him—completely dependent on his existence.
Over time, I started changing the protagonist's attitude. He went from being an NPC to becoming a villain…
Since I didn't have a clear direction in mind, I decided to turn him into a piece of trash who enjoys crushing the weak and manipulating others—and, as you can imagine, Yumiko and Kawasaki were there to support him.
Even so, I managed to close the first-year arc, almost fully transitioning into the canon events. That's where my real problem began: by then, years had already passed, and I no longer clearly remembered what I had written at the beginning. I wanted to give the story coherence, but when I reread it, I honestly didn't know what to think. Maybe I really should see a psychologist.
Because of that, I decided to rewrite everything and implement a crossover with other anime. Before, the story focused solely on Oregairu, and for that same reason, I couldn't properly think through certain scenes.
Another important change was the introduction of Raiden's unhinged friend—who, as you may have read in the previous chapter, is a bit insane.
Why introduce another reincarnated character? I'm sure it annoyed some people, or that they simply didn't like the idea—and I understand that.
Unfortunately, later on, the story reaches a point where it becomes monotonous and nothing really changes, and that's entirely due to my lack of imagination and skill.
However, after adding that lunatic, I realized I could include many more elements—such as Raiden meeting other characters. After all, she's a model, and since Raiden is her childhood friend and someone in the same situation, she won't hesitate to drag him into all kinds of trouble.
I'll try to handle it in a way that makes their interactions feel fun and complementary, as if they both turn into idiots whenever they're together.
Even so, despite all the mistakes and conveniences in my previous version (there are more to mention, but I really don't want to reread it, lol), I still feel some affection for that version.
More than anything, it helped me realize what I could improve—especially regarding the protagonist's attitude.
And that would be all for now. When I finish the next part, I'll include another comparison as well, since that section is where the changes are far more significant—almost entirely so.