"Lying here like this every day… even a healthy person would get sick," Murong Jin complained, leaning back against the headboard.
Yi sat by the window, his back to her, feet propped up on the sill. He laughed. "Who told you to charge in without thinking? You nearly got yourself killed. You know, the first time I saw you like that, I wanted to punch Xue Liulan right in the face."
"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow, amused.
"Hey? Aren't you going to ask if I actually hit him?" He turned to look at her.
"Of course you didn't. Otherwise, he'd have a bruise."
"Listening to you, it seems you haven't lost your wits in Jindu after all." Yi swung his legs down and walked over to her, his expression serious.
She met his gaze.
"Jin, do you know that if that blade had been half an inch to the side, both you and the baby would be dead?"
"The assassin's aim wasn't very good, then," she joked. But she knew. It was only because she had grabbed the blade, forcing it aside with all her strength, that she had survived.
"How can you laugh?" Yi glared at her, exasperated.
"I survived worse in Wuchuan. It's just a cut. What's the big deal?" She flexed her arm slightly, careful not to pull the stitches.
"That was then. You're pregnant now." Her nonchalance infuriated him. No wonder her father couldn't sleep at night. If the Vermilion Bird Camp knew how careless she was with her own life, they would all be here standing guard.
Her smile faltered. Her hand rested on her stomach. "He is my child. A Murong. He won't be that fragile."
"Murong Jin, you're going to be the death of me." Yi rolled his eyes. "I used to think you were settling for less by marrying Xue Liulan. Now, I think I pity him."
"Pity me for what?" A voice, warm with laughter, came from the door.
Xue Liulan walked in, still wearing his yellow court robes. He had come straight from the palace, not even stopping to change.
"Pity you for marrying such a stubborn general," Yi said with a grin. "Since you're back, my watch is over. I'm going out."
He stretched and walked past the prince. Their eyes met for a brief moment—a silent exchange, a transfer of responsibility.
"Why are you still in your court robes?" she asked lazily.
"I was afraid you'd cause more trouble and break my heart again," he teased, sitting on the edge of the bed and studying her face. "Your color is better."
"Of course it is. Ginseng, bird's nest… if I didn't look better, the imperial physicians would lose face." She reached for his hand.
He pulled back. "Cold."
"Then go warm up by the fire." Her eyes were full of happiness.
He pulled a chair up to the stove and warmed his hands, lost in thought.
"Is the palace busy with the New Year preparations?" she asked, watching his profile. He looked thinner.
"It's fine. Guo Shangzhong handles the details. Aside from discussing policy with Father, there's not much to do." He smiled, relaxed.
But she knew he was sparing her. He didn't want her to worry.
"Xue Liulan, I'm sorry," she said suddenly.
His arm froze. He turned, surprised.
"This time, I didn't consider your feelings." She watched him carefully. He had been smiling since she woke up, but that didn't mean he wasn't angry.
His smile stiffened. He looked away. "Why bring this up?"
"I just feel like you're angry." She tried to sit up.
"Don't move. The wound hasn't healed." He was at her side in an instant, gently pushing her back. "I'm not angry. Murong Jin, this isn't the first time."
His smile was tinged with sadness. It wasn't the first time. He knew that in her heart, the Murong family always came first.
"Xue Liulan." She grabbed his hand. That smile hurt her. Not a sharp pain, but a dull, persistent ache.
"I know. Your family is always first. I've seen enough to know that." He stroked her cheek. "But this time… you cared too little for yourself."
"Xue Liulan, saying that… means you are angry, doesn't it?" She held on tight.
"If I got angry every time you did something like this, I would have died of anger a year ago," he laughed softly. "Liu, Xing, Yi… and now Murong Yu. Every time, your instinct is to sacrifice yourself. Murong Jin, in your heart, in your subconscious, there is only the Murong family. And only Murong Jin."
Only Murong Jin? Did he mean she never thought of herself as his princess? Her grip loosened, her hand falling to her side.
He looked at his empty hand. "But even so, I am happy. After risking your life for your family, you can still say sorry to me. You can still remember that besides being Murong Jin, you are Xue Liulan's wife, and the mother of our son."
"I can't watch them be in danger," she whispered. "But, Xue Liulan, I won't watch you be in danger either."
"I know." He took her hand again, firm. "That's why I said I am happy."
"But that doesn't mean you are less than my family in my heart." She wanted to explain, but the words stuck in her throat.
Explain what? Since they met, she had fought for her family, and he had stood behind her, healing her wounds. She had to admit, she had never considered his feelings as much as she had this time.
He just smiled faintly, not answering. A promise like that… it didn't matter anymore.
"You don't believe me?"
He shrugged and stood. "Don't think so much. It's time for your medicine."
"I want an answer." She called out to his back. He stood straight, but didn't turn.
"Xue Liulan, I want an answer."
He hesitated, then turned with a gentle smile, walking back to hold her.
"Why won't you answer me?" she whispered, curling into him. "Is it because you don't care anymore?"
"Why must I answer?" He sighed, his lips brushing her ear.
"Because… because of the Crown Prince and my cousin." She pressed closer. "I've been thinking. I don't think the Crown Prince loved her."
"Hm?" He looked down at her, surprised.
"He loved her so much he let her kill him. And so, when she remembered his love, that late regret became a chain she can never escape." Her voice dropped.
"So?"
"So I need to know if you still care where you stand in my heart. Xue Liulan, I don't want your indifference to become my life's regret. I don't want to wake up and realize I care, only to find you watching me trap myself in pain, using your love to torture me."
Her tears fell on his hand, burning him. The room was silent, save for her quiet sobs.
After a long time, he laughed softly, tapping her nose. "Silly girl. You are my wife. Whatever you say, I believe. Besides, how could I bear to see you trapped?"
And, he thought, was my brother's love truly a chain? Or did he just want to see her smile, one last time?