"Tu Shanyan," Gustave said, spotting salvation in the form of a brightly lit vending machine across the small park, "do you see that large red box? Carry me over there."
His electromagnetic energy reserves remained critically low, but food might provide enough basic sustenance to restore minimal mobility.
"Sure!" Tu Shanyan replied with uncharacteristic obedience. She carefully lifted Gustave and carried him toward the mysterious rectangle.
"What is this strange thing?" she asked, pressing her face against the transparent surface to peer at the colorful packages visible inside.
"It's called a vending machine," Gustave explained patiently. "An automated merchant that sells food and drinks."
"But where is the shopkeeper?" Tu Shanyan demanded, circling the machine in search of hidden personnel. "How can commerce occur without people?"
"Ma chère, that's precisely why it's called an 'automatic' vending machine," Gustave said with strained patience. "Check the left pocket of my coat—there should be a wallet inside."
She obediently retrieved the leather billfold, her eyes widening at the variety of colorful banknotes within. Fortunately, Gustave's recent trip to Shin-chan's world had required currency exchange, leaving him with adequate local money.
"Find the bill marked with 'thousand,'" he instructed.
"A thousand?" Tu Shanyan squinted at the unfamiliar denominations. "These strange markings make no sense to me."
"Those 'strange markings' are numerals," Gustave sighed. "The symbols '1' and '0' together represent one thousand. Since you'll need to operate this machine, let me provide a brief mathematics lesson..."
What followed was perhaps the most surreal tutorial in Gustave's extensive teaching experience: explaining decimal notation to a supernatural fox spirit while paralyzed in a futuristic cityscape that reeked of demonic energy.
Surprisingly, Tu Shanyan proved a quick study. Her ancient intelligence, once focused, grasped numerical concepts with impressive speed.
"These numerals are remarkably efficient!" she exclaimed with genuine delight. "So much more convenient than traditional counting methods!"
If I had the strength to facepalm, Gustave thought with exasperation, I would. A thousand-year-old immortal who doesn't know basic mathematics in the twentieth century.
"Alright," he said aloud. "Now, see that small slot in the lower right corner? Insert the money there, then input the numerical code corresponding to the item you want."
Tu Shanyan fed the bill into the machine with the reverent care of someone handling sacred artifacts. Following his instructions, she entered the product code and watched in amazement as mechanical arms pushed a bag of potato chips toward the dispensing slot.
"Where did my purchase go?" she asked, pressing her nose against the glass in search of the disappeared snack.
"Look at the bottom panel," Gustave said with infinite patience. "Push it inward—you'll find a small door that opens to retrieve your items."
"Oh! Oh!" Tu Shanyan exclaimed, her vocabulary apparently reduced to expressions of wonder.
She successfully extracted the potato chips, cradling the colorful package as if it contained precious gems.
"This is incredible!" she breathed, her eyes literally sparkling with excitement. "Such ingenuity! I must convince my clan to install these devices throughout our territory!"
This fox has clearly never seen the outside world, Gustave reminded himself. Patience. She's basically a child encountering modern technology for the first time.
"Could you open those and feed me some?" he asked wearily. "My hands aren't quite functional yet."
"Oh, oh!" came the inevitable response.
Tu Shanyan carefully tore open the package, releasing an aroma of seasoned potato that made her nostrils flare with interest. She held a chip near Gustave's mouth, which he accepted gratefully.
The satisfying crunch and burst of artificial flavoring provided minimal energy, but every calorie helped toward his recovery. More importantly, he noticed Tu Shanyan unconsciously licking her lips as she watched him eat.
"The money you inserted should cover several more bags," he mentioned casually after swallowing. "The machine hasn't returned change yet, so you could purchase additional items."
Her face brightened like sunrise over mountains. "Really?"
Tu Shanyan propped Gustave carefully against the vending machine before launching into an enthusiastic shopping spree, buying bag after bag until the machine's electronic voice announced insufficient funds. Fortunately, the Gate of All Worlds had granted them universal translation abilities, allowing her to understand the automated warnings.
"What strange bird language was that?" she wondered aloud. "Yet somehow I comprehended its meaning perfectly."
She gathered her purchases—nearly a dozen bags of various snacks—and prepared to resume feeding duty.
"Since you've worked so diligently," Gustave said with apparent generosity, "you may keep one bag for yourself as payment."
Tu Shanyan's entire face lit up with joy so pure it was almost blinding. "Truly?"
"Would I deceive you about something so trivial?" Gustave replied, rolling his eyes at her childlike enthusiasm.
What had happened to the dangerous, seductive fox immortal who'd been threatening him just hours ago? This creature bouncing excitedly over potato chips seemed like an entirely different being.
"This is amazing!" she cheered, actually jumping up and down in celebration.
"Stop bouncing around and feed me first," Gustave commanded with mock severity, "or I'll revoke your snack privileges entirely."
"Yes, yes! Right away!" she said quickly, immediately returning to her caretaker duties with renewed dedication.
However, even emptying multiple bags of chips barely provided enough energy to twitch his fingers. Recognizing the need for more substantial nutrition, Gustave negotiated a new arrangement: in exchange for three bags of chips and a bottle of carbonated soda, Tu Shanyan would purchase and feed him every remaining item in the vending machine.
Since he was paying for everything while she merely operated the machinery, three bags plus a drink seemed like generous compensation for basic labor.
Tu Shanyan accepted this deal with enthusiastic agreement, systematically buying out the machine's entire inventory. Sandwiches, candy bars, energy drinks, nuts, crackers—she fed him everything with patient dedication while casting longing glances at her reserved portion.
Finally, after consuming what felt like half a convenience store, Gustave regained sufficient strength to sit upright and move his limbs with reasonable coordination.
"Finally," he sighed with relief, settling onto the park bench to rest while Tu Shanyan claimed her promised reward.
She approached her first bag of chips with the reverence of a religious ritual. Carefully tearing open the package, she extracted a single piece—golden, perfectly seasoned, and glistening under the streetlights.
The moment it touched her tongue, her expression transformed into one of transcendent bliss.
"My god," she whispered, tears actually forming in her eyes. "How can anything taste this extraordinary? I've wasted a thousand years of existence without experiencing such perfection!"
Gustave watched with amusement as the ancient fox immortal had what appeared to be a spiritual awakening over mass-produced snack food.
She then turned her attention to the bottle of carbonated drink, examining its mysterious contents with scientific curiosity.
"You mentioned I should shake this before drinking?" she asked, remembering his earlier instruction.
"Absolutely," Gustave confirmed with completely straight-faced sincerity. "Vigorous shaking greatly enhances the flavor. The more you shake it, the better it tastes."
"Really?" Tu Shanyan asked, though she clearly trusted his expertise on modern cuisine.
"Would I mislead you about something so important?" he replied innocently.
Tu Shanyan proceeded to shake the bottle with the enthusiasm of someone mixing a magical potion, the carbonation building pressure until the plastic container felt rock-hard in her grasp.
"It seems... different somehow," she observed, noting the violent fizzing inside.
"That's exactly what you want to see," Gustave assured her. "Now twist off the cap and enjoy your reward."
Without the slightest suspicion, Tu Shanyan unscrewed the bottle top.
BOOM!
Pressurized soda exploded outward like a geyser, drenching her face, hair, and robes in sticky brown liquid.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Gustave collapsed against the bench, holding his stomach as laughter wracked his recovering body. "You should see your expression!"
Tu Shanyan stood frozen in shock, cola dripping from her chin while her brain processed what had just occurred. The combination of her bewildered expression and the sticky mess covering her dignified features was absolutely priceless.
After over a millennium of existence, the proud six-tailed fox immortal had just been completely fooled by a basic prank involving carbonated beverages.
Sometimes the simplest victories were the sweetest.
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