Ben had done it.
He had said the words. Even now, they echoed in his head with the weight of a thousand emotions. A confession he never intended to make. A risk he swore he'd never take. But Sean's words had gnawed at him since yesterday–
"Why decide it's impossible before even trying? Regret sucks more than rejection."
So he tried.
And now, he stood frozen in the silence, heart in his throat, staring at Daniel's face, waiting.
Daniel was staring at him blankly before tilting his head. "Huh? How does liking me become a serious issue?"
Ben's breath caught. That wasn't just confusion.
"Hyung," he asked softly, "you understood what I said, right?"
Daniel blinked at him before breaking into a smile. "Of course I did! I mean, okay, not to brag, but I am popular, you know. Lots of people like me."
Ben stared.
No. No way.
He doesn't think… does he?
Ben hesitated. "That's not what I meant."
Daniel made a show of offense. "Don't tell me you thought I hated you or something?" He flicked Ben's forehead lightly. "Baboya. Why would I hate you? Aren't you my friend?" [Idiot]
Ben's heart dropped. His breath came in short, stunned puffs. Daniel really didn't understand.
"Are you seriously not getting what I'm telling you right now?"
Daniel's smile faltered. He looked genuinely confused now. "Did I mess something up?"
Ben stared at him. He could tell that Daniel wasn't trying to be difficult or hurt him. But that only made it worse.
"I–has no one ever shown interest in you before?" Ben asked, more to himself than Daniel. His voice cracked with the weight of disbelief.
Daniel gave a nervous laugh. "Loads of people, actually. I mean, I've got fans. People leave comments, give me flowers sometimes; one time, someone sent me a rice cooker. That was really sweet."
Ben stood still. He even forgot to blink.
He was actually witnessing what Terrence told him months ago with his own two eyes: Daniel's mythical level of obliviousness.
"You could confess right to Daniel hyung's face and he still wouldn't get it."
"The guy's clueless. Girls and some guys confessed to him all the time, and he just… never noticed."
He was right. This wasn't just a little slow on the uptake. Daniel wasn't just confused.
He was actually legendarily clueless.
Ben's stomach dropped. A creeping sense of dread welled up in his chest.
Did he seriously not know? Does he not understand how people see him? Does he not realize how ridiculously attractive he is? How can someone in their twenties be this clueless about romance?
Daniel's voice cut through the haze. "Ben-ah? You okay?"
Ben turned to him with the expression of a man witnessing the collapse of civilization.
"Were you always this big of a moron?"
Daniel gasped. "Excuse you?! I'm not dumb."
Ben ran a hand over his face, exasperated. "You could've fooled me."
Daniel looked even more puzzled, brows furrowed. "Are you sick or something? What's–?"
Ben snapped. He grabbed Daniel's wrist and pulled him closer.
"Alright. I'll spell it out," he muttered.
He leaned in closer till he was face-to-face with Daniel and whispered, his breath trembling,
"Hyung, I desire you."
Daniel blinked. A slow, mischievous smile spread on his face.
"Oh! Like you want to be like me?" he chuckled, heartily, "Actually, I always tell people to find their own style, but I guess I am kinda–"
"NOT LIKE THAT."
Daniel stopped talking instantly. The silence that followed was deafening.
Ben's voice trembled with frustration and exhaustion. "I don't want to be like you. I WANT you. I'm not happy being just friends."
Daniel stood frozen. His brows slowly knit together with deeper confusion. Ben saw the dawning of nothing in his eyes. It was like talking to a beautiful, but emotionally inaccessible wall.
His heart, once pounding with hope and dread, now throbbed with humiliation. He had laid himself bare, put his feelings on the line, only for Daniel not to even recognize them.
Ben let go of his wrist, stepping back. His voice cracked. "I–I can't. I need to go."
And with that, Ben turned and walked off, fists clenched, leaving Daniel in the dust of his own confusion.
***
The Next Day
Ben hadn't slept. He'd tossed and turned, but his brain refused to shut off. It kept replaying the confession, Daniel's clueless face, and the weight of all the things left unsaid. And when he finally did drift off, it wasn't relief that met him. It was worse. His thoughts bled into messy, heated dreams tangled in the shape of Daniel. He woke up with a gasp, the taste of frustration heavy in his chest, and a shame that clung like sweat. It was like his body had chosen Daniel without his permission. He buried his face in his pillow and screamed silently into the void.
When morning came, he braced for awkwardness, tension, anything.
From inside the studio, Ben could hear the muffled sound of laughter and chatter. Peeking through the glass, he saw Daniel just outside, surrounded again by a small crowd of admirers. A mix of guys and girls clung to his every word, eyes sparkling like he was the sun incarnate. Daniel grinned, clearly enjoying the attention, but after a few seconds, he waved both hands cheerfully.
"Alright, alright! I need to practice now," he said, already backing away. "Talk to you all later!"
The crowd groaned, but he flashed his signature smile, tossed a wink at someone, and slipped through the studio doors.
"Good moooorning!" Daniel sang as he spun into the dance studio like a human ray of sunshine. "Ahhh~ I slept so well! Who missed me?"
Ben stared at him in disbelief.
Is this man for real?
Kai squinted. "Don't you always sleep well?"
Daniel gasped, clutching his invisible pearls. "Are you implying I'm lazy?!"
"Yes," Kai said flatly.
Terrence snorted. Ben tried to join in, but failed. Ben couldn't tell if he was relieved or in hell. Daniel looked as casual as ever. There wasn't even a hint of recognition in his eyes.
Did he just block the memory from his mind like a traumatized squirrel?
Daniel glanced at him briefly, opened his mouth, and Ben tensed, but right then, Kai grabbed his arm and declaimed like a man in a Shakespearean tragedy, "Bennie! Where are the legendary Polaroids you defended with your life last time?"
Terrence groaned, "What an old soul."
Ben rolled his eyes. "What would you know about the beauty of tangible memories?"
Sean appeared out of nowhere and slumped beside him.
"Don't tell me you're anti-Polaroid, too," Ben snapped.
Sean blinked. "I find them inefficient."
"Unbelievable."
Daniel spun on his heel with a flourish. "Don't worry, Bennie, we totally won't laugh."
Ben, more sensitive to Daniel's presence than ever, shifted uncomfortably. He was sure Daniel didn't remember, but still, the weight of last evening lingered.
Terrence eyed him. Sean raised an eyebrow. Even Kai paused, sensing something off. Ben quickly shoved a small stack of Polaroids into Kai's hand, hoping to deflect.
It worked.
Kai grinned. "Whoa. These are amazing. You have an eye for this, Bennie. I guess I can trust you with my professional cam after all. We're putting you on camera duty for NDC from now on."
Sean flipped through the stack silently.
Terrence smirked. "Your face is such a cheat code. You could wear a trash bag and it'd still look like fashion."
Ben flushed. "Shut up."
Daniel leaned over, pointing. "Ooh, who's this?"
Ben looked. "That's Mika. My high school friend from Japan. She is the one I told you about, the one who taught me modern dance."
Kai nudged him. "Friend, huh? You sure?"
Ben raised an eyebrow. "What else would she be?"
Terrence grinned. "Wouldn't be surprised if you guys dated."
Ben's heart skipped. They hadn't dated. Mika had been a friend… with benefits. It was mutual. No strings attached. But still, not something he could talk about proudly in front of this group of chaos.
Especially not in front of Daniel. He risked a glance at him. He was laughing and teasing, completely nonchalant.
Daniel could understand the idea of Ben being involved romantically with someone else. Yet, not understand when it comes to Ben romantically liking him? Not once had the possibility crossed his mind? Ben turned away, heart heavy, the ache dull and sharp all at once.