There's this anime I watched a few years ago.
I still remember everything about it. The opening song. The quiet scenes. The way the main character looked out of the train window like he was searching for something he didn't understand yet. I remember the color of the sky in episode seven. I remember the final line of dialogue.
It wasn't just a show.
It got me through middle school.
Back then, I didn't really have friends. Not the kind you sit next to at lunch. Not the kind who wait for you after class. I walked home alone. I ate alone. I got used to the sound of my own footsteps.
I didn't hate it.
Because online... I wasn't alone.
Online, I was "Harutoast."
Yeah. I thought that was genius at the time.
Behind a username, I was loud. I argued about plot twists. I ranked openings. I stayed up way too late debating manga endings with strangers who somehow understood me better than people sitting next to me in class ever did.
Anime. Manga. Light novels. Gacha games. Card collections.
That world made sense to me.
And somehow, one of those online friends ended up in the same school as me.
Riku.
Three years of knowing someone through a screen. That's kind of sugoi, right? That means "amazing." I Googled it back then because I didn't trust myself to remember.
Three years is a long time.
And then there's Yamamoto Kenji.
He's kind of a tsundere. Emotionally constipated. But I like being around him. He's quiet, but not in a boring way.
Sometimes I wonder if I annoy him.
Sometimes I feel like we're good friends.
Sometimes I feel like he wishes I'd shut up.
I don't really know which one is true.
And now...
"Sakura and Kudo."
I stare at the paper like it just sentenced me to death.
Sakura.
The social one. The glowing one.
We have to fill out the partner assignment together.
I've never talked to a girl properly in my life.
Alright, Haruto. You've got this.
Just walk up to her. Be normal. Ask her to meet up.
Nonononononono.
She probably already likes you. Just act cool.
Shut up.
Encouraging myself like this doesn't help. It just makes my heartbeat louder.
Break time.
This is it.
I stand up. My legs feel tense. I walk toward her desk like I'm walking toward a boss fight without saving first.
She's sitting there. Head slightly tilted.
She looks... calm. I guess?
"U-um... h-hey Sakura. We got paired up, huh?"
No response.
"...Sakura?"
Still nothing.
This is how I die.
One of the girls next to her notices me and taps her shoulder. Sakura turns, smiling at her first, then follows her gesture toward me.
Her eyes widen slightly.
Oh.
Headphones.
She pulls one side off.
"Oh! Hi!"
Why is she so bright.
"H-hi..."
Say something normal. Be normal.
"So like... we got paired up in this project..."
"Yes!" she nods. "Oh right. I actually can't do it today or tomorrow. I have some stuff I need to take care of. But in two days I'm free."
She says it casually. Like this isn't a life-changing event for me.
Focus. Face. Eye contact.
Maintain eye contact.
Maintain eye—
My eyes drop.
Just for a second.
It's not even on purpose. It's instinct. Like gravity.
And then I realize.
Abort. Abort. Return to base.
I snap my gaze back up and she's staring at me. Not angry. Just confused. Slightly surprised.
Did she notice?
Of course she noticed. She's not blind.
My brain begins emergency procedures.
Compliment. Distract. Survive.
"Y-you've got a nice camera."
Smooth. Incredible. Elite recovery.
She laughs softly.
"Thank you. I really like this one. I have a few more at my dorm."
Dorm.
"So uh... about the project... when exactly?"
"Evening in two days works. And you can just come to my dorm. It's easier there."
My brain disconnects from my body.
A girl.
Inviting me.
To her dorm.
This is not anime.
In anime, this is the part where the opening theme starts playing.
In real life, my heart just starts beating so hard I'm worried she can hear it.
I nod too fast.
"Y-yeah. Sure."
And then.
Because my brain hates me.
I glance down again.
Just a flicker.
This time she notices.
Her eyebrow lifts slightly.
She tilts her head a little.
"You okay?"
I feel my soul leave my body.
"Y-yeah. Just tired."
She smiles again, but there's something amused in it now. Like she knows exactly what happened and is choosing to spare me.
"Oh, you didn't get sleep?"
"No..."
That part was true. I didn't get any sleep last night.
I spent all that time. watching a really long anime.
"Well, after school you should go get some rest," she said gently.
"Y-yeah... I will. Thank you..."
"See ya."
"See you..."
She smiled.
She actually smiled at me.
The moment I stepped outside the classroom, my brain completely shut down.
Why did she invite me to her dorm?
Her dorm.
'Just us alone??'
My heart started beating like I had just run a marathon. There was no way she meant it like that... right? Maybe she just wanted a cozy place. Yeah. That sounds normal. Completely normal.
Still...
I immediately grabbed my phone and called Riku.
He picked up after three rings.
"RIKU!"
"What?? Why are you screaming?? Did your gacha account get banned?"
"No! I made it! I'm leaving the server."
"What server?"
"The single-for-life server!"
There was silence on the other end.
"...Explain."
"I have a girlfriend."
"Impossible + body pillows don't count."
"It IS possible + it does count... But this time it's a real human girl, I'm telling you!"
"Oh? A real human girl? In this economy? Okay then, who?"
"Sakura."
"Who?"
"You don't know Sakura?"
"Sakura?"
"Yes."
"...Who's that?"
"Just come to my class and see for yourself!"
He sighed dramatically. "If this is a prank, I'm uninstalling you."
A few minutes later, Riku arrived, still holding a half-eaten convenience store sandwich.
"Alright," he said, scanning the hallway. "Where is she?"
"In class. We have to enter. She sits in the front row."
"Front row? Of course she does."
"What does that mean?"
"It means she's either super smart or the main character."
We walked in.
The classroom felt ten times louder than usual. Or maybe that was just my heartbeat.
Riku looked around.
Then his eyes landed on her.
Sakura was sitting near the window, sunlight hitting her hair, talking softly with another girl. She laughed.
Riku leaned closer and whispered, "Is that her?"
"Yes..."
He stared for a few seconds longer.
Then he straightened up like he was about to negotiate a peace treaty.
He walked forward before I could stop him.
"Hi, are you Sakura by any chance?"
She looked up.
"Oh! Hi, yes I am. What's your name?"
"I'm Riku from Class D."
"Oh, nice to meet you!"
"I have to ask you a question."
"Sure, ask anything."
He took a dramatic breath.
"Are you Haruto's girlfriend?"
And he said it loud enough for at least half the class to hear.
My soul left my body.
Before Sakura could even process what he said, I shoved Riku to the side and dragged him out of the classroom.
"What are you DOING?!" I whisper-yelled.
"S-s-sorry, he's dumb!" I shouted quickly toward Sakura.
She was frozen.
Her face turned bright red.
"W-What...?" she muttered softly, clearly caught off guard.
Other students started murmuring.
"Girlfriend?"
"This guy?"
"No way."
I felt like I had just activated a school-wide announcement system.
I grabbed Riku by the collar and practically flew out of the classroom.
Once we were in the hallway, I released him.
"Are you insane?!" I hissed.
"What? I was confirming the data."
"That's not how you confirm things!"
He crossed his arms. "So... is she?"
I froze.
"...I mean... she invited me to her dorm."
Riku blinked.
"...You're either winning in life or about to die."
"I'm winning," I said confidently.
"You're delusional."
"I'm not delusional. She literally invited me to her dorm."
"Yes," Riku said slowly. "For a school project."
"Projects lead to emotional bonding."
"That sounds like something you learned from anime."
"It works in anime."
"This is real life."
I crossed my arms.
"You're just jealous."
Riku took another bite of his sandwich like he had all the time in the world.
"Alright," he said after chewing. "Let's assume you are not hallucinating. Let's assume Sakura actually likes you."
"See? Finally."
He raised a finger.
"Even if that miracle somehow happened, you still have a problem."
"What problem?"
"You don't know how to kiss."
My brain stopped.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"Why are we talking about that?!"
Riku looked genuinely confused.
"How did you expect this situation to progress?"
"I don't know! I didn't think that far!"
"That much is obvious."
He leaned against the wall like a teacher explaining something very basic.
"Think about it. If she actually becomes your girlfriend, eventually she will want a kiss."
My heart skipped a beat.
"That's... a big assumption."
"Is it?"
"Yes!"
"You just told me she invited you to her dorm."
"That is still a project environment."
"Sure."
Riku nodded like he understood everything.
"So when the moment happens, what are you going to do?"
"What moment?"
"The moment."
"What moment?"
"The moment where she leans closer."
My brain began overheating.
"I don't know!"
"Exactly."
He pointed at me.
"You are unprepared."
I rubbed my face.
"So what am I supposed to do? Study a tutorial?"
"You practice."
I slowly lowered my hands.
"...Practice?"
"Yes."
"Practice on what?"
Riku thought about it for a moment.
"Well, you could practice on something."
"Like what?"
He lowered his voice.
"...Or someone."
I nearly choked.
"WHAT?"
"Relax," he said calmly. "I'm just listing possibilities."
"That is NOT a possibility!"
"Fine."
He shrugged.
"You could practice on a pillow."
I blinked.
"Oh."
He waited.
"That's actually a good idea."
His eyes narrowed.
"...Wait."
I scratched the back of my head.
"I already did that."
Silence.
Riku slowly lowered his sandwich.
He looked at me like he had just discovered a new species.
"...You practiced kissing your body pillow."
"Technically yes."
He sighed deeply.
"You're cooked for life."
I frowned.
"So mean."
"No," he said. "That's a scientific observation."
I leaned against the wall, trying to regain my dignity.
"At least I'm prepared."
"You're not prepared," he replied.