Chapter 16
NARCISSA BLACK
Choice.
Narcissa had long convinced herself that she had lost her power of choice years ago. She thought it a consequence of the privilege afforded to her as a daughter of House Black. Her entire future had been decided for her.
Her House had been chosen for her even before she had set foot at Hogwarts, and the same could be said for the rest of her life as well. Her marriage was decided by her father, and the whims of Lucius Malfoy would live the rest of her life.
It was not a fate unknown to those born in the pureblood society. So, Narcissa had long taken any prospect of choice from herself, as she let herself wade through life, like a log floating on water.
Yet now, for the first time in life, she was given a choice. A choice to continue living like this, and let her life be dictated to her, or to defy the norms and traditions being thrust upon her, and live a life of her own.
The former was far easier. And even now, she could see her future with a second of thought, yet the latter choice was filled with uncertainty and difficulties. But all of those uncertainties and difficulties would be of her choosing. Her life, miserable or happy, would be her own, and not her parents.
"Pandora. Pandora," and it was those words that broke her out of her trance, as she was reminded of just where exactly she stood.
"Yes," she called out, as she pulled herself back from her thoughts, she stared at the boy standing in front of him, smiling at her as she embarrassed herself for the dozenth time.
"I just have a lot on my mind," she whispered back, as she pulled her wand back again.
"Let me try again," and while she was progressing nicely in other directions, she had joined this club for one purpose. One desire.
The Patronus charm. For decades, people had taken to calling their families dark and evil, believing them to be incapable of magics such as the patronus spell. Even now, in all her friends and family, she knew of no one who could cast that spell, and so she had chosen that to differentiate herself.
Watching boys and girls in their third year doing the charm had made her think that she would be able to use it as well, but in the end, it was easier said than done. And now, even a few months later, the spell continued to evade her as she whipped the wand and cast once more.
"Expecto Patronum!" and she bit her lip, trying to force out the spell, yet all that came out was a wisp of white mist that did nothing, except deprive her of what little strength she had.
"That is enough," Alder's voice made her stop her efforts as she heaved and pulled back her wand in anger and frustration.
"No," she bit her lip, and began to shake her hand.
"Let me try again," she offered, but the green-eyed boy was there standing above her as he shook his head.
"I think you have done enough for the day," he spoke kindly, and the disappointment hit her hard.
"I can do it," and he reached into his pocket and offered her some chocolate.
"Not like this," he said, much to her dismay, and she knew better than to dispute him, as he motioned for the benches placed against the walls, and she plopped down and put the chocolate in her mouth, and felt a warmth fill her body. A warmth she did not know she needed so much.
It had been more than two months now since she had first set foot in the classroom. Initially, she had been filled with fear and trepidation, but now it was the only thing she had to look forward to for the whole week. This one hour of freedom, where she did not have to pretend that everything in her life was fine.
"It seems like they were right," she whispered as she stared at her wand.
"We are evil," and the boy beside her frowned as he asked.
"Why do you say that?" Alder Evans asked, as he sipped his water, and she raised a brow.
"It's been months," she complained.
"I have seen second years make more progress than I have in this time. At this rate, it seems I will never be able to cast a patronus," and he chuckled at her dilemma, oblivious to the war that was being fought inside her.
"If we began to call every witch and wizard who couldn't cast a Patronus evil, then you would have to put nearly eighty percent of this school in Azkaban," yet that number would include nearly all of her Housemates.
"The Patronus is hard to master for anyone. You are simply being too hard on yourself," and he put the bottle beside him, as Narcissa complained.
"Then why can't I do it. I have read the theory. You checked my wand movements yourself, and I know my enunciations are correct as well," and he was staring at her now, his eyes focused on her as Narcissa rambled on.
"Tell me why?"
"Because you are not using the right memory," he answered, and she frowned.
"What memory, or thought, do you use to cast the spell?" he asked, and she waited for a second before she answered him.
"It's my birthday," her eleventh birthday to be exact, when she had first gotten her wand and both Andy and Bella had then taught her first spell. It was a special moment for her, but was it special enough?
"Does that memory fill you with warmth and positive emotions when you think of it?" he asked. Although it made her happy, the memory didn't evoke any warmth or happiness.
"Patronus is a very tricky spell in the sense that it requires brutal honesty. You cannot fool it with fake happiness. The spell feeds off of your happiness and joy, and you cannot fool those things," and then what else was she to use?
"What do you use?" she asked, hoping to get some inspiration, and it was a rather personal question.
"I apologise for prying if it's too personal…"
"The first time I used magic," he answered as she found herself rather surprised.
"What? But that's so…"
"Normal. Simple," he finished her words with a subtle smile, as she nodded in some embarrassment.
"To you, maybe, for you have grown up in a world filled with magic. It is what bothers me about this society as a whole, for all of you take magic for granted. You think of it as a surety, and accept its limitations and laws and forget that nothing about it is normal," and his voice grew heated as he spoke of magic, just as it had during their first lesson.
"Magic is anything but mundane. It's a miracle," and he held up his hand, and an orb of light formed on it, and then began to change color.
"It's lawlessness and irrationality given name, and yet everyone here is simply too busy playing politics and games with one another. Half-blood, pure-blood, mud-blood," and hearing that word out of his mouth took her by surprise.
"None of that matters, for in the end, each and every one of us is special. We have given the power to magnificent things, yet we chose to focus all our attention towards violence and discrimination," and he sighed, as he clicked his fingers and the orb of light transformed into a small little bird, and then flew away as he light.
"We can be so much more," and it was sobering hearing those words, for he was right. Narcissa hardly ever thought of magic as a blessing. She just thought of it as a surety. As her right, but it was not her right.
The Earth had over several billion people, and yet amongst those people, she was amongst the chosen few who were given this gift, and yet what was she doing with it? What was she doing with her life?
She looked up and saw her sister laughing in the body of Carina Dubov, laughing as she stood along the wall with Ted Tonks, and in all her life, she had never seen Andy laugh like that, and then she began to wonder.
Had she ever laughed so carelessly? Did she have someone whose mere presence made her eyes light up as Andy's did when she was beside Tonks? Did her sister have the same troubles as her with the Patronus?
"Can she do it?" she asked, and he nodded.
"Yes, she can," and she should have expected nothing less from her, yet the answer made her feel even less special than before.
"I was thinking. Tomorrow's a Hogsmeade weekend, isn't it?" Suddenly, Evans popped the question, and she felt her heart stir as she nodded.
"Yes," she told him, and she could sense his hesitation as he looked her in the eye.
"Do you have any idea if Narcissa Black has any plans for the day?" and for a second, the words failed to register, and when they did, along with their implication, she couldn't believe them.
"No, she does not," she answered, despite all her instincts screaming at her not to utter those words.
"Then would she mind joining me?" he asked, and this was it. This was her time to make a choice. A choice whether she wanted to live her life as she had until now, or accept the possibility of change, despite the reckoning it may bring.
She found her eyes drifting towards her sister once more, and a dozen other couples in the room, all laughing, and she wondered if she deserved it as well. Did she have the courage to want that for herself as well.
And her fists balled up, as silence reigned in between them, and she saw those green eyes dull, as Alder's smile shifted.
"I apologise for aski…."
"She does," she cut in, not letting him finish.
"She has the time…."
0000
SIRIUS BLACK
Sirius was shaken. It had been a great shock when he had found out that he was not the only rebel in his family. Despite their less-than-ideal upbringing, there were others in his family who did not blindly follow the dogma that had been thrust onto them by their families.
He had not been very close to his cousins, and so he was surprised when he saw Andy's and Narcissa's names on the map, but over the week, he had followed them a bit more, and despite their struggles, he had seen the signs.
The subtle glances. The tersed lips. And those hidden smiles and whispers. It was difficult to spot them, but once he had seen them, he knew that things between Andy and Tonks were far more advanced than he had thought.
It was something that mattered much, given that his cousin was to wed Rebastan Lestrange in a few years. And he wondered what she had thought about that?
And as he reeled from that shock, he found himself following Alder's advice, as he sifted through the names within that classroom once again during the next meetup, and found quite a few surprised.
But none greater than one singular name. A name that he had chosen to ignore for years.
Regulus Arcturus Black.
He could hardly believe his eyes at first and had thought the map faulty until James assured him that there was nothing wrong with it. That name on the map was true, just like the rest, that his brother was indeed there in that classroom.
Yet what was more surprising was that he was friends with him. Elliot Moore was a brilliant boy from Hufflepuff who would often even join their group during the session. He was plump and shy, yet had an intuitive understanding of magic that few ever did.
And of course, he would, after all, he was his brother.
It had been years since he had thought of Regulus, and ever since his mother had kicked him out of their House, Sirius had hardly looked back, both in fear and anger as he chose to abandon his entire family and past.
He had chosen to ignore his brother, refusing to admit his existence. And why wouldn't he? After all, Regulus was always the good boy of the family. The obedient and subservient son follows their parents' instructions like a good little boy.
Yet now he was learning that it was all a ruse.
"You need to talk to him," James whispered as they stood in the tunnels, broomsticks in hand, draped in Quidditch gear, as they prepared to head out onto the field for the first match of the season.
"And how am I supposed to do that?" Sirius whispered back, as they waited for the announcer to call them out.
"Hi, I know I have ignored you for years, but I want to talk to you about something," he pretended as James shrugged.
"Well, if you want to send him a love letter and ask him out on a date like you do with the girls, it's your prerogative. But I must warn you inces…." And he hit him in the stomach, as the blue-eyed boy laughed.
"Be serious," and James was not done, as Sirius rolled his eyes.
"But I thought you were Sirius," and he had walked into that one, as James laughed, though seeing his face, he held back his laughter and added once again.
"You just have to do it," and he was right. However, he would much rather face off against McKinnon than this. James was right. This had to be done.
"Still, I have to give it to you, you Blacks are filled with Black sheep," and he eyed the boy, for that was a rather good joke, as James shrugged.
"I am just telling it as it is," and then their names were called out, and they all rushed out amidst a great cheer, and the Slyhterin team was already in the air, yet his eyes turned towards their young Seeker, as he found Regulus staring down at him.
Grey met grey, but his brother evaded his gaze as they all flew into the air as well, and took their positions.
"WELL THEN, LET US BEGIN THE COUNTDOWN!"
"Ok, then I want you to forget about all your family drama for the next half an hour," added James from the side as they waited for the whistle to start the match.
"I have a date with Lily riding on this match, and there is no way in hell that I am going to lose," James added, and he eyed the stands and saw the redhead cheering them on, with a red and gold muffler around her neck.
His eyes, though, lingered more on the brown-haired girl beside her, looking straight at him, and as McKinnon saw him looking in her direction, she made a face at him, and Sirius chuckled.
"So, you with me, Black?" James asked, his tone and demeanor as serious as they had ever been.
"Yeah, I am with you…"
FEEEP! FEEEEP!
"AND WE ARE OFF!"
0000
As always, you can read ahead and support me through my Patre 0n. Your support and patr 0nage are what make all this possible. So drop a sub if you can. It would mean a lot to me.
www.Patre 0n.com/Drkest
Have a fantastic day!