We have Holt sibling pictures!
Top 10 reasons why your friends are keeping secrets from you.
Zay woke up from what felt like a coma to see Ezekiel's very worried face hovering above him. He tried for a smile. "Hey, bro."
Ezekiel jumped at the sound of his voice and then sighed. "Holy crap, man. You scared the hell out of me."
Zay pulled a hand out from beneath the covers and squeezed Ezekiel's fingers. "I'm okay."
"You slept like the dead! For three days!" Poor Ezekiel must have been stressed out of his mind, which was bad for him and his baby.
Zay grimaced and apologized, "Yeah, sorry. My consciousness kinda just vacates my body during heat. I'm surprised Camille didn't tell you that."
Ezekiel sighed again. "He might've mentioned it. I guess I just forgot." He tapped his fingers against Zay's hand. "I was worried, you know. Some dude I've never met shows up with you and tells us you got jumped and you're just totally out of it the whole time. Wouldn't you be worried?"
Zay squeezed Ezekiel's hand again. "I would be. I'm not mad that you were worried. You're a great brother."
"I don't think so," Ezekiel muttered, looking away. "I wasn't there when you needed me before, and now I'm useless. What kind of brother am I if I can't help you?"
Zay pushed himself up to sit against the headboard. "You love me, Kiel, and that's enough. I don't need you to be the big brother all the time. Sometimes it's just nice to have a friend."
"I should've just stayed."
Zay raised an eyebrow. "Stayed? On the farm?"
Ezekiel nodded. "Then we wouldn't be in any of this mess."
"You can't think like that, Kiel. If we had stayed there, we wouldn't have met Noah or Camille or Sario or Luca." Or Pandi, he mentally added. "They're all good people and great friends. Where do you think we'd be without them?"
Ezekiel shrugged, but his intensely blue eyes still held fear. With everything he had gone through, it was unlikely he would ever be truly free of trauma-born paranoia, but it was sad to see him so anxious. "I don't know. The world's a cruel place, so I doubt that we would've just lived out our lives in peace."
"I certainly wouldn't have. Can you imagine marrying a girl?" Zay overexaggerated his gagging, but the thought really did make him nauseous.
Ezekiel shrugged again. "I could've managed. But the real kicker would've been when people started questioning why we weren't having kids."
Zay put his hand on Ezekiel's elbow. "If our parents wouldn't be horrified at how gay we both are, they'd be so proud that you've had so many kids."
Ezekiel frowned down at where his fingers were interlocked in front of him. "Most of those kids are in the foster care system now, you know. The moms didn't want them anymore once they found out who their husbands had slept with to get those kids. Camille, Noah, and I are trying to figure out a way to get them. I hate their fathers, but they deserve my love since they're my kids too." He picked at one of his nails. "The older ones probably know what happened, so I don't know how well I'll even be able to handle meeting them."
Zay tightened his grip. "Kiel, you're strong. You'll handle it gently and gracefully, just like you always do."
Ezekiel smiled faintly. "Thanks." He pulled his elbow from Zay's grasp. "I'll tell Camille and Noah you're awake. Stay in bed and rest as much as you need to." He left the room and shut the door, leaving it open a small crack.
Zay dropped his head back against the headboard and stared up at the ceiling. He wanted to get up, do things, but his heats, though they were not horrible, left him weak. It was best for him to stay in bed. He would have to really whip himself into shape once he could stand up again.
Sarai would definitely help with that. She was probably putting together an updated training schedule for him right now.
He grabbed his phone off the bedside table where it was charging and texted her to let her know he would be a few more days recovering. He hit the back arrow and stared at his chat with Pandi before clicking into it and typing almost the same message he had sent to Sarai. He sent it, not expecting a reply for a while since it was a weekday, and was surprised when his dim screen lit up with Pandi's text.
That's good. How are you feeling?
Zay hesitated and then typed back: Honestly? Pretty shitty. Heats are like that, you know. Thanks for bringing me back home, btw.
Dots danced and then: Of course. You weren't safe. I was happy to help.
I'm sorry I'm not there.
Don't be sorry. I'm managing just fine by myself.
Not about that, tho you probably do need help.
Wdym?
Zay sighed and typed: I promised to talk with you on Monday. And it's Tuesday now.
There was a blank silence before Pandi replied: That's okay. Take your time recovering. I'll still be here when you get back. It's not like I'm going to disappear all of a sudden.
Zay exhaled a long breath, relieved that Pandi was not mad. Thanks.
No problem. See you soon :)
Zay set his phone down on the bedside table and resumed staring at the ceiling. He knew it was going to be a long couple days.
And it was. Ezekiel and Camille both made sure he rested, one a little more reluctantly than the other, but they both obviously cared about him even though Ezekiel seemed to be having a hard time showing it.
Now that Zay thought about it, his brother had probably had an anxiety attack when Pandi had told them how Zay had almost been raped. Ezekiel's personal experience with that had been hellish, to say the least. And Zay did not even know everything that had happened to Ezekiel in the thirteen years Ezekiel had been kept as a prisoner of a man so horrible that words failed to describe what he had put Ezekiel through. Ezekiel would probably never recover, not completely, and he would likely never trust anyone outside their little friend group.
"Hey, Kiel?"
"What? It's the second day. I think you can get stuff yourself now."
Zay smiled from where he lay on the couch with his book. "I'm not asking you to get me anything. I just wanna talk."
Ezekiel turned around, his arms folded above his rounded stomach. "Talk?" he asked, sounding skeptical. "About what?"
"I was thinking, I don't know, that you might benefit from…therapy?" Zay watched, cataloguing each micro reaction from Ezekiel.
First he was scared with widened eyes, then angry with narrowed eyes and a small scowl, and then something in between fear and acceptance with slightly widened eyes but a perfectly blank face. "Therapy?" His voice was tentative, unsure like he always seemed to be now. Where was the boy who had secretly gone out and gotten his ears pierced and managed to hide it from their parents until he ran away to the city? Dead, probably, back in that basement Luca had said they had found Ezekiel in. "What for?"
Zay half sat up, bracing himself with his elbows. "Kiel, you have trauma. A lot of it. I think you might be less afraid if you talked through it all with someone who's not in our friend group. Someone outside the situation who can offer you a different perspective."
Ezekiel frowned, but he was not saying no. He was considering it. After a while, he asked, "Like who?"
"Normally I'd recommend Pandi cause I know he's kind and thoughtful, but he might be a little too close to us for you. I don't know. That's ultimately your choice."
"Pandi's the guy who brought you home on Saturday, right?"
Zay nodded. "He's incredibly supportive. I haven't talked to him in an official therapy session, but you get the sense even in normal conversation that he's paying attention and he genuinely wants to help you however he can."
Ezekiel bit his lip and ran it between his teeth for a minute before saying, "I'll try it. But only if you make the appointment for me. I hate talking on the phone."
Zay laughed a little. "Fair enough. Just text me the times you're available and I'll put you in the schedule when I'm back at work tomorrow." Tomorrow. Why was he both looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time?