Long time no see rotten tomato.
Waiting for then at the entrance of the guild was a man Crim was way too familiar while Aqua couldn't remember him in the least. The man unlike his previous bandit appearance stood wearing quality white trousers with a long white overcoat and a topnotch hat and moccasins. All white and adorned with golden tread edges designs. He however sported the coat front open and no undershirt, flaunting his well tone pecs and abdomen. He brought a tobacco to his mouth and a bodyguard by his side lights it up for him.
Well, if it hasn't been a while, how about some catching up. While you were out committing your mugging delinquency and your girlfriend drinking your money. I invested in the property of a mine that turned out to hold ores upon ores of adamantine and became filthy rich overnight.
Oh, so you're inflating yourself for me. How kind of you. [Aptitude]
Ahahahahaha! Not at all my snotty brat. I've spent this entire morning pigging up on the richest dishes this world has to offer, and I reached a whooping level eleven in a day. I also hope you noticed the company too.
I did, so you're here for revenge. Then come.
Ahahahahaha! Rich, that's so rich. Or should I say dirt poor coming from you. Unlike you no good delinquent, I have a future now. And I won't have it ruined by beating a man I can't really prove his involvement on a crime. [Walks over, places hand on Crim shoulder, malicious tone] So I came here to say hi, and let you know I'll be going on an enthusiastic stroll around the alleys tonight. Enjoy watching your girlfriend drink your miserable pocket change. [Leaves laughing with bodyguards]
What was that all about?
Is just an idiot begging for his beating. Forget about him.
Crim and Aqua walked inside the guild and Luna shouted at him to get out like the bad dog he was. He was hoping the completion of a job and her understaffed circumstances would allow him to walk inside to nab the reward before Aqua.
Aw common now. Can you just let go of this already?
I did just this morning, and I regretted it immediately. So I learned my lesson.
Sheesh this lonely woman.
What was that? You want a bounty placed on your head you said?
The quest has been accomplished.
Oh, lady Aqua, here's the reward as promised.
Awesome. I like some Patron and the most juiciest beef you have, and some lobster while you're at it, some frog meat and in plenty, some blueberry pie along with a cheesecake, some Caesar salad to pick in the meantime and some Henessy XO to take home. I'll order the rest as I go.
Hey, what the hell is all that food for? Some of that's for me, right?
With pleasure lady Aqua. [Sadistic smile]
This is bullshit, cancel that order immediately. Half of that reward is my money.
Ups sorry jobless delinquent by the door. Here at the guild, we are only required to provide rewards to our members, and you aren't one of us are you?
You crocked bar virgin. Hey Aqua, don't you fucking dare spend my side of the reward.
[Looks away badly whistling]
I had it. Bend over your blue industrial waste! [Walks inside]
GET OUT!
Fuck my life! [Walks out]
The barking dog stood outside, and the divine bottomless barrel began wolfing down on everything Luna placed at her table. A white haired girl and a blond crusader approached him while he was mumbling obscenities.
Hi, we meet again.
GYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! [Runs inside the guild in panic]
GET OUT!
Crim ignored Luna completely and hid himself behind the squirrel cheeks Aqua.
Wah sup whim chou? [Mouthful]
See Darkness, I said you would scare him again like that.
What is going on here?
Welo. [Swallows] He had a traumatic experience with a girlfriend that resembled Darkness. So, he's very afraid of her. [Caresses Crim head with motherly instinct] It's all right my sinner; she can't hurt you anymore.
[Collapses in despair] N-n-o, to think such a perfect man would be afraid of me. Oh, goddess Eris why would you play so fickle with my feelings?
Darkness I get how you're feeling but please stop. You're making me feel uncomfortable for unrelated reasons right now. Say can I take him over for a second? I know a way to help him.
Really Chris! Please cure him right now. He promised me a motel op when we came back but then he ran and left me hanging.
I think I'm going to need more than a few words with him once he's back to normal. I'll take him over if you don't mind Aqu—Miss priest over there.
Sure, anything for my mischievous beloved child. Here now stop sucking on your thump darling. The nice lady with white hair is going to take you away from the mean lady in yellow.
UYAA!
Crim ran and hid behind Chris and the later put a vexing smile as she left with Crim for the alleyways some distance. Once they arrived.
All right that's enough for now, Amnesia Dust. [Throws white dust at Crim face]
[Coughs white dust] Hack, what the. Where am I? Who are you?
I'm Chris, your friend with blue hair put you in my care. There are some things I need to discuss with you.
Oh, right my money. Hurry up with your business before that idiot gets herself more debt.
Yeah, what I have to speak with you is much more important. It's about that chain in your arm.
Crim guard went up whiting a second, his attention completely left the goddess of poverty behind and focused on the white-haired girl in front of him.
Oh, you don't have to worry, its magic and it doesn't hurt at all.
So, you would play dump with me. I am talking about you using that chain to drag my senior Aqua down to this realm, and the side effects of using that cursed item.
Crim alerts all flared up and he took a step back as the chain began spilling on the ground.
Relax; I'm not your enemy. I might not look like it right now but my real name is Eris. I am the goddess that precedes over this realm. And I came here just to warm you about the consequences of stagnating on your journey.
The chain began to retract back to size, but Crim however remained in high alert.
I know exactly what the consequences are and the price to pay; I don't need you telling this to me.
Then I would also like to hear your reason to drag my senior down to this world with you.
I had no bad intentions—
A lie this early. Then again, I think I know what your bad intentions where, you may proceed.
Right, I just had a different vision of what a god was truly like and thought she was just being lazy, that obviously wasn't the case. Not the part about her being lazy thought.
Cristal clear and washed off lies. It seems I had a bad impression of who you really where. However, my reason for being here hasn't changed. The chains you hold where never meant to be used under the circumstances you had place them and have become a terribly powerful doomsday tool that could herald the end of my whole realm. Currently the gods see you as an even bigger threat than the demon king itself. And the only solution is to have you take him down and wish for the chain to be removed.
That was my goal since my first plan failed. I don't need you to come down here just to remind me what I already know.
And yet you're still here playing around after three whole days of ups and downs, refusing to say a simple sorry to a kind guild lady, and pushing potential party members away only for your selfish desire to remain alone with my senior.
There's nothing I can do if we can't even afford to travel. But once I get my hands on something I'll go straight to the demon king and defeat him on the spot.
I see, then let's speed up that quest shall we.
What do you mean?
Let's take back the money all the adventurers of this town stole from you. [Mischievous grin]
Ho, I like what you said just now. But shouldn't a goddess like you be against thief-on-thief business? [Evil grin]
Huh me? I don't know what your implying mister sinner. I encourage and support all means of retribution and helping the less fortunate. [Sticks tongue out]
I think I'm starting to like the gods around here. Very well. I'll get down to business as soon as I find a blanket.
Huh blanket? Wait, you're not seriously going to do the same thing you did yesterday are you?
I thought that's what you where implying I'd do, also you were watching me?
Well yes, my job is to watch over this realm after all. But that's not what I wanted to say. You can't just strap a white blanket over your head and call it a day.
Why? This dump world is stuck in the medieval era anyways, even a handkerchief over my face would do.
How rude, there's nothing wrong with my world still living a little behind the times of yours. Also no, that was not enough, not when you dress so distinctively red, the guy who refuses to wear a shirt recognized you because he could see your shoes and parts of your pants. The others you were lucky to be too far away for them to see you properly.
I thought he said he recognized my brutality.
That's not the point; I have my entire realm resting on your shoulders and as the goddess of luck and a thief of Axel. I'll have no amateurs going around in bed wetted blankets claiming themselves to be a chivalrous thief! [Pro pride]
So what you want to train me now? Don't forget we are running low on time.
This won't take five minutes. All you need is to apologize to the guild lady and come back here with a thief class adventurer card so I can teach you, my skills. You'd probably hit level twenty with all the exp stockpiled from all the monsters you killed, and you'll have skill points a plenty to learn all the basics and mid skills of being a thief.
I'm not apologizing to that unreasonable bitch, and besides. I have all the skills I need to steal.
How childish can a grown man be. You think you are qualified to call yourself a thief? [Lecturing tone]
With merits.
Fine then your arrogant sinner, let's compete to test our skills. And if you beat me, I'll agreed to let you chalk around making a fool out of our profession. [Airs of superiority]
(Well, this goddess is surprisingly uptight with her side job for some reason. I wonder if I was lucky to get Aqua instead of her...Nah.) Well, you're the expert here so you pick the challenges.
But of course, I will. First follow me and pay attention so I don't have to teach you the skills again later.
Chris moved to the trash bins of the alley and crouched down between them.
[[Lurk]]
Chris body began to obscure in darkness until she completely disappeared from the sight of normal people. Crim heard her voice coming over from a different side of the alley.
Amazing right? This is the power of the skills in my realm, unlike your bland futuristic-not-enough world.
(Oh my. I really hit a sore spot when making fun of her world.)
With this skill you can muffle the sound of your steps and even obscure your presence almost completely from your tarKYAAAAA! Don't touch my butt you perv!
Crim found Chris leaning with her face against a wall and groped her butt to dispel the skill she was using.
Yeah, about that skill. I was the Lego, scale model, and puzzle champion of California. My attention to even the finest detail is the reason why I can build structures out of a single chain folded several times. I can even notice the dust flow in the air; even an invisibility spell won't hide you from my eyes.
[Cries] Then you went straight for my butt even when you could see clearly where I was?
Of course I did. Who did you think you where dealing with here?
Unforgivable! I'll have divine retribution fall on you for this you hear!
Oh yeah about that. Can you take off some annoying curse that won't let me use weapons?
Ups sorry not sorry. That was done by the higher heaven bureaucracy, and I don't have the power to undo it. [Sticks tongue out]
Beautiful, I guess is my turn now to display a skill like that right?
Hah! I don't mean to sound arrogant but there's no way you can even reproduce something like partial invisibility…. Huh hey where you go? KYAAAA! My butt!
I'm right here lady luck. I mumbled replay for cocoon and pain of the crystal clear under my breath. The chain began to let the light pass me and I gained true invisibility.
That's cheating and stop touching my butt! I'll have divine retribution fall on you I swear.
Well, this was meant to be a cheat item, and a curse or two more don't really face me. I prefer to teach smarty girls like you, their lessons.
Proudly declares the sinner to the pouty smarty girl.
Fine then you win this round. Next up is Detect Enemy and Disarm Trap. These are passive skills that require no input or chant. See if you can even manage something like that. Hmmp! [Pouts arrogantly, sits on the cap of a trash bin]
There's a weird feline like creature stuck inside that bin you're sitting right now.
Huh? [Stands up and takes the bin cap off] KYAAAA!
A nereid jumped out and startled Chris, causing her to fall back and be caught by Crim arms.
KYAAAAA! [Jumps away from Crim] You groped me again!
Yes, I did what of it? For what those skills concern, I was the only male in a house with nine females. So, I was in charge of pest hunting and extermination. Combine with my excellent attention to detail and there's not a single creature that could sneak up on me. As for the disarm trap thing, California puzzle champion remember. I also have plenty of experience picking the locks of the bathrooms when my girls wanted privacy and plenty of experience with plays in the dark—
AAAAAHH! Stop it, I hear nothing. Don't ruin my innocence with your sinful tales!
(Does this girl not look over the whole life of the dead souls like Aqua? What is everyone a saint on this world or something? Does she censor them before watching the full disks? I'll have to ask Aqua how she does it later.) Also I got another skill for usage in place like this, watch.
You won't fool me, nobody can use skills whiteout an adventurer card—
[Deep voice] I'm Batman. [Hooks chain on the roof and disappears]
Bullshit! That's not a skill even if it looks cool and useful.
[Drops down to the ground] Is what I used to escape the guards and my preferred method of hunting for targets. I say it has earned the right to be called a skill.
Chris felt exasperated at the cheating sinner that was dragging the good name of thief's and her world skills all over the mud, but she still had one last card under her sleeve.
Fine then you win this one too, but now we compete on the most important skill which is worth three whole points and will declare my undisputed victory over you!
Sore loser luck goddess.
Silence heathen! Now watch and learn from the master. [[Steal]]
A light blinded Crim as something went missing from his pockets and appeared in the outstretched hand of Chris. It was a coin pouch.
See that, this is what a real skill looks like. Now for the challenge, if you want to win and get your money back then steal it from…. Huh what's this? You only got a single USD Eris in here. How are you this poor? Surely my senior can't do this much damage, right?
Oh, you have no idea. Anyways is that it?
Don't. "Is that it me," you amateur! This wonderful skill can steal any one random item from the selected target based on your luck stats. Isn't it amazing?
A random item? That's pathetic, who the hell even needs that good for nothing skill? I can do much better and I sure as hell am not getting anything but what I want out of it.
HAH! Yeah right, like you even have anything of use when you're just a cardless, loveless, heathen…. Wait a minute you don't mean? Wait why are you cracking your knuckles? Why is your neck cracking too? Wait stop it you violent criminal! I'm a goddess. I'll drop your luck stat to levels even senior would pity. Wait please I am sorrKYAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
A minute later.
Am I good enough to rob around here milady luck?
[Cries] He groped everything, I can't get married anymore. He took all my money too ugh. [Cries more] Now even I need to steal.
We'll let that be a lesson not to look down on a sinner soul. If my clothing didn't make it obvious. I was a Blood before I came to this world. I might not be a super powerful Nephilim or a seasoned Spartan veteran but I sure as hell don't need whimsical magic to be a delinquent.
[Sniff] Fine then you're allowed to break the law around here, but I am coming with you just in case. I'm still your senior and this is my territory, so you'll have to do as I say. And we start by buying a set of new clothes for the deed.
(It seems I didn't grope this girl hard enough. But what's up with her and Aqua, are all goddesses like this?) Well, there's a magic shop which I should have visited today, so let's try there. The owner at least has a reason to remain silent if someone comes asking for the clothes I would buy there.
And so they merrily left until they reached Wiz shop.
Welcome.
Yō Wiz, I came to visit as promise. Do you have any dark clothes and a white blanket on sale?
Mister Crim this is a magic shop not a clothing and mattress store. Ehm is lady Aqua not with you today. [Ask timidly]
Why would I bring someone so dangerous here? I just came with my associate Chris…. Chris?
[Murder glare] Hey that's an undead right, A lich no less. [Pulls out dagger] Why didn't you say we were going on pest flaying? [Menacing aura]
A-a-a-a-a mister Crim, your friend is seriously scaring me right now. Seriously she looks like she wants to gut me right now. KYAAAAAAA!
Chris jumped at Wiz with her dagger out in a frenetic display of speed, if the chain had been a second later Wiz would have put the circus blade eaters to shame.
What is wrong with you goddesses and the undead!? Can you people act like civilized deities for once in your immortal life?
HIIIISSSS!
P-p-p-p-p-please mister Crim don't let her loose. Her eyes look really dangerous and she's foaming from the mouth like a rabid animal. I am really scared right now!
After Chris finally managed to calm down, Crim put her down to the ground to sit on her knees and reflect. He still didn't let her escape the chain embrace thought.
So, this is a sacred dagger huh? You really must hate undead if you walk around ready to snuff then out at any time.
I feel like no immortal life would be enough if I keep associating with you mister Crim. Why did you bring a new goddess with you this time?
I want to say something about that, but I'm just here to buy some clothes. Anything you have here will do. I just don't trust the confidence of other shops.
How can you speak to her so casually? She's a lich, an enemy of the gods that rejected the laws of the world to become immortal of her own volition.
Listen, right now we have way worse things to worry about like my chain and the demon king. If she's harmless and she proved it to me with her card, then I don't see a reason to mess with her.
Mister Crim, are you after the demon king?
Yeah, I am, once I get the money to travel. I'll go straight to his castle with Aqua and defeat him.
Em I don't think that's possible, there's a powerful barrier around the castle held by the demon generals and nobody but them can get in.
Really, damn I don't have the time to go looking for the generals right now. But thanks Wiz, to think you even knew something so important about the castle.
Well, I am one of the demon generals that holds the barrier.
Eh?
GRUAAAAHISSSSSSSS! [Jumps completely tied up to bite Wiz head off.]
Crim let a punch catch Chris cranium in the air and the later hit the ground whining.
Down girl let's hear the rest first. So, Wiz I'm waiting.
A-a-a-a-a right I was just tasked with keeping the barrier and nothing else, I don't hurt people or anything nor do I serve any purpose beyond maintaining the barrier, I don't even have a bounty. [Trembling in fear]
But this is a problem for me, if I'd let you go now I don't think I could assault the castle. [Chain slowly loosens up]
Chris eyes began to shine like a cat eyeing her prey as the chain around her was slowly coming loose.
W-w-w-wait! You have lady Aqua by your side. I'm sure with her power she could break through the barrier even with a general or two holding it up. You don't have to defeat me please I'm begging you! [Crying in terror]
Well, I guess that's true enough, she did have a ridiculous spell breaker, and I been firsthand witness to how annoying it can be, thank you Wiz. Now about those clothes and the blanket. [Chain tightens around Chris]
S-s-sure right away. I have some clothes for mages and I'll even give you my own bed blanket for sparing me.
Thanks, here's the money; take whatever the cost is from here.
Hey that was my money! Don't spend what's mine with a filthy undead!
Oh so you calmed down enough to speak again rabid goddess. You should know that an innocent is an innocent, undead monster or not, and I don't kill or allow others to kill innocents in my sight.
Fine then I'll come back for her when you're not around.
Crim could hear a startled yelp coming from the back of the store.
Listen here, I will begin to visit this store regularly from now on, and if I don't find her one of these days. I am going to find you and lash your butt till it adjust to you breast size.
Hiiiiii! [Terrified]
That's the reaction I wanted to see.
Here it is, the blanket the clothes and all of your money. Mister Crim have you considered living with me? I won't even charge you rent, and you could bring lady Aqua so long as you stick around.
Well Wiz has been a pleasure doing business with you but I still have a long night ahead, so see you around.
Crim began to walk away and pulled the chain around Chris. Forcing her to stand up and walk behind him like a slave. Wiz threw herself at Crim waist to hold him back.
Wait please don't leave alone, I'm afraid. I am really afraid this time. Please I beg of you. I do anything you say—KYA!
Chris hissed at Wiz and the later let go of Crim to hide behind the counter. Crim walked out and Chris followed completely bind in chains. The door closed and Wiz was left crying and nearly wetting herself inside the silence of her store.