"Kill you?" Xie Qingcheng gritted out each word through his teeth. "Aren't you the clever one. Is that why you ran away?"
He Yu hadn't expected him to say something like that. A gash immediately appeared in the easy nonchalance and grim fierceness he had only just cobbled together, and it revealed a youth's mortification underneath. The boy's smile faded in an instant and his face paled slightly.
"I didn't run away!"
"You didn't run away?"
"That wasn't running away. I just… I…"
"You just?" Xie Qingcheng narrowed his eyes, closing in on He Yu with each step.
He Yu didn't know how to respond.
"You just woke up early, pulled up your pants, and, upon seeing that the weather outside was nice and you were feeling fine and dandy, decided you might as well go for a healthy, relaxing morning jog? Because you didn't want to be disturbed by the fiasco from yesterday, you blocked my fucking phone number and WeChat, and then you thought, 'All is well with the world,' as you walked straight out of the room, so cheerful that you even forgot to take care of the fucking bill you ran up? Is that it?!"
He Yu's expression turned even uglier, as though he'd been poisoned.
"You're truly a piece of shit, He Yu. You're a piece of shit who only knows how to run away after you've done something wrong."
He Yu's face went ashen, his embarrassment and anger mixed with some indignation and even a bit of humiliation. "I said I didn't run away! I came back and paid the bill right after I got your call, didn't I?!"
Xie Qingcheng lost his temper too. "Have you no shame? You think I wanted you to pay the bill? Listen, if it weren't for…I'd never want to see you again for the rest of my life!"
His Fatherliness wasn't lying. If he had 1.68 million yuan on his card, then he really would have settled the bill himself and never would have bothered with calling that bastard He Yu back here to begin with. He was a man too! As if he wanted He Yu to pay for the room!
He Yu glared back at him through this torrent of verbal abuse with a stricken look on his face.
Even though they both subconsciously kept their voices down, it was impossible to conceal the hostile atmosphere crackling between them. When the young lady who had just taken care of their bill stole a glance in their direction from the reception desk across the lobby, she really couldn't help but roll her eyes at Xie Qingcheng this time.
Fucking hell. This grown-ass man spent 1.68 million yuan of the young master's money in a single night and was still giving him a hard time? Could he possibly be any more shameless?!
Their confrontation dragged on for a long while, until He Yu reined back his anger and made a pointed decision to stop talking to Xie Qingcheng about this. Steadying his breathing once again, he forced himself to calm down.
"So, what do you want to do about it now?" he said contemptuously. "Since I've already come back here, why not just ask the front desk for a knife and kill me outright?" He Yu's voice was laced with vicious sarcasm as he stared at Xie Qingcheng.
"Kill you?" Xie Qingcheng laughed bitterly. "You're too naive. I want to take a fucking knife and dissect you alive, piece by piece!"
He Yu smiled as if he had been expecting this, but his eyes still reddened and his face still paled. "All right…all right. That's fine. Whatever you say, it's all fine, Xie Qingcheng. Whether you want me to undergo death by a thousand cuts or whip my corpse to shreds, I don't care. It doesn't actually matter to me whether I die or not. Dead or alive, I'm just garbage that no one gives a shit about anyway." It was difficult to tell whether the corners of He Yu's mouth were curving out of ridicule or self-hatred. "Did you know…in the past, I believed all those lies you told me. I was such a damn idiot, trying so hard for so long. And now, my faith has crumbled overnight, all thanks to you. In fact, I wish Lu Yuzhu's aim had been a little better when she fired that gun. I wouldn't be so disgusted now if I'd just kicked the bucket right then."
His dark eyes moved slowly and landed on Xie Qingcheng. There was a note of pain suppressed within his voice when he said, "You wish the same thing, don't you? It would've been cleaner if I'd died back then—you wouldn't be in such an awful situation now either."
Xie Qingcheng jabbed a ferocious finger at He Yu with a savage, snarling force, but before he could say anything, he found his heart unexpectedly rattled at He Yu's mention of Lu Yuzhu.
He didn't know if He Yu had said it on purpose, but the matter with Lu Yuzhu in the archives was precisely why Xie Qingcheng felt he owed He Yu a debt.
A myriad of hateful emotions welled up in Xie Qingcheng's heart, but his ears seemed to echo with the sound of that gunshot. The blood that had spilled from He Yu's shoulder had been so red, searing its crimson color painfully into his retinas.
In the present moment, the crack of that gunshot transformed into a vine that wrapped around Xie Qingcheng's rage and reined it in, stopping him from ruthlessly slapping He Yu across the face.
"He Yu," Xie Qingcheng finally spat, gritting out each syllable with deliberate emphasis. Between the discomfort in his body and the torment of his mind, this pointless bickering with He Yu had left his voice incredibly hoarse—weak, yet icy. "You want to hash this out with me today, do you? Fine. All right. Then listen up. Even if I didn't do everything right, even if I didn't want to take the risk and continue being a doctor, even if I let down my teachers and was disdained, cast aside, and looked down upon by my former colleagues…I didn't deserve to be tortured like this by you. I may not have handled everything perfectly, and I may have made you resent me, but when I was treating you, I never did anything that I truly need t apologize for."
He Yu didn't respond.
"Be reasonable," Xie Qingcheng continued. "What you did—don't you find it despicable?" He took a deep breath. Battling his intense headache and dizziness, he murmured in a voice that sounded slightly wet, "Think about it."
If their earlier argument had only made He Yu feel embarrassed… then these words truly stabbed him where his scars hurt the most.
He hadn't planned on talking to Xie Qingcheng any more than absolutely necessary. Nor had he wanted to bring up the matter involving Xie Xue. But suddenly, he couldn't hold back anymore. Under the watchful gazes of numerous pairs of eyes, he pulled Xie Qingcheng into the bathroom and locked the door with a click.
"What do you want me to think about, huh? Xie Qingcheng, what do you want me to think about?! Do you still think that I don't know anything?" He Yu's emotions were becoming frenzied. "Let me tell you, I know everything now! I understand everything! Delusional disorder, self preservation, nihilism—all those things I remember Xie Xue doing, they were all just figments of my imagination I was using to numb myself to the fact that they were things I could never have. I understand it all!"
Xie Qingcheng's face paled, making him look even more like a wandering soul.
"I know everything…" He Yu's eyes were unhinged. Although his voice was very soft, every word seemed to slice into Xie Qingcheng's face like a knife. "Doctor Xie, you knew everything too, but you didn't say a word. You just stood by as I made a fool of myself because you were worried that I would become too attached to her, that I wouldn't be able to accept the truth—so you stalled and didn't tell me anything, reminding her to stay away from me the whole time."
He Yu went on. "For seven years, even my old man knew that the only friend I relied on was nothing but a figment of my imagination. I was the only one who didn't know! I only dug myself deeper! Did you have fun watching this farce play out? Was it funny, Xie Qingcheng? Don't you think you were being incredibly cruel and arrogant, never once taking my feelings seriously? What exactly am I in your eyes? A partially imagined person—even if I only wanted a tiny bit of comfort, I still had to rely on a partially imagined person! There's never been anyone who truly loved or cared about me. Even on my birthday, I could only spend it by myself…and rely on a delusion to give me a birthday wish and a piece of cake."
He Yu grabbed Xie Qingcheng's neck, staring at his face. Xie Qingcheng looked pale, but his skin was burning. He Yu had tormented this man for the entire night, and although Xie Qingcheng could still endure it through sheer force of will, He Yu could tell that he had a fever the moment he touched him.
The heat lingered in He Yu's fingertips as he stared him down.
Eventually, He Yu heard Xie Qingcheng say, "Even if you gave me a second chance, I would still do the same thing. I would still have her stay away from you and choose not to tell you the truth."
Enraged, He Yu slammed Xie Qingcheng against the wall of the bathroom, the deep black tiles a striking contrast to the man's paper-white face. If it wasn't for the heat seeping into his palm, He Yu would have thought that Xie Qingcheng was carved from snow, that he would simply melt away.
Xie Qingcheng coughed lightly, but his eyes were as frosty and sharp as the first time he and He Yu met. "He Yu, I did it because I knew you wouldn't be able to bear it otherwise. This was the best way. And no matter what you believe, I don't think I was wrong."
Xie Qingcheng had originally wanted to say, I owe you, He Yu. I owe you a debt of sincerity from the past. You chose to give me your heart—you held your heart in your hands and stood on your tiptoes to hand it to me, but I treated you as a mere patient and couldn't see the desperate longing in your eyes, the desire for someone to accompany you sincerely and wholeheartedly.
It's true that I was too unkind.
It won't happen again.
I don't really know how to be gentle with my words, and I'll probably still be stubborn and cold, but I'm willing to become your bridge. Because when I was helpless and alone, you were the one who chose to help me. In return for the bit of encouragement I afforded you that I never once considered a kindness, you were the one who nearly gave your life away.
I might not be able to give you everything you want, but I can stop being Doctor Xie to you and become just Xie Qingcheng.
As long as you're still willing.
These were the thoughts he'd had in mind, that he'd wanted to act upon, before last night.
But now, everything had changed.
He didn't want to say any of this to He Yu anymore. The burning in his body, the pain between his legs, and the blurriness of his vision were all marks of disgrace that He Yu had left on his body. It was as though that modicum of sentiment that Xie Qingcheng had possessed had been wiped away in a single night.
Even with He Yu grasping his face, Xie Qingcheng's eyes beneath his messy fringe were still as incisively sharp as ever. He forcefully pushed He Yu away and lit a cigarette right in front of him. He took a drag in annoyance, then stubbed out the cigarette on the wall beside He Yu with a hiss.
With eyes rimmed red, Xie Qingcheng stared intently at He Yu.
"In those seven years, I did everything that I should have as a doctor. But in response, you committed an atrocity last night. Let me tell you this, He Yu—you're a fucking beast, worse than a pig or a dog."
Xie Qingcheng straightened up, moved around He Yu, and, suppressing his intense discomfort, strode to the door. However, his hand had barely touched the door handle when He Yu abruptly pinned him in place.
"Motherfucker, what more do you want?!" Caught off guard as He Yu pressed him against the bathroom door, Xie Qingcheng's peach-blossom eyes hardened. "I don't have the time or energy to waste on you right now. Something's happened at home, and I have to get back! Get the fuck off me right now!"
For a moment, He Yu truly wanted to strangle Xie Qingcheng. He'd originally assumed that Xie Qingcheng would be a little weaker, a little softer, when facing him, since he'd already been inside him, but that wasn't the case at all. Incredibly, Xie Qingcheng had become even colder than before, like a slab of sedimentary rock frozen under a sheet of ice. Every word that came out of him was frigid.
His attitude made He Yu, whose mental state was already deranged, even more irritable. The bloodthirsty, violent thoughts in his heart surged like a storm. He Yu didn't know what he wanted to do, but if he had a gun now, he might have killed Xie Qingcheng on the spot and left behind an obedient corpse. But when he grabbed Xie Qingcheng by the arm and dragged him back to press him against the door, their breaths intertwined, and upon hearing Xie Qingcheng's muffled cry of pain, He Yu froze again.
Words left him. Images from last night flashed through his eyes like a carousel lantern.
"Let go of me… Fucking… Fuck off!"
With Xie Qingcheng's feverishly burning body struggling beneath him, He Yu found that he was…actually…a little turned on…
Xie Qingcheng had yet to detect He Yu's reaction, but He Yu was shocked to his core. He straightened up in alarm, his almond eyes wide, and acted as though Xie Qingcheng was carrying some sort of aphrodisiac on him. He didn't dare to approach the man any further.
Last night had been an accident. He Yu had drunk the Plum Fragrance 59 aphrodisiac liquor too. He'd had no reason to think he'd have any untoward thoughts toward Xie Qingcheng once everything was over and done with. The sexual relations that had transpired between them had been a coincidence, a consequence of him pouring the wrong drink—it couldn't even be counted as a deliberate one-night stand. How could he still have any reaction to Xie Qingcheng?
Xie Qingcheng had no idea what was going on, but if He Yu had let go of him, that could only be a good thing. He took a gasping breath and glared at He Yu, hackles raised. Then, he straightened out the collar of his shirt that had been tugged into disarray.
This shirt was actually a bit small, as the club only had a few spare articles of simple clothing in an incomplete set of sizes. They didn't have a shirt in the right size for Xie Qingcheng's 180 cm-tall physique, so the sleeves were too short, revealing a length of snowy-pale wrist.
Xie Qingcheng rarely wore short sleeves. Even on the hottest days, he was always impeccably attired in long-sleeved button-down shirts.
In a properly fitted suit, it was usually impossible to see above a man's wrists, so He Yu very rarely caught a glimpse of this part of Xie Qingcheng. Even when the two of them were together last night, He Yu had been so turned on and caught up in his senses that his eyes had mostly been fixed on Xie Qingcheng's face, as he didn't want to miss a single moment of Xie Qingcheng's weak, desperate expressions. At the time, it was like his existence had sunk into that soft, wet warmth as he experienced a pleasure that he had never felt before. That feeling had been so thrilling that he hadn't paid much attention to the rest of Xie Qingcheng's body. Even when he folded his hand over Xie Qingcheng's toward the end, he'd been too focused to spare a single glance at Xie Qingcheng's wrist.
Only now did he remember that there was a tattoo on Xie Qingcheng's wrist, one that he had seen a long time ago. And it was at this very moment that he once again glimpsed Xie Qingcheng's fair left wrist. Just above that slender, pale wrist was a long line of delicate, ash-colored letters.
Here lies one whose name was writ in water.
He Yu stared at that tattoo. It had been so many years… If not for this chance encounter, he would have all but forgotten about the words on Xie Qingcheng's wrist.
Meanwhile, Xie Qingcheng pulled his shirt back into place. He shot He Yu a vicious glare before turning around, pushing the door open, and walking out. The bathroom door slammed shut with a bang.
He Yu stood inside alone, facing the spot where the two of them had just been ferociously tangled up. He was still for a long while, allowing his absurd desire and tumultuous heart to settle down.
Those words kept flashing before his eyes as Xie Qingcheng's voice, ice-cold even as it seemed to be suppressing some kind of emotion, echoed in his ears.
"In those seven years, I did everything that I should have as a doctor. But in response, you committed an atrocity last night. Let me tell you this, He Yu—you're a fucking beast, worse than a pig or a dog."
"Think about it."
"Think about it…"
Like the pages of a bygone chapter blown open by an unexpected gust of wind, the evil dragon clearly recalled something that had happened in his childhood years.
Something related to that tattoo.