This Momofriends store had a feature unlike any ordinary shop, a Momofriends Experience Zone.
By paying a small deposit to prevent damage, plus a modest fee, visitors could intimately interact with the variously shaped plush dolls, a paradise for any Momofriends fan.
Or, perhaps, a tempting bottomless pit of indulgence.
After some initial hesitation, Azusa, pulled inside by me, quickly became absorbed. She sat on the soft sofa, hugging a skeleton doll tightly to her chest.
It was her favorite character.
"Being cute isn't wrong…! And having lots of cute dolls is… good!" Her cheeks flushed slightly, her voice trembling. When our eyes met briefly, she quickly looked away. "…But it still feels so embarrassing."
I thought that she herself was the cutest thing here.
The girl pouted, slightly annoyed: "You're definitely teasing me, sensei."
"Ah, you noticed?" I admitted candidly from beside her, then couldn't help but laugh at her sulky glare. "Sorry, sorry. You're just too cute, Azusa. I couldn't resist. Forgive me?"
Azusa hugged the doll tighter, her cheeks visibly warmer: "Cute… That's… teasing too, isn't it? B-but… it's not like I hate it deep down…"
In other words, this was an indirect confession that she liked me, wasn't it?
Rectangle, thin, hard, and kinda looks like a tablet... how come it hasn't started getting warm yet?
"Ah, it's so cute…!" She focused on the skeleton doll, radiating happiness. "I've always wanted to see this little guy…!"
Then, from her small, open mouth, came a soft, gleeful giggle, capable of shattering her normally cold demeanor and replacing it with an approachable, friendly impression.
After a long while, Azusa finally emerged from her trance, still curious:
"By the way, sensei… how did you know about a place this cute…?"
Ah, hah... hah.. This was a question for a certain someone who told her about this place, subtly hinting they wanted to come too, yet didn't mention it to her fellow Momofriends enthusiasts.
Let's rule out that it was just kindness to give me a chance to earn Azusa's favor.
"The answer should be obvious," I said gravely, presenting this little statue to her on behalf of Hifumi. "Actually, sensei… is a deeply devoted Momofriends enthusiast too!"
"…Really?"
"Yes, truly."
Azusa blinked, embarrassed and annoyed: "Are you just humoring me, treating me like a child?"
"Not at all. Azusa, in my eyes, you're a fine young lady."
"Ah, so you're flattering me… Well, it doesn't matter then…"
Yet her expression hardly suggested indifference.
I worried I might have teased her too much, unintentionally hurting her tender feelings.
Just as I hesitated on how to console her, she asked softly: "Sensei… I'm still very immature, aren't I…?"
Was her mood low because she felt unequal to me?
I spoke as gently as possible: "Why would you think that?"
"Even though… I shouldn't be this close…" Azusa murmured. "I don't want to involve anyone, especially sensei… yet I can't control myself…"
Ah, I understood.
I had underestimated the mental burden Azusa carried.
Even though she had grown up in a special environment, educated in a warped system, already prepared to betray Arius and sever old ties for the sake of Kivotos' peace, she remained a youthful, naive girl with a kind heart and sensitive, delicate inner world.
As Mika warned, shadows from the past always pursued her, never allowing her true rest.
Beatrice…
How long must I wait before I can completely erase this threat to a student so precious to me?
In the unbearable silence, I forced out: "Ah… you're thinking about things like that…"
"Sorry… for saying something gloomy." Azusa looked at me apologetically. "Normally I wouldn't think like this. But… sensei, to be honest, today I was really happy. And tomorrow… we're going to see the sea, right?"
Excitement made her anxious, and as she calmed, tension and trepidation resurfaced, leading to worry and self-doubt.
I nodded: "Yes, I understand."
"…Sensei," she continued, "At Arius… we were all raised as tools, forced to obey orders. Everyone thinks that's right, but deep inside… I don't agree. I don't want to submit to anyone."
Her resolve was visible in Saori's behavior. Without such defiance, she could not have chosen to betray Arius.
"But…" Azusa's tone shifted, her eyes soft and timid, unlike anything I'd seen before, "I met sensei."
My heart stirred, yet I remained silent.
She poured out her heart: "Am I weak? Or… have I already been tamed? I even thought, if I treated sensei as a master, obeying your orders… maybe that would be a happy thing…
"But sensei kept letting me act on my own, doing today's plan without structure… I feel happy, but at the same time, my heart pounds, like something is tugging at it.
"Sensei… I don't even know what I'm feeling. I've never imagined emotions like this… what should I do? Sensei, what should I do…?"
Blending past suffering, inner reflection, fear for the future, and first loves… it was almost too heavy for a single person to bear.
…Perhaps its very purity made it feel so weighty.
I sensed that whatever answer I gave next, I would carry the consequences of this girl's life from now on.
Fortunately, I was capable, and I must be capable.
Given Azusa's nature, I could have faked it or forced her to stop overthinking, and it would have sufficed.
But I wanted to do better.
After a pause, I spoke gently: "Then… may I ask you a few questions? If any make you uncomfortable, you don't need to answer."
Azusa nodded: "Yes."
"Did these feelings arise after seeing how I interact with other students?"
"Maybe… I probably can't interact with sensei like ordinary students without concern… but if we had a clear hierarchy… maybe… sensei would be happier or something…"
"No. If that were the case, I'd feel uncomfortable."
I always viewed the maids and Izuna calling me such titles as roleplay. In reality, our personalities remain equal.
Of course, some girls did undervalue themselves before me. In severe cases, like Wakamo and Haruka, I had to work tirelessly to correct their perception.
"So," I asked, "do you dislike yourself for having these thoughts?"
"…Yes." Azusa looked dejected. "I wanted to abandon my old self, but these unhelpful thoughts arise. Yet… I want to make sensei happy."
So her intention was simply to bring me joy.
I continued: "You said you enjoyed today's date, right? Even without a plan, acting according to your own thoughts, choosing non-optimal actions inefficiently."
Azusa blushed again: "I… it's not exactly like that… Every time I say 'maybe I want to,' sensei pushes me along. I don't hate it… And today is adaptation training, right? What does 'date' even mean?"
At this point, I began to sketch a rough picture in my mind.
Azusa wanted to escape her past oppression, yet inevitably bore the influence of Arius' education.
She desired a new, acceptable form of control, feared entangling those close to her, and naturally selected [ME] as the most trustworthy during our daily interactions.
Logically, it made sense, though some details were off.
But… something felt off, very off.
Looking past her narrative and examining her troubles from my perspective… another possibility emerged.
"I think I understand… Azusa."
"Sensei… I'm really childish, aren't I?"
"No. That's not it. Calmly, I think… you've misunderstood something."
Azusa tilted her head: "Huh? What do you mean?"
"I mean…" I scratched my cheek. "You haven't realized… you actually like me, have you?"
The air suddenly went still, Azusa froze.
"…Huh? Me?" After a long pause, she pointed to herself, bewildered. "I? Like sensei?"
I looked up, speechless and stifled.
This girl... she truly had no awareness? After saying such heavy things?
Her innocence was almost unbelievable, but given her upbringing, it made perfect sense.
"Could it be… I mean, possibly," I carefully said, "that all you've said stems from emotions so strong they could be called love?"
"T-this…" Azusa stammered, clutching the doll, hiding her crimson face. "This… unknown feeling… is it… love? So embarrassing, I don't understand at all…"
"So it seems you've misunderstood…"
Not understanding her feelings, she interpreted them through her own experiences as a desire to obey my orders.
Perhaps her joy on the date, combined with the tugging sensation in her chest, came from worrying I was indulging her too much while she wasn't truly enjoying herself.
Her wish for a special relationship might have been admiration of my closeness with other students, mixed with jealousy and competitiveness.
In other words, most of Azusa's worries came from one amusing fact...
She hadn't realized she was in love.
Of course, now she had.
Buried in her doll, she emitted an adorably pitiful squeak, ears flushed red.
I restrained myself but let out a soft laugh through my teeth.
Azusa promptly grabbed a nearby doll and precisely threw it at my face.
"Sorry, sorry." I set down the blue bird called Big Brother. "Feeling calmer?"
"HUuu…" Azusa took deep breaths, set the skeleton doll aside, and tried to stay composed. "Even so… I really do like sensei…"
"Even so?" I muttered inwardly.
Her worry replaced her shyness, climbing her face.
The fundamental problem remained.
That is, the closer she got to betraying Arius, the more danger she risked. She had always worried about this.
I didn't mind: "Even if it were dangerous, it would have happened by now anyway."
"No, it's different." Azusa stubbornly repeated.
She couldn't explain why.
I knew ordinary methods wouldn't easily convince her.
Fortunately, at this stage, I could be a little more assertive. And it would work better.
"Azusa. Listen to me."
"…Yes."
Looking at her calming, colorful eyes, I said gently:
"Don't worry. Follow your heart. If you're willing to trust me."
"B-but…"
Naturally, she wanted to object, but under my calm gaze, she fell silent, perhaps torn inside.
I patiently waited for her answer.
After a long moment:
"Everything is meaningless, life has no purpose. But…"
Azusa pressed her lips together. "I want to believe… your words."
In the end, her emotions, desires, and a little hope overcame unnecessary worries.
"But… please promise me." Her eyes pleaded. "Don't get hurt because of me. Okay?"
"Yes… of course. I value my life." I paused, smiling. "In that case, our lives are now intertwined. Perhaps… a meaning has emerged?"
Azusa blinked: "What?"
I placed a hand on my chest, feeling it burn as if in a hallucination.
And so, I spoke the word:
"Meaning."