Mother gave me some bread as breakfast, it was hard as a stone and had the brown colour of old bark. We ate together at the fireplace, me my parents and my 4 siblings, each one a piece of different size -our order around the fireplace was by age, the youngest to the left of mother, to her right father
The low life of the embers in the ashes would die out soon, out of starvation; what a beautiful red heart in an endless black and grey, like a heartbeat in an abiss that clings to the light of life.
Hope to be fed just to live one more day, just to live one more moment, one more heartbeat...
It saddens me, if I could just feed it, I don't want to starve like it in the darkness...
I hate this, I hate this, that I am so weak, so small, that I'm only made out of skin and bone, that I am always hungry but can't eat, I want to eat, to feel alive, to not be full of fear to die any day, to not be haunted by these dreams, to..., to..., to not feel this helpless, this hopeless.
Father in his normal pace finished his meal first, took a deep breath and looked around, stopping for a short time just to have a brief look at each of our faces.
His and mothers were the healthiest, some fat here and there but not much at all.
Tskyove, my older brother, two summers older than me, had still some baby fat on his cheeks and often a smile on his face. On his left hand was a large scar, he once fell on the fields and hit a sharp stone. He was sick for 7 days and nights, I was 4 and he 6, I had to help mother with nurturing him back to feet. He can't close his hand completely since. That's why he wasn't chosen by by the blood tax.
Iskya my younger sister was like a sun in the darkest time, a high head with a bright smile and a heart made of gold, always ready to help others. She was 7 summers old.
Brovsk is the my younger brother, 6 summers, had way to much energy every day, he could run from morning till evening and never felt hungry or felt pain or got scared.
And my youngest sister was Finya, 4, she is easily scared and always by mothers side or hides behind her legs.
I once had an older sister, Kjinka, she was 1 summer older than me, lucky her got chosen by the blood tax last autumn. Her biuty was like no other, almost no imperfections on her skin and her long dark-brown hair was as smooth as silk.
We even got additional food and clothes.
I wish I would be chosen too, to help father, mother, Tskyove,Iskya, Brovsk and Finya but why should they chose a walking skeleton like me.
"Tskyove, Brovsk you two will help me on the fields today, Iskya you and Finya will help your mother with the chores and then work on some baskets." Father's orders were the law but what should I do, how could I help?
"Father what shall I do?"
"Hmm, you will come with us to the fields, we will see if we can find something for you again, else ways go to the chief and ask if he has work for you."
...
The sun was a bit over the top of the misty mountains and the small waves of the water danced in silver to the gold of the wheat and the music of the rusting forest in the wind.
Leaves rained in yellow and red to the blue sky, some clouds in white and grey could be seen in between.
A true canvas of the master of autumn.
But what even is a canvas?
We walked together on the muddy walkways down the housing hill and up to the fields.
Rows of harvested wheat build mountains made by men, stacked up to be brought to the mills to be grained to flour, the halms would be some how refined, then combined to long strings, to make things or so, I don't really know...
My father took a hand sythe and started to slize, low to the ground, the wheat down.
The field was south east of the village, close to the forest. When you came from the village the mountain range would be a bit to your right.
It was normal so that the adults would work with the sharp tools and the children would gether it and carry it to stack it up.
The younger children would learn from the older ones how to do it right.
I worked there until my body broke in, laying down with arms out and eyes to the clouds.
The sun was higher than usual, when it happened, panting heavily out of breath and in sweat, a moment or two and I crawled back to feet, tried to calm down a bit and started to resume my last round.
I saw father giving me a hand sign to come to him after I placed the bundle from my shoulder down on the golden mountain.
"Saw you falling, you're fine or?" I nodded to his question and he gave me a new order.
"You will go to the chief and see if he has something for you to do."
The sun was almost halve the way to noon, I entered the village hall and saw the chief ordering some men around to do what ever they had to do.
I walked in silence to him, my eyes swept the floor, feeling unable to build up eye contact.
I stopped when I saw his halfway clean leather boots and his red pants, I felt his gaze turning towards me.
"You broke down on the fields again?" A short and precise question from him, which I could only confirm.
"Yes, father told me to seek you up for a suitable task for me."
Sighting "kheeh, Joshka give this child a piece of coal and the list for crafted goods. Then explain to him how to make use of it."
So I I've got new orders, listening to Joshka, a men in his late twenties with a thick black beard and short hair.
He was almost trice as tall as I was and had some belly fat but thin armes, atlest they were thinner than those of my father.
He gave me a piece of goatskin with symbols on them and a piece of black coal.
His green pants and blue shirt had some more or less smal mud stains on them.
Why do I focus on such things as muddy spots on others?
"These are the symbols of the kinds of goods, clothes, floar, wooden planks, ..., in this order"
Joshka pointed at each symbol while explaining, "you make a line to the right of the corresponding goods symbol after asking how many they've already crafted and ready to deliver. For each good on line down, like one shirt will be one line to the right of this one. You make a diagonal line through the others after the ninth vertical line. That's then called a hand."
"So every tenth line has to be diagonal through the others and each line stands for one piece. How to I know that I am at the correct workshop or house?"
"Ah I see you ain't the earliest bird on the field, the shields with coloured carvings, that hang out in front of some buildings..."
Slowly I understand the meaning of the carvings in the shields and on the skin, "are they the same as the ones on this?"
"Fuck yes they are. And now go or I'll throw you through the door."
Why was he so annoyed at the end, did I insult him somehow?
Well anyway, I made my way with those instructions to the first stop.
It was the house of old miss Enja, she was in her late fifties and a widow for quite some time. Her children had each their own family and kids. Still most of her daughters helped her to make clothes out of sheep wool.
How would they change the colour, are they using some plants?
Another question is why am I in the forest?
How did I get here, why am I lying on the ground?
And what is that dispicable smell?
I think it is starting to get dark, were am I?
I got up and will look around a bit.
The ground to my feets is covered with leaves and plants, they seem normal but something feels off.
I walked a bit around, tried to climb on a tree but my arms are just not strong enough.
As I looked up I would see a carving on one of the higher branches of the tree.
Two deep cuts, like from a freshly polished sythe.
"Ahhh" a scream full of fear filled the the wind through the air or was it the other way around?
I felt a cold shiver down my spine, it clawed itself deep in my body.
What was that scream, it did sound like a human but at the same time like some thing else.
My heart, it feels like it would burst out of my chest.
Is this just another dream?
Would this just be another nightmare?
Or, or, or... I am scared.
I need to run.
I need to get away from here as fast as possible.
I need to wake up.
I was like frozen in time for a moment or two, couldn't move, couldn't breathe, could only stare at this hideous thing in front of me.
I ran as fast as I could but my body couldn't stand up to my will, so to fill the gap, I fall to the ground in mud and rotting leaves.
I tried to get up but I couldn't, my whole body was in pain.
Fire in my lung, thousands of needles in my skin and muskels.
Luckily I rolled into some branches that still gave some cover.
I was like frozen in time for a moment or two, couldn't move, couldn't breathe, could only stare at this hideous thing in front of me.
It was taller than every men in our village, its skin was dark grey with a hint of brown, a strangely formed head with tree eyes that faced frontwards but were all over the top half of the head. The lower half of the head looked like the mouth of a spider or so and there were two slits as a nose.
It had four arms, two legs and I think wings on the back, all ended in a claw like hand with two finger and a thumb.
It was like an angle, a fucking ugly angle that moved from tree to tree in a very fast speed.