Chapter 40 – Let's Invite Jiraiya Out for Drinks
"This is outrageous! Minato, how can you just let him run wild like this—!"
Jiraiya stormed down the corridor toward the Hokage's office, shouting as he went.
The guards outside the door tried to block him.
"Jiraiya-sama, please wait—you can't just barge in like—"
They didn't even get to finish the sentence before he blew right past them.
Please. The Fourth Hokage was his student.
Even if the Third were sitting in there, so what?
If Danzō could slam the door on Hiruzen, Jiraiya sure as hell could do the same to Minato.
"Minato—! Mi—"
He flung the door open mid-shout—
and froze.
Inside the office sat Minato…
and an Uchiha.
Though he'd never met him before, Jiraiya recognized him instantly.
There was no mistaking that smug, shameless expression—
no one else in the entire Uchiha clan could look that unapologetically brazen.
That had to be Uchiha Yujiro.
"That guy… and Minato…"
Minato, swamped with paperwork every day, had kept his letters to Jiraiya short and vague.
Naturally, he'd neglected to mention that he and Yujiro had become close—
close enough to make Naruto and Sasuke look like distant acquaintances.
So in Jiraiya's mind, Uchiha Yujiro was still that "born-evil little brat" who was probably scheming something nefarious.
And now here he was—sitting comfortably in the Hokage's office, chatting with Minato like an equal.
Unthinkable.
---
While Jiraiya was still processing the absurdity, Yujiro was already on his feet, striding over with a dazzling smile.
He grabbed both of Jiraiya's hands enthusiastically, shaking them so hard it made even Minato blink.
"You must be Master Jiraiya, right!?"
"Uh—yeah?"
"I'm your biggest fan! I read your masterpiece Icha Icha Paradise every single day—never miss an issue!"
"…Ah!"
The first "ah" was confusion.
The second "ah" was realization—followed by an unmistakable spark of pride.
Jiraiya's face softened; his chest swelled a little.
He was embarrassed, yes—but also deeply pleased.
He hadn't expected this.
Finally—someone of culture.
---
Before Jiraiya could say anything, Yujiro clapped his hands together and declared warmly,
"I've heard so much about you, Master Jiraiya! You're always traveling for your research—what an honor to meet you in person!
Please, allow me to treat you tonight! The best venue, the finest sake, and the most beautiful hostesses—Master Jiraiya must grant me this honor!"
Well.
What could Jiraiya say to that?
When a young man was that enthusiastic, refusing would practically be a sin.
Minato and Yujiro exchanged a glance.
Both could see that Jiraiya was trying—trying—to act dignified, but his grin was stretching wider by the second.
Minato felt a bead of sweat slide down his temple.
He coughed. "Jiraiya-sensei… about that…"
He was still choosing his words carefully when Yujiro chimed in cheerfully,
"Come on, Minato, don't be like that! This is a rare occasion—let's all go together!"
"Wait, hold on—that's not—!"
Minato's alarm spiked.
A few seconds ago, he'd merely felt uneasy.
Now he was fighting for his life.
Before Yujiro could throw an arm around his shoulders and drag him off, Minato made a split-second decision.
A flash of chakra—shun!—and he vanished from the office in a golden blur.
Flying Raijin. Gone.
Jiraiya blinked, staring at the empty space where his student had been.
It felt like he'd just walked into a trap.
A very shiny, Uchiha-shaped trap.
But then Yujiro laughed, clapping him on the back.
"Ahaha! Married men—always so henpecked, huh? No helping it!
Well then, Master Jiraiya, looks like it's just the two of us tonight!"
"Eh? Wait—just us? Are you sure this is… uh… safe?"
Watching his student flee via Flying Raijin, and standing before the overly friendly Uchiha,
Jiraiya couldn't shake the feeling that he'd just stepped into an ambush—a trap packed with about six billion explosive tags.
But Jiraiya wasn't one to be easily cowed.
He told himself—come on, this was Konoha, his village. He was Jiraiya, the Legendary Toad Sage! What could one cheeky Uchiha possibly do to him?
Sure, the whole Nagato situation was giving him a headache…
but even a great man needed a little "work-life balance," right?
And that was how he found himself dragged into Konoha's Heaven and Earth, the most notorious entertainment club in the village—
and thoroughly, spectacularly entertained.
At first, Jiraiya tried to keep his guard up.
A little alert, a little cautious… for about three minutes.
Then Uchiha Yujiro said a single magic sentence, and every trace of vigilance vanished into thin air:
"All of Master Jiraiya's expenses tonight are on me!"
Jiraiya: "Ahaha—oh, no no, how could I possibly accept—"
But as he said "how could I possibly accept," his grin stretched from ear to ear, both hands already full, looking like the very embodiment of shameless delight.
Yujiro clapped him on the shoulder.
"As expected of the great Jiraiya-sama! Such stamina! Tell me, how many rounds can you last tonight?!"
Jiraiya slammed a sake cup down and let out his signature cackle:
"Kehehehe! Ten! I'm taking on ten attendants tonight!"
Yujiro raised his cup and shouted for the whole hall to hear:
"You heard him, everyone! Jiraiya-sama says he can take on TEN!"
---
The next morning…
A disheveled Jiraiya staggered out of the club, legs trembling, looking like a man who'd seen death and barely escaped.
From somewhere nearby, one of the Uchiha clan's newspaper delivery cats—Hajime—was meowing loudly:
"Extra! Extra! Breaking news!"
Jiraiya groaned, rubbing his back. "No, no, focus, can't get distracted. I've got real business to handle."
Still, he bought a copy of the New Konoha Times on the way, opening it as he trudged toward the Hokage's office.
He took one look—
and froze.
Then, loudly:
"WHAT THE HELL!?"
The headline screamed:
"Last Night! A Spirited Jiraiya-sama Returns to His Favorite Club and Declares Boldly:
'I CAN TAKE ON TEN!'"
And below it, in smaller print:
"According to eyewitness reports, Jiraiya-sama's condition was excellent—his stamina unparalleled, his energy godlike. Truly, a divine being descended among men!"
Jiraiya: "…"
If it had stopped there, he might've just grumbled, maybe called Yujiro a little bastard, and moved on.
But Jiraiya was no fool—his instincts for information were sharper than anyone's.
One glance at that headline, and the pieces clicked instantly.
Yesterday's paper had declared, "Jiraiya's illness finally cured!"
Today's paper proclaimed, "Jiraiya takes on ten!"
This wasn't just a coincidence.
This was a full-blown advertising campaign—
and he was the unpaid brand ambassador for Orochimaru's damn vitality tonic!
"Those two snakes—Orochimaru, Uchiha Yujiro—those sons of—ah! My back—!"
Fury surged through him, but the moment he tried to strike a dramatic pose to express it, his lower back gave out.
His whole body felt like it had been hollowed out.
Groaning like an old man, he hunched over, rubbing his back, inching toward the Hokage Tower one painful step at a time.
From a rooftop in the distance, Uchiha Yujiro observed the scene with a satisfied smile, rubbing his chin.
"See? There we go. Tomorrow's headline writes itself."
Orochimaru stood beside him, silent for a long moment.
Even someone who claimed to be beyond shame couldn't help but offer a few seconds of silent respect for his old comrade Jiraiya.
Then, slowly, a faint smile curled across his lips.
"I have a feeling," Orochimaru murmured, eyes gleaming, "that after this… the Ryūchi Cave Rejuvenation Powder is about to sell out faster than we can bottle it."
Yujiro nodded. "Exactly. Get your bags ready, partner—we're about to need them for all the money."