"The reason, Stel, is because you…"
He paused for a moment, his brown gaze darkened slightly as he took them away from me, fixating them right, the direction of the square window blind in this small dining room through which spliced golden rays of sunlight passed.
It was like he recalled something, maybe a memory that he couldn't quite put into words.
His lips parted to speak, but they hung in place, quivering slightly until he bit them. Then, he turned his head away from the window blind, and his gaze locked directly onto mine. His brown eyes shone with a dull light that I couldn't quite discern.
Sadness? Maybe. Maybe he was like me, someone who didn't feel the need to 'discomfort' others with their problems.
I shouldn't make the old man feel uncomfortable.
I calmly placed my spoon on the table. "It's okay. If you don't want to–"
"No, it's fine." He interrupted with a subtly shaking voice. He then took in a deep breath, his chest rose and fell. And then, he smiled and said, "I was about to speak, but some.. unpleasant memories resurfaced in my mind." There was a particular tone to his speech. It was hurried and almost startled. It was like he lied and said the truth at the same time.
Memories? Tell me about it. My whole ongoing existential dilemma was brought about by just one memory.
I slightly tilted my head, placing my right elbow on the table, and resting my chin on my open right palm. My eyes stayed steady on his face, never losing sight of his shaky gaze.
"Stel, you.. You greatly remind me of my own son." He dropped his steel spoon on the metal table, causing a small clang sound that reminded me of the pipelines to echo. Then, he began to speak, "If he were still alive, he would be about your age by now..." His words trailed off at that moment, dissolving into silent whispers that only he heard.
Eventually, he shut his eyes tightly, letting out a soft sigh. Then his lips pressed tight against each other, quivering and almost trembling.
"I warned him! I told him that it was impossible. But still, my son had a stubborn, unshakable sense of... justice, that I never quite understood the source of. He was a rebel. He tried to fight against the cruel rule of the four major gangs, and he was killed by them."
"..." I couldn't respond. I didn't know why, but it felt like the very moment I tried to console or comfort him, his resolve would come crumbling down.
I see. So I'm not the only one battling with… grief. I'm not the only lost one.
Now I feel bad for lying to him.
"You know, Stel, I was never an original citizen of the backlands. I wasn't born here." He suddenly said, hanging his head low. "I was born in a city far, far away from here. Where the rule of the King is stronger, where advanced technology fills the streets. I worked as a Cyberscientist. One of the Humans who could afford to pay those high taxes to keep myself in the big cities. And it would have remained that way. But, everything fell when I discovered something… forbidden."
His words struck a chord in my chest. And that chord vibrated deep within me, the reverberation echoed throughout my body, manifesting as the innate hunger that clawed at every sane man.
Curiosity.
"And…" My voice was only a bit higher than a whisper. My widened eyes narrowed, "What exactly is that?" I asked.
"Love." He replied almost instantaneously.
Huh?
"I discovered love, Stella." He repeated. "Not the love that a father gives to his son, nor the love that a mother gives to her daughter. It was a love that Humans had long forgotten we possessed. A love that we Humans had made forbidden."
His words continued to strike that chord within my heart, and as a result, my heartbeat went off rhythm, pounding ferociously against my ribs.
"What do you mean? What... what kind of love?"
"Love between a man and a woman." He replied with a soft tone tinged with resignation. And at that moment, he raised his head, and he looked at me.
My eyes widened once more, and my lips slightly parted. "A man and a woman?"
That was nothing short of…
"Impossible.." I whispered tenderly.
Of course, there had been tall tales that spoke of the times before the great Spiffian invasion. Times when that foreign energy — Ta — that evolved the Earth, and mutated its inhabitants had never existed, times when men loved women, and both genders of humanity came from women.
But that was all they ever were. Tall tales.
I had never even once thought it possible for a man to love a woman. It just never made any sense.
The seed of discord planted by the Spiffs had taken its root in the lives of humans a long, long time ago, and that discord was part of the reason why they easily invaded our world.
Here, the backlands were divided into three sections:
The human male section, the human female section, and the spiffian section.
No male entered the female section, and vice versa.
And although I had never been outside the backlands, I did know that the same principle was what they followed in those big cities.
It was just impossible for a man and a woman to meet and share the feeling called 'love.'
"Oh yes, it is possible. It was my reality. And the product of that reality, that shared love, was my son. A human male child that wasn't incubated in insemination pods, but was carried by his mother."
Now that's just absurd. It.. it sounds impossible. A child born without an insemination pod? How can that even happen?
If there were a way to have a child without paying that impossibly large amount of money for an insemination pod, then why haven't I heard of it?
I stared at the old man with disbelief etched in my grey eyes. But his eyes held true. There was no sign of falsehood in his steady gaze that rested on mine.
He wasn't lying. And strangely, I felt like I had had that conversation with him before. Like everything that was happening had already happened before.
I felt a strong feeling of deja vu.
"I see," I replied, finishing off the food on my plate. "Thank you, Craffold. For opening up to me and telling me this, for accepting me into your home, for… for everything." I spoke firmly as I stood up.
His son was killed by one of the four major gangs, he said?
He had a startled expression, and his forehead wrinkled more than it already was. "You're welcome," He replied softly. "Are you heading out, per chance?"
I think I know where to start my 'rebellion' now.
I think that was also the reason why Li-Song changed his question on that day. He asked me what I thought of the backlands.
I think it's a rotten place. A spoiled, unfixable place. Even the air stinks here, but I've grown accustomed to it. A lawless place governed by no one except the four major gangs that have made everyone's life a living hell.
Well, if I'm going to rebel, I guess I have to start small.
I will have to unite the backlands.
"Oh, yes, I am. I'm going to meet a friend of mine." I replied.
"You have a friend?"
"Yes, and I haven't seen him in a while.." I replied.
After I destroyed the Spiffian gang last time, they still rose back to power and solidified their reign. It means they have a strong backer. Someone or people who aren't in the backlands themselves.
It might be the same for the rest of the four major gangs.
Let me go ask my friend, he knows these things better than I do.
"His name is Mangé."