Evening turned to night, and soon my father brought Oguri and I to our izakaya.
As it turned out, pretty much everyone was already there. Belno had arrived just minutes ago, while Musaka and Kitahara were already snacking on some food, with Musaka naturally accompanying his snack with a good glass of beer. Belno's parents and Oguri's mom were there as well, and after a quick reunion with everyone, our return party truly began.
All sorts of fried food came pouring out of the kitchen like a broken dam. I was pretty quickly overwhelmed since my appetite had never been that large. Thankfully, we had one Oguri Cap on our side, and she cosplayed as a certain pink alien as she began eating through all the food like there was no tomorrow.
Suffice to say, I spent more time just watching Oguri's magic trick of making food disappear than actually eating.
Thankfully, my mother didn't mind. If anything, she seemed to have expected it. Since, just as Oguri was about to begin eating through a massive katsudon, my mother called me over to the kitchen. I quickly excused myself and went there, and I soon realized that she'd called me alone.
I sighed in exaggerated relief as I closed the door behind us. "Phew, finally some alone time, huh?"
My mom smiled. "It did get a little hectic, yes." She gazed fondly as she looked past the counter. "You friend's appetite is as amazing as always."
I shrugged. "That's Oguri, alright. She could probably eat the planet if she's hungry enough."
She just giggled as she sat down on a stool, gesturing for me to sit on the stool next to hers. I did just that, and we sat together in the kitchen with the chaos outside as our backdrop. The silence between us seemed tranquil, but I could see my mother glancing at me from time to time.
I was quiet for a little bit. There was…a lot I wanted to say. Many thoughts and words I didn't manage to share before I left for Central.
…But more than anything,
"I am happy." I said to her, having already guessed the reason for my mother's hesitation.
My mother's eyes widened. "You are…?" She asked softly, as if afraid that she'd misheard.
I smiled softly. I understood her surprise.
My…'ending' in my previous world was as clean as it could be. I was lucky, really—my passing was peaceful, and surrounded by the few family and friends I had. In that regard, I didn't have any regrets.
Yet, I was far from happy. Because though I was loved, she wasn't there. She wasn't with me; the promise between us was broken.
It was a shadow I carried into this world. And sure, I smiled and laughed and cheered at times, but in the beginning, it was mostly a mask. Umamusume were kind and simple, and I had to play the part even if I didn't feel like it. It'd fooled most people, but I could tell that my parents weren't easily deceived.
But what could they do? These feelings didn't originate from this world, and the growing dysphoria I felt as I grew up had only worsened my 'laziness'.
And then I met Oguri.
"I am." I said again as I gently took her hand. "And I'm sorry it took this long for me to say it." I smiled at her. "But I'm happy. I'm happy to be here, to be alive."
Realization lit in her eyes. "Ah, it's Oguri-chan, isn't it?"
I nodded. "It is." I said, and then I turned to her. "But before Oguri, you were always there. You and dad raised me when my stupid head wanted to just sleep and never wake up."
Her grip on my hand tightened as she heard my words, but she forced herself not to speak.
"I…can't explain it, really." I continued, smiling somewhat shamefully. "There's a lot that won't make sense—something only the Three Goddesses can probably understand." I sighed as I forcefully loosened my tense shoulders. "I was born wrong. I'm an umamusume, but until recently, I never felt like one."
I gently placed a hand over my beating heart. "There's always something missing here, y'know?" I chuckled softly. "And sure, Oguri doesn't match the shape, but she's enough of a cutie to fill it without much effort."
"...I see." My mother eventually said, her grip on my hand tight. "I'm sorry, Star." She said, and though tears formed in her eyes, she refused to let them fall. "I'm sorry I didn't do enough."
I shook my head. "Not your fault.." I faced her to make sure she heard me. "You did everything you can. It's just-, hah, I was too busy putting my head into the sand." I smirked. "But I'm better now. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm getting there."
She giggled as she wiped away her tears. "T-That's good." She said with a smile.
We sat there for quite some time. For the first time, her endless worries for me had dissipated somewhat, and my heart felt a little lighter. It took a long, winding road, but I'd finally taken the first step.
Would this have been way easier if this world had anti-depressants for umamusume? Sure! Definitely! Wouldn't have spent most of my life talking to my diary like an insane person!
Alas, the biology for umamusume remained a strangely understudied field, and it wouldn't be until Agnes Tachyon arrived that the field would be revived.
"So, tell me about her." My mom eventually said after she calmed down.
I blinked. "About Oguri?"
"Of course!" She smiled. "She's your first friend, right?" She clapped her hands together. "Like, how did you two meet? You've never told me before."
A smile unconsciously made its way onto my lips. "So it's like this…"
From there, I began regaling her with all sorts of stories about Oguri. Our first meeting, our first test race together, the formation of Team Kitahara, our decision to face Central, even our first meeting with Symboli Rudolf—I shared everything that'd brought me up to this point, and all of it was tied around one Oguri Cap.
As I did, I couldn't help but fondly glance at Oguri from time to time. During this whole conversation, Oguri was still deep into her own world, captivated only by the massive pile of food her father kept bringing her. And whenever I did, my smile would widen slightly, my ears would flap.
This didn't go unnoticed by my mother, and her gratitude for Oguri only grew stronger and stronger the more I talked.
Because it really was a blessing to see her daughter finally look so alive. The way I spoke, the way I stood—it was a complete reverse from how I used to be. Sure I could pretend all I wanted, but she and her husband knew that their daughter was mostly pretending. Whenever no one was there to see her, she'd always slump back, and her eyes would go lifeless.
Perhaps that was why she remembered the call she had with her husband just an hour ago.
I paused talking when I noticed the ambiguous smile my mother had. "What?" I asked, my discomfort growing as her strange smile remained. "What is it? Did I say something weird?"
Her smile twitched. "No, no. Of course not!" She smiled gently. "I'm just glad to see you so excited."
My chest puffed up with pride, but I quickly forced the feeling back down as I narrowed my eyes. "No, seriously, what is it?" I asked. "You're being weird."
She just giggled, and for the first time in my life, I felt like my life was in danger.