Ugh… this feels like I drank something way too strong.
After yesterday's long, intoxicating overwatered state at the aquarium, it felt like every last bit of inspiration had been wrung out of Kyo's brain all at once. The result? A heavy, sluggish mind, tinged with a dull ache.
So this is what a hangover feels like.
She had originally flopped onto her bed, completely drained, but after some effort, she forced herself up and sat at her desk, which doubled as a water tank. The gentle currents flowing inside mimicked the sights from yesterday's aquarium, helping her scatter her thoughts and ease the dizziness.
Maybe I should get used to this feeling. Kyo thought absentmindedly.
After all, once she reached drinking age, she'd probably go all out in revenge for all the years she wasn't allowed to drink. She had been craving the taste of alcohol for so long—it was practically criminal to be a bartender and not be allowed to drink.
…But then again, maybe not. She had no interest in becoming some pathetic drunk.
People didn't admire those kinds of bartenders. They admired the ones who knew how to drink just enough to exude that mysterious, alluring charm—close yet distant, always leaving others wanting more.
Besides, even when she turned 18, then 20, there was no way her older sister and parents would actually let her drink freely. They'd probably just add alcohol to the ever-growing list of things she wasn't allowed to touch.
"Life… is so bleak…"
No good—thinking about this only made her even more curious about alcohol. She needed to focus on something else.
Luckily, her mind was already packed with plenty of other things.
Tomori. The sperm whale band-aid. Forever…
Even through the mental fog, she could still recall everything from yesterday with startling clarity—though there was a strange sense of detachment, like watching someone else's memories instead of her own.
Not that it was the first time this had happened.
She didn't have any kind of dissociative disorder or anything. This was just plain old mental exhaustion. It would pass soon enough.
And right now, her own mental state wasn't even the biggest thing she needed to worry about. I'm fine. If anything, I get even sharper when my mind starts going haywire.
"…Wow, I really said a lot yesterday." Kyo sighed. "Guess I should be grateful that my nonsense somehow ended up comforting Tomori."
Even in her overexcited state, she had been completely unfiltered.
Normally, she was much more careful—she prided herself on her self-control. But the contrast between normal her and yesterday her was… way too extreme.
Could she be one of those people with really bad drinking habits? No, please, anything but that—if she got too out of control, she'd have to start drinking alone, and that would just be tragic.
But what's done is done. All she could do now was analyze it in hindsight and update her mental records.
Lying on her desk, Kyo absentmindedly tapped the top of the water tank. A dull thud echoed through the acrylic surface, but her sensitivity to water let her pick up the faint ripples it caused.
Riding that feeling, she suddenly stood up.
Before she got to work, she needed a drink.
Thankfully, her personal mini bar was right next to her desk—minimal effort required.
There were still leftover ingredients from the drink she had mixed for the aquarium trip yesterday. She grabbed the special coconut milk, pineapple juice, and lemon juice, pouring them all into a shaker filled with ice.
Since she wasn't in top condition and had no customers to impress, she didn't bother adding the blue curaçao, which was mostly just for color anyway. The taste wouldn't change much—if anything, it might blend even better without it.
This drink was an original recipe she had picked up online, known as the Blue Hawaii. With its dreamy ocean-blue hue, the name fit it perfectly.
Pouring the mixture into a glass, Kyo found herself—on impulse—raising the cup slightly before lightly tapping it against the shaker.
Only after taking a sip did she realize what she had just done.
Wait… what the hell was that?
A lingering habit from mental exhaustion? Or had the memory of yesterday's toast with Tomori stuck in her mind more deeply than she thought?
"…A single moment… building into a lifetime, huh?"
Muttering to herself, she finished the drink and walked into her study.
Her eyes landed on a photo of Takamatsu Tomori.
Yesterday was the first time I'd seen Tomori since Sakiko left CRYCHIC.
She hadn't even replied to my LINE messages before that.
She had always known where Tomori lived, but she had hesitated to visit, afraid that showing up uninvited would only pressure her more.
She hadn't met Tomori until yesterday, but after talking to Soyo before that, she had already gotten a feeling—
The trigger of Sakiko leaving was going to bring out all the hidden emotions that the band members had been suppressing.
And sure enough, Tomori had become way more complicated to deal with than before.
Sakiko had her overwhelming pride. Soyo was dependent on the band.
At first glance, Tomori seemed similar to Soyo, but in reality, her problems were even more severe.
Difficulty expressing emotions. Self-restraint. Low self-esteem. A desperate desire to be understood. A longing for something she could cherish.
Kyo had pieced it all together from the way Tomori kept doubting herself, her peculiar, almost otherworldly way of speaking, and, of course, that final question she had asked Kyo.
It was all just speculation, but Kyo was confident in her assessment.
If anything, Tomori's situation might be even worse than she imagined.
…Did I just get tangled up in something really heavy?
Kyo imagined it for a moment—what would happen if she, like Sakiko, disappeared one day without leaving a single excuse behind?
…It would probably turn into a complete disaster.
A shiver ran down her spine. Her hand trembled, and the pen she was holding slipped, messing up her writing. The ink smudged across several words, forcing her to grab a new label and rewrite it from scratch.
Not that she ever planned on abandoning Tomori in the first place.
When it came to her, Kyo genuinely wanted to help.
Maybe it was a sense of camaraderie—two little monsters, both defective when it came to emotions, recognizing something of themselves in each other. Or maybe it was just because… well, Tomori was really cute.
But figuring out how to help her—that was the real challenge.
After updating Tomori's entry, Kyo crossed her arms and took a step back, surveying the wall of records in front of her.
She shifted the photos of Tomori, Soyo, and Sakiko, placing them side by side.
She couldn't handle Tomori the way she had with Sakiko.
Sakiko had strong self-motivation—she just needed the right conditions, and she would move forward on her own.
She also couldn't take the same approach she had with Soyo.
That decision had been less calculated, but Kyo had figured that giving Soyo time to process things on her own before interfering would be the best way to gauge her next steps. Whether Soyo ultimately chose to hold on or let go, at least for now, she still had Mutsumi by her side.
But Tomori…
The blessing Kyo had given her yesterday might have lifted her spirits, but expecting her to carry herself forward on her own was unrealistic. And ignoring her entirely? Even worse.
Tomori was a volcano turned inward.
Left alone, she wouldn't just erupt—she'd self-destruct.
If Kyo really wanted to, she could probably occupy the majority of Tomori's emotional world, making herself into something irreplaceable to her. By staying close, she could become the thing that stabilized her.
But two people—one incapable of understanding emotions, the other unable to express them—would only keep circling the same place, never moving forward.
Even if they did make it to the end together, clinging to nothing but an act, they'd just be playing house.
And Kyo refused to live in something stagnant.
She could help Tomori, but she wouldn't be by her side forever.
Would reforming the band be a good option?
Sakiko probably wouldn't want to come back.
And even if she did decide to form another band, it would likely be with a commercial debut in mind.
Soyo wouldn't be a problem—if getting Tomori back into a band was on the table, Soyo would definitely be on board.
Mutsumi… unclear. She was still too much of a mystery. Their last conversation had mostly been between Kyo and Soyo, so Mutsumi's thoughts remained unreadable.
Taki would probably be willing to return.
Ever since Tomori had sung Haruhikage, Taki had been noticeably warm toward her. She had even followed Tomori out when she left the band.
And as for herself…
…Now that was tricky.
If she joined, she'd probably never be able to leave. She'd be tied to the band, trapped in that role.
Kyo much preferred being the kind of person who showed up occasionally—someone you could always find when you needed comfort, a bartender who would be there, waiting, to mix you a drink.
For now, if she couldn't come up with a solid plan, forcing it wouldn't help.
Better to take a step back and look for new angles.
See if there were any clues she had overlooked.
Maybe she should go find Taki.
She was the only one in the band Kyo hadn't met with yet. If there was any place to break open this tangled mess, it might be through her.
Whether it was for getting the band back together or just making sure Tomori had someone who truly understood her, Taki seemed like a promising lead.
And finding her wouldn't be hard.
Kyo had looked up everyone's home addresses ages ago.
As for how she got that information… well. No need to get into that.
Her finger tapped Taki's photo.
Decision made—she would be today's objective.
And since she hadn't gone to the bookstore yet, this timing worked out perfectly.
Kyo wasn't planning on ambushing her at home.
There was a much better place for a conversation—RiNG.
Apparently, Taki had started working there part-time for the summer, and if Kyo remembered right, she was in charge of the drink station.
It was hard to imagine the hot-tempered Taki smiling and serving customers… but there were always people who found that kind of thing charming.
Kyo casually grabbed a water bottle to take with her.
No need to mix something herself when RiNG already had drinks on the menu.
Hopefully, Taki wouldn't turn out to be another problem person like Sakiko…