She wanted to go to where Sakiko was.
Even if that place was hell.
Tomori's fingers twitched.
As if possessed, she didn't reach for the door to answer Anon. Instead, she reached toward Seiji's hand.
Thud! Thud! Thud!
Anon kept pounding, her shouts relentless:
"Tomori! You're in there, aren't you?! I know you can hear me!"
"Don't be scared! Did that man threaten you? Did Sakiko do something to you? Say something! If you don't answer, I'll... I'll call the police!"
At the word "police," Sakiko, nestled in Seiji's arms, went slightly rigid.
If the police actually came...
Though Seiji had the power to handle it, if things blew up, her identity, her father's situation, even her reputation at school, would all collapse in an instant.
"Heh."
Sensing the fear of the girl in his arms, Seiji only let out a soft laugh.
Not a trace of panic. He didn't even lift an eyelid.
"Tomori, you heard that too."
"Your friend is very worried about you."
Seiji chuckled. "But, Tomori... do you really want to go out there?"
The question was like a sharp blade, piercing into Tomori's heart.
Do I want to go out?
Tomori looked at the trembling door.
Outside was Anon. Always energetic Anon.
The "normal" world.
But...
Tomori lowered her head, looking at her own scarred palms.
That world was too bright. So bright it left her nowhere to hide. She felt like a worm in a gutter, only bringing trouble to others.
She didn't want to be looked at like that.
Didn't want those eyes full of pity and encouragement.
"I don't want..."
Tomori's lips moved, her voice barely audible.
"Don't want what? Louder."
Seiji leaned forward slightly, his eyes like black holes trying to swallow Tomori's soul.
"I don't want... to be looked at like that..." Tomori clutched her head, nails digging deep into her hair. "I don't want to be human anymore. Being human is too painful..."
"That's right."
Seiji nodded with satisfaction.
He turned Sakiko's chin, forcing her to face Tomori.
"Look here, Tomori?"
Seiji's fingers traced down Sakiko's cheek, pausing at the side of her pale, slender neck, where a fresh hickey rose and fell with her breathing.
"Sakiko is the same as you."
"She used to carry the weight of the entire band's hopes, the glory of her family. Was she happy then?"
Tomori stared blankly at Sakiko.
"But now?"
Seiji lowered his head, his lips nearly brushing Sakiko's earlobe.
"Sakiko, tell her. How does it feel, being by my side right now?"
Sakiko's lashes trembled violently.
Shame washed over her like a tide, threatening to drown her. To admit something so shameless in front of her former bandmate was public execution.
But...
When Seiji's fingers traced down her spine, that familiar electric sensation made her go weak.
These past few days of pleasure had carved indelible marks into her body. Compared to that reality where she'd exhausted herself and still saw no hope, being with Seiji had given her a strange, unprecedented... lightness.
The lightness of surrender.
Sakiko slowly opened her eyes. Those clear orbs were now veiled with a misty haze.
She looked at Tomori, her voice hoarse but certain.
"It feels... peaceful, Tomori."
Sakiko spoke the word.
"Peaceful?" Tomori stared in disbelief.
"Yes, Tomori." Sakiko smiled bitterly, her body leaning even more obediently into Seiji's embrace. "No more pretending to be strong. No more worrying what people think. No more carrying those burdens that make it hard to breathe. I just... just hand myself over to him, like an object. And then... it really doesn't hurt anymore."
BOOM—
Tomori's worldview was rocked to its core.
So... that's really how it is?
If I just give up being "human," if I just become an "object," the pain will stop?
Looking at Sakiko's face, flushed but strangely serene, the crumbling defenses in Tomori's heart finally collapsed.
For Tomori, in the depths of self-loathing and nihilism, this offer to "become an object" was like gospel from hell.
Thud! Thud! Thud!
The pounding outside grew more frantic, Anon's voice even cracking with sobs.
"Tomori! Open the door! Please!"
"How annoying."
Seiji frowned.
He glanced at Tomori, a mischievous smile curving his lips.
"Tomori, go take care of it."
He pointed at the door. "Your friend is too noisy. If you want to stay here, if you want to join us... then go shut her up."
"I..."
Tomori hesitated.
"What? Can't let go?"
Seiji raised an eyebrow, and suddenly pulled Sakiko close, kissing her deeply right in front of Tomori.
"Mmph—"
Sakiko let out a startled whimper, then melted into compliance.
The quiet living room suddenly filled with sounds that made cheeks burn and hearts race, wet and breathy.
Chu... slurp...
The sounds were amplified in the empty room, each note like a hammer striking Tomori's heart.
Tomori stared dumbly at the scene.
At Sakiko with her eyes closed, arms wrapped around Seiji's neck, her face drunk with pleasure.
A jealousy and longing she'd never known before grew like weeds in Tomori's heart.
Why does Sakiko get to feel so at peace?
Why does only Sakiko get to be held like that?
If she didn't get rid of Anon... this atmosphere would be ruined.
"I'll go!"
Tomori stood.
Step by step, she walked toward the entryway.
With each step, the "Tomori Takamatsu" inside her died a little more.
Reaching the door, Tomori's hand rested on the handle.
If she twisted it open, she could return to that world full of sunlight. Return to Anon's embrace, return to school, continue being that lonely but cared-for oddball.
But...
From behind came Sakiko's barely suppressed gasps: "Seiji... there... mm..."
That voice was like a spell, gripping Tomori's ankles, pinning her in place.
"Tomori! Are you at the door?!"
Anon outside seemed to hear footsteps and called out with excitement. "Open the door! Quickly!"
Tomori drew a deep breath.
She didn't open the door.
Instead, she spoke in a voice cold enough to belong to a stranger:
"Anon."
The noise outside stopped abruptly.
"Tomori?!"
"Please go away."
Tomori's voice was flat. "I don't want to see you."
"Huh?"
Anon outside seemed frozen, taking several seconds to react. "What are you saying, Tomori? It's me, Anon!"
"Anon... you're so noisy."
"Noisy?"
Anon sounded like she'd been punched hard, her voice cracking. "I'm... I'm noisy? I'm just worried about you! Aren't we friends?"
"I don't need it."
Tomori's voice rose slightly, carrying merciless cruelty. "Your concern is just a burden to me. So... please, just go away."
"Go away?"
Dead silence outside the door.
Anon never imagined that Tomori, who was too timid to even speak loudly, would use that word to drive her away.
"Tomori... is that really you?"
Anon's voice was filled with disbelief and despair.
"It's me."
Tomori's voice was cold. "This is the real me now."
With that, Tomori removed her hand from the handle and stepped back.
This was the first time she'd ever been so cruel to someone.
But strangely, as those vicious words left her mouth, the boulder that had been pressing on her heart seemed to roll away too.
That guilt from "not being good enough," from "betraying a friend," from "failing to meet expectations," evaporated in this moment.
Because... since she was already trash, hurting others was only natural, wasn't it?
This final step had completely severed her connection to that world of light.
Outside, Anon's muffled sobs could be heard, and the sound of retreating footsteps.
In the living room.
Sakiko's gasping continued.
Tomori turned, looking at the two figures still entwined.
In this moment, her heart was hollow, yet strangely light.
Just as Sakiko had said.
No more pretending.
No more carrying that heavy word called "human."
Seiji released the flushed Sakiko and looked at Tomori standing in the entryway, a satisfied smile spreading across his face.
He extended his hand, beckoning gently.
"Well done, Tomori."
"Since you've pushed the light away."
"Come here."
"Welcome to... our world."
Tomori looked at that hand.
A hand that was about to drag her into the abyss.
But in this moment, it seemed like the only salvation.
She didn't hesitate.
She stepped forward, treading over the lyrics scattered on the ground, walking step by step toward that man, toward the abyss called depravity.
Her eyes were hollow, her lips murmuring:
"I want to... become mud."
"Please let me... become mud."
Tomori said nothing more. She just stared blankly at him, eyes empty and dead.
"Since the irrelevant people have been cleaned out."
Seiji patted Sakiko's waist, signaling her to stand. "Time for the next performance."
Sakiko straightened out her slightly disheveled collar. Though her legs were still weak, she forced herself to maintain a young lady's poise.
She walked to stand before Tomori.
"Tomori."
Sakiko reached out, gently taking Tomori's cold hand.
"Come with me."
Her voice was soft, with a hint of coaxing. "Since you've already pushed the light away, don't look back anymore. Come... Seiji is waiting for you."
Tomori looked at those familiar eyes.
Eyes that once held only strictness and pursuit of perfection. Now they were filled with something thick and viscous called "desire."
Tomori didn't refuse.
She let Sakiko lead her, step by step, to stand before Seiji.
Seiji studied Tomori with a gaze that appraised merchandise. "Do you know what I want?"
Tomori shook her head.
"I don't need your body." Seiji's words made Tomori pause.
"I have Sakiko for that." He glanced at Sakiko beside him, who obediently lowered her head. "What I want is your voice."
"My... voice?" Tomori repeated hoarsely.
"That's right."
Seiji rose and walked to stand before Tomori. He was a head taller than her, his overwhelming presence making her instinctively want to retreat, but his hand had already gripped her chin.
"Your lyrics, your singing voice, they're all full of that broken beauty."
His fingers traced over Tomori's lips. "But those lyrics are too airy. What 'I want to become human,' what 'a lost child'... I only hear confusion."
"The you right now is the real you."
"Someone who wants to be filled, wants to be controlled, wants to roll in the mud... the real you."
Seiji leaned down and, under those terrified eyes, spoke in a low voice:
"So, Tomori. Sing one for me."
"Not with sheet music, not with a microphone."
"But with your body."
Tomori's pupils contracted sharply.
She understood.
That naked, undisguised desire made her feel fear, but at the same time, a shiver she'd never known before crept up her spine.
"Sakiko."
Seiji released his grip and sat back on the couch. "Teach her. As her senior in the band, you should know what to do."
"Yes."
Sakiko took a deep breath and knelt on the carpet.
She looked up at Tomori, determination flickering in her eyes.
"Watch me, Tomori."
Sakiko lowered her head in front of Seiji.
In that instant, Tomori instinctively tried to close her eyes, but Sakiko's cold voice cut through:
""Don't close them. If you want to join us, this is the price of admission."
=-=-=-=-=
Note: 100 p.s for extra chapter
Read Advance chapters at [email protected]/NiaXD