Change.
Why do things in life have a habit of changing when one least expects them to? I could remember when it all started. The leaves that day were in the midst of changing from green to their reddish brown color. It was the beginning of the end of my high school life, senior year.
Forty-five minutes before I had to leave for what was the beginning of my last four months of school, and I got my diploma. It was a stressful time for many in the school.
Many honestly knew nothing of what they planned to do after they got the paper that said they were qualified to work a minimum wage job at a factory, or capable of being another bullet slinger or paper pusher in the military or corporation.
It was truly a compelling and strong start if you fed into the bullshit forced down our throats about the wonders of a diploma by those around us and including the media, which was the worst of the second worst of the system we call a society. It came full circle when one realized that most of the hard work in school was to only make them suboptimal to work a cash register or to manage other people who were just as suboptimal but less trustworthy on the account of how willing they were to kiss upper management's ass or get on their knees and take it like daddy's little princess.
It all came down to connections and power and whether or not you could control whether or not you ended up like Marie Antoinette. Perception was key to the heart of the fool, and to the heart of the fool, all you needed was a story to tell. Whether or not you are a leader of a country, a religious saint, or a small-time celebrity, you'll always have someone capable of committing an atrocity under the right conditions as long as your story was compelling and sprinkled with the truth.
I say this while listening to Lil Wayne's latest album, "The Carter V". Little to no attention is given to the other two people sitting at the rectangular table. Just me and the music going through my earbuds attempting to drown out the O' so happy atmosphere surrounding me, or at least the perception of it, as at the moment there are only two living people at the table. Me and the thing pretending to be my father.
Pretending that it's human.
Several years ago, when I was 10, a little after my mother died in a car crash and we moved to this remote town I now call home, he became drastically different. Almost like a machine or an alien one would see on television attempting to blend in with society. This side of him was only present at home though, outside he acted as if he's not changing personalities or character like someone turning on the lights to a basement with no windows.
It all came to a head one afternoon night when I caught him dragging a woman to our shed while I stayed hidden, after one morning seeing him jerk his head up then walk out the house with haste and not returning till the ass crack of dusk. She was already dead if her entrails dragging from her stomach to trailing behind her legs weren't a clear sign.
Frightened, but not frightened enough that my curiosity led me to peek inside like the dumbass kid I was back then. What I saw put the driest of tastes in my mouth. My chest felt like there were several tiny insects crawling under my skin while it was cooled to the most uncomfortable of feelings.
What I saw opened my eyes to things I honestly didn't want to know about. Like the fact that he could split the edges of his mouth and further split the middle of his bottom lip all the way down to his waist. The two sides of his chest and abdomen began to break apart into strips exposing a blue ribcage.
Further within there was an empty crevice where his organs were supposed to be, only illuminated by a levitating black orb of pitch-black smoke that was constantly rotating while a purple light was seeping out of small openings that appeared quickly then closed.
As the black orb began to spin faster the openings persisted until they remained open. It was spinning so quickly it looked still then the black substance began to expand and finally it dissipated. Leaving behind the now glowing orb of purple light that began to glow brighter by the second.
Before I could see further his eyes quickly shifted in my direction, directly looking at a stunned child through the window, frozen by the clear monstrosity in front of him.
Shocked by the sudden realization that I was found I had fallen backward straight on my ass with eyes to the sky. Realizing that shit had hit the fan I had looked back to the window to see that the creature that was pretending to be my father was now at the window, looking at me with a shocked and worried expression.
Knowing I had to leave I scampered to my feet and attempted to run but what I saw raised the bar on my fear. Instead of breaking through the window or wall this creature simply phased through it, while the strips of flesh that had earlier split from his mouth to his waist and waved around like ribbons in the air came back together to form the man I once knew. At that I bolted through the woods.
It called my name with its disjointed voice as I ran through the woods. I understood shit wasn't right from the get-go but that shit hit the fan at Mach speed with the blades spinning at ten thousand rotations per minute. While a portion of me wanted to check to see if I was being followed the other half told that half to fuck itself.
I had lost track of time with how much I had ran through our neighboring forest. When I stumbled upon the creature it had already been reaching the later hours and now it was damn near pitch black with only the rising moon to light my way. Trees and bushes scraped across my skin. I had lost a shoe along the way but cared not as the adrenaline had seemed to allow me to ignore the slight lopsided way I ran. I eventually ended up near one of my neighbors' houses. The distance was a pain in the ass since we lived on the outskirts of town.
By time I arrived at Ms. Sherwood's house she was already outside hanging clothes on metal wiring in her backyard with only her back porch light on. Back then I wished I saw the signs.
I ran to her and pleaded and begged for her to believe me about what I had seen. That my father had turned into a monster. She saw me at the edge of the forest and our eyes met. The adrenaline rushing to my head blinding me from realizing how she reacted, no, responded. I should have paid attention to the finer details, but that's all in the past.
She smiled at me warmly with the warm smile everyone would have assumed Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother would have given. Then she said while caressing my head, "Calm down, Eli. Everything's alright."
Her voice was calm and alluring. It had a calming effect that felt mesmerizing. At that time I almost fell for it until my calmness allowed me to remember something unexpected. We had just recently moved here to this small town on the edge of Tennessee and Kentucky no less than two weeks ago. Meaning I knew no one and they didn't, shouldn't, have known me, so how did Ms. Sherwood know me at the time. I only learned her name, or supposed name, after that night, but the truth soon came to me as I looked past her once again.
Her backyard lights were on but the interior of the house was pitch black. What sense did it make to be out this late with no interior lights on when you're handling laundry. Why was she so accepting of some sweaty and dirty kid who came bolting out of the woods towards her from her backyard.
Everything was off and the gut feeling I had when I saw my supposed father dragging the corpse of that girl came back for round two but heavier.
When I looked back towards Ms. Sherwood the smile she had had lessened slightly from being happy to being slightly amused. Her pupils had changed from her natural-looking brown eyes to dull glowing baby blue. It was at this moment I had frozen.
Yes I froze. Like a fucking deer in headlights because I heard them. The footsteps walking around me and whatever was pretending to be Ms. Sherwood became gradually louder, and the footsteps behind me were particularly the loudest and most noticeable like they were meant to draw attention.
"Right on time as usual, he just found his way here." Ms. Sherwood had spoken thawing me from my frozen/shocked state allowing me to sate my curiosity as to who it was she was talking to. My head turned slowly as my perception matched the pace with multiple thoughts ricocheting in my head.
Who was she talking to?
Why is her house abysmally dark as if the utilities weren't paid, which was contradictory considering her backyard was barely lit with the dusty wall lights by the back porch?
Who are all of these people now standing around us but closer to the woods with only their figures distinguishable but not recognizable other than their height differences and the similar dull glowing of their blue eyes?
I finally turned around to a full one eighty and was face to face with my father who had a quiet look of worry that was hidden by his usual look of indifference. Back then I was confused and shocked and tired, but I came to know that his worry was real after this event.
But at the moment I looked at his eyes that glowed the same dull blue as everyone else's nearby that were semi-hidden. I remembered how I thought I was so utterly fucked until my supposed father placed his hand on my shoulder, bent down over slightly and said "Be still and listen..."
At that moment everything paused as I could no longer control my body. I had full intent to strike off and run as fast as possible. To where? I had no idea as the openings had closed and were filled with countless eyes and figures. I could have made a mad dash for the house and possibly had ran through it but the idea of magically making it past Mrs. Sherwood and then running into the possible house of horrors, if the eerie pitch-black interior wasn't a huge red flag the monster that had me surrounded with glowing blue eyes were Teletubbies, was just about as real as me not having to piss at that moment.
"...I'd hoped to... include you into the happenings of your life and — some very hard to swallow truths — but you being you..." The creature said before chuckling while continuing to look like my father.
"You always had a knack for... getting close to the truth of things that you were not ready for, and I tried to... redirect you the best I could, but your gifts were always frighteningly correct like existence itself put you on a one-way rail that couldn't be derailed or redirected..." At this point I phased him out and began to worry as the questions came to me.
Am I going to die?
What are they?
What happened to my dad?
Did it kill my dad?
How long has it been pretending to be my father?
Was it in some way responsible for my mother's death?
What's going to happen to me?
At this last thought I was snapped out of my thoughts by the snapping of fingers that had been washed poorly as the remnants of blood remained slightly on the edges of the nail bed of his thumb and middle finger of his right hand.
"Sorry if you're still in shock buddy, but right now is not the time to fall into trauma mode. You had us worried, although we knew where you were the whole time." My father said placing both hands on my shoulders, not realizing he'd just left a small amount of blood residue on my hoodie at the time.
I looked into the dull glowing blue eyes of what was pretending to be my father and saw an endless depth behind them. It was at that moment the surrounding changed. We were no longer in Mrs. Sherwood's backyard. We had returned to our house. The same house that had been feeling empty for the past two years since my mom died.
I looked down at the ceramic tiling on the floor then to the once mud-covered Nike's I wore when I ran. They were clean. Clean and snug with that uncomfortable feeling new shoes give on day one of wearing them. My clothes too were cleaned and from the feeling and look, were freshly ironed. The smell of hazelnut coffee which was my father's go-to choice was in the air, lightly but there.
I would have thought I was hallucinating if I hadn't remembered that a classmate of mine had spilled a couple of drops of red fruit punch on my shirt sleeve that day during lunch at school. The stain was now gone too.
I was about to turn around until I heard the intentionally loud sipping of something liquid coming from behind me. I turned with swiftness to only see my dad looking at me while continuing to sip his coffee.
Back then, I forgot what I had tripped on, maybe a shoelace... no, couldn't have been the shoes, they were freshly cleaned and tied tight. It didn't matter at the moment as I had in front of me a creature that scared the shit out of me pretending to be my dad.
"Look Eli... there isn't much of a better way for me to say this, but... I am your father... ehh that came out corny I know." My father said while trying to play off that corny ass way of attempting to quell the fear of a child that was instilled into him that night. At that moment my fear was quelled slightly, but I was also wondering what kind of murderous monster uses 70's movie quotes on a whim and backtracks when they themselves know it bombed.
"Hey young man watch your words, and yes it was corny and secondly..." My father paused as he realized something and smiled. "Sharp... Sharp as always, even when fear has a hold of you. That makes me proud and slightly afraid." He said while smiling and grabbing his coffee and taking a sip while looking at me with the face he would have when something genuinely made him happy. Which was uncommon when it didn't include me.
He caught on quick, yes I wasn't as fearful as before but caution was mine to take in that situation. A monster, my father I suppose, was having a surprise reveal as if he, and along with what I could guess was half the town, was coming out of the closet, but that was just another one of many questions I had.
As it was confirmed he, they, or whatever they were called were capable of reading my mind any idea I had went out the window. Especially since I had no idea how I had made it back to our house freshly cleaned.
Looking at him I came to a realization. That he or they didn't want me dead, or at least not yet at least. I got up and decided to hold the counter's edge not for the added stability that came with leaning on it but more to soothe my nerves that were at an all-time high if my fast heartbeat and slight shake in my hands said anything.
"So who.. what are you? I know my dad isn't a killer or... whatever you are. Where is he?" I said remembering how he was before the accident that killed mom.
He looked at me for a moment then down at his coffee, his face had changed from that pre-set facial expression he had been wearing to that of slight hurt at my words. The artificial smile he was giving me slightly faded, if it was real from his previous expressions.
He looked down at his hand at the wedding band wrapped around his middle finger, staring at it like the answer was written on the side of the ring with his palm. His eyes closed slightly before opening again and he said, "I am your father Eli... I wish I can tell you everything, but without a doubt I am your dad. What you saw earlier has always been who, what, I am. The woman you saw me dragging earlier is someone who... would have harmed you if they knew about you or I and the others. So it was my duty as our leader to take care of her before she ever noticed."
I looked at him and saw the look on his face. It was honestly the most emotion that I had seen him give in ages. Was he sincere? I didn't know but there at that time I had a glaring question at the back of my head.
"Are we... am I... like you?" I said looking at my hands and then looking back at my father's glowing dull blue eyes and trying to find the right words. My mind was racing as no comic or book I had read so far had given an idea to handle that situation.
My dad stared and a small smile crept to the edge of his face as he leaned over and stretched out his hand towards me with his palm facing up. From within his palm a black substance began to seep out of each pore like they each were a chimney. The substance reminded me of when his chest was opened, with the same black substance. The substance this time was thick and moved strange. It formed into a sphere that one could swear was solid, levitating like a gas while randomly morphing in and out of shape.
My father's smile widened at my amazement, like any adult showing off with magic tricks in front of children.
He then flattened the sphere into an oval mirror, which was just about as identical as any mirror if I hadn't just seen him make it myself. He handed the mirror to me and said, "Look in the mirror and tell me the answer to your own question."
At first I hesitated. All my life I was me, normal to me at least. But now I have my father, a creature of unknown origins to me, who just made a mirror out of an unknown substance telling me to look at myself to find out if I'm one of Lovecraft's hidden monsters. Yeah I was stunned before a question came to my mind. If he's a monster and I turned out to be so as well, was my mom one too? The question brought me out of my shock and I grabbed the mirror.
I raised the mirror and saw something that scared the hell out of me even more than what's happened so far. My eyes were gone and in their place a dark void of emptiness, but that void was not alone. Surrounded by the void of darkness there was a small light, purple lights. They were only visible if someone looked hard enough or possibly the light got brighter, but either way, they were there.
I stared for a few seconds longer before I blinked and the black void in my eye sockets disappeared and my regular eyes returned, but with a slight change. There were now small strands of purple within my iris in random intervals. With all honesty although they were hard to notice.
I slowly raised the mirror down, slowly with shocked fear. What did it mean, how, what, when. I had either become a monster or been a monster and that shit was scary. Not any scarier than knowing those around you were as well. But that fucked my entire perception of things that I just froze.
I froze like a bootlegged copy of Kung Fu Hustle, couldn't tell if it was for satire or intentional. In the end it wasn't my will back then that shook me out of my shock, no for sake of anything above I was a child back then. It was my father who had shook me awake and then hugged me. How he made it that close without me catching him move was either tantamount to how shocked I was or another of his monstrous abilities I'd yet to see or understand.
"I know things are scary at the moment — but you will come to understand who, and what you are in the future. I can't teach or tell you everything yet, but when the time is right, I will tell you everything. I promise."
Silently, the next moment, I had woken up the next morning in my bed in plain green pajamas. Confused yet refreshed, like nothing had ever happened. Cautiously, I got up and dressed, and did all of the necessities of a child in the morning, like normal, or at least as normal as I could while checking corners like a paranoid schizophrenic. It wasn't until I made my way to the kitchen that we came face to face. He was in the same beige cream tan colored suit that he had worn the night before. Sipping from the same coffee cup he had the night before. A brief thought of whether or not it had the same coffee in it from last night.
As I walked in, he pointed to the chair and said, "Good morning Eli... so about last night. After I put you to sleep me and the others had a little talk."
I moved to sit down where he pointed and then sat in silence. I had too many questions to ask at the moment, but I was too scared to ask at the time before he said, "We..." He motioned his hand left as to bring my attention to the fifteen people, One of who was Ms.Sherwood eerily standing huddled together with smiles on their faces, they were not there when I entered, which I knew for a fact since...
"...have a proposition for you."
That proposition led to seven years of pretending that everything was normal. That everything was just regular to the extent that a creature, my father, and I sat across from each other while he sipped from his coffee, while I went to town on a bowl of Lucky Charms. Normal. What I pretended to be in order for more answers as to what I... we are, and what happened to my mother.
With three minutes to get to the bus stop, I put my bowl in the sink and proceeded to walk out the door. Right at the exit entrance, I felt a hand gently lay upon my shoulder. I turned my head to see my father looking at me with a softened smile. Similar to what he had in the kitchen seven years ago. I looked at him in his eye as he did mine and said, "Tonight, the night I promised you. So prepare yourself."