I lied to myself.
That is what the man thought when we looked at the rope hanging from his ceiling.
I lied to myself all these years hoping that once I take my revenge everything will get better, my life will gain a meaning.
I have died long before, I doubt my life could be called living by most standards. I am breathing, I am eating multiple times a day, I can think and even see yet this life isn't living.
I am lonely, blind, tired of all happening in my life.
My single anchor is my lies and that false love.
I am tired of the feeling in my chest that is digging deeper with every beat.
I hate her.
I always loved her, never expected anything more than the bare minimum yet she had to go for that lying piece of shit and not me.
I should have killed him when I had the chance!
That whore! What does it take to see the person infront of you! What does it take to see that you are used?
I don't even care anymore, my only wish is for you to suffer just as I have.
I hope you feel the true loneliness one day.
I just wished the only person in my life to value me.
The door opened as a figure looked inside. Dark skin, long black hair, abnormal yellow iris.
They called him Diarmuid who was known in this small region as the so called Hero of Light.
"Are we...supposed to be sad?"
Diarmuid looked at the corpse hanging before looking at the ground.
"Ohhh so you don't feel anything as well...should we bury him friend?"
After a few seconds of silence he spoke again.
"No one visits this place...yeah. Do you think he did this because of me? Did we do something wrong?"
"We just met right? What can we do to cause this...."
"So you think it is that women? What should we do?"
"No! No after all this that happened, I can't ignore this."
"Don't worry I can take her out and no one will know. Do you think they can find who the killer is with hundreds of people in there because of the festival?"
Nothing was in those eyes, the eyes of an empty shell of the abomination he has once been.
This pitiful being doesn't deserve my gaze.
Hospitals have been places Antares hated more than anything in his life yet he himself have been dependant on them. Hospitals in Lulush were still far better than most especially compared to it's neighbors Ezya and Avaresko. Avaresko has already been torn apart by both the war and the revolution yet the Glutton King Brutus of Ezya was no better when it came to keeping good care of his people. Still it could be said that even with the free healthcare in Avaresko it still is not the best option when it came to seeing another day yet it is better than the so called remedies of your neighbor.
When he walked inside he was greeted by a rather calm sight. As the only hospital in the city that could be called a proper hospital it was uncommon to hear drunkards shouting in pain as they get stitched after falling down the stairs or things alike. This sight became an everyday occurrence especially in the busy times when new ships came and left the docks every day.
Before his eyes was a young woman who must have been around her early twenties. She had blond hair tied to a bun and had green beautiful eyes, wearing the uniform of a nurse. She shot up from the reception desk and ran to the boy before getting under his arm trying to support his weight.
"How many times! Are you deaf? Is it that hard to listen to doctor Yukimasa? You shouldn't walk or tire yourself."
The boy tried to escape from her grasp but gave up after a second and let out a sigh.
"Mary look at me! I am as healthy as those noblemans hounds. I can even run around."
"What are you talking about? Doctor Yukimasa said..."
He got away from her grasp before standing before her and puffed his chest out before smiling. Her look was that of pure shock as she slowly realized the difference in his looks and state.
"I think I have been blessed! Such a miracle this is...I don't know how it happened maybe I fed some homeless people while sleep walking or saved a family from a fire."
"...is this some kind of joke?"
"No nothing to joke about. Can't you see? I am perfectly fine."
"...can you...why are you here?"
"I just wanted to visit the boss and her. Well I can't really say that I didn't miss you but I hoped to talk to you when I had more time. I got a new job! I just wanted to say my gratitude and!"
He stopped himself and took a deep breathe after realizing he was about to pass out from the sheer amount of words that came rushing from his mouth.
Mary's eyes darted around but nothing came out of those trembling lips.
"We can talk about that day later. It is not something that can be rushed. See you later Saint Mary."
He turned back and started running through the halls of the hospital, going towards the stairs and climbing until he reached the third floor and found himself right outside an office. He knocked on the door two times before rushing inside.
"Still have that gloomy face? Open your eyes to the wonders of medicine."
Behind the table was a plump man that seemed to be in his sixties with a clean shaved face and the same old uniform. His face was his face was wrinkled by a lit even for his age and his eyelids were sagging, making it seem like they were never open in the first place. His skin was pale white and his height would be just below average if he stood up.
"Why are you so silent? Look at me I am healed! Fully healthy and kicking."
He threw a kick before groaning in pain and then winking at the old man.
"I need your help...can you explain this? I doubt this is something we can call normal."
He unbuttoned his shirt before revealing his torso covered in bruises. There was something missing which the old man saw clearly and jumped up from his chair before rushing to the boy and inspecting his torso with his hands.
"Stitches! They are gone...the tissue is healthy as if nothing happened. Is this another one of your miracles?"
"No no it is not...I think I have lost that ability but I can't explain much I am sorry."
"It is fine...after all you have done I should help you with all I can. What about the bruises? Did they appear suddenly?"
With an embarrassed, shy smile on his face he looked at the man who was filled with a curiosity and energy unexpected from him.
"No I actually got into a fight that's all...embarrassing I know but it is just how it is."
The man touched the boy for a few seconds checking the place where the stitches should have been before pulling back.
"What are your symptoms? Coughing blood? Any pain when walking or ache in bones or head ache?"
"Nothing to be honest...has this ever happened? I doubt right?"
After a few seconds of listening to the stethoscope which he pressed into the boys chest and consideration the man started speaking with an excited tone unexpected of him.
"There has been very rare cases that the patient survived for longer than a year in the last stage yet no one survived in the literal sense. The stitches aren't there as well and if you didn't take them off that means this isn't something we can enlighten with science but maybe call it just a miracle."
"So even you call this a miracle..."
"Nothing to call it other than a miracle. Of course we have to run some tests and try taking samples but I doubt there is anything inside, your breathing sounds healthy by any means."
The boy let out a sigh before buttoning this shirt and looking away.
"I don't have time to give blood...I don't even want to see Yukimasa now that I know he will be blaming me for refusing."
"I don't really blame him. He is a good son but he has lived his entire life to save others lives. This is his only purpose in life."
"..."
The boy couldn't say anything but there was a feeling digging into him, guilt. The guilt dug deep into his chest knowing that this was the second time this happened. He left the room and used the stairs to go down a floor before going past the nurses by giving them a smile and entering a room.
"Hey it is me...sorry I couldn't visit you in the last weeks. There was something I wanted to keep a secret."
He sat on the bed next to the figure with a small smile on his face.
"I was sick...they said I would die so I went ahead with the surgery hoping things would get better. It didn't...I didn't want you to see me like that so I didn't visit you."
The figure was silent, she didn't blink let alone acknowledge his being. Her tired eyes continued staring outside the window.
"I am sorry...next time I come I will bring a gift. I got myself a good paying job...I never thought this day would come."
"..."
"You are pretty silent today...we used to talk a lot when I was a kid."
"..."
"I am sorry."
With each word the boy looked smaller in this empty room, a room designed to lack all that can be used to hurt oneself. He could almost hear her voice asking him why he can't even look at her, if he is scared to look at his own creating.
No matter how many times I stab you it will never be enough!
I will rip you apart with my own two hands father! I have held back for too long, spared you for far too much but now I can almost hear her begging me to end you. You have been the sole reason I have suffered so much father! I will make you suffer for all I can! You must suffer just like I have!
He left the room in a hurry before running out the hospital after the grim remainder of his own inability. He had to find a place to stay today or he didn't know what would happen if he took step into that church once more. With his past knocking on the door he couldn't hold himself back if he saw him once more.
"Heyyy I was just about to get you...well I didn't get anything for you or maybe I did but it was so hot outside I had to drink it all...why do you look like that?"
"Nothing...let's just finish what we started and then get me something to wear."
The flamboyant figure before him smiled and bow before him.
"Yes sir let your humble servant handle everything according to your request."
The rest of the points were rather simple, Blackwater theaters corner and under a bench in the Thorn park. It was a long walk by any means it took a few hours and multiple awkward conversations before things came to an end.
"So that is the whole story. Pretty sadd you know."
"More disappointing to be honest...because of me she is in that hospital."
"Still I think it might be the best place for her, didn't you say that when you found her she was no different than a corpse? At least she can't hurt herself there."
"Yet...she looks so lifeless, still no different than the dead. I still feel like things could have been different."
"You know how to ruin the mood of a nice day don't you...what do you want to do? Go cry for the whole day?"
"No...just thought we should know each other better since we will be working in the same place for a long time. I don't want to be the new guy that doesn't talk to anyone or something, even I feel lonely."
"Fine mr gloom just be a good mannequin for today and then cry all night."
He looked as if he couldn't care less about this gloomy conversation and acted like that as well. There was annoyance in his voice as he entered the shop. From the location even though Antares had no idea where they were they must have been in a middle class street. The store wasn't a rag shop as well making the boy doubt if he could but much without having nothing for his rent.
"Why are you standing outside like that? Come in come in no need to be shy you will be looking like a proper gentlemen once you get out. I know someone and they know someone so I will handle this."
"I will leave here with nothing for my name..."
As they entered inside it became obvious that this place would be the end of him.
A shirt
A vest
A trouser
Leather shoes
Goodbye my dear money, what will I use to get myself a place now?
Ae seemed to be in his own heaven, he was talking the girl behind the counter meanwhile handing the ones he likes to the boy. With the power of compliments, poems and a handsome smile the boy managed to leave without leaving behind everything including his underwear behind.
"That was a cutie worth all the praise in the world. Did you learn a thing or two? If you have something you have to use it...well if you actually shave you will have something."
"Sorry I just..."
What am I gonna say? It is not like I can go shave myself without looking at myself?
The boy had multiple reasons to be hesitant about both mirrors and his own face so he had to come up with something on spot.
"I...I am growing out that's all."
"It looks so ugly I might cry, just tell the truth already."
"I...I always cut myself while shaving so I gave up a while back..."
Ae couldn't keep himself from laughing out loud causing the others around them to look at them for a second, the embarrassment of the moment caused the boy to let out a sigh in disappointment.
"Is it something to laugh at!"
"He...he...he....of course it is! Are you a little kid? It is not that hard to use a cutthroat....I feel bad for you friend..."
Look at rhis smug on his face! There are billion things happening out there and this is funny to you? If you feel so bad go help this friend of your's!