Harley~
It has undoubtedly been another long day chasing my tail. The ever-optimistic in me hopes that we have the stalker running scared after funding his glove. The cop in me says he is lying low until the heat dies; either way, my plan to make like a tree is slipping further away.
'It doesn't have to be if you would listen to me. Decide whose butts you want to save at this point.'
'We've had this discussion, Rae. We aren't leaving until this is done, bounty hunter or no. I can't turn my back on these people.'
As I enter my apartment and flip on the light, a sense of home surrounds me. My 1,200 square feet may not seem like much, nothing like what I grew up in my father's pack house, which could hold 10 of these two-bedroom flats. Of course, Father also had rule over everything in his pack; my private quarters were no exception. This apartment is the first space I have been able to do with as I please.
A deep sigh escapes me as I plop down on the sofa and look around, realizing how much I am going to miss this place. Every inch is me, from the light lavender paint on the walls, the beach scene paintings, to the fluffy, multicolored rugs on the hardwood floors.
'Who needs Ian's stuffy old mansion? We can build our own. I want a sunroom so I can lie in the sun in winter!' Rae's excitement brings a smile to my face.
'Ok, Rae, I will build you a sunroom. The size of our future home doesn't matter so long as it's peaceful.'
It's thanks to the tyrant who raised me that I have bought anything and everything that caught my eye. Ian would call my trinkets useless, brickerbrack. I picked up the thing I treasure most. It's the only family photo I have. It is a picture of my mother and me; I remember the day she took it, how could I forget? My thumb trails over the glass as tears burn my eyes. I try to bat them away. Lauren was right; I am the spitting image of her.
'I miss her too, Harley.'
'It's so unfair, Rae.'
'Our mother is still with us. You can't change the past, nor continue to carry all this. Harley, it's time to put it down.'
'Easier said than done, Rae.'
I tossed the throw pillow I had a chokehold on aside and got to my feet, glancing over at my kitchen. I wonder whether making a sandwich was worth the trouble. The thought of putting it in my mouth caused a wave of queasiness in the pit of my stomach. Maybe later; I need a shower first. Pushing up and heading down the hall to my bedroom, I have already stripped.
After turning on the water in the shower, I sat on the toilet to wait for the water to heat, still feeling like I was about to spew the rainbow.
For the past few days, I haven't been feeling well. Thanks to LA's whiplash weather, I've suffered back-to-back major allergy flare-ups, plagued with migraines. I am spent of all energy, given that I already rescheduled the appointment for my monthly allergy and GCRP shots three times and now again for Friday. I am not surprised that I have been a walking, snotting, oozing zombie.
The thought earns me a growl from Rea. 'I know, Rae, I will keep the appointment on Friday.'
'Do you think going to the lake could bring us closer to our mother?'
'I don't know, Rae, I suppose it's possible.'
It made sense if we were indeed part of some mystical lake; that would be the best place to make a connection. After drying off, I slipped into my fave t-shirt and threw back the comforter, sliding inside. It isn't long before I realize it will be a repeat of last night and the night before! Not even my marshmallow bed is working; I toss and turn endlessly.
Since he left, it seems the only way I can get any rest is by snuggling my face into the wolfman's pillowcase, having gotten angry with my dependence on it last night, I'd thrown it to floor I groan as I throw back the comforter to get up and retrieve it my head spins and like I am on a tilt-a-whirl for a second. I brace my knees on the side of the bed to steady myself.
Jerking the pillow up from the floor, I crawl back into bed, and I bury my face in the sweet spot. That is some good stuff right there! Though short-lived, the time I spent curled up by his side was the most peace I have had in a long time. Too bad, he and it are both long gone.
Stupid me has been back to the motel for the past four days, hoping he would return so I could try to explain myself, but he hasn't. In my defense, he was coming on strong at McGilleys. Still, it doesn't excuse my behavior; my cheeks still burn with the shameful words on repeat in my head. 'Fuck me, wolfman!' Who would even say that?! 'Drive it like you own it!'
I glanced at the clock on my nightstand, and it read three a.m. I sighed, knowing the captain expected me in about five hours and that I had to scavenge through three more impound lots at some point. Cocooning myself under my blanket, with the wolfman's pillow pulled close to my body, I turn over to sleep again.
The movement and lack of oxygen cause dizziness, only this time it is painful, followed by nausea, overwhelming me, making me bolt upright in my bed. The vertigo I am experiencing is not my friend and sends me dashing across my bedroom to the bathroom.
Where I drop to my knees and empty the nonexistent contents of my already empty stomach into the toilet. Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I leaned back against the tub, hugging my knees to my chest. I rested my pounding head, hoping the pain would subside.