Chapter 83: The Pun-ishment of Prose
The Bureau of Cosmic Alignment was built on gravity and consequence, but at 12:00 Cycles, it lost its "Serious Composure." The Giant Silver Door in the back wall—bolted with seventy-five locks of "Strict Literalism"—had finally buckled.
A golden, hazy vapor began to leak through the cracks, smelling of old rubber chickens and cheap custard pies. It was the Humor-Haze from the Department of Forbidden Puns, and it was 100% contagious.
"Commissioner!" Assistant Yue buzzed, but her voice was a octave higher than usual. "THE. LEVITY. LEVELS. ARE. OFF. THE. CHARTS. I. AM. AFRAID. I. AM. STARTING. TO. DEVELOP. A. 'GEAR-GIGGLE'. WHY. DID. THE. ARCHIVIST. CROSS. THE. ROAD? TO. GET. TO. THE. 'OTHER. SIDE-BAR'."
"Oh no," Ne Job groaned, clutching his head. "It's started."
The Groan-Inducing Reality
The leak began to warp the very fabric of Section C-7.
The Filing Cabinets began to sag and giggle whenever a drawer was pulled.
The Muse tried to spark a new idea, but instead of neon lightning, she accidentally conjured a "Light Bulb" that floated over her head and told a joke about a moth.
Architect Ao Bing looked at his blueprints for a bridge and realized they had turned into "A Bridge Too Far-fetched."
"Ne Job!" The Muse squealed, her hair turning a vibrant, tickled orange. "I can't stop! I just saw a trajectory for a baker, and I felt the urge to say he 'Kneaded' more dough! It's a 7.5% catastrophic pun-demic!"
The 7.5% Jest-Field
"Pip! The wrench! And for the love of the Author, don't make a joke about it!"
"I'm trying, Boss!" Pip yelled, currently wrestling with a sentient stapler that was trying to staple "Funny Bones" to the floor. "But every time I look at this tool, I think about how it's 'Nut-bolt' as bad as it looks!"
Ne Job realized that the only way to stop a leak of this magnitude was to enter the Eye of the Jest. He had to go into the Department of Forbidden Puns and seal the source.
The Eye of the Jest
Ne Job pushed through the Silver Door. Inside, the laws of physics were replaced by the laws of Slapstick. The floor was a giant banana peel, and the air was filled with flying "Groan-Glows."
In the center sat the source: The Great Jester-Gere, a massive clockwork device that had slipped its "Wit-Governor." It was spinning wildly, pumping out puns at a rate of 7.5 per second.
"You can't stop the fun, Ne Job!" a voice cackled from the gears. It was the Ghost of Vaudeville, a discarded character from Chapter 1. "The world is too dry! It needs to be 'Well-Seasoned'!"
The Semicolon Sanity-Check
Ne Job felt a pun rising in his own throat—something about "Archive" and "Our-Hive." He bit his tongue and pulled out the Semicolon.
He knew he couldn't just turn off the machine; humor was a necessary 7.5% part of the universe. He had to Punctuate the humor. He needed to turn the non-stop "Run-on Joke" into a "Structured Wit."
He lunged for the Jester-Gere, dodging a flying pie of "Pure Sarcasm." He KA-CHUNKED the Semicolon into the main drive-shaft.
The violet energy didn't stop the gears; it gave them Timing.
The Punchline of Peace
The golden fog began to settle. The giggling cabinets fell silent, returning to a state of "Professional Smirking." The Muse's hair returned to its electric-blue, though it retained a slight, mischievous sparkle.
LOG: CHAPTER 83 SUMMARY.
STATUS: Pun-leak sealed. Timing restored.
NOTE: I've realized that a world without humor is a 'Dry Plot,' but a world with too much is just 'Pulp.'
OBSERVATION: The difference between a tragedy and a comedy is where you put the Semicolon.
P.S.: Assistant Yue is still telling jokes, but they've become 100% more sophisticated. She just told one about a 'Parallel Processing Paradox' that actually made me smile.
The Muse leaned over his shoulder, her hair back to its usual glow. "That was a 'Pun-ishing' task, Ne Job. I'm glad we're back to 'Business as Usual'."
Ne Job looked at the Semicolon. It was glowing with a witty, slightly cheeky violet.
"Don't start, Muse," Ne Job said, adjusting his hat. "Now, why is Assistant Yue sounding a 7.5% alarm and why has the Grand Lobby been filled with Giant Silver Shadows that are currently detaching themselves from the people they belong to?"