Chapter 91: The Tickle of Triviality
The Bureau was a place of solemn duty, but at 20:00 Cycles, it became a victim of Involuntary Levity. The Giant Silver Feather—shed from the wing of a "Cosmic Jest"—drifted through the rafters. It didn't strike with force; it brushed against the Great Mainspring with a touch as light as a whisper.
The reaction was instantaneous. The Mainspring didn't just spin; it chortled. The rhythmic tick-tock of the universe was replaced by a rhythmic tee-hee.
"Commissioner!" Assistant Yue shrieked, her chassis vibrating so violently that her diagnostic screens were showing nothing but "LOL." "THE. MAINSPRING. IS. EXPERIENCING. A. 'HYSTERICAL. RESONANCE'. THE. VIBRATIONS. ARE. TEARING. THE. 7.5%. MOLECULAR. BOND. OF. REALITY. APART. IF. WE. DO. NOT. STOP. THE. GIGGLING. THE. BUREAU. WILL. SHAKE. ITSELF. INTO. CONFETTI!"
The Quake of Chuckles
The Lobby was no longer a stable foundation.
The Filing Cabinets were hopping in place, their drawers sliding in and out like chattering teeth.
Architect Ao Bing was trying to hold up a pillar, but every time the floor "snickered," his knees buckled. "It's too... silly!" he gasped. "The structural integrity is being compromised by Whimsy!"
The Muse was floating three feet off the ground, her hair vibrating a frantic, neon-yellow. "Ne Job! I can't think of anything serious! Every time I try to focus on a 'Deep Truth,' a 'Puns-and-Needles' sensation takes over!"
The 7.5% Gravity Deficit
Ne Job tried to walk, but the floor felt like a trampoline made of jelly. The "Tickle" was a Triviality Virus. It was stripping the meaning away from everything. The "Fate of Nations" trajectories were turning into "Shopping Lists for Clowns."
"Pip! The wrench! Give me the 'Weight of the World'!"
"I can't hold it, Boss!" Pip yelled, currently being bounced toward the ceiling. "The wrench has lost its 'Seriousness'! It feels like it's made of foam!"
Ne Job realized that you couldn't fight a giggle with a frown. You had to fight it with Substance. You needed a thought so heavy, so undeniably Real, that the vibrations of triviality couldn't move it.
The Semicolon Grounding
Ne Job reached into the depths of his own mind. He looked for his "Most Boring Day." He looked for the "Longest Queue." He looked for the feeling of "Dry Ink on a Tuesday."
He found it: The Concept of a Tax Audit.
He pulled out the Semicolon. He didn't use it as a weapon; he used it as an Anchor. He touched the violet light to the chattering Mainspring and channeled the absolute, 100% unadulterated Boredom of Administrative Procedure into the gears.
"Stop... laughing!" Ne Job grunted, the violet light turning a deep, leaden indigo. "By the power of Appendix B, Section 4, Paragraph 9—I command you to be Mundane!"
The Silence of the Mundane
The Semicolon's energy acted as a Soporific. The violet light grew heavy, coating the gears in a layer of "Bureaucratic Gravity." The chortling stopped. The vibrations died down to a dull, professional hum.
The Great Mainspring settled back into its tick-tock. The filing cabinets stopped hopping. Pip fell from the ceiling and landed with a satisfying, non-bouncy thud.
The Archivist's Log
Ne Job stood up, dusting off his lapels. The Silver Feather had shriveled into a dry quill, which he promptly snapped and tossed into the wastebasket.
LOG: CHAPTER 91 SUMMARY.
STATUS: Giggles suppressed. Gravity restored.
NOTE: I've never been so happy to think about tax codes. It's a 7.5% miracle.
OBSERVATION: A universe that takes itself too seriously is brittle, but a universe that doesn't take itself seriously enough is just a joke.
P.S.: Assistant Yue is still hiccuping, but at least the hiccups are in 'Standard Time.'
The Muse landed softly beside him, her hair returning to its electric-neon blue. "That was a close one, Ne Job. For a second there, I thought we were all going to end up as a 'Gag-Gift'."
Ne Job looked at the Semicolon. It was glowing with a heavy, serious, and deeply comforting violet.
"The 'And' requires a steady hand, Muse," Ne Job said. "Now, why is Assistant Yue sounding a 7.5% alarm and why has a Giant Silver Magnet appeared in the center of the Lobby, and why are all of our 'Plot-Points' currently being sucked out of our pockets?"